Super tired again. Yesterday I managed to resist an afternoon nap and I got to sleep OK, until Cap kept crying to go in and out of the bedroom and then to be fed. Happy to know that he has his appetite but I just want to sleep more!
Today I’m grateful for:
Amy and her family deciding to go for a fish lunch out in the rice fields. It was good to do something different though it was funny that they decided on the restaurant that Bruno and I went and tried as we were riding by a year or two ago.
Also to Kru Karn who offered me her shelf space in the teacher’s room to keep my things. I’ll do that for now but may move it to somewhere more suitable later.
The best thing about today was:
Reading more about the British Empire in Africa. It was interesting to read that there were people who abhorred the colonial treatment of other human beings at the time. Interesting in that nothing much has changed, sadly.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I haven’t been able to do any more lesson planning as I haven’t been able to get more information from Kru Mai about my classes yet. It’s a little frustrating as it is what we are supposed to be doing this week and now it means I will have to do more in the actual holiday time.
When I went to school just before lunch I found lots of people cleaning out the office space for Kru Puu who will stay in there in future. Unfortunately, this means moving my stuff out from there and also not being able to use it for one-to-one speaking exercises anymore. A lot of student’s work that I was keeping to look at later was also missing, presumably thrown out. Oh well. Nothing stays the same.
Something I learned today?
I just got sent a video by Noey. It was of me riding the wrong way at the traffic lights (to save time) as I was out getting a tub of ice cream at the 7-11. She must have been on her bike at the traffic lights going in the other direction.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I messaged a few more students today and had little conversations of encouragement with them.
I took this picture because this was the view from our restaurant table at lunch time.
Exhausted despite a long sleep. I don’t feel good after arguing with Amy last night. Amy also doesn’t remember some of the things we discussed last night but just remembers that she’s upset.
She forgot part of our plan this morning for taking Cap to the vet and heading to get the truck first. It was annoying to me as it triggered another argument last night and yet was forgotten by the morning.
I feel dumb even writing this down.
I should be more patient, more forgiving, more understanding. I should be better than this and I don’t know why I behave the way I do sometimes.
As I was drifting off to sleep last night I was reminded of what I told Baipad when she was having problems with her mum, that we ‘save our worst behaviour for the people we love the most.’ I want to change that.
Today I’m grateful for:
My job and this school, today organising a great graduation event (at least after all the boring parts were completed anyway) for grade 9s and 12s, some of whom we won’t be seeing again.
I could feel that the students were in a celebratory mood but also with a slight tinge of sadness as life will change for them all in the next couple of months, whether moving on to university, high school or a job.
The best thing about today was:
Definitely the atmosphere in the school. It was a relaxed party time for everyone.
I had a lot of fun with some of my monkey students and couldn’t believe what time it was when I thought about leaving. A few kids were also keen to introduce me to their parents.
Days like this make the grind worthwhile.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Only a couple of minor and inconsequential things that were easily dealt with.
Something I learned today?
Starbucks is having to lay off workers as the company is being boycotted for its support of Israel. Good.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I took Amy (and Cap) to pick up her truck and she will take Cap to the vet. Between us, at some point today, one of us needs to pick up her mum from the hospital and take her back home.
If I’m available then I will do it, no problem. However, as today is the M3 and M6 graduation ceremony I don’t know exactly what times I will be able to get out.
What moment from today do I want to remember?
I want to revel in the happiness that my grade 9 students were feeling for completing their first three years of high school.
It hasn’t been easy for them or us as teachers as they were particularly affected by pandemic restrictions and having to study online for much of their first semester together. It took them longer to bond and get into the swing of studying once back in the classroom.
I can still remember them and their immaturity, slowly changing into young men and women, slowly figuring out their places in their world. It’s a fabulous feeling and I really enjoy watching it.
Some photos will help me remember too.
I took this picture because Sarah is the funniest monkey. She was a problem to deal with in grade 7 but she found her way and can still have fun but also learn some things too.
At the flick of the switch There’s no transformation Remaining an ape or beast Change requires dedication No more time to waste If you wish the click to clack When you look at the sun It’s impossible to put it back
Reflecting on our animal nature A broken machine needing self-repair Once burdened by distraction Soon found themselves made it there Feed the mind with thought That keeps on the light Keep quiet and count the days When everything became quite right
Today I’m feeling:
A bit more relaxed after an extra hour’s sleep. Today is teachers’ day (apparently) and a day off from school though we are busy again at the temple. At least I got two Utopian coffees to kick off this morning.
I didn’t feel too hot after lunch and though feeling sleepy couldn’t get into a deep nap state.
Today I’m grateful for:
Whoever made the Thai snack boxes for the funeral ceremony tonight. There were enough left over for me to take some home.
The best thing about today was:
Mostly devoting my time to other people, though at the temple I’m not really doing much because I don’t know the etiquette or what is required but as soon as I’m asked I will do what is needed.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
At Utopia this morning I couldn’t stop sneezing! I sneezed about fifty times and Nick and Art were worried about me!
Something I learned today?
The top five wealthiest people in the world doubled their wealth last year! Just in one year. I’m guessing that for many others in the world, they halved their wealth. The miracle of trickle-up economics, or should I say flooding-up?
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I’ve been a good boy again, doing as I’m told at the temple. I kneeled to the boy monk as I handed him pizza for lunch! Good luck boy monk. Stay off your phone.
Driving twice in and out of the city again despite feeling not 100%. Tired by the afternoon and my sinuses feel uncomfortable.
List 3 good things you have now that you didn’t have five years ago.
I thought that this would be difficult as I haven’t really acquired ‘things’ that much but five years is a long time and I acquired one of the biggest things in people’s lives and that is a home.
This time five years ago our house was built but it hadn’t quite been turned into a home, at least as I feel about it now.
I feel comfortable and safe around our house and neighbourhood and inside is Amy’s playground for decorating. If I thought about it more and knew where to buy things easily and cheaply perhaps I would make a home environment that suits me too but I’m also a little lazy to do that. Mine and Amy’s ideas are not that compatible and I’m happy to defer to her in this instance. Actually, I’m happy to defer to her most of the time.
Five years ago I didn’t have a guitar and that cheap instrument has brought me a lot of pleasure since purchase. I don’t think that a better quality guitar will improve my playing that much so I’m happy with what I’ve got.
The last thing I have is a deeper love. My love and connection with my students has grown so much in this time and it fills me with joy. I wonder where all our futures will take us.
As I was messaging with Baipad, who is in her grandmum’s village for ดำหัวผู้ใหญ่, she told me that her mum told her to send me this picture of them in their traditional Lahu dress. Fatman report
Raise a toast from the bottle of heartbreak Tears mist the eyes of dead teenage butterflies These wounds become a comfort given time Waxing poetic about the expected surprise
These are the happy things, preparing for grief The painful goodbyes in the rear-view mirror Bigger, brighter things are on the way to love Slowly, gently, this will all become clearer
A little lazy. I was going to get up with my alarm but still sleepy, Amy almost shouted at me from her bed, getting up, where are you going….? Jesus, let me wake up a little! I brushed my teeth, took a piss and got back into bed for another hour of sleep where I had a dream about us being able to drive on a piece of A4 paper as if it was a car!
Today I’m grateful for:
The trees that Amy’s mum planted on our land years before we came here and have grown to provide great shade from the sun but now have gotten so big that their roots threaten to cause problems to the foundations of our buildings. We will cut four and I hope the remaining three will be able to grow faster and stronger to provide shade again into the spaces that will be left.
The best thing about today was:
Having a tidy garden again once the gardeners had finished their work, the smell of cut grass wafting through the house.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I’ve noticed (again) that I don’t really like being in my man cave so much – it’s not quite comfortable for me and whereas in the living room of our house I feel like I am centred, in my room I feel like I am on the periphery. It’s only a remove of about six metres but it makes all the difference.
I’m having to force myself to go there to get certain things done and figuring out ways to do other things back in the living room without having all my stuff scattered around. This is a compromise of Amy’s return to our home.
Something I learned today?
An avocado is a berry.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I wished Noey a happy holiday as this will be the last time I see her at Utopia until next year.
I bought an onion in the local market and thanked the lady who commented that I spoke good Thai.
I nodded appropriately to the gardener who explained what they would do to our trees though I only caught a few words. I could understand the gist especially when he pointed at some leaves that looked like they were getting eaten by some bug.
I did the washing this morning, hung it out and brought it back in in the evening.
I shampooed Tigger’s head as he is getting the scabs again that he got last year around this time. He wasn’t happy but accepted his fate well enough and of course, went outside as soon as he could and rolled around in the dirt again. He really loves our home.
What changes did I experience this year?
The biggest change has been at home of course, with Amy being back in the house, cleaning up and bossing me around.
Other changes have been more subtle, such as my slow improvement to health and fitness. Also my adjustment in confidence when riding the motorbike since coming off it.
And if I look closely I can see signs of my skin sagging a little around my cheeks and neck as my I struggle with gravity. Even lying down can’t help.
I took this picture because here’s one tree down, and three more tomorrow. It’s going to look so odd for a little while.
When I was a ghost, my eyes were never met Unknown, unspoken, unseen, unheard There I stood, three monkies wiser Until hearing the whisper of the magic word
A name on a page, a name in lights Is that me, is this real? Does a grain of sand on life’s beach Really understand what the ocean might feel?
You can see me and I can feel you Alone but never lonely, loneliness lost Spaces filled with words and chatter To balance it all comes at a cost
Tides are changing, shores are filling Days and nights are both illuminating The stories brought here remind me Of the sandcastles we’re all creating
Better than yesterday though still not quite awake, I feel. I had fun with all the kids at the flag ceremony this morning but need this first coffee for my first class.
Today I’m grateful for:
All the people who handled the parcel of records that got delivered safe and sound to me today from Turkey.
The best thing about today was:
Spending time and effort with one one-on-one reading with my grade 8 students. Both yesterday and today’s classes are a challenge and I think it is beneficial to spend even just five minutes one one-on-one as often as possible. I can only do this with about 6 or 7 students per one two-hour class though.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
My final class of grade 7s was disrupted somewhat as one student told me that a few of them were supposed to go for football practice. I told them that they could go when they finished their work but unfortunately they struggled with the work and then as it rolled past the time they asked to leave they struggled with their attitude. Many students ended up 20 minutes late for their vans as I wouldn’t let them go unless they at least attempted the work.
The kids don’t know how to help themselves and the other classmates that understand are reluctant to help now as their kindness has worn thin. The students that slacked last semester will struggle this semester as I ask them to think more about their own ideas, beliefs and feelings. Things that they can’t ask the answers from other students.
I managed to remain mostly patient throughout all this. Mostly.
Something I learned today?
I just realised that the candy I’m eating right now have little tidbits of information on them and so I just learned that crocodiles can’t stick their tongues out. Fairly useless information for 99.5% of people on Earth but there we are. I learned that today.
If I could change one thing about my life, what would it be?
I can imagine that this would be something ridiculous like not having to sleep or being able to party without hangovers! Or not die until I’m ready!
Or that I still had youthful boundless energy.
If I could change one thing about my life I would have done it already.
Which side of the bed do you sleep on?
It seems that I am always the one closest to the door so that if anyone ever breaks in to try and kill us they will go for me first. I don’t know if this is a subliminal thing on Amy’s behalf or why that makes her comfortable but it doesn’t bother me. I can sleep on any side of any bed so long as it is comfortable.
Right now we each sleep in the middle of our own King-sized beds which is both ridiculous and amazing.
I took this picture because this old boy was waiting for me to finish exercising so he could eat. Tigger wasn’t far away either. I didn’t feed them as Amy wants to do it ‘her way’ which I know is just to get their affections! I noticed that by this evening both cats are no longer looking at me with expectation but at Amy instead!
Still dizzy. Even dizzy during my poor sleep last night as my body aches made me uncomfortable. Wondering how serious this might be. But I still pushed through morning exercise hoping that that may get me going. Not quite. Will see how I fair today.
Today I’m grateful for:
Funfai bringing me a food gift. Unfortunately it was pork so I had to return it though I made sure she knew I was grateful.
The best thing about today was:
Finally feeling better by the afternoon after sinking a cup of water with electrolytes. I’m not 100% yet but at least I don’t feel as if I might fall over now.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
My first class this morning was a bit of a test for me and I almost lost it but I think the kids sensed it and were unusually quiet for a little while which softened me a little. I also recalled a daily reminder I have set – “Be grateful for what you have, for it is a gift that can be taken away at any moment.”
Something I learned today?
Some musicians I have worked with in Germany before are rushing to release a compilation to benefit women struggling through the war in Gaza. There are only four days to submit and I don’t think anyone I know would be able to commit to that. But in an effort to be useful, I passed the message on to the current folks I’ve been working with on the Jorando Del Muerto release.
Who is the wisest person I know?
I keep seeing this prompt and thinking it says who is the worst person you know!
The wisest….?
Even people I admire I don’t consider all-wise, all-knowing. Everyone has their foibles. And everyone has some wisdom. Take the best from people so that you can learn. Try everything until you figure it out for yourself.
How am I different than I was a year ago?
Change seems slow until you look back from further in the future. I don’t feel as if I’ve changed much at all in the last twelve months. I can see very minor improvements when I look back at diary entries and think to myself ‘Oh yeah, I remember doing that’ and then making decisions about where to go from there.
Answering this question for five or ten years ago would be much easier to analyse.
How am I stepping outside my comfort zone?
I’m not doing this too much these days but I can think that forcing myself to exercise is outside my comfort zone even though I’ve been doing it regularly for a couple of years now. I’ve been taking cold showers since about March and still going at the moment, testing myself to see how far I can make it into winter. I will go and play tennis with Funfai once a week, just for thirty minutes, despite my aching old bones. I’m still not often comfortable in the classroom either. I’m still learning everything.
It’s time to leave, time to live The tough have already got going The soft remain inactive But deep down already knowing
It’s time to go, time to be gone Let the waste remain in this place Time is forever marching on And taking up so much space
The magnetic pull unwavering Stick the cynics in the bin Tomorrow is not worth savouring If the journey doesn’t begin
Once again, inspired by this post at Spinning Visions. I am usually inspired by things I see, hear and read (more than conjuring things from the depths of my brain – at least, these days) and I’m catching up on reading Makenna’s journey via her blog.
Happy and content. I’m so happy that Amy is back and made our house back into a home again. Everything is clean and tidy! It’s not that I’m terribly messy and dirty but my standard and its importance is lower.
Today I’m grateful for:
Kru Jern for fixing up some things in the class attendance system for me. It’s important to have a good connection with some co-teachers because sometimes there are things that need to be done that I can’t do by myself.
The best thing about today was:
Unprompted, Kru David commented positively on my new Monotone trousers today. It’s nice to hear that though I never would expect that about my trousers as they are relatively plain when compared to some of the shirts I wear!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I have a smart kid in one class (Kwang) who suffers from a lack of direction and absent parents. She’s smart enough to avoid working hard and avoid getting in too much trouble.
This week she explained that her phone touchscreen is broken and that she can’t do my work whilst in class but promised that she would do it at home in the evening, which she then didn’t do.
As I have two old spare phones I figured I would donate one to her so she could do my work in class. I struggled to remember to find it this morning but in the end, I picked it up and found the charging cable too.
I waited for the homeroom teacher to appear in the morning and told her of my idea which she thought was a good solution. However, Kwang’s grandparents sent a message that morning that she wouldn’t be in school today!
I left the phone with the homeroom teacher as Kwang will likely show more respect for receiving it from her than from me.
Something I learned today?
Of course, surely, I learned many things today but they all seem relatively minor and inconsequential as I try to summon them here to write.
Name five ways you are quite difficult to deal with?
I still have a childish reaction to being told what to do and how to do things sometimes, even when offered in good faith and it being a better solution than what I’m trying.
I enjoy things that most people don’t and I detest many things that others seem to enjoy. I’ve softened somewhat over the years and can bear small amounts of detestability. In general, this revolves around entertainment such as music and movies mostly.
I’m happy to be by myself and don’t need much interaction to be satisfied. It’s not that I don’t like people, I really do. It’s more that I don’t find a large percentage particularly interesting and I often don’t feel like investing the time to go deep with them. Others though, will appear that immediately interest me. I can wait for them to show up.
I still sometimes struggle with changing tack after I’ve invested time and effort into the direction I’ve been going. Working in Thailand has definitely made me improve myself with this as changes can manifest with little warning.
In the past, I was quite contrarian, in connection with point 1 here. However, I would say that I am not at all outwardly like that these days, though the thoughts are still entertained internally!
I took this picture because this is an accurate reflection of my place in this world. At the walls of my palace sit the beasts and the jungle.
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