Tag: choices

Inflation – 1st February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

You can’t keep your dreams under a mattress
Where they’ll be surely forgotten and flat
They have value worthy of investment
There’s really nothing better than that

First line appropriated and the rest inspired by a thought from David Elikwu’s newsletter

Today I’m feeling:

I woke up tired but was able to easily plough through my abs workout because I had things on my mind. I feel a little in and out of depression too but it’s very vague and dissipates quickly. I think some days I wonder if what I’m doing is actually worthwhile. It happens.

Today I’m grateful for:

Nancy and Aob at TLC for helping me get my visa sorted out since I forgot to get the re-entry permit last October!  Despite the hard time they give me and the amount of money they make off me I still appreciate what they’ve done to help fix this.

The best thing about today was:

Getting another year’s stay in Thailand with my new visa.  Though whilst I was sitting there watching the officer stamp and shuffle papers I started to brood on the fact of how much longer am I going to go through this annoying process. Tomorrow I’ll probably forget about all this until next November when I’ll have to start preparing for the next application again.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I got the message that next week I have to help in the Primary school for Scout week.  It probably will be pretty easy but not as preferable as doing nothing, or even as a regular workweek. Still, a change can be good.

Something I learned today?

From The Jimmy Dore Show on YouTube:

The Internet was abuzz recently after MSNBC host Joy-Ann Reid, while showing a video of Joe Biden, was caught by a “hot mic” revealing her true feelings about Biden by saying “… starting another fucking war.” 

Of course, Reid would never have intentionally said anything so overtly anti-Biden on the air, so she was forced to apologize, although she only mentioned having dropped the “f word.”

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

As I passed Rista after class on the third floor of building six I saw that she had some rubbish to throw away. As I already had my coffee cup to take to the bin I offered to take hers too for which she gave her appreciation.

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO –  10. Pick an Industry, Not A Job. If you want to become good at something, you need to spend years and years doing that. You can’t do that if you hop from industry to industry. Pick an industry you love and start at the bottom. You will find the perfect role for you eventually.

 It seems kind of incomprehensible to me that I would ever have a choice of the kind of work or job I would do.  When I left school at sixteen any job was considered good and a starting point.  There were also more jobs available back then too.

When I started my first long-term job it wasn’t something that I was particularly interested in (electrical wholesale) but I did enjoy the hard work when I was a storeman and did work my way up to be the buyer.  I wasn’t interested in progressing any further though, which would’ve meant becoming a manager.

With the opportunity of moving to Australia, I discovered an interest in computing (beyond just playing video games) and was able to spend a year or so studying for that. Then I got in at a low level and worked my way up and sideways for the next 18 years.  Once again I was not interested in (or offered) a management role.

While working an office job I knew one thing and that was that I loved coffee!  After getting laid off it was a simple step to take courses learning to be a barista or bartender and I got into making coffee until injury stopped me short.

Moving to Thailand then forced me to make the decision to become a teacher because there are only a few things that a foreigner is allowed to do here for work.  With each change of job or industry, I’ve always pushed myself to work hard to learn what I can about it.  Teaching has really tested me but when I get it right I do love what I’m doing.

As I mentioned above though, there are times when I am unsure of myself and can’t balance the effort-to-reward ratio properly in my head.

I feel that the idea of this question is a little privileged.  Many, maybe even most people, don’t have choices a lot of the time and just have to take the opportunities that they can get.

Lemon Twist – 23rd May 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

You can bitch about your bad luck
For that, it’s not your mistake
But don’t tell me about your problems
From the choices that you make

When you know the path to choose
But opt to follow all the glitter
Don’t be surprised your friends are gone
Leaving you twisted and bitter

10th Apr 2024 – Submitted to RDP Wednesday

Today I’m feeling:

Positive though a little tired. I need to get to sleep a little earlier I think. I was feeling a little dizzy and undernourished around lunchtime so bought a sandwich from 7/11 to keep me going. I did a full app ab workout this morning for the first time in about six months. I hope to keep that going.

Today I’m grateful for:

Kru Wow for offering to use her classroom for my last class of the day because the room we were supposed to be in was already in use. My students were later grateful to me when I let them go early as I finished all that I wanted to do with them and didn’t want to get into anything else.

The best thing about today was:

Meeting my second class of new students for this semester. We managed to get through a little set-up in preparation for the coming weeks.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I mentioned above about having a classroom double booked which was a little frustrating as it was the last two hours of the day and it was boiling hot. I was prepared to let the class have free time but then Kru Wow offered her room.

Something I learned today?

Countries that voted against a ban on killer robots – USA, UK, Israel and Australia. Their justification? China.
China banned certain components from US company Micron citing ‘national security’ concerns just as the US has done to Chinese companies. There does seem to be a little more to the story though, maybe even that the concerns are legitimate.
Testing is being carried out on the high-speed rail between Bandung and Jakarta and is due to open in June. The trains look fantastic.
I learned some stretches for my neck and shoulders.
I learned a little about my new class of grade 7 students. They seem to have a little more skill than the other new class but I’m hoping I can just teach them the same lessons.

What opportunities do I currently have in my life?

I think I have almost unlimited opportunities available to me. I still feel like I can do anything so long as my body and brain can withstand it. I suppose the main opportunity is for self-improvement and adapting to my life constantly changing.

I took this picture because this is the way out from the cafe next to the school. I park my car out here as it is easier for me to drive away on this road. I think our school is quite nice. The gardeners do a hell of a lot of work here.

Water – 1st March 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A feisty fighter frustrating friends
Not caring, not coping, on the go
A teenage tearaway telling tales
Pushing against the urge to grow

Parental problems, proving pain
Mistakes one day surely repeated
Hardened heads hiding hopes
A life from which has been cheated

As water wearies, wild and winding
The ground becomes less stable
Forming floods for fallow fields
Leaving nothing to eat at the table

Inspired by a conversation with a student whose name translates as Water
16th May 2024 – Submitted to Word of the Day Challenge

Today I’m feeling:

Happy and tired again. I feel good when I’m pushed and have to do things but when I get free time I start to feel tired.

Today I’m grateful for:

Arriving at school and then finding out there is an art event and students don’t want to study but also not bothered about the event too! I just gave them a little work and then talked with small groups of students about their futures.

The best thing about today was:

As mentioned above, talking with some of the kids today was interesting.

Mangkron said he wants to be a farmer as that is what his family is involved in. I was a little surprised as most kids talk about being doctors, gamers or idols.

I was happily surprised about Baipad who has a clear idea of what she would like to do and also has a backup plan. Her and Apple were also able to understand and consider options that might not exactly match their wishes but are in the same direction.

Ozone shocked me when she started talking about software programming and also design work of some sort. Underneath her quiet exterior, she has things happening it seems.

A number of kids simply answered ‘Well, my parents want me to do this’ to which I had to remind them that I asked them what they wanted to do. And my purpose was to get them thinking about this, which many are already and whilst comforting them that they still have lots of time to decide that if they can’t figure out something to do by themselves then surely someone else will do it for them.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

With only really another full week left of classes, the kids have already switched off. I do want them to come to my class though, even though we may do just a little work. I’d like to get them to do more talking as above. Perhaps they will open up a bit more now they are more relaxed.

Either way, I’m not going to stress too much about their behaviour from now.

Something I learned today?

I’ve been powering through the Kishore Mahbubani videos on US-China relations and liking his even-handed approach to the situation. The videos were made in 2020 when Biden became US president and there was some hope of a less hostile relationship. I’ll find some other videos of his which are more up-to-date after I finish this series. Any kind of possible military encounter between the two countries is going to be a disaster.

What is one goal I have for the next month and how can I work towards achieving it?

Goals are overrated. Just keep doing and being the best I can be. So my goals as such are just to get the things done that I have to such as taking the cats for their annual checks and vaccines. I’ll try to get a couple more tattoos and spend more time reading and writing as well as planning for next semester’s classes.

I took these pictures because today was an art event at school and these student pictures caught my eye.

Not My Business – 11th January 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 6 Comments

A choice is made
And has to be lived with
It’s not my body
It’s not my business
I have an opinion
But it doesn’t count
I don’t need to care
What you’re thinking about
Your choices have no effect
If I’m not involved
No need to push an agenda
That is so simply solved
If I was the father
The body still isn’t mine
Doing the right thing
Will reveal itself in time

My opinion on abortion – I don’t like it (hopefully there is no one that does) and I do (kind of) believe that it is taking a life, no matter how old the fetus. However, as a male, I feel I have no right at all to decide if someone should have an abortion or not, even if I was the father. It’s not my body, it’s not my business. The problem of unwanted pregnancy is far better solved with education and better contraceptive options rather than denial of termination.
22 Sep 2024 – Submitted to What’s Going On – choices

Today I’m feeling:

Happy and a little inspired. Sometimes on long work days, I feel more energetic such as I’m feeling now. But I’m expecting to wind down very quickly once I’m home. I know underneath this bravado is a weary brain and body.

Today I’m grateful for:

The salad greens that Nut and Bruno grew themselves and gave to me. I mixed it with salad from the market and sprinkled on some chilli cheese flavour chips and zinged my taste buds. Awesome.

The best thing about today was:

Watching a Malcolm Gladwell talk. I like his ideas and the way he presents them really connects. I like that he often doesn’t have solutions too but just presents coherent ideas as real possibilities. Watching this also reminded me I have some of his books to read too so as soon as I finished watching I read a nice quick Chekov story. I want to read more. Still.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

From today’s picture and a little below, I didn’t go home after school as I needed to get a letter from a clinic (stating I don’t have syphilis!) and would have to wait til 5 when they opened. When they didn’t open at five I wasn’t that bothered but messaged Nancy who told me they don’t open til 6.30.

I was already hungry and not prepared to hang around for another hour and a bit. Nancy said to send her a picture of my blood test and she will get the letter from the clinic prepared but said for me to pick it up when ready, which would mean hanging around for several hours just waiting to collect it.

I told Nancy that I’m not ever around the city at that time and would it be possible for someone else to collect it for me and she said she could arrange that to which I sent my appreciation.

A couple of years ago this kind of thing would have frustrated me immediately and I probably would have made matters worse with my reaction. Now I’m more attuned to the way things work here.

Something I learned today?

As I had to wait until 5 pm to go to the clinic I thought it would be easy enough to go and wait at House only to learn that they shut at 4 pm now. Luckily they let me stay a while and I chatted with Gui and Nay a little.

What are the most important things in your life?

Amy, music, books, cats. Next!

Amy is important because we share our lives together even if we are apart. She has become my soulmate more than the soulmates I thought I had in the past.

Music has been an important part of my life since my pre-teens and grew in importance until recently. Books are replacing music a little now if only for the fact that I don’t often read whilst listening to music.
Cats have been comforting friends at various stages of my life. I find their attitude compatible with mine.

I took this picture because it was already past five and the clinic was still shut. I messaged Nancy and she said it doesn’t open until 6.30!

Slow – 28th September 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The air is stuck
There’s no going anywhere
One step forward
It’s sideways from there
Invisible mud muddles
Through invisible puddles
Backed up traffic, stuck
Driving this torpid truck
Barely falling forward
Towards a future unseen
Holding onto the past
Where the memory’s been

The minute you hear ‘freedom’ and ‘democracy’ watch out because in a truly free nation, no one has to tell you you’re free.

Jacque Fresco

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and inspired.
Today I’m grateful for:
Pushing myself to go to Daytripper for coffee and to sit for an hour or more and prepare for class next semester. It was a nice space to be in and there were lots of uni students studying too. I’m grateful to have many choices for places to go to even though I rarely do so.
The best thing about today was:
Seeing an online post from my students saying how much they liked me as their teacher. That made me feel so happy! See photo entry.

I took this picture because I was truly heartened to see these words from Anchan. I can feel that she is mature in her thinking and attitude and I know she has to work hard at home after school too. I hope she becomes a great student and can have a bright future. I hope that for all my students.

Together Again Today – 14th July 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Both on our way
By the end of the day
– A feeling we’ll no longer miss
It’s been a while
Since sharing our smile
– And feeling so gentle a kiss
When we are not there
We know we still care
– Each other we’re thinking of
Wrapped in each other
Like arms of a mother
– The comforts of deepest love

The older you get, the smarter your parents get.

David Foster Wallace, paraphrasing

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the choices we have. On the 11th I wrote that Amy’s mum and dad would come and look after our cats but now Aing is back in Chiang Rai and her and Now will be able to do it for us.

The Week That Was – 23rd September 1979

One Cookie Now – 4th July 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I gave up and got nothing
Gave my choices away to luck
Couldn’t be bothered to take control
As my life has become stuck
Watching my friends so happy
Travelling to faraway lands
I lost control of my destiny
And left it in other’s hands
If only I actually knew this
The truth that others have seen
Grabbing at the nearest cookie
Never wondering what might have been

When reality disobeys my rules, detectable levels of surprise, disappointment and frustration are produced.

Allie Brosh

A Problem To Want – 15th April 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Kids, you are so lucky to be bored
I wish for a return to those days too
But someone here has to wash the dishes
And do all the things that I have to do

I suppose these things could be neglected
But who will feed the cat
In fact, I have to get myself fed
And who’s gonna take care of that?

Enjoy these times of twiddling thumbs
Pulling pleasures from thin air
Get to work at being bored again
One day soon, you’ll want back there

25th Aug 2024 – Submitted to Ragtag Daily Prompt – want

You know what, your problem isn’t the outside world. Your problem is the story you’re telling youself about the outside world. And that story is a choice. If you’re not happy with the story, tell yourself another story. That simple.

Seth Godin

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be surrounded by good things, to have opportunities and choices. And to choose to do nothing and just be relaxed.

We got that attitude! – 21st May 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful for opportunities and choices. Last night Takky asked again if I would be interested in teaching with him and Alan at Tessaban 6. It’s good to have options.

To-do list

  • Enjoy the day again – not much for me ✅
  • Meditate and exercise – get up early ✅
  • Can you do morning pages? The quiet voice?
  • Drink more water ½

I got up early and did some weights and stretching, as well as a quick meditation. I felt pretty good but was a bit down and subdued when I got to work. I was still thinking about last night and my worry about Amy drinking too much sometimes.

I was a bit snappy with George too. He has been so helpful for me and Dylan and introducing us to the school. Today I got a bit annoyed at him telling us the best way to do something and felt like I wanted to assert myself a little so I can show a little independence. That was all well and good but I’m not as good a subtle craftsman with words and expression as he is and I worry that I upset him a little.

I still struggle to think carefully about how my words come out and how they might be received. I’m not yet quick enough to work out a better way of expressing my assertions.

I also think that my grumpiness is caused by the discussion last night about the possibility of working with Takky and Alan. They make a good option for doing meaningful work in their school but it would mean working a lot harder than I do right now and my preference is to work less and less! It is nice to receive praise from them but I also still doubt my own abilities.

Ellen has also been talking about teaching online through students she finds for me and she talked about how competitive it is now. She asked me what my main skills were and I really wasn’t sure what to say! I don’t really know what they are!

I often feel like I can’t really do anything until I’m actually doing it and even then when I get praise, it’s still not enough to give me confidence.

I met Kru Tang this morning and she mentioned that Kru Boe missed me a lot and Tang said Boe cried about what happened with me at the school last year. One thing that has come out of that is that things seem to have improved there quite a lot and it seems to be a result of my efforts and sacrifice there.

I did feel good about that but it’s not the kind of situation I want to find myself in again and the offer to work with Takky and Alan could prove to end up the same (or is that just my anxiety speaking?).

George says I like to play mind games, implying that I think too much about some things. I don’t know. I guess I’ll think about that too.

Tomorrow I’ll try to think how to be assertive in a more gentle manner – and listen first, in full, before deciding what action I want to take.