No longer memories in a desert That night of drunken play Lost to the pictured word That claims all that happened that day
Today I’m feeling:
Anxious and excited as classroom days resume. The fun, the fighting, the lessons we all learn.
Today I’m grateful for:
Finding two useful textbooks in the teacher’s room which I immediately turned one part of the text into a lesson that I used for the grade 7 class. I figured it would be pretty easy revision and just take an hour but they managed to stretch it to two with lots of faffing around.
The best thing about today was:
Listening to the You Don’t Know Mojack podcast about the Volcano Suns album ‘Thing of Beauty’ on the way home from work and then in the evening playing guitar along to a couple of tunes from it. Love that band.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
A couple of my grade 7 students were a little temperamental in my class this afternoon and tested my patience a lot. It’s early days as we all get used to each other again and instead of getting too bothered, I tried to find other solutions to get them back in line.
Something I learned today?
I read about the China-Laos rail line that crosses the border in Laos at a place called Botan. The crossing in 1993 was little more than a single iron bar gate but now lots of investment has grown the city rapidly. Despite the economic slowdown and the pandemic’s effect on travel, Laotians are hoping that this is a springboard to a better future.
List three goals for this month.
Renew my tourist visa. This is a must!
Get back to the exercise routine I had before the holiday.
Get back to around 80kg again, whilst improving my fitness.
Nam took this picture because the class insisted on a photo with everyone showing off the koala souvenirs I gifted to them.
Great, despite sleeping badly with aching hips and being too cold from the aircon. I got to school early and enjoyed multiple conversations with students. Most everyone seems to be in a good mood.
Today I’m grateful for:
The small office room at school that doesn’t get used much anymore and I can commandeer to talk one-to-one with students. I need to get them away from each other to see what they really know. To be honest, I don’t see much improvement during this time from most of them but hopefully, bits and pieces are sinking in.
The best thing about today was:
Checking in on David’s grade 8 class after my one-hour class and sitting with the poorer students and getting them started so they could start to see the pattern and what they needed to do. I think those students appreciated it especially when they realised how easy it was.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I got to the new immigration office pretty early but still ended up waiting about 45 minutes just to get the stamp in my passport for another year’s stay. At least I was prepared for this though and could catch up with some reading.
What is a photo that makes me smile every time I see it?
Maybe this used to be photos of Kim Chi but now those same pictures make me feel sad and miss her.
This picture brings back happy memories of new love and adventures.
Where did I show kindness?
Despite wanting to get out of school quickly to get some shopping done on the way home I ended up staying an extra 30 minutes and helping students in David’s class. I also followed up with one of the sleepers in that class to try and encourage them a bit more. It’s like leading cats forward with treats but at the end of the day the cat is still going to do what it wants to do.
I took this picture because I’m always making fun of Baipad for sleeping in class. I think she has some sort of problem that makes her tired as well as probably not eating well and overuse of the phone. The more I think about it the longer the list of things that have a negative impact on these kids these days. What to do…?
I still want a bowl of ice cream for breakfast To burst my pimples onto the mirror My floor will forever be my wardrobe And three-day-old socks may get one more chance I love the delicious pain of peeling scabs To reveal the gloop of the human inside Doodling nonsense when time drags its hands A daydream may be the best part of today
Sniffs of cigarettes and beer Deny both my health and wealth I laugh at the cars racing by With fist shaken out of the window I’ll happily kick a stone along the road And score the winning goal for my team This tree was made to climb And my feet to cushion the jump
Racing a friend for no reason All rules are there to be broken
Today I’m feeling:
Happy to have arrived at Friday. I feel better this week than last. Hopefully, all this exercising is providing me with a little more stamina each week.
Having said that I’m expecting to enjoy a sleep-in tomorrow morning.
Today I’m grateful for:
The candy that has been in my kitchen for about six months. It’s not that I don’t like it but just haven’t thought about eating it recently.
As I had run out of candy that I usually kept in the car earlier this week, some of my students were left disappointed when I had none to give them so I grabbed a handful from the kitchen this morning. The students were happy to receive a treat as they were waiting in line to get a vaccination before classes started. Some students used this as an excuse to go home early (the vaccination, not the candy!).
The best thing about today was:
Talking one one-on-one with some of my grade 7 students again, like I did last year. It’s always revealing to get little snippets of what they really think, especially about each other. It’s also easier to give them individual encouragement.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
The thing I complained about yesterday with one class not helping themselves was repeated again with another class today. So maybe the fault is with me. I need to come up with a better way to get these kids focused and engaged. It’s a constant challenge.
Something I learned today?
There are still 80 million unexploded bombs in Laos, dropped by the USA after bombing raids in Vietnam. If their planes had bombs left on board it was safer (for the plane crew) to drop them rather than trying to land with them. The USA has never been held accountable, along with many other atrocities they have committed around the globe. What a despicable, fucked up country the USA is.
Who do I miss from my past?
Those that have died. Steve, my mum, Kimi.
I don’t feel like I miss anyone who is still alive as it is relatively easy to contact just about anyone. This connects with yesterday’s prompt about taking things for granted though. One day these people will die and I may regret not contacting them when I had the chance.
I miss the feelings I had with certain people as certain times in past. I cherish the emotions and the meaning of those times more than the idea of talking to the particular people involved again.
I’m not sure who took this picture because I left my phone at my side whilst I was concentrating on listening to another student reading and just now found this picture, the only one taken today.
Today I experimented a little using AI. I took the five paragraphs individually in this post at Spinning Visions and asked AI to summarise each with a four-line poem:
A balcony that's hidden from the view
A door that's sealed with plaster and with lies
A neighbor who has seen what lies behind
A mind that's overgrown with ivy vines
They say our brains must prune the past
To make some room for what is new
But I don't want to lose the things
That made me who I am with you
I've closed so many doors inside
And left them in the dark
I've cut off ties that once were mine
And hid the broken parts
I saw him through the window pane
The one who broke my heart
I thought of all the words unsaid
And how we grew apart
I've left behind so many things
That once were part of me
But now they're hidden by the green
Of ivy's memory
I then asked AI to make these results more philosophical and ended up with this:
What is a balcony but a space
Between the inside and the out
A door that's closed can never face
The truth that lies beyond the doubt
What is a brain but a device
That stores and shapes our history
But when it prunes it pays a price
And loses parts of mystery
What is a heart but a vessel
That fills and spills with love and pain
A tie that binds or a trestle
That bridges gaps or breaks in twain
What is a memory but a shade
That fades and grows with time and light
A green that covers or a blade
That cuts and heals or stirs the night
Of course, I can’t really claim any credit for this beyond the fact that I took the time and effort to do it. I like Makenna’s writing at Spinning Visions and have found it quite inspiring to take her ideas and thoughts and consider them in my own contexts. This time I was just curious how AI would find summarising short texts into four-line poems.
Today I’m feeling:
Tired but positive, a little sleepy when I stop and sit. Need to keep moving. I pushed through two workouts again and feel good for that. After my first class is a four-hour break that I will hope to stay awake through. I don’t want to get caught sleeping at the cafe!
Kept myself going by getting right into some more lesson planning so ran out of time to even do much blog updating.
Today I’m grateful for:
The little plastic toe spacer that I hope will improve my sore big toe joint over time. I’ve tried a few different spacers but I find that they can get uncomfortable after an hour or so, even waking me from sleep. This one is smaller and simpler and just helps you keep the big toe straight in comparison with the second toe. It would be great if I could actually fix this painful foot that has bothered me on and off for most of my life. I’d also like to fix my hips which are out of balance and also contribute to the pain in my foot and other places such as knees, back and the hips themselves.
I can imagine a complete relief, like being pumped full of a relaxant but I think that will only come just before I die. A slow relief that completely overwhelms, until only your body is all that is left and you cease to exist.
The best thing about today was:
Listening to Nicha and Namkhing improve their reading skills, as I had been personally encouraging them last year with one-on-one lessons and whereas then, they struggled with even just two-letter words now they are able to make attempts at four-, five- and six-letter words. They still often fail but the fact that they are trying fills with happiness. I made sure they knew how happy I was too.
Something I learned today?
I rediscovered a website with some English lesson plans, quizzes and games and it inspired me to put together new lessons. Once I get into it I can imagine the work unfolding in the classroom, who will struggle and who will do well, deciding whether to push harder or pull back. Not every time is a hit and some days that happens can be frustrating for the students who then make it frustrating for me. I think I mixed things up well this week and kept my students occupied, learning (if they wanted to) and happy.
Where am I headed?
I’m just heading along. I feel like I’ve spent my life headed to here, where I am. I don’t have any other place I particularly need to be.
This could change in the future as I’m guessing at some point we will head back to Australia again. I don’t need to be thinking about that right now though.
What worries me the most currently?
I don’t tend to worry much about anything. Even things that might cause worry such as Amy being able to settle back here again, doesn’t really worry me that much. Whatever path life goes down I’m still on the path.
I took this picture because finally, something stood out to me that begged a photo to be taken. The sky was a little brighter today which seemed to open my eyes more to what is around.
A cautious step on an icy ledge Let slip the dogs of war The days of diplomacy are over And goons are knocking at the door
Never hold the gaze for more than a second The men in black are tweaking The files are closed on past misdemeanours Until they’re ready for leaking
Good job Gloria, that’s how you do Surviving all these years of top Surveilling from behind the screen Until the penny is about to drop
Baby’s got a blankie to hold A security against the fear The blinds are drawn, doors are locked So it will not happen here
A boy in a bubble, breathing hope He wants to be just like you Who decides on a normal life When they will surely die too?
Today I’m feeling:
Ok so far though getting up was difficult.
In the middle of the night, I was dreaming of Forest Cottage again and knew I needed to pee but, still in the dream, it felt like it was so close I had to run to the bathroom and when I got there I saw in my pants that I couldn’t contain it all in time but I enjoyed the feeling of relief as I wondered when I would ever stop peeing.
Finally, the dream woke me up realizing I needed to pee and thankfully I had managed to contain it so far. I fumbled out of bed still not quite with it and stumbled around the edge and head first into the wardrobe. With a loud crack, I dropped back onto the bed waking Amy and suddenly wide awake myself. I have a nice forehead bruise for my troubles this morning.
Today I’m grateful for:
My subconscious, telling me to wake up and go to the bathroom before wetting the bed. I hope these dreams don’t stop and I long have the ability to make it to the toilet in time.
The best thing about today was:
Hearing that our aircon component is here. However…. he’s here working on it right now and whilst it is working the air is not cold. One problem fixed and perhaps another created. Have to wait and see. It would be nice to be back in our familiar bedroom again although Amy is saying that my snoring is disturbing her sleep and wants to sleep in separate rooms!
About an hour later and we finally have it fixed again. Woohoo!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
For my second class today I planned on using Quizizz online but as I sat to start it everything had disappeared from my account which was a bit of a worry as there are weeks of work of mine there, but I figured it must be some site-wide issue that will get fixed in time. But what to do for my class that was already ten minutes through the one hour allocated?
In my earlier class, I had played categories with them which went well enough but took about 20 minutes to get set up. During my break, I had taken five minutes to put together the table in a document so the kids didn’t have to draw it (which one student had struggled with!). So I quickly ran and printed off the sheets and divided the kids into groups, taking most of the phones off them, and allowing just one per group to use for searching answers.
Thankfully this group of kids are pretty obedient and even if they are not sure what I’m saying they quickly learn from each other. We were able to quickly have fun playing the game with 95% of the class taking part before I allocated 4 students to clean and kicked the rest out to their next class. Job done!
Also, with the aircon repair taking an hour or two I’ve run out of time to play guitar today which is a little annoying but I know that in the future there will also be days with lots of free time and I will be too lazy to play. Also, sometimes taking a break from something reminds you how much better you’ve become when you pick it up again.
Something I learned today?
Wow, I just finished a long chat with another student suffering depressive symptoms. Although I didn’t see it before their behaviour makes sense in hindsight.
Who has made a difference in my life lately?
I guess this one is pretty obvious for me right now as Amy has been back for three weeks and is about to leave again already. When I’m by myself I can get into a very familiar routine that becomes comfortable and though the acceptance of that change wasn’t that difficult it was still something to work through. When she is back again permanently things will change again and a new routine will reveal itself.
I took this picture last month because it was amazing to see so much fruit from this palm. No new picture today again! Maybe tomorrow I just give my phone to a random student and ask them to take pictures for me and see what they come up with!
We don’t want to let go of our dreams Those were the best days we ever had But nothing is quite what it seems Until we compare the good with the bad
What we need is a switching of scenes And a reminder of what it’s like to feel sad Remember that feeling from our teens When our impulses forever drove us mad?
A bit tired from late sleep last night and trying to get up early though I kind of failed with that. I got some shopping in this morning that was a bit of a struggle to push myself to do. Getting home at lunchtime meant the day felt like it has gone quickly but I got various bits and pieces done and so don’t feel like I’ve wasted time.
Today I’m grateful for:
Finding the small packets of pickled chilli and chilli in fish sauce that most restaurants have, whilst at Makro. They are bulk buys and I don’t need them often but they were only 30 baht for each pack of 100. And they won’t go off either.
The best thing about today was:
Having both Cap and Tig wanting to be around with me in the living room. It’s unusual for Tigger but I think he really enjoys the attention I’ve been giving him with brushing him a lot.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Whilst I was out shopping I thought I might as well go to the bank to get a new bank book but if forgotten that today is another holiday so they were closed. I didn’t get upset despite it being time wasted. Just one of those things.
Something I learned today?
I finally found a solution for my iCloud problem I mentioned the other day. Unfortunately, it was a workaround rather than a fix and the workaround caused me a bunch of extra setting up of other things. At the end of the day though I’m glad I got it working because it was an annoying bug that didn’t make sense and was confusing me a lot!
What do I want to focus on this month?
This month I need to focus back on the classroom. Staying calm under pressure and being the best teacher I can be for my students. It’s been a long and difficult break for me and it takes me a while to get back up to speed. I need to remember the mistakes I made last year and be smart enough to know how to avoid them. Slow and steady. Remind myself that there is no rush.
I took this picture because Tigger hid his face in shame after I discovered he’d peed on the folding mattress again! Fucking fuck! He keeps coming for a complete body brush though and his coat feels fantastic.
A feisty fighter frustrating friends Not caring, not coping, on the go A teenage tearaway telling tales Pushing against the urge to grow
Parental problems, proving pain Mistakes one day surely repeated Hardened heads hiding hopes A life from which has been cheated
As water wearies, wild and winding The ground becomes less stable Forming floods for fallow fields Leaving nothing to eat at the table
Inspired by a conversation with a student whose name translates as Water 16th May 2024 – Submitted to Word of the Day Challenge
Today I’m feeling:
Happy and tired again. I feel good when I’m pushed and have to do things but when I get free time I start to feel tired.
Today I’m grateful for:
Arriving at school and then finding out there is an art event and students don’t want to study but also not bothered about the event too! I just gave them a little work and then talked with small groups of students about their futures.
The best thing about today was:
As mentioned above, talking with some of the kids today was interesting.
Mangkron said he wants to be a farmer as that is what his family is involved in. I was a little surprised as most kids talk about being doctors, gamers or idols.
I was happily surprised about Baipad who has a clear idea of what she would like to do and also has a backup plan. Her and Apple were also able to understand and consider options that might not exactly match their wishes but are in the same direction.
Ozone shocked me when she started talking about software programming and also design work of some sort. Underneath her quiet exterior, she has things happening it seems.
A number of kids simply answered ‘Well, my parents want me to do this’ to which I had to remind them that I asked them what they wanted to do. And my purpose was to get them thinking about this, which many are already and whilst comforting them that they still have lots of time to decide that if they can’t figure out something to do by themselves then surely someone else will do it for them.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
With only really another full week left of classes, the kids have already switched off. I do want them to come to my class though, even though we may do just a little work. I’d like to get them to do more talking as above. Perhaps they will open up a bit more now they are more relaxed.
Either way, I’m not going to stress too much about their behaviour from now.
Something I learned today?
I’ve been powering through the Kishore Mahbubani videos on US-China relations and liking his even-handed approach to the situation. The videos were made in 2020 when Biden became US president and there was some hope of a less hostile relationship. I’ll find some other videos of his which are more up-to-date after I finish this series. Any kind of possible military encounter between the two countries is going to be a disaster.
What is one goal I have for the next month and how can I work towards achieving it?
Goals are overrated. Just keep doing and being the best I can be. So my goals as such are just to get the things done that I have to such as taking the cats for their annual checks and vaccines. I’ll try to get a couple more tattoos and spend more time reading and writing as well as planning for next semester’s classes.
I took these pictures because today was an art event at school and these student pictures caught my eye.
The music store in Germany where I bought a bunch of CDs from that arrived today. More music to listen to! I’m also grateful to the band from Istanbul that contacted me to help with their 2nd album release. It’s aces and I hope I can be involved somehow.
The best thing about today was:
Feeling energetic again. I cruised along getting things mentally crossed off lists of things that needed to be done and that I wanted to do.
I also enjoyed playing with Tokyo out in her driveway as she rolled around happily. She got a little bitey but not aggressively. She’s a lovely dog that could benefit from some proper training.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Both my classes had control problems today. The first was noisy but happy and mostly doing what I asked of them. I handled it by letting them do as they wished once they’d completed their tasks.
The second class were late and after ten minutes I shut the doors and started teaching, not letting anyone else in. This meant less than half the class attended and it was excellent as I could focus my efforts on everyone. I handled the situation without getting annoyed or upset and letting the kids enjoy their choice not to be in class. It’s up to them now.
Something I learned today?
Today I consciously thought ‘ah, this is something I can write for this section today’ and now…..blank! What was it! (10 minutes later) Nope. It’s gone. I’ll probably remember sometime tomorrow. I should make a note of it straight away! Duh!
What is something I want to do for others in the coming year? I want to help musicians to spread their music further into Southeast Asia as much as I can from my remote location. I also want to help my students improve their chances of being able to go abroad by motivating them to study English more.
I took this picture because this is the Kim Chi lookalike from the hairdressers yesterday. I like that the shot is not correct, focus in the wrong place and half the head not in frame. It was an action shot. I took another picture just before this that did have everything correct but favour this one.
On Friday and Saturday, I felt very muddle-headed but thankfully woke up yesterday running at about 80% and the day felt much more enjoyable. I’d finished the cough and nose meds and just have the rib injury meds to go now. My chest is feeling generally better but I have pains in different areas than before. Also, having just been lying down or sleeping for most of the last 4 days I developed a bit of lower back pain. As I was starting to improve last night and weighed myself before bed I realise I need to push myself much more as my weight has been slowly flourishing and that’s not the direction I wish to continue. I pushed myself a little more this morning and will also do a short evening workout, I think. I certainly feel a lot better this morning and feel calm in my class of whirlwind kids. My patience was tested but I just keep reminding myself that I’m doing what I can for them. I also have to remind myself that they are still just kids, finding their way and working things out. I could be talking about myself.
It’s a crowded room full of screaming And I’m feeling out of control I wish I was only bad-dreaming As I’m sinking into this hole
I gotta leave here quick Or something’s gonna blow Not sure what’ll do the trick I don’t know, I don’t know
Temperature rising to the max Smoke coming out my ears Gotta face up to the facts Or it’s gonna end in tears
Ran myself out the door Before I got to blow I can’t do this anymore I know, I know
How you confront difficulties with determine your fate.
Robert Greene, Daily Laws
Today I’m feeling: Happy and satisfied Today I’m grateful for: Working for most of the day. Some days I’m happy to only have two classes (4 hours) and can relax and then sometimes on days like this with three classes (6 hours) I can feel happy and achieving something too. It helped that I’d planned well and that the students were in pretty good moods. The best thing about today was: Taking time to be one on one with some of the poorer or quieter students in my last class and seeing them start to understand more about what I’m asking them to do. It’s a little frustrating that some students get left behind in the melee of the full class especially when they can do the work if they take the time to understand. The pull of the crowd is strong though. Daily thought Do you have any hopes or fears? I do but I don’t put much stock in them. For instance, I hope Amy can come back here and find some happiness and something to occupy her time effectively and I have some fear of packing up and moving back to Australia (fear of the logistics and effort) but at the same time I know that whatever happens everything will be ok. So I would downgrade fear and hope to preferences. What do you think of the idea of living forever? Just about everyone ponders this idea at one time or another. I first did after watching the first Highlander film or reading The Sandman and was quite into the idea. I once thought aloud that I would live to 300 which seems a little more reasonable. But to live forever means to live beyond the existence of the universe and forever would not just be a long time but would make our universe’s existence like just a pinprick in time. That does not seem amusing. Perhaps the joy of our lives is knowing that they will not last and why I enjoy the excitement and wonder of my students with whom I can still share in their dreams. I hope they can all find some satisfaction in their own lives.
Praewa took this picture because we were having fun in the classroom today and I was pretending to be angry. It’s funny to see this because I guess this is what I must look like sometimes when I am actually angry. Even my ‘bad’, ‘difficult’, and ‘annoying’ students were ok today.Fatman report
I am so happy and grateful for the heating in my car this morning. I didn’t even know that it could warm the car I just thought it was for cooling.
The best thing that happened today was watching one of my classes just get on with doing some work without much complaint. I was spellbound for a few minutes. I only had to tell them once and they got on with it. The feeling didn’t last for long but I certainly enjoyed it.
1994ever 