Youthful Idealism – 10th October 2022

Where’s my youthful idealism?
I fucking want it back
Now I’m old and tired
I’d rather just hit the sack
Why am I not shouting?
Thinking to make change
Wanting the best for everyone
Surely is not so strange
When did I give up?
Did I just get distracted?
Now I’ve got what I want
And I’m no longer impacted
Where’s your youthful idealism?
Why aren’t you complaining?
My life is almost over
But yours is still remaining


How to stop time: kiss.
How to travel in time: read.
How to escape time: music.
How to feel time: write.

Matt Haig, Reasons To Stay Alive

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and on holiday
Today I’m grateful for:
The men who cleaned my bike. I know I could have done it myself but I wouldn’t have been so thorough.
The best thing about today was:
Getting some more blog stuff done whilst listening to music. Also finishing another book. I still look at my bookshelf with joyful anticipation for future reading.

Do you owe someone money? Does someone owe you?
I don’t owe money to anyone or any institutions. I am debt free.

I guess some people do owe my money but it’s in the past and doesn’t amount to much in the scheme of things.

I generally live by the rule that if you lend someone twenty dollars and never see them again then it was probably worth it.

Of course, I loaned out much more substantial amounts to bands in the past and mostly managed to chase down outstanding amounts.

If I loan or lend anyone money now, which is rare, I don’t expect to see it again but happy if it does get repaid. This is only because I am now financially secure. Let’s hope it stays that way.

I took this picture because this is the cleanest I have seen my bike since buying it. It was worth the 45 baht expense!

A Time Too Brief – 6th June 2022

I’m going to take you to heaven
After I’ve fixed all your faults
It’s the end of the road, Jack
The silent fist assaults
Miseries drowned in buckets
You were saved and risen
A life designed for a moment
All that you were given
To chase the tail of fortune
Or find a place to be
Put down and out of here
A time too brief to see
The struggles of the brothers
All fighting for a teat
Survival of the luckiest
Suckled and complete


Our life is shaped by people on the margins, people who are doing things we don’t know how to do or where to do them.

Jack Weatherford

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my clean bedroom floor. I took the time to mop it and it has made it look like a liveable bedroom again. Now – for the rest of the house!


The Week That Was – 19th August 1979

The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #40 – 30th May 2020

I keep forgetting to post these but here’s #40. I had a lot of fun making this last weekend.

Music from The Wrens, Teenage Fanclub, The Freshies, Y.U.P., 2227, Cleaners From Venus, DJ Pica Pica Pica, Boredoms, Swans, Pigment Vehicle, Renaldo and the Loaf, Jaks, Callers, Bad Religion, Sun City Girls, Thingy, Leaving Trains and Karl Blake.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I arranged to meet Bruno this morning. It means I don’t have to help clean the house! Not that I mind cleaning the house, it’s just a convenient coincidence.

We got that attitude! – 24th March 2020

I am so happy and grateful to be motivated to help Amy this morning. We did an hour cleaning the terrace and it was fun.

24th Mar 2023 – A disadvantage of having a relatively big house and garden is the time to maintain and clean it. When I moved to Australia and started doing more adult things (!), Bronwyn and I lived first in an apartment before relocating for work to a house with a garden. We thought that would be great – so much space to do with what we wanted. I soon discovered that that space did what it wanted with us.
As we were renting there was no real connection with space that made me what to spend too much time keeping it together.
Even now I would rather pay someone to do our garden work. I wonder how much of a step it would be for me to hire a cleaner for indoors? Somehow I just can’t imagine that unless I was incapacitated. Even considering this kind of thing is a privilege I am thankful for.

You are a human-in-training and that making mistakes and having slips of integrity and mediocre moments are a part of life, not unforgivable sins.

Dan Millman

To-do list

  • Record new TCRAH first thing ✅
  • Sort some CDs
  • Write one lesson ✅

Spent some time actually doing things today. The days go quickly either way. A few weeks ago I was motivating myself with challenges and now I feel, with more time on my hands, less challenged and therefore less motivated.

I like this feeling because I may get less done but what does it really matter? I had less time before because I was working so it was important to allocate time to getting other things done. Work can be rewarding but starting to feel unnecessary. Luckily, I’m in a position financially where it’s not a big issue.

27th Jun 2024 – I don’t know exactly how I was feeling when I wrote this because I feel almost the opposite now. I don’t enjoy not having anything in particular to do. I’m good at filling my time but feel much more motivated when time is limited.

*Madness Of Insanity – 31st December 1984

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
I’m not insane
Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho
I’m not bad
Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee
It’s not me brain
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
I’m just mad
Ha ho hee ha

The Week That Was 1984 diary

Photo: original import sticker from Black Flag’s Damaged album on Unicorn

31st December 1984
See next diary

Live groups of 1984
Confessions of Sin
Cult Maniax
Subhumans
Self Abuse
Conflict

Live songs of 1984
Self Abuse – Loose
Confessions of Sin – Loose (esp. at Capones)

National Insurance No.
NP 30 09 66 A

Phone numbers
Julie Roberts
Paul Chambers
Andy Anderson
Justin Butler
Simon Bradbury
Dave Brown
Amanda Brown
Jane Seabright
Kathryn Smith
Zoe
Liz Jennison

The Week That Was 1985 diary

Allergies: DEATH

Records of the week: Ruts – Staring at the Rude Boys, Subhumans – Rats
Last song of the year: Cult Maniax – Morphine Mary

31st December 1984
Built a new reception area. Mr. Grainger’s being a cunt but I went at 4. Went to Houldey’s. Dandy and Beki weren’t there
5

1st January 1985
Got up 12. Not much on TV. Not done anything in particular. Cat’s still scared to come in my room.
5

2nd January 1985
Cleaned out the Mezz floor. Fucking knackering day at work. Went to Youth Club. Stayed by myself most of the time. Getting better at darts.
4

3rd January 1985
Cleaned out the Mezz floor. Ringo Chubb are playing on the 11th in Poole. Could’ve fallen asleep at work. Went to Houldey’s. Dandy didn’t seem to notice that I’ve changed for her.
6

4th January 1985
Cleaned out the Mezz floor. Fucking knackered. Moved all shit from Mezz floor. No Youth Club. Went to Muz’s. He’s still being a shit.
5

5th January 1985
Went to town with Mum. Saw Burdett but didn’t say anything to the cunt. He’s still one of the lads. Track’s iced over slightly.
5

6th January 1985
Got up 12.30. Did this and that. Hoovered my room. Went out – no one about.
5