Adventures will await you – 31st August 2020

Nice dreams but don’t recall. Sleepy – wake up. Tired, learning time just now. Slow reactions.

Already thinking about class. It’s fine, I’m enjoying it. I’m enjoying everything. Keep going.

Get fit – don’t push it. Healthy body, healthy mind. Enjoy everything – there’s no time – there is lots of time. Full days, things get done. Balance. Washing and reading. Cleaning and music.

You did good. You do good. Chase away the snakes!

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be able to grab coffee at school, even though it is not tasty it does the job and gets me going.

To-do list

  • Compliments and awards ½
  • Savouring
  • Random act of kindness ✅
  • Thank you mantra ½

A good couple of days. I notice that I have been talking a lot – a little bit like I’m on a high and just want to talk about stuff and I’m hoping it’s not a bipolar type high that is followed by a low.

I woke up at around 5 am this morning and couldn’t get back to sleep because I was thinking about classes and students. I really don’t want to get so involved with them that it keeps me awake. I remember what it was like before when I was working in Primary. I’m really happy with all the positive interactions I have with the students – they make me laugh a lot.

We have Monday and Friday off, so another nice long weekend. Tomorrow I really want to take some time to savour something.

Then came the dawn and you were gone – 31st July 2020

Too much to dream last night – Electric Prunes. Cannot remember dream now but I do know I didn’t sleep long enough. Woke up knowing I need to try a bit harder today (in my thinking) – be positive, stay positive – say positive.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I forgot my passport and that I had to go to immigration this morning. It meant some extra running around but also meant I got to try a new coffee shop which has great coffee. It was delicious.

To-do list

  • More blog posts – need to do at least 1! ½
  • Compliments and kindness ½
  • Listen!…….speak.
  • Awards ½

Somewhat have achieved these things. I noticed that in the last few days, I get annoyed at the way George presents himself sometimes. The things he says are usually good advice but I hear it with a hint of arrogance and belief that he feels he is right. I’m cautious about this feeling because it is coming from me and not from him. I want to understand this feeling more and I won’t make any judgment on the person.

I feel like George is always setting a great test for me (not on purpose, of course) – it makes me consider my thoughts, feelings and actions. For that, I am grateful.

Because of this though, it can be tiring to be around him.

The Chiang Rai Alternative Memorial for Tim Smith – 25th July 2020

Crave fun, brave sun, he keeps the world as his disguise
Slave hung, brave sun, the leader of the starry skies
From the tops of the trees
To the bowels of the Earth
Swings from pillar to post
‘Cos he’s here
And now
And now
He’s here

24 Cardiacs tracks randomly selected by iTunes, in memory of the genius of Dr Tim Smith, The Leader of the Starry Skies.

….never mind the war, take me home again
For the last time

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have some energy this morning to ride my bike to get coffee. Great little exercise for me.

It gets deeper, let me say and it gets higher day by day – 16th June 2020

Trip undertaken on 31st May 2020

Sleeping alone out in my office man cave meant being able to listen to music quietly through the night and I sometimes approached consciousness and felt deep involvement in the sounds in the room. I have no idea of those sounds or songs once awake again and I also had to turn off the stereo when a long noise piece came up on the shuffle as the sun was rising outside.

The sofa in my room is plenty comfortable for a one-hour nap but not so great for a whole night and as the brightening day chased away the night I threw down a couple of glasses of water and headed out on the motorbike with the intention of heading into the mountains to see if I could get to the stupa that is visible from the fourth floor of our school.

I had a rough idea of where to go and figured it wouldn’t take too long and could get back home before the day got too hot. It was a little cloudy and the big rain the day before had cooled everything down by a couple of degrees too.

But first, to Utopia to throw down a couple of coffees to get fully charged. They perfectly hit the spot and I hit the road in earnest.

I had a rough idea of the direction to head towards, which involved going over a road I travelled down with Amy a few weeks previously. I took the highway down to the other university in the area, this being the first time I have actually gone that far on this road. It’s usually a little hectic on this road with lots of crazy aunties just pulling out from side-roads and houses on their dilapidated old motorcycles, so I was glad to get down there and off towards the university as soon as possible.

Around to the side is a huge pond of water lilies with flowers yet open looking like massive cabbages on stalks.

A little further and a fishing lake with views towards the mountains at the back of my house.

Onwards towards the hot spring and then across to the Big Buddha, which isn’t a Buddha at all, but the Chinese goddess, Kwanyin.

Big Buddha is easier to say and absolutely everyone knows where you mean. This monument is a good landmark as you head into the mountains too.

To get there you have to pass a landfill which is tucked between a couple of hills and only announces itself as you turn a corner and the stench hits the back of your throat. Here the road crumbles down to a dirt track but having been here fairly recently I remembered the way through. The old wooden houses here are dirty and rotten and mangy old dogs stare at you if they can even be bothered to lift their heads from their slumber.

Then it’s onto the bypass – another scary proposition but at least there are not many side roads here for motorcycles to sudden pull out from, it’s just the speeding trucks to be aware of. Fortunately this newish road is still not used that much and it’s an enjoyable ride along. At the bridge I can see the stupa in the distance that is my planned destination (the little white dot on the mid-left in the picture above). The hill in the foreground grabs my attention though as there is a house up there as well as another Buddhist monument. How the hell do you get up there – the view must be amazing. One day in the future I will find out.

The opposite view takes in the river, which flows towards the city. It looks fairly sedate but from my one experience of falling in I can confirm it flows quite fast! The ground is dry yet the jungle manages to maintain well enough. We’re approaching the rainy season and there was a big rain a few days prior but not enough to waterlog anything yet.

Here’s the side on view of the same hill, it looks like the monks accommodation is in the white building but there’s no obvious temple here. Apparently there are caves in here somewhere too. Investigate later.

The red trees are flowering everywhere though the photos don’t really show up how bright they are. I love these rigid lines of plants growing, they counter the randomness of everything else here in Thailand.

I don’t know what the plants are. Anyone know?

Further on, I’m struck by this modern looking building on the hill – what a great place to live. A couple of hundred metres down the road and there is a sign indicating that there is a coffee shop up there, so what the hell, let’s go have another coffee and see what the view is like. The toilet is a tiny cute shack but I couldn’t find a light so had to guess with the small amount of light penetrating the gaps and cracks in the wooden frame. I think I got some in the bowl.

And the view was indeed fabulous. Yet another Instagram cafe here in Chiang Rai. Everyone seems to have one. The owners house, back and above the cafe looked magnificent, with two big dogs lazily guarding the gate. And the coffee was great, along with the refreshing tea that comes with it.

Just around the corner I noticed a big dragon staircase being built and a road up the hill next to it, so I nosily went to have a look. The top opened out into this area with this beautiful tree which I wanted to take home and use for shade in our garden. Behind the tree is a small stupa and I’m wondering now if this was the one I could see before. I thought it was a bit further along than here but I actually didn’t end up going to where I had planned to see what was there. Again, plenty of time to go back and investigate again.

I’m a sucker for these red flowering trees.

And in the distance here, again, not accurately significant in this picture, a huge pink flowering tree that I hoped to see more of so I could get a picture close up.

I was due to turn away from the river so stopped a few times to take more pictures. Here, two locals were walking along the banks, possibly looking for fishing spots. They saw me and shouted ‘Hello’ as I replied ‘Sawatdee khap’ in return. People are generally happy and friendly everywhere I go. They are curious about what you are doing and give them something to gossip about when the community gathers in the evenings.

This picture was taken at a covered area with a few plastic chairs scattered around – probably the community gathering spot. Like everything, it’s dirty and dusty and looks unused and anywhere can a meeting place anyway. Who knows what happens here at night?

This monument presumably brings luck and abundance to the surrounding land. I haven’t seem any other places similar to this.

I started deviating from the plan I had in my mind (actually I forgot to turn off at the right point) and ended up in this strange village with just a few buildings and didn’t look like many people were around. Maybe it’s just one big extended family living here. Their mango tree is doing better than ours.

And so I started heading up…

…and the views got more spectacular.

Finally a waterfall. However, the road ahead was begging me to keep going, so I did. I don’t know how to measure inclines but this picture doesn’t really show just how steep it was. And beyond here an Akha village where everyone was gathering for the Sunday church service. Beautiful hymnal singing came out of the building, in what sounded like the local language, making it all the more intriguing to me. There were many locals standing around, staring at the dumb lost foreigner and I felt like I was invading their space somewhat, so chose to head on. That was a mistake, as the hill got ever steeper and thinner until the road ran out at a house at the very top. As I tried to manoveur around on the slope, with out rolling backwards and over the edge, the owner came out to see what the noise was and told me, in English, I had to go back and turn at the bottom of the hill. I didn’t realise yet but I’d totally missed the turn off I should have taken and ended up here.

I went back down the hill and tried to ride up to the waterfall. I only got about 15 metres before the path was blocked and not knowing just how far the waterfall was (I have walked to other waterfalls for several hours without ever finding them!) I just took this quick snap and turned back. Friends tell me later that it isn’t much further along, so, again, one for another time.

I head back down hill looking for this turn off I should have taken. Google Maps shows it as a major throughway so I’m looking for some solid concrete road. The local kids are bemused to see me riding up and down looking for it.

And it turns out this is the main road – actually the only road – through the mountains going south. Here it is a little wider, the actually entry from the road I was on is little more than an overgrown foot track. And once again I’m heading up but this time through some slippery, sloppy muddy parts.

First part navigated and things dry out a bit. But I’m still going up and I’m starting to hear and smell the engine working hard over this tough irregular road. It’s a struggle and at some points I ponder turning back. But the thought that there might be something special just around the corner spurs me on.

I’m also spurred on my the fact that there are relatively fresh bike tracks along here which means that it is still getting used often enough that I can be rescued if the need be! In fact I start to worry about hitting a rock and falling off and breaking bones. But not enough to stop me. Around here I could also start to hear the buzzing of chainsaws so I figured these bikes tracks may have been made today. It was only a few minutes later I realised it was the buzz and rattle of cicadas (or whatever other bugs make noise in here).

Up and up and just a small gap in the bamboo jungle. Now I have to hope that Google Maps is keeping me on track.

This one is still one the way up. About another 15 minutes later I reached a peak and took some video (which I can’t upload here). It’s a panaroma around both sides of the ridge and it is absolutely silent except the buzzing of insects. No industry, no people, no machines. Just nature. If you can zoom in to this picture you’ll find Kwanyin as a tiny white dot in the distance.

And so, to the other side. Now, getting down was a scarier prospect than going up. Just over the edge here turned into thick mud and brakes became less functional. I could hear the roar of engines in the distance and presently four teenagers rounded the corner on their trail bikes and we smiled and nodded at each other and I’m sure they had a good laugh at the silly foreigner trying to navigate these roads with his little step through motorbike. Whatever, I made it down safely.

Going down hill didn’t last for long as I finally arrived at this village which was only 4 kms away from the main road but had taken me about an hour to get here. At each village the road returns to concrete until you get to the other side. At each concrete road I had thought I had arrived back on regular routes, only to discover more mud just around the corner, or, once again, up the hill. It was also threatening to rain up here but only managed a spit.

If you’re going to live in a wooden shack, make sure it’s the best spot in the village. Up some more again.

Zooming in on this shows the ridges of the mountains repeating off into the distance. It was around here I started to feel a natural ecstasy. A oneness, a wholeness. Goddamn, I want to hold on to that feeling.

I joked with myself that I was getting sick of seeing beautiful things over and over again. It just didn’t stop. When I showed Amy these pictures later she was very blazé about them. ‘It’s my country, it’s what I’ve seen all my life.’ I was intoxicated, however.

Here, the local soccer pitch looks like it could use some loving. Just to the right is a Chinese gravesite, looking over the valley which runs long and wide. ‘Bury Me High’ indeed.

Yet, it seems I can still go further up. A couple of spots of farmers burning crops thankfully weren’t enough to smog up everywhere.

Scenes like these make we want to travel more. This one reminds me of places in Sichuan province in China and I also love the mountains in Switzerland.

I guess I’m a mountain person but I think I equally enjoy the beach. 22 years in Sydney probably took care of my beach pleasures though there are times here in Chiang Rai when I wish it was possible to just go rush into the cold waters of the ocean again.

Finally I made it to the other side, about 4 hours after leaving on what I thought would perhaps only take 2 hours in total. I still had to get back yet. This view is to the south of Chiang Rai – all the others had been looking north or west.

I didn’t take any more pictures as I was going down again as I was hanging on for dear life, most of the way, followed by trucks and other motorbikes and sometimes negotiating tractors and other farming vehicles.

And finally a rest stop, with 4g connection and I tell Amy I’m fine and not to worry. I call my friend to meet for lunch in about an hour at a cafe back near the river. I basically completed a large circle on my journey and would finally end up back on the bypass.

But, I still had an hour before needing to be at the cafe and going directly there by road would only take about 20 minutes. So I rode around Singha Park, enjoying it’s manicured grounds, and ended up coming out the other side back near the mountains again. Another hill tribe village and a check of Google and there looked like roads to make it through, so let’s go and see.

Quickly, the farm land was taken over by rows and rows of pineapple and these dirt roads petered out into walking tracks. Still, Google showed that there was a way through so after crossing a couple of streams I finally found a way out.

Here the vista opened up to these papaya trees and a happy dog was lounging in the shade of the rubber trees on the right.

All around this hill sat various Buddha images which I lost count of as I rode on past. After meeting my friends for lunch I headed home as directly as possible as my skin was already turning crab coloured from sunburn. I made it back at 4pm. Once this sunburn was healed I hope I can go out again. I might also have to wait for the rainy season to finish too. There’s been a couple of big rains since this adventure which may have made much of this journey impossible now.


Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I can remember that 24 hours can change everything. One day you can feel so bad but the next day things become good.


Brain dump

Better, better, better today, glad to be feeling this way. Are you reading this, future me? Future anyone? Can you read this drivel scribble?

Naked Reagan Vanilla Blue – but I’m okay. Talking with Hayden on the first floor (sunshine girl in hotpants buying drinks) we make an agreement to tell each other more about our lives. He has gone through the wringer and I can tell he is grateful for our support. He tries to make me feel better and I really appreciate that.

Memory goes in and out – trying to recall things in my past – maybe removing things from now. Doesn’t matter too much but Amy gets mad. What a life! I’ve been and done little compared with some but done so much compared with others. Rise, fall, rise.

So many books. Loving reading – take me to a different world. Thankful. Time to meditate.

To-do list

  • Silent good wishes – compliment – smile ✅
  • Enjoy the dentist – as always ½
  • Take pictures for visa
  • Do some more for Nu’s zine
  • Find things to print for Aing too ✅

Quiet day today – feeling fine – except the dentist was not so much fun today – a little painful but I tried to breathe through it. Now the numbness has worn off, the pain is coming through again and giving me a big headache.

Tomorrow will likely be another quiet day so, a good opportunity to try and repeat some better habits. With only a couple of more weeks of free time left, I should take advantage of this.


Are you living in line with what you value?

Yes, and this is causing some difficulty for me as I cannot accept the cultural difference here in Thailand.  I value fairness and justice and finding elements of corruption permeate society here, gossip can rule the day here.  It’s a difficult adjustment and not one I’m sure I can endure.

We got that attitude! – 14th June 2020

I am so happy and grateful that even when my favourite coffee shop is closed I can find good coffee. I am so happy and grateful that I can afford to go out and buy good coffee.


The last few days have been not so good. This weekend spoiled by bad mood and depression. I have felt inadequate and undermine all my good points. I have wondered what I’m doing here. What is my purpose and what is the point of me? Ugh.

We got that attitude! – 4th June 2020

I am so happy and grateful to be able to sit in this teachers room with aircon and share time happily with other teachers.

To-do list

  • RAK, savour, smile, compliment, positive – these should be priorities ½
  • Can you connect more? ½
  • Practice your listening with follow-up questions
  • Don’t put down other people’s ideas ½
  • Don’t say anything perceived as negative ½

Today could just as well have been a holiday as George, Dylan and I did no work at all. We spent an hour and a half for coffee in the morning, an hour for lunch and an hour for coffee in the afternoon. Apart from that we watched videos and read articles or listened to podcasts. I felt very much at ease today, compared with earlier in the week.

I need to keep working on these points about savouring, compliments, thinking positively towards myself and others, smiling and RAK. I also want to improve on not saying anything negative in a jokey way. I think I can boil my tasks down to just improving these things each day.

There goes my dream, looked good on paper -1st June 2020

Callen the gallon – those were days alright. Sweaty five-minute warm-up. Sound makes a sound – still Heavy Vegetable swirling around all the time.

Yesterday was filled with so much beauty it was almost too much to bear – it was outstanding green, green, green – Amy not impressed by the photos – “it’s my country – this is normal – this is why I want to see other places.” I get it, of course.

Up into the mountains skidding sliding – bemused villages staring. Akha church ceremony – it was Sunday. It was great – very lovely sounds. Some places so quiet, others cicadas like chainsaws.

Gap teethed stooping old ladies, “okay!”, smokers sitting in shade – pineapple groves – where to go? – is this a road? What are you doing to me Google Maps!? Buddhas everywhere. KwanYin everywhere. Miles and miles and miles – could I see the ocean?

Hours later I’m crispy salmon skinned – Magma CDs – play them one day. Das Damen – Jupiter Eye is upside down – why? Dazzling Kilman – must be close by. *

Cooler – big rain – 30-minute blackout. Oh no – it’s okay. Cold nighttime air, can wrap up warm. What are you gonna talk about? Nothing – it doesn’t matter – enjoy that coffee – keep the cup filled with coffee. Keep your heart filled with joy. Don’t fight it, the struggle is over, everything is changing. Embrace it. Gives thanks. Give love. You’re a lovely human bean.

Fatman report

Weight: 79.9kg
Resting heart rate: 53

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that De Lanna is open again so I can sit by the river with a coffee.

*writing this sitting next to my CD collection and perusing in thought

To-do list

  • Take the weekend with you – smile
  • Share your positive wishes to others and yourself
  • Savouring and random acts of kindness
  • Connect with someone – find out what they like ½
  • More blog posts ½

I struggled today to be honest. On reflection I think it may be somewhat connected to my sunburn – it is really bad on my arms and it’s not that it is painful or that I feel hot but I think I just got zapped of energy.

I got annoyed with two of the boys doing the filming because they weren’t paying any attention to the work. George rightly pointed out that it’s up to us to create the environment that we want to see but I was too tired and cranky to think about it anymore.

After lunch, I sat and closed my eyes and concentrated on my breathing. I felt much better after that and then, funnily, Dylan and George both got tired and sleepy too.

George can come across as quite bossy sometimes though he obviously has the best of intentions. It often rubs me the wrong way and sometimes I’m not confident enough to deal with it in a positive manner. I’m still very insecure about things and feel I have to prove a point. It’s my problem I know

I’ve been writing and reading all these things but still can’t seem to act on it. I don’t ruminate so much on things but a dark mood can be brought on by the smallest slight.

Anyway, I’m putting the tiredness down to the sunburn and the crankiness due to the tiredness. Tomorrow is another day (though the sunburn will still be there).

Remnant monkey claws – 27th May 2020

Sweaty workout with the aircon.
Poor Deep Turtle poster, how much longer can it live? – the shelf isn’t straight – the torn poster is straight but torn!
Kneeling to write, sweaty workout for five mins, five mins is it enough? My muscles ache so don’t push it.
Remember two things today – check Aing’s grammar and… What’s the other thing – my brain is forgetting more easily. Old or painkillers – it’s okay I’m okay.
My toenails annoy me for some reason, I want them as short as possible – what are they for? Remnant monkey claws.
Books I want to read. Read and read, get lost in those worlds.
I think the other thing I want to remember is to do that introductory lesson for English revision.
Sitting now, kneeling was uncomfortable, should do at a desk but desk is cluttered. Should write quicker in cursive but even less legible than this, doesn’t matter – tomorrow cursive, see if I remember – thumbs ache – When to study Thai Drops?
This task is to empty brain and meditate – maybe should do before my five-minute workout – experiment with schedule.
Coffee, sudden thought of coffee at Eat and Sleep.
80.8 kg today, it’s okay but want to stay permanently under 80 kg – exercise – no beer!
Books, books, books – stomach okay today – situps – let’s do some. Okay so done empty brain?! Meditate.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to go to Baralee this morning and enjoy the relaxing environment with coffee and friends.

To-do list

  • Study Drops in the morning
  • Make your own teacher video for media lesson
  • Work on Lesson 1 – English review ✅
  • Call Bronwyn and find out how she is ½

As I was going through my morning routine I realised that I should do the Drops study first so I didn’t end up doing it this morning. That’s ok – things fall into place.

We got given a new video to make on Friday so that kinda threw out some plans but I remembered I had something that I could use from Anuban but the files were at home so I just carried on and finished off a couple of other things and will do the video planning tomorrow instead.

Bronwyn wasn’t online so I just sent her a message.

A relaxing day at work all round. There are a very few students around and that is reminding me that they will all be back at some point and the real challenge is waiting for me. having all this time to prepare though is very handy.

Tomorrow I will be able to include Drops into my routine in the morning and have set my alarm for 5 minutes earlier. It’s light at 5.30 am already, it’s sometimes hard to stay fully asleep until my alarm goes off – especially with the cats wanting to get in and out.

Tomorrow I also will try to talk more with some of the other teachers that I don’t really know well yet. Everyone seems to be getting along and there’s no feeling of ‘them and us’ that I had in Primary or at Anuban. It’s strange! I hope it remains like this.

They just want your consciousness – 25th May 2020

A long time since writing in this book now a stream of consciousness writing exercise to let out all thoughts smoky air coughing up blood sore throat sweaty after a workout, well a five minute warmup anyway. Fan whirring. Door open ugh smoky air cats all safe no snake sightings. Unfinished jigsaw in front of me I enjoyed a few hours yesterday cats and books great idea for a picture. Pink gym ball I should do some situps no dream to remember right now messages coming on the phone. Meditate which first? meditate or situps many little things waiting to be done middle mass phrase Crayon Shin Chan’s little penis! Why? I don’t know but it made me laugh for a hundred Baht. Coffee! Yes, bad coffee but good caffeine. Smiling faces show teeth. Friends to be made no time to be grumpy how far do my thoughts extend before they run out or slow down. This exercise is slowing down my brain and speed of thinking – is that the purpose? Sit up straight soft seat. Tough hard wood at school. What will the day bring? Either way it will be okay – another day. I enjoy being around nicer people – that’s what I should be – nice – to everyone.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my calm this weekend. It has maintained my happiness when I could have been upset and angry.

To-do list

  • Listen carefully, practice breathing exercise
  • Take this happiness to work and bring it home again ✅
  • In free time at school – clear emails
  • Convert jpgs to docs – check the first lessons again ✅
  • Go to immigration ✅

Maintained my happiness throughout the day – and it was a very easy day. We had nothing to do – I wrote some more lessons but very lazily. I was nice to everyone and think I gave off enough of a positive vibe – I could always do better though.

Tonight, Nu, Aing and Mink came over – it’s Mink’s last night here so we bid him farewell. He’s a nice kid – very thoughtful – sometimes too much, so, he reminds me of me quite a lot at that age.

Tomorrow George is really excited that we might video record all the teachers singing ‘Happy’. It will be fun I really have to push myself to be in that frame of mind. Can I do it?