I am so happy and grateful to be sitting by the river this morning for a coffee.
To-do list
Be nice to everyone you meet ½
Stay calm, stay quiet, listen well ½
Practice a mantra ‘it’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine’
Find out about teaching options but keep it simple! ✅
Drop by HomePro and check out weights ✅
I started off the day a little quiet and morose and even George’s positivity rubbed me a little the wrong way despite knowing he was right.
By the afternoon though I had turned things around in my head enough to be able to more quickly dismiss negative thoughts. I was polite to everyone I met though I realise I could be upbeat and smiling (even though wearing a mask).
I was calm and quiet though maybe I could have listened better. There Wasn’t really any occasion that necessitated using the mantra today, even though there were a couple of times I could have gotten wound up.
I got home quite energised, chopped up the fallen papaya and drank two beers which, due to the heat and humidity had very little effect. They did contribute to a more relaxed feeling though – getting back to some semi-normality is a welcome relief.
Tomorrow I should smile more and greet people in a more friendly manner. I have an idea of what I’m doing now work-wise so I can relax a little more.
We wake up in the morning fresh and ready to go and by the end of the day, we are covered in dust. The dust of emotions, of work, of stress, of everything.
– Daily Stoic email
Most days disappear too fast. I was busy – busy with what? I set myself small goals and challenges and cross them off at nightfall. The next day, do it again. Wash, rinse, repeat.
I am a machine and the dust gets in. Wash it away, wash this out of my life.
Talking of dust, it hasn’t rained here for 6 months, the land is cracking, grass clings to life but the jungle can still prevail. It doesn’t matter what gets thrown at it.
The sight of a big rat running around hopefully means the snakes are gone for now. Our lazy cats bring us gifts of small lizards and small birds, blood trailed across the kitchen floor.
Each evening we water the plants and trees, the sun red over the mountains, barely penetrating the thick smoke blown down from Myanmar and Laos. This is still the Wild East – laws often meaningless, common moral duties not learned in the chaos of the education systems.
We live in dust, breathe it in, poison for the lungs. But, we live.
A wise man said that you can’t step in the same stream twice, But I find that wet feet soon get caked with sand and grit, that’s very unpleasant, especially between the toes…..
nomeansno
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to be able to go outside again. It was weird to be outside again after two weeks at home.
To-do list
Record another TCRAH and finish off upload details ✅
Express your gratitude and happiness to see people ½
Do not judge people ✅
Finish installing Powerpoint ½
Chinese drawing
My first day outside in 2 weeks. It felt a little strange as I was riding to Utopia and this feeling of freedom and being able to go anywhere. It was good to catch up with everyone there – I think I should try and talk more with everyone who works there, maybe they think that I am not that friendly.
Anyway, the air quality sucks so it was back home and indoors again. For some reason, I woke up and got up at six thirty so actually managed to do a few things before even going out for coffee.
At around 10.30 it’s usually too hot and sunny to be outside but with the smoke so thick there’s an apocalyptic colour to the sky and only a vague idea of where the sun is. It was still hot but I took the opportunity to water our suffering plants and trees.
A trip out for lunch and re-stocks at Makro and I got a lot more done in the afternoon.
Back to school tomorrow. I want to try and maintain this good feeling I’ve had for the last two weeks even if having to deal with difficult people. This is my test.
I would like to go and help George with some lesson planning but I have a feeling that the lack of communication last week will end up getting dumped back on me in the morning (I was originally told that I would be able to start preparations back at CRPAO at this time). Oh well – let’s see how it goes and I’ll attempt to think before I speak.
Remember – things you can control and things you can’t control.
Music from Magma, Sir Millard Mulch, Big Grump, Chemicals Made From Dirt, Vulk, El Rass, Les Baxter, Converge, Pile, Djang San, Honeymoon Killers, Monkees, The Misunderstood, Half Man Half Biscuit, Bondage Fruit, Moving Targets, 2227.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and thankful to George and Bee to be good friends we have made in Chiang Rai.
Those who don’t pay attention to their own thoughts and know their own minds are bound to be unfulfilled in life.
Donald Robertson
To-do list
Contemplate your death ½
Upload and record TCRAH ✅
Enjoy teaching today (stay in the moment) ½
WDS spreadsheet
Card for Tian ✅
My belly was giving me trouble today due to the chilli and alcohol mix last night. Despite that, the day passed happily enough. I even managed to ‘meditate’ for 30 minutes. I put the word in quotes as I wasn’t fully able to calm my mind, though I did relax and feel better after it.
In the morning I was quite tense but I think it was the effect of the coffee. Usually, I’m ok but not this morning.
I struggled through making another TCRAH episode but I persevered and did it. I was quite happy with myself.
I did, at various times during the day, remind myself that I may die at any time and I felt a strange feeling in my chest that focused me back in the moment. However, it merely reminded me of all the many things I want to get sorted in my room and I soon started back on that.
Tomorrow I will go and play basketball with Bruno. I hope that it will give me an opportunity for discussion about our views on life and maybe offer each other advice on our lives. Bruno is an emotional Italian and can get overexcited about things. He reminds me of me sometimes.
Whilst hanging with George gives me a positive energy boost he can also be somewhat relentless. Bruno may be a little in the negative direction and it’s not the way I prefer to go. However, it will remind me that the world is about balance.
Oh! I went riding around in the hills and valleys again today and I savoured every minute of it. The cool morning air countered the sun and heat, the sky white with mist and smoke, though thankfully not the thick cancerous smoke that will soon be with us every day until rainy season. Every paradise humans have found required a garbage dump.
I’m surprised I’m energised this morning after a 7 hour drunken sleep, woken somewhere in that time by Indian indigestion. I guess the two coffees kick-started me well enough so as soon as I got back from the cafe I hopped on the bike, no destination in mind.
The locals stare curiously at this white-haired monster screaming through their quiet village daily life but return the big smiles I beam at them. Spread the love. I get stuck behind what may have at one time been a truck but has been mangled into a new form so as to navigate its territory. On the back, two old uncles cling on to the stack of metal merchandise, though one is drunkenly singing and dancing to the traditional Thai folk music blasting from the rigged up PA system. The audio system far more important than the vehicle, which drops bolts and parts to the ground as it bounces around. It’s just turned 10 am.
Finally, I turn off and deeper into the hills through dirt tracks, some familiar, others new to me. Besides the divots and bumps, sleeping dogs must be navigated, their nerve holding much longer than mine.
Eventually, time to turn back, sore butt yet soaring thoughts. For brief moments in time it is wonderful to be alive. Let’s seek them out.
Suitably invigorated I set about the task of finally moving the stack of bricks that has been sitting in the middle of the garden for the past two years. They had become so familiar that they were practically invisible now. Every now and then I would be reminded by the cats sitting atop the stack, surveying the garden, waiting for birds to fly into their mouths.
It’s been a long time since I’ve been in the garden and half the clothing I used to wear has decomposed, my sweat probably had eaten through the fabric. Stacking 12 blocks at a time into the wheelbarrow I soon regretted not having gloves but whatever, time to toughen up these dishwashing hands again.
Nearer the bottom of the stack, I started to notice discarded snakeskins so thought to be a little bit more cautious, particularly as the blocks have 3 deep pockets through them. And finally, in the bottom of the pile, a small shy snake tasting the air with its tongue from within one of the pockets.
I carefully removed all the other blocks, keeping a good eye on the snake in its home. At one point it decided to make a break which gave me chance to capture a photo which I could get an ID for the snake later on Facebook. The snake exchanged one pocket for another as there was nowhere else safe to go, just open spaces around.
I figured I’d give it some time to chuff off on it’s own accord but then realised the nearest place of solitude was in our room where Amy teaches. Not the best option. So it was, pockets facing away I carefully picked up the whole block and chucked it over the fence into the deep scrub and long grass outside. Situation dealt with.
Godspeed….
Through the Facebook group, I discovered the snake was a highly venomous Thai spitting cobra. In our ignorance of its existence until this day our cats and I had been lucky and likewise, today this shy, delicate yet deathly dangerous beast let our relationship end without grief. I just hope our relationship has ended permanently.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful at my ability to bounce back and be positive again. I remember a time a minor thing would play on my mood for many days.
The best moments in our lives are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times. The best moments usually occur if a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.
Mihaly Csikszentmihali
To-do list
Hang washing ½
Cut grass at front ✅
Record new TCRAH ✅
Write blog entry as if abducted ½
Finalise more details for WDS
A quieter and much more enjoyable day today. Time goes too quickly though. I wrote a different blog entry today but want to explore that idea about feelings of loss of freedom.
Tonight I will savour more about my trip to Japan.
Tomorrow’s lessons are all planned out though I need to be prepared for the unexpected as always. Our daily schedule will be a little different in that we have to take the car for service and Amy can’t drive. We’ve planned ahead though so it should all work out. If anything does go awry then remain calm.
Things I could have done better today was maybe not going for coffee in the morning. I had told Amy I would hang the washing when I came back but she had already done it despite her busted arm. She wasn’t upset at doing it but I missed an opportunity to be helpful. Tomorrow I will try to consider more opportunities for acts of kindness.
I am so happy and grateful to Said for loaning me 100 baht so I could buy coffee.
It is a joy to be hidden…..but disaster not to be found.
DW Winnicott
To-do list
More exam preparation ✅
Typhoon game for revision
Review each hour at night
Think before speaking – do not complain ½
No Facebook at work ✅
Spent free time at work today finishing the final exam questions. That’s me prepared until the end of April.
I challenged myself today with the question – ‘what can you do to surprise your partner?’ After a little thought I realised I should book somewhere nice for us to go for our tenth wedding anniversary. I’m really happy with myself about that. It will be a fantastic time.
My challenge for each hour of today: 6am – stretch, meditate, shower, eat, five points challenge 7am – drove to work, prepared extra worksheets 8am – got coffee and did some reading from Daily Stoic* 9am – worked more on the IEC exam, went to pee many times 10am – continued on exams and got another coffee 11am – finished exam paper and printed, messaged Jim and dropped off 12pm – ate lunch and read some more Daily Stoic 1pm – watched Coursera videos and failed the quiz 2pm – fixed set up in library just in time for the only lesson of the day 3pm – rushed through the lesson, Jim returned exams for updates 4pm – fixed exam papers and dropped off again, drove home 5pm – finished reading A Chinese Life 6pm – watched some TV, and looked at Facebook for the first time 7pm – ate dinner and discussed holiday plans with Amy 8pm – here in bed, writing this and will read next
*What do you remember reading from Daily Stoic today? If you can’t remember then I think I didn’t really take in what I was reading.
Music from Motelli Skronkle, The Chords, Dot.Organ, DMBQ, Isocracy, i.e. crazy, Capillary Action, Ruins, Bukkake Moms, Killing Joke, Butthole Surfers, Sex Pistols, Debt of Nature, The Poles, 17 Pygmies and Sebadoh.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for Art and Utopia. Nice coffee and nice people and easy to get to. Lifesaver for a hangover!
To return to the books one lived in one’s youth is to risk disappointment – in both the books and in oneself when young.
Joseph Epstein
To-do list
Upload TCRAH ✅
Finish writing to Chrissie
Go for a ride around the hills again ✅
Go to the gym
Sort out more in the office ✅
I ran out of energy today. After teaching, which was very enjoyable today, it was about 5.3o pm and I spent a few minutes watching TV and energy just zapped out of me. Oh well, despite my best intentions, going to the gym the day after drinking probably wasn’t the best idea.
Today, Amy was upset by some pictures on an English poster we had bought – they showed ‘cute’ as a white girl and ‘ugly’ as a black person. Pretty fucked up and Amy said that she would complain to the makers.
In the afternoon I shared the picture with the TLC LINE group with the question ‘What is this teaching Thai children?’ I was quite surprised at the acceptance from Mike and Ben (himself black). I think it’s a fairly serious issue but felt like they were countering it because they were either used to it or it never affected them.
I feel proud of myself and Amy because we are prepared to stand up for what we believe to be right and fair. Amy even did it last night with the car park attendant as he called me ‘it’, which I was obviously oblivious to. Then Nancy cut the conversation short by talking about loving everyone and Malcolm piping up with emoji support.
I found the whole conversation very thought-provoking. Mike called me a ‘troublemaker’. I don’t know? Is facing issues causing trouble? I didn’t think I really had to defend my position – the consequences of letting things slide are obvious and some are prepared to leave thinking and doing to others and live the easy life.
It was interesting that Mike and Ben are French and I wonder how this affects their thinking? What an interesting day!
Should I not raise these things as discussion – live the easy life myself? I feel like that is what I want but something in me sees the injustices in the world and that I should say something even if nothing can be changed quickly.
Music from The Reactionaries, Alternative TV, Neutral Sons, Polvo, Peter Black, Hilkka, The Fartz, Elvis Costello, Captain Sensible, Rogues, Graham Parker and the Rumour, Radio Nepal, Orthrelm, Arcwelder, Guapo, Minutemen, McClusky.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to Oh and Namtan for letting me stay at their house last night. It saved me money and trouble and they are nice people.
All reading should be applied to the idea of living the happy life…words may become deeds.
Seneca
To-do list
Remember how much you enjoyed the drive today? Do that again! ✅
Take Oh and Namtan for coffee. ✅
Work through your exhaustion and provide good tuition. ✅
Do something nice for Amy today. ½
Do not complain – counter other’s complaints. ✅
Today was a very good day and I feel wonderful and happy. It started with 40 squats, a shower and reading before taking Oh and Namtan for coffee. We have a good conversation about books, reading, exercising and eating.
The drive back was very pleasant though tempered by some melancholy as many returns home can be. It’s never as exciting as the heading out into unknown adventures, no matter how small they are.
I was so positive that I was fine for the teaching and it went like a breeze.
At dinner, Amy and I chatted for a long while and I put forward the idea of how we could spend the perfect day together.
Tomorrow I hope to spend some time in my office – I love being there but feel somewhat disconnected from the house so I don’t usually stay out there late into the night.
We have some more students tomorrow but those lessons should be fun
Prudence – behaviour that is careful and avoids risks Courage – the ability to control your fear in a dangerous or difficult situation Justice – fairness in the way people are dealt with Temperance – control of your own behaviour
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to have enough money in my hand and enough time in my schedule to be able to buy myself a coffee.
From commonplace book
Dreaming is the ability to see something that doesn’t exist yet.
Mel Robbins (?)
To-do list
Call Hayden and congratulate him on doing some fundraising. ✅
It’s Monday. Classes will be tough. You are mentally prepared! ✅
You will deal with any emotional challenges calmly. Do not speak until later. ½
Run after work.
Prepare files for Jochen. ✅
It’s Monday and the classes were tough! But I was prepared for the feelings of frustration. I dealt with it as best as I could and felt pretty good about all the classes by the end of the day.
I managed to talk with Hayden after a missed call earlier in the day and we chatted for a good half an hour. He seems quite enthused with ideas at the moment and seems to be on a better path to planning his future. I did congratulate him on his fundraising activities. He’s not just thinking about himself during these times of crisis in Australia and has found a good way to apply himself in the circumstances.
No real emotional challenges came my way today but I did catch myself complaining a couple of times. It feels like a very fine line between stating some facts about events and complaining about them. At least I’m catching myself – now I just need to catch myself before saying anything.
I have a bit of a chest cough today and time ran out for us to go running too. I had the will but was still a little exhausted from driving so much yesterday.
So I took the time to prepare mp3s for Jochen, uploaded and emailed. I think the final results could be quite fun. It will be fun to put together anyway.
My self-control was fully tested in my classes today and, although I did well, I can still do better.
Tomorrow will be a test as we have a meeting about something that we haven’t really been told about and are apparently supposed to be prepared for. It is quite a normal situation these days so that is something that I am OK with.
I’m expecting that this thing is supposed to be on a weekend though and already prepared for a discussion about attendance as I have already warned them that I will not work on weekends under any circumstances.
This morning I am filled with a quiet happiness. Determined to get up early on a Sunday and to do something, whether it be a walk, a meditation, writing or studying, I rolled out of bed, fed the cats and opted to walk to my favourite local coffee shop, Utopia.
As I prepared food for the cats a light rain appeared. Unusual for this time of year but accurately predicted by our weather apps for once. Undeterred, I set out. The temperature still cool but the minimal exertion keeping me warmed I chose to listen to a reading of a Chekhov short story. The relative quiet around made for clear listening to the beautiful words of the story as I walked through small fields of wet grass and aspiring mud. Was I still in Thailand or transported to that Armenian village?
Before I knew it I had arrived at the shop but it was too early and as I waited on the porch I listened to a primer on Nietzsche and then an imagined conversation between Fred and Jane Austen where, despite their differences they arrived at a philosophical agreement and appreciation for each others works. Inspired by this I contemplated how everyone is different but we must be able to find some common ground.
The Nietzsche primer mentioned his text’s difficult reading but also highlighted his humour. Something which I had not been previously aware of. Friends have told me they preferred to read works about Nietzsche rather than his own. I will try this approach sometime. Sometime when I can add those books to my ever growing library.
The shop opened and I lazily drank through 3 coffees which produced a wonderful buzzing awareness of all the subtleties around me. Soon an acquaintance of Amy’s arrived, a Thai lady who runs her own English school. As this was our first meeting we talked about our shared experiences with teaching here in Chiang Rai.
Coffee and conversation
I lead the conversation for a while before realising it was time to let her speak and so I asked questions about her school and so the conversation flowed. I set myself a small challenge to try to talk to a stranger every day and thought to myself that I can cross this off today’s challenge list and it’s not even 10am.
Later though, as I was walking home, the rain a little heavier than before, I realised that I had failed in another of my personal challenges. Inspired by a Tim Ferriss article I read this week I have challenged myself to not complain about anything for 21 days. To remind myself about this challenge I have started wearing a bracelet, the purpose being that every time you complain you have to swap the bracelet to the other wrist. I have made this doubly difficult for myself by choosing a bracelet that is awkward to attach to oneself with one hand.
As the bracelet effect kicked in I thought back to the conversation in the coffee shop and asked myself if I had been complaining. Despite my mind’s protestations and justifications I sadly realised I had, indeed, been complaining. Perhaps only mildly but there is a fine line between stating the facts as they are and infusing a negative into the narrative.
In fact, the hardest part of this challenge is actually recognising that you are complaining. So long as it pushes to the forefront of my mind more and more it will help me become more aware of my own words and to try to understand how someone might feel whilst listening to me.
The walk home was still wonderous as I contemplated all this and listened to the description of beautiful Masha and the joy and sadness the narrator felt. This description was thought-provoking as I also was feeling so happy with life, despite the fact I was getting cold and wet in the rain. The walk crowned by the view of the feathery grass that spikes alongside our driveway, suddenly weighed down by the heavy drops of water, pointing towards the path home.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to be inquisitive. To want to constantly learn and understand myself. This morning I listened to a primer on Nietzsche which was interesting as an introduction because I don’t know enough about his philosophy. I then listened to an imagined conversation between Nietzsche and Jane Austen where there two apparent so different writers end up agreeing on many things. I walked to Utopia this morning too. A nice gentle walk and gave me chance to listen to these articles.
To-do list
Prepare Lazada order.
Upload TCRAH and record new ep.
Check more Wix options.
Read 3 chapters.
Next Thai video.
Install WP App and streamline Chrome windows.
WDS t-shirt options.
Dye hair.
Did it list
Uploaded TCRAH.
Read 3 chapters.
Walked to Utopia.
Talked with a stranger at Utopia.
Wrote blog post.
Stayed calm despite Amy being in a bad mood.
Missed a couple of days due to having George and Bee over on Friday and being lazy and hungover on Saturday. Did not do anything on my Saturday list so moved all to Sunday and still only managed half of them, though the day is not over yet.
On Friday I kept my challenge of playing with the kids so that I would get some exercise. However, after a while, they asked me to calm down. I was a bit rough and too competitive. I felt slightly aggrieved at that moment but did calm down some. When I thought about it afterwards I realised they were right. It probably wasn’t as much fun for them as it should have been. I need to learn about the consequences of my actions – even the small ones.
I am so happy and grateful to Mim, Fong, and Cake. They make me my coffee every day when I’m at school.
5th May 2021 – The coffee shop (Wynn) didn’t even have great coffee. Teachers were not allowed to leave school during work hours but this shop is just the other side of the road outside school. It would take 5 minutes to walk there, buy a coffee and walk back which I would do two or three times a day. At the end of the contract, they cited this as the main reason that I wouldn’t be rehired. Needless to say, they had a high turnover of foreign teachers. There’s a real tug-of-war between Thai administrations and foreign teachers. To me, the Thai request for foreign teachers to assimilate to the Thai way seems to indicate that theirs is the best way, but even I, as a non-professional teacher, could see that it wasn’t the best way, and having come from another country (to use as a comparison) and wanting to do the best job possible for the students – it seems inevitable that not many foreign teachers are happy under this system – unless they just take the easy way out. Why don’t I take the easy way out? It’s just not in me. I take the path of most resistance. It seems like the system of education here is purposely designed to keep people stupid. Achievements from Thai institutions are meaningless overseas because they know the situation here. Anyway, talking to the three girls in the coffee shop – even just inane chatter – became my 5 minutes of daily bliss while working at this particular government school.
To-do list
Study Thai/Drops.
Compliment people.
Prepare for your mad Monday.
Play with the kids at lunchtime.
Did it list
Studied Thai/Drops.
Managed to stay calm all day.
Calmly changed plans after breaking a tooth and having to go to the dentist.
Hugged the kids after punishing them.
After a late night last night and an early start this morning, today has been a bit of a zombie-like feeling. Instead of feeling tired and grumpy though I felt calm and collected. I knew that eventually I would get home and be able to relax and here I am in bed now at 8 pm. I will read a little but sure to fall asleep soon.
1994ever 