Tag: Cognitive Behaviour Therapy

No Knowing – 9th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

*I only blinked my eye
Suddenly then I knew
I would sooner die
Than doing all I wanted to do

Still practising my growing
With every single breath
Now there’s no knowing
The time to face my death

What I want to say to you
Has many times been said
Do everything you want to do
Before you end up dead

*appropriated from this blog post at Spinning Visions

Today I’m feeling:

So tired this morning as I didn’t sleep well. Being back together in the cool aircon of our bedroom proper was nice and saw us off to sleep nicely with Cap joining us but, Cap being Cap, he wanted to go in and out a couple of times during the night which meant me opening and closing the door for him. The last time it was almost light so I left the door ajar for him but Tigger also came in and Amy woke up to find him peeing on her bed. First day back and already these cats treat our fresh-smelling beds as their toilets. 

Of course, I got into trouble (with Amy) for leaving the door open. I delayed my alarm to allow an extra 15 minutes of tossing and turning and I would dearly love to be back in bed sleeping more right now.

Today I’m grateful for:

The cafe next door to school changed its policy for every tenth coffee free, getting rid of it completely. I cried that I only had two more to go and then said, how about today for free? To which they agreed and I went away happy. As usual, the taste of their coffee is awful but it has a hell of a caffeine hit.

The best thing about today was:

Finding out that there is some event tomorrow morning and it’s optional whether to teach or not. I will definitely not teach the first class and not sure about the second one yet. I’ll see how I and they feel tomorrow morning.

I ended up chatting to one of the students who said they thought that they would have to do some tasks which will take all morning so, what the hell? I doubt if it will take that long but I know they would prefer whatever it is they will be doing over sitting in a classroom anyway.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Many things out of my control today but I’m getting better at just going with it and not getting stressed about things. I can definitely feel that this has changed for me over the last couple of years.

Something I learned today?

I did 5 minutes research into overcoming sensitivity after being bullied and read that CBT is a suggested therapy to help. I will offer some advice and information to the student whom I talked with yesterday evening.

I took no pictures because my brain couldn’t expand enough into the spaces to find something interesting to take a picture of despite interesting things occurring around me. Now is the struggle to find interest in the minutiae, in the minor, in the greys and browns.

You’d like to write a book but you’re not sure how to begin – 23rd February 2002

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Something is wrong
Just so easy for me to get distressed – just some little thing
I hate it! Why?
Because I didn’t get enough sleep or enough to eat?
So I resort to drink – when I know it only makes it worse!
It’s just nothing but it changes the whole day.

I love my boy
But I can’t do enough. I really really don’t want him to end up like this part of me!
I know there is good inside me – how can I give this to him?

I’m drunk I’m gone – it’s just a waste of breath.

25th Feb 2022 – When I look back at this today I can see that I was obviously dejected and glum about my life as it was but it’s noticeable that I’m very aware of it. It was just that I didn’t have the tools to make the positive changes that I needed. It would be at some point in the next year or two that I sought out professional help again.

I was living just a short walk from Macquarie University and occasionally would go and check out the library to find interesting things to read. At some point, I also enrolled in Chinese Language 101 so was around the campus even more often. It was then I discovered that there was a Psychiatry Department and as part of final year student training was 60 hours of real-life consulting. The students got real-life experience and best of all, for patients, was heavily discounted rates. At the time I think it was $20 per hour, where the usual rate could be between $80 and $150 per hour. There was a limit of ten sessions but this was too good an opportunity for me to get some help.

Image is an AI interpretation of the first three lines of text – made at NightCafe