Tag: communication

Already Dead – 4th June 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 6 Comments

Slowly sipping on iced lemon teas
Savouring the freshness of the breeze
– Who will prepare the food to bring?
– Who will push and pull the swing?

Feet put up and nestled with a read
Imagining there’s nothing else to need
– Who will make sure the dog is fed?
– Who is gonna bake the daily bread?

When the body is settled in for rest
And doing nothing then becomes a test
– Who will ensure the grass is mown?
– And cut the trees that are overgrown?

Dreaming of more of these lazy days
Wondering what the bee to the flower says
– Who’s gonna counter the middle-aged spread?
– The time to sleep is when you’re dead

Submitted to No Theme Thursday picture prompt. The title borrowed from Crass.

Today I’m feeling:

Tired, dizzy and upset.  I slept very badly, waking at 4 am thinking about Amy and how I haven’t been supportive enough of her.

I was remembering that I had written that when Amy returned from Australia it would be good for her to get some business going and every time we have talked about it it has just felt impossible, in that it feels like it would be too much work for too little return.

Along with the many events since she got back, Grandmum passing, her brother’s wedding (and various issues that that has raised) and friends visiting, it hasn’t really but been easy for her to focus on starting a business too.

But now I feel that this may be able to focus her attention away from sitting around at home and brewing and stewing about things going on.

I started to wonder if one of the reasons that I am generally happier is because I am busy all the time.  I don’t have time to think about the little annoying things that bother me.  Maybe Amy needs that distraction.

I wanted to talk to her this morning about this but she is very grumpy and short with me.  When I asked what was wrong she just said that it was her problem and no one else could help her.  She said it’s nothing about me, that I do everything right, I’m a good husband and she needs to be by herself.

Of course, that could mean anything.  Will she leave again?  Will she leave for good?

I’m really upset about all this but still have to keep my head for work at school.  I’d rather be sleeping and not having to think about all this.  Wild scenarios are playing out in my head and none of them are particularly good.

Today I’m grateful for:

My umbrella.  For my last class (grade 10s) I gave a brief overview of two pieces of work that I wanted them to do, whilst at the same time we would go to the gym to watch one of the students playing volleyball.  Just as we arrived there though the game finished.

I sent the work to our chat group and most of them started doing it whilst a few seemingly slipped away (but I will catch them!).  As they started working though, a huge storm came and flooded the school and also trapped us in the gym on the other side of the football pitch.  We were stuck there for about an hour and I helped everyone who was having difficulty (and I’m chasing those who got away now this evening).

Having planned ahead and bringing my umbrella I made my way back across the field and into the flood! Some kids were trying their best to stay dry whilst others took advantage of the slippery playground and dived headlong across the basketball court.

The best thing about today was:

A poem that I wrote today.  Somewhat inspired by events as written here, it was a challenge to write using lots of metaphors and I feel like I did it well.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Not being in the best of moods I struggled with my first class (grade 8s) this morning as they were unfocussed and doing their very best to wind me up.  I ended up choosing a group of about ten boys, some of who were messing around and I asked them to leave.  Things were a bit easier after that though still a struggle.

I sent a message to their homeroom teacher and deducted 5 points from everyone for their disrespect and then tried to forget about it.

Looking back at old entries here I can see that I have said before that it seems that each year’s students seem to be less and less able (generally speaking) and so it seems this year.  I am teaching out of a book that I used with grade 7s a couple of years ago and many of these grade 8s just look at me bewildered!

I had texted a message to Amy earlier with what I wrote above in the What I’m Feeling section and when I got home she was very upset at what she perceived as an attack on her.  Whilst that was not my intention at all I listened as she finally started to open up and get things off her chest.

(Reading back what I wrote I don’t really see an attack on her (of course we all perceive things differently) and I was really just thinking out loud because there was no communication at all last night)

As she was talking I thought perhaps I have misunderstood some things – particularly when it comes to her happiness.  She tells me that she is happy with things at home, with us but not with the things that she can’t control such as the family issue and dealing with the bullshit builder.

I said that I thought that she was unhappy because of all these things and always talking about returning to Australia.  So perhaps I misread some of this and so she took affront at me trying to find ways to keep her busy.

She is a very good homemaker, a great cook and takes care of most everything around the house and I certainly appreciate that about her.  I do not want her to leave me here again for a long period of time if it’s possible.  Yes, we can both survive by ourselves but I was only happy doing that knowing that we were still together, talking every day and supporting each other.

Amy says that I am very involved with my work and students and perhaps that is something that I need to pull back from somewhat. I know that whilst Amy was away I put all my love into little Kim Chi and all my heart into my work.  Now that she’s here again I need to shift my focus back to her.

We are both still upset and ruminating but at least some talking has happened and we both understand each other a little better.

Something I learned today?

I was chatting with Lin and though she was frustrated that she couldn’t say everything that she wanted in English she did very well. I suggested that next year she change to the English Program but then she told me that her parents want her to be a doctor.

I asked her what she wanted to be and she semi-seriously said a K-pop idol.  I asked if she could sing and she sang me a little song. I then asked her about dancing and she said she could but she was too shy to demonstrate.

When I suggested that being shy won’t help her to be an idol she changed her mind to be a gangster’s wife!

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I chide myself for my selfishness and lack of understanding of the person closest to me in my life.

I chide myself for a lack of imagination and taking things for granted when it comes to taking care of our relationship.

This Poet Saves Lives – 23rd February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 25 Comments

This poem saves lives
Drawing down the heavens
When without inspiration
All at sixes and sevens

This painting saves lives
Painted with blood and muck
When without inspiration
And the world seems to suck

This song saves lives
Proffered just as it was
Inspired by the chorus
And sung loud just because

These words save lives
In these perilous times
And inspiration found
Reading between the lines

Inspired (unironically) by The Red Hand Files #274 – check it out for some wise words from old man Nick Cave.

Submitted to Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge INSPIRATION
13th Sep 2024 – Shared with Poets and Storytellers United – speak up or stay silent
3rd Nov 2024 – Shared with Ragtag Daily Prompt – chorus

Today I’m feeling:

Under the weather again.  Last night I could feel a slight tickle and ache in my throat as I was about to sleep.  

I slept well though not enough and my alarm woke me up with a start to which I succumbed to another 30 minutes of snoozing, skipping exercise.  When I got up I could feel the oncoming sore throat, confirmed by blood in my nose.  

My mood was down a little too but it’s Friday so let’s go and get it done.

Today I’m grateful for:

Discovering that there is a holiday on Monday.  Yippee!

The best thing about today was:

A chilled vibe at school (see below) and spending about five hours at House, reading, lesson planning, blogging and writing.  What a job!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

At the morning flag ceremony, I noticed that my grade 7 classes were less than half in attendance and discovered that they were attending some meeting about a field trip. OK….

When it came to class time there were only about ten students and they told me the rest were still in the meeting.

I went to find Kru Karn, their homeroom teacher who didn’t know anything about where they were.  I mentioned a field trip and she said ‘oh yes, there’s about 6 students going.’  I asked when it was and she thought that it was in the holiday.  ‘Hmm’, I said, ‘that’s weird because there are more than 6 students missing from the class?’

She came to my class and talked with one of the students and was surprised to find out herself that many of the student’s parents skipped the process of advising her about their children going on the trip and, more importantly, the trip starts on Monday and is for one week!

The communication here is so crazy – no one knows what’s going on.

I said ‘Well, I guess that’s it for teaching these kids this semester.’  Kru Karn agreed and advised to start doing their grading files.  And it leaves me with another day with no classes again already.

Something I learned today?

As I was wandering around Baipad’s class this morning, because my class was cancelled and Kru Ren wasn’t there, I learned that a couple of students are taking money from the lazy ones to complete their coursework for them.

It’s enterprising of the hard-working kids to make some spare cash but disappointing from a teacher’s perspective.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I offered Baipad to help her on Monday with all her catchup work.  Let’s see if she gets it together to actually wake up and do it.

I helped various students in their different classes today as my own classes being mostly free time for everyone.

Kru Fluke dropped in to visit.  I gave her a big smile and a hug, happy to see her again.

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO –  20. Enjoy Small Things. I like clichés because they are true.

Over the last three or four years of self-improvement I’ve followed the Noticing Things blog (I forget the proper name), thought about gratitude every day (with a couple of exceptions) and been writing, journalling, blogging etc.  All of these combined have led me to enjoy the small things.

Partly due to this, I’m not often in the vicinity of big things and things that I once thought of as big seem comparatively small these days too (the circumstance of ageing).

One thing that I was doing more of last year or the year before was savouring moments.  I don’t often stop to remind myself to savour something now.  I should practice that again.

I took this picture last weekend when I was getting my haircut. HoiTod makes me miss little Kim so much, almost one year now since she’s gone. Sniffle.

Walking To Happiness – 21st February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 10 Comments

Let’s roll the rock, let’s roll it up
The mountain doesn’t exist
When the rock, it rolls on down
In its nature not to resist

And what’s your nature? ask yourself
You are the rock, you are the mountain
Walk right on up to the top
To drink from the happy fountain

Submitted to WDYS 226

Today I’m feeling:

Good for taking an extra 30 minutes snooze this morning.  I could have pushed through and got up and exercised but subconsciously I knew that I slept late last night because I wasn’t feeling tired and I was telling myself that I should rest more.

Today I’m grateful for:

Nong Na bringing us a small gift today.  We invited her over again to make another contact if we need a cat sitter in the future.  We’ve never needed to ask her but I think she would be happy enough to do it and she seems quite reasonable and responsible.

The best thing about today was:

I taught my grade 10s the Sexual Abuse lesson that I had used a couple of years ago.  I had to adapt it a little and put in a lot of translation so that they could fully grasp all the concepts.  They seemed to follow it well enough, especially the video of the Thai girl speaking out about being abused by a teacher.

They particularly perked up when we came to talk about words about sex, though they started off shyly until I asked them what about all the bad words that you are not supposed to say?  Once they got the green light on that, they were off and running.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Late this afternoon I found out that there is an art event again tomorrow morning.  I asked a few of my students but they didn’t know anything about it.  As usual, communication sucks but I thought that perhaps I can use it to my advantage.

I came home and forgot about it though until one student contacted me, having obviously heard about the event from somewhere, asking if they could go to the event instead of class.  Well, doesn’t that sound like a grand idea?  But I kept them hanging and just replied ‘Maybe….’

Actually, if I had known something about it I could have prepared some tasks to at least incorporate the event into a lesson somehow.  As it is, the kids will probably wander around the event for a few minutes and then go back to the classroom and play on their phones for the rest of the two hours.  And so will I, except I will go off for coffee instead.

Something I learned today?

Hippos can’t swim but they can sleep underwater.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

The kids are mostly in a pretty good mood with the end of the semester approaching and I was being pulled in many directions to join and chat with different groups at different times during the day.

Before leaving to come home I usually walk around the park to see which students are hanging out there and I’ll chat briefly with the ones I know and sometimes ones I don’t know will start a conversation too.

This afternoon, Kaowfang, Miyor and Husna were walking by and Kaowfang, as always, was talking about the latest boy that she likes.  Then she spotted the boy that Miyor likes and I feigned to bring him over and Miyor pulled me back.

We walked off in different directions but crossed paths again a few minutes later and Miyor went off to sit down whilst Kaowfang and Husna started telling me that Miyor was angry and upset with them.  I thought maybe because we were teasing her about the boy that she likes.

I didn’t have time to get involved further in their coming-of-age quarrels but was messaged later that they were having a real problem with Miyor and they didn’t know how to deal with it.  They said she was vain, self-centred and selfish!  Wow! I didn’t see that coming.  Miyor is a pretty quiet girl in class and I never heard any bad talk either from or about her.

I asked Kaowfang if she had talked directly to Miyor about it but she said that she would just get angry and not listen anyway.

I suggested that perhaps Miyor is upset because she just doesn’t like people talking about her, either good or bad and that maybe whilst we were playing and joking about the boy she actually felt quite serious about it.  I also said that, really, it’s none of our business who she likes or doesn’t like so perhaps we can not talk about this with her next time.

Kaowfang thanked me for the suggestion.  Let’s see what happens.  Here I am still traversing the perils of teenage relationships.

What does love mean to me?

I find love a little difficult to define though I know it is what I feel for certain people and about certain things.  Love changes throughout our lives so its definition changes.

The love I have for Amy doesn’t feel the same as the love I had for my first girlfriend (which I might hesitate to even call love now).  It is also different to the love I have for my mum or my students or my home.

So what does it mean?  Warmth, acceptance, understanding, kindness, growth.

For me, love also means fidelity.  I think that if you cheat on your partner then you have stopped loving them.  I say that without judgement as I have cheated before.  When that happened I knew that I was no longer in love.

Now, having learned that I understand that it is better to break up with someone if you no longer love them, before sharing your love somewhere else.  Either way is heartbreak but one is more morally acceptable for me.

I took this picture because Nong Na came and updated us on her first year at university so far.

Walking In Darkness – 26th January 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Without the light, it’s easy to submit
Wild and brave men no longer thrive
Those empty spaces are full of it
Desperate hands grasping to survive

These men bleed, kept in silence
There’s no longer a world to save
Tired of all the endless violence
In darkness rot the men so brave

Inspired by this post at John Coyote’s blog
17th Dec 2024 – Shared with Ragtag Daily Prompt – darkness

Today I’m feeling:

A bit more awake this morning after struggling to get up.  I really wanted to sleep more.  I noticed that my stomach has lost a little more excess flab so I’m happy about that.  Keep going.

Today I’m grateful for:

The receptionist at the dental clinic who happily changed my dental appointment from next week to mid-February because, and I told her this, I don’t have any money to pay until I paid again.  We both talked in a mixture of English and Thai and could understand each other clearly and I wai’d her my thanks as I left.

The best thing about today was:

…well, it seems strange to call this the best thing but it is certainly something that stands out. 

For my last grade 7 class of the day, I asked the kids to log in to the Quiz on their phones.  Aomsin, who was sitting right in front of me in the front row, said she couldn’t because she had no battery.  I explained to her in English that I told the class many times that for my class they must always have enough battery and good internet access. 

Aomsin’s English is not that good yet though and whilst she could tell that I was being serious she clearly did not understand the details.  This was Friday afternoon, the last hours of the day and I was feeling laid back and playful.  The other kids could sense that.  I told her that I take away 5 points in the system if they are not prepared. I was smiling and had no intention to do that but wanted her to know that she should always be prepared.

Anyway, I translated into Thai for her so she could understand and she nodded and looked down at her phone.  Gunn, sitting next to her, looked at me, looked at her and then looked at me again.  Aomsin then started talking in Thai, sounding like complaining-explaining and looked back up to me, with a slightly pleading face and then I saw a tear fall down each of her cheeks. 

I couldn’t believe it.  I wiped away each tear and said ‘Hey, come on, it’s not that serious.’ Again, she didn’t quite get it.  I comforted her and told her in Thai that I was only playing with her. 

Gunn cracked up laughing at her but I wanted her to feel better.  Then she started really balling her eyes out but also laughing at the same time.  Laughing and crying at herself and her friends.  It was like she really wanted to feel an emotion deeply but also realised how absurd it was.  She was smiling and laughing but couldn’t stop herself from crying. 

Other kids started paying attention and couldn’t understand why everyone looked happy and smiling but Aomsin was crying.  Gunn quickly offered a solution with his charger (why didn’t she just ask him to borrow it in the first place!) and even that couldn’t settle her down.  Gunn talked some more to her and I went and attended a couple of other students before coming back after a few minutes. 

She had settled herself by this time but when I asked her to do the quiz she said she couldn’t yet.  I got down on my knees and wai’d her my apologies many times over and both she and Gunn cracked up laughing again.

I guess it’s a good lesson for me that not everyone gets the vibe or feeling of the class and whilst I can be quite strict about what I want I’m not so often angry about anything. I can sense Aomsin is sensitive, not just in my class but in general and I should be aware of that and make sure that she understands when something is playful or serious.  I could be wrong but I don’t think she was really upset with what happened and maybe there were other things going on for her and she was having a bad day and this just tipped her over the edge.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

After picking up my coffee and making sure to be back in school for first class I was wondering why the building was so quiet.  No kids!  What’s going on? You can read more below.  How did I handle it?  By taking the free time opportunity to write here.

Something I learned today?

This morning my first class was delayed as there was something going on.  As I was in the classroom ready to teach I decided to go and find out what it was all about.  It was about the upcoming election for a student to the school board. 

I walked around and ended up talking with Jet and asked her who she would vote for and why.  I then asked if she would want to run for election when she was in grade 11 and she said ‘Why would I want to do that!?’ 

Ok, I said, who do you think in your class would be suitable and she thought Anchan.  She said Anchan is a little older than the rest of the class and can control them quite well.  I wasn’t too surprised at this as I could see last year that she had some leadership qualities if she chose to go in that direction.  It was interesting to hear this from another student though.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I sent Anchan a positive message based on what Jet had said above, to show my support and pride in her.  I told her to keep going. (Just as I told myself this morning – keep going!)

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO – 6. Keep a Journal. No, keeping a journal is not for children. It helps you to become a better thinker and writer. “I don’t want to be a writer” you might think. Well, how many emails and texts do you send a day? Everybody is a writer.

Journaling has only become a habit since moving to Thailand and somewhat inspired by starting 1994ever to document my year in 1994.  Because I have ended up with fewer external things to do I have had more time to develop this habit and it doesn’t feel like a chore like when I was a teenager trying to keep up a diary.  As the idea states you become a better thinker and that is what I want to be.  Yesterday’s idea was about strengthening the body through exercise, today is about strengthening the brain through journaling.

I took this picture because we had to cut our three big trees down as the roots would fuck up the buildings. It looks so strange and we’re a little sad because they were big healthy trees that gave a lot of shade.

Two Whispers – 23rd January 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 4 Comments

Where the light turned to dust
Silence remains
When two became none

Where the light became air
Extinguished flames
Await the rising sun

Where the light turns to the sky
Who prays
And in their solitude sit?

Where the light falls west
Who stays
To watch the candles lit?

Submitted to #WDYS

Today I’m feeling:

Good and positive again. I can feel that I have a better attitude and more energy in the days that I exercise in the morning and that I should also force myself to do this on weekends and holidays as I often just fall into laziness then.

Today I’m grateful for:

The little female (age indefinable) petrol pump assistant who double-checked what I wanted and then, after filling the car,  gave me two bottles of water. She tried to explain about the water but I didn’t understand. I just assumed that they were free!

The best thing about today was:

Taking time with a couple of my troublesome students this afternoon and helping them get a better idea of a grammar point. I felt relief and joy when they started getting the answers right by themselves. I even managed to get a smile out of one of them.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My first class today with grade 8s was a little wearisome. Some days it feels like they just insist on not learning. I stayed relatively calm but inside I feel a little tired and deflated from it.

Something I learned today?

The single most expensive item for the British in the American Civil War was rum.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

We went to the temple again for some follow-up Buddhist things for Grandmum. I did as was directed though wasn’t sure about any of what was happening. In the end, we served monks food and everyone (except me) at lunch too.

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO
3. Spend Time with People You Love. That’s your family and best friends. If you don’t have a family, create one. Most people in life are only visitors. Family is for life.

My tribe is my family these days. I’m not particularly close to anyone except for Amy and I’m fine with that. If I ever need to make new relationships they will come naturally from within my tribe. 

The internet definitely has made things easier to stay in contact with my tribe, who are scattered all around the world.

Whilst the ease of communication keeps us together, our tribe survives apart.

Looking Up – 24th December 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The little girl stares at my dress
Telling me about my pretty hair
Wide-eyed at the new world
The little girl is just me, sitting there

She holds my heart in her hands
As we both are looking up above
Wondering what all the futures hold
For the mystical creatures we will love

Today I’m feeling:

Exhausted still and a little uninspired.  Bruno and Nut will come for a Christmas dinner later, hopefully I perk up a little before that.  I’ve not been sleeping that well due to sore shoulders, maybe from lying down too much!

Today I’m grateful for:

All the work Amy did throughout the day to prepare a great meal for dinner this evening.

The best thing about today was:

Finding Tigger curled up in a plant pot, which still had soil in it.  He was grumpy because yesterday I shampooed his head again and this morning I sprayed on some medicine to help clean up his wounds.  He almost always takes himself off to get himself dirty again after I try to clean him up.

At the same time, Cap had somehow managed to open the door to the spare room and was curled up happily on the bed.  Hopefully he hasn’t peed on it.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy got upset at me in front of Bruno and Nut when I said I didn’t want any mussels yet as I was filling up on everything else.  She took it as an affront to her cooking skills but that was not my intention. 

There was nothing much I could do except sit there and take her sour words towards me which miffed me a bit as I was enjoying everything otherwise.  I feel like she chose to take my words the wrong way and make something out of nothing.  That’s not something I can control. 

Eventually she lightened up again but still threw barbs every now and then.  I’ll not get bothered by it as it happens occasionally and usually when Amy is drinking happily and suddenly something I say or do sets it off.  I can’t predict it at all. 

Since I don’t drink much anymore it’s just something I need to try and be more aware of in the future.  My default is to be silent but that is not really a good ongoing strategy for communication between us.

Something I learned today?

New clothes are being developed that can regulate temperatures powered by flexible solar panels built into the fabric.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I bought some cheap drawing pads for Baipad today but rather than just giving them to her, contacted her friends Jan and Apple, and will give them the books, asking to add a Christmas message and once they’ve done that, to gift them to Baipad.

I helped Amy in the garden when requested and kept out of her way in the kitchen whilst she prepared food for our meal this evening.

I took this picture to try and capture the bubbles in this champagne glass, viewed from above.

Terrible Kissers – 21st November 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

I’m saying goodbye to all the terrible kissers
Crazy roommates and sideways pissers
No more mental breakdowns for me
I’m handing the landlord back the key

Moving on from fast food dates
Working minimum wage cleaning plates
I’m tired of all the dreams I’ve dreamt
That I never had time to attempt

But finally, the time has come for me
To make the trip towards a different sea
The school of life has me graduating
Beyond the realms of just contemplating

The terrible kissers will be a reminder
To treat myself and others kinder
Four winters and summers now past
The time is right to move on at last

inspired by this post at Spinning Visions
10th Oct 2024 – Shared with Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge – Leaves

Today I’m feeling:

Ok but still coughing a little. When I got to school I found that one of my classes has 15 students off sick today! Amy is coughing and has a sore throat now too.

Today I’m grateful for:

My student Lydia for expressing her appreciation for my class today which was about vowel sounds.

I was also grateful to Tulip, who I moved from the back of the class to the front, which she was extremely unhappy about but then excelled in her interactions and was full of smiles.

I messaged her later to see how she felt about it and she gave positive feedback. I hope it encourages her for the future.

The best thing about today was:

 A steady diet of happiness, many happy positive moments without one standing out.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I turned up to an empty classroom for my first class of the day, only then finding out that they had to go off to some meeting for the morning.

It would be nice if the kids learned about planning and communication so that when they become adults they can plan and inform people like me that get frustrated about its lack!

Nevermind. Five hours before my next class. Let’s drink coffee!

Something I learned today?

I read it on the internet so cannot claim it is true but this text said that supermarket apples can be up to one year old. After picking they are covered in wax, hot air-dried and placed in cold storage.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I sent supportive messages to Tulip, Khawhom, BB and Namfon after our class today.

I encouraged my grade 10 students when they sulked after I gave them a more difficult option and then proceeded to do very well anyway, so I gave them positive feedback.

I helped supply a couple of forgetful students with pens this morning.

I helped Amy without complaint immediately after getting home. She had been sweeping up leaves and wanted me to finish off and throw them over the fence.

What deserves my energy and focus right now?

Now I’ve settled on Thaipod101 for my Thai studies and will stop with the other apps for now. I have a two-year subscription and must focus on pushing forward with it. I have the routine and habit in place and the belief that I can do it. So, this is not just ‘right now’ but it does start ‘right now’ and ‘right now’ every day!

I took this picture because I was thinking I should try to identify this dead snake that Amy found near our terrace. It was hard to say why it was dead. There were no obvious wounds except a little blood around its mouth. 

Iceberg – 10th May 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Under the waterline
Is where dignity remains
Invisible to others
The pleasure and the pains

Behind the smile
Is where the psyche trains
Inside the mind
Words to the self explains

Not all thunder
Brings along the rains
Under the waterline
Are made the unseen gains

Today I’m feeling:

Slept well last night and feel ok today though not particularly motivated. I’m hoping that will return next week when the kids are back at school.

Today I’m grateful for:

7-11 food. Although I’m a little negative about 7-11 because there are way too many stores nearby I’m glad that they at least give me an alternative for a quick microwave meal that can stave off my hunger.

The best thing about today was:

Dropping by to see Bruno and Nut and being offered lunch. It was good to catch up with them though they were hungover from a long day of drinking yesterday. They were feeling a bit slow and I didn’t really have much to update them with so I didn’t stay for too long. It made me realise that I’m not used to communicating after five weeks being mostly at home by myself. I know my mood will lift once I see my students again.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

On Telegram today I got a notification that my old colleague at the cafe in Woolworths, Joy had just joined so I sent a message saying hello. I got a reply but it seems like it’s not her and I got an angry message asking if I was a scammer. It got me thinking that we have years and years of old contact numbers kept in our phones and computers that many people will have gotten new numbers and then after a few years those old numbers get recycled. What feels like a strange world that we live in will just feel normal to the younger generations and then one day they will get to feel like this too.

Something I learned today 

I started with the Thai app again mainly just to busy my brain. I also want to try and do a little more meditation again so registered again with Smiling Mind.

What is something I wish I had known when I was younger?

Everything, obviously. There’s no point wishing for something that can’t happen. 

This is my cartoon face. Or more precisely, a younger me’s cartoon face. I’ll do a current one soon.

Lead By Example – 17th February 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Oh, won’t you show me the way?
As Peter Frampton used to say
If you want the world in your image
You’ll want everyone to play

If your example is to cheat and steal
This may not really appeal
If you can’t change and adapt
Perhaps your intentions are not real

If your example is subjugation
To control every other nation
Don’t be surprised when you fail
It’s a simple explanation

Do as you would have done
This is not a war for anyone
Compromise and coordination
Is how hearts and minds are won

23rd Sep 2024 – Submitted to Word of the Day Challenge – example

Today I’m feeling:

Contemplative and calm today.

Today I’m grateful for:

Finding a stash of whiteboard markers in the teacher’s room as both of mine ran out yesterday. I was hoping to squeeze the last drop out of them until the end of the semester as new ones are usually hard to come by at this time of year. I was surprised to come across a pencil case with at least four new markers in. I was kind enough to leave two!

The best thing about today was:

With letting the M2 kids have free time today to allow those that wanted to go to Big’s funeral I enjoyed sitting with them and watching them entertain themselves with games, drawing and dancing. I was happy to let them divert their thoughts though many of Big’s class were still subdued.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

There had been mention of some kind of conference this weekend that teachers would attend though both David and I had only heard it second-hand from other Thai teachers.

As usual, communication here is shithouse and I was quite prepared to just ignore it and claim ignorance. However, as we’ve had lots of free time with sports week and scout week I made a last-minute attempt to get information by sending a message to our department head, Kru Nu. She replied but only gave the location, nothing about times or agenda. Oh well, it’s better than nothing I guess.

The Chinese whisper is that registration is from 8am to start at 9am so I reckon I’ll get there close to nine and grab coffee at House on the way.

It’s annoying that one of the cats has sprayed on my bed right near the pillow and I was hoping to be able to wash the sheets this weekend. David also told me he had to cancel plans too. As we always say, this is Thailand.

Something I learned today?

I saw a crazy video of a train line in the US that is in the same state as the recent accident there (Ohio) and holy shit I couldn’t believe that a train could even travel on it. The lines zigged and zagged and dipped and rose and looked well in need of repair.

Later I read that there have been four derailments in the last two weeks, at least one of which also contained hazardous material. Along with a video of an overturned road tanker spewing toxic gases into the air, it’s what you’d expect in a third-world country.

What details am I noticing right now?

The powerful thudding bass from either Yerm or more likely some villager’s PA where they may be singing karaoke or Thai luk krung songs. I can only hear the thuds.

I’m sleepy and may even skip my shower.
I can still smell the fabric softener in my Government Issue t-shirt despite having been wearing it for a week (though only usually ten minutes a day).

I can also smell the candle burning in the bedroom to counter the smell of cat spray on my bed.

I can hear the whir of the fan in my computer and in the power supplies for the camera system.

I can feel the crick in my neck from lying down while writing this. Also the ache in my wrists.

I’m also noticing the phone battery is about to run out.

Good night Jim Bob.

From the vaults, I took this picture last month on my bike ride. Just looking at it again now makes me want to go again!

To The Wolves – 9th December 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The wolves are gathering
Circling their prey
Armed with razor claws
Wet teeth on display
Surrounded by enemies
Fallen down ill
Fears turned to acceptance
Of the coming kill
Hot breath drinks blood
Flesh torn and ripped
Life flows away
Once so tightly gripped
Now the hunger sated
Left in the soft snow
The body reconciles
The way we all go

The future of the human race will likely depend on our ability to transcend this tribalism and to see our fate as interconnected with everyone else’s.

Robert Greene

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and relaxed
Today I’m grateful for:
The confusion caused with communication in our school as there was a meeting in the afternoon that meant we didn’t have classes. It was not clear if we were supposed to attend this meeting, along with all the students and there was enough confusing information that it meant I could sneak away, come home and have a nice afternoon nap! I can see my attitude to miscommunication is positive when the outcome works in my favour like this and luckily in this part of the school everything generally works out like this. This was not the case in our other schools.
The best thing about today was:
Listening to the Pitchblende album at high volume after Amy went out for the night and I ate a weed gummy. I always liked Pitchblende and their music is not easy to latch on to. Last night took it to the next level. If I hadn’t been getting sleepy I would’ve listened to the whole album again. As it was I hopped into bed and fell asleep listening to the jazzcore podcast which was also terrific.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
As I was driving dad’s van back from our Mae Chan dinner, all the u-turns were closed off by police, which happens when a member of the royal family comes to visit Doi Tung and they want the motorcade to be able to smoothly pass on through. This meant we couldn’t make our exit for the last 200 metres home and we were instructed to pull over to the left and turn our lights off and wait for it to pass. Amy was a little frustrated and said “fucking stupid” and her dad was annoyed at where I pulled over and wanted to move 5 metres forward but everyone told him it doesn’t matter though by this time he’d jumped out of the car indicating he was going to drive now. He got back in the passenger seat and I was just bemused by everything. Amy’s dad has some weird reactions sometimes and I don’t get it at all. I can’t see any connection between the way Thai kids react and the way he does. It’s like an alien mindset to me that I just can’t understand. It seems to be cultural but most reactions I can see some sense in but sometimes his are just bizarre. I’m curious about how his thinking works! Anyway, I agree with Amy that it’s fucking stupid to inconvenience so many people like this (hundreds and hundreds of police have to stand around for up to six hours preparing for this)but there doesn’t need to be a reaction to it. In the end, we only had to wait a few minutes and I calmly sat and waited until we could go again and we were home without too much delay.
Something I learned today?
I’m writing this on Saturday morning and recalling events of yesterday and I know there are many small things I learned in passing, by reading, talking and interacting but nothing is stepping forward to announce itself right now. It’s one of those days of learning whilst not knowing you’re learning. Accumulating knowledge, stored in the brain bank and used subconsciously. Today I will try to be more conscious.
In what ways are you good at your job?
I’m good at my job in that I can make the students feel like they are having fun whilst learning a little. I come up with ideas for classes and I try to gauge my student’s feelings and abilities and help them when I can. I’m flexible, patient and understanding. Really these are not specific skills for my job of being a teacher but more for life. Life is my real job. Am I good at that? I’m still a student in that regard and hope to always be.

I took this picture because Cap was super chilled and sunk into the sofa, lost in his fur. No new pictures today so this is a default fallback cat pic!