Tag: Coursera

Defenders of the world we make believe in – 5th February 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

This morning’s breakfast was interrupted by a special cat delivery of a small baby bird. Once extracted from her mouth the bird attempted to fly away but couldn’t get too far. Some missing feathers, some blood and maybe a broken wing. Better the delivery was already dead. Now we will guiltily try to nurse this baby back to health or comfort it to its demise.

When bleeding lizards and frogs are delivered we simply throw them back in the long grass. What makes us more sympathetic towards some animals over others? In the same way, meat eaters think it’s disgusting to eat cats and dogs. Why I can justify eating fish to myself?

On returning home in the afternoon, the baby bird had indeed demised. The killer (pictured above in gentler days) strutted around oblivious to Amy’s admonishments and sadness. It was dinner time. “Feed me!”

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be able to see the sunrise over the hills. This morning I videoed it for a couple of minutes. It was beautiful.

To-do list

  • Always keep a look out for photo opportunities ½
  • Finish week 5 Coursera ½
  • Write new blog post ✅
  • Buy a small cutting knife somewhere
  • 3 acts of kindness ½

After waking up feeling reasonably well, doing some squats and meditation, I enjoyed my breakfast and videoed the sunrise.

I felt a little dizzy but nothing too bad. I sat down at my desk at school and without even realising, sat reading, coughing and sneezing all the while. Kru Noon gave me some ginger and lemongrass tea and honey and lemon water for which I was grateful. However, my symptoms just got worse along with an annoying headache.

As I was at school already I decided to do my lessons and go to the doctor and get checked up at 2.30 pm. My first lesson deteriorated and I totally lost my temper with the class. It had the desired effect of shutting them up for a bit but I don’t think it served any of us very well.

I calmed down for the next two classes but couldn’t wait to leave. The doctor said it’s just a common cold and gave me some medicine but I decided not to go to school tomorrow as I have to be well to drive to Chiang Mai on Friday. So, all alarms off and time for a good sleep, hopefully.

I got some bits and pieces done today but just ended up watching a movie when I got home. It was Burden of Dreams. The story of the making of Fitzcarraldo. Both films are great and it’s amazing how the story of the movie is replicated in real life.

Tomorrow I won’t push myself too much.

The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #23 – 1st February 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Music from 65daysofstatic, Stormy Six, The Controllers, Kerosene 454, Jawbreaker, Die! Die! Die!, Death, Minutemen, Beefeater, Red Cross, Necros, Hanadensha, Versus, Au Pairs, The Paper Chase, Blast, Soul Inc.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to see my friend Fern again.

Take a good hard look at people’s ruling principle, especially of the wise, what they run away from, and what they seek out.

Marcus Aurelius

Weight: 80.3kg
Resting heart rate: 44

To-do list

  • Record TCRAH/upload. ½
  • Put together card for Kru Noon.
  • Do more drawing practice.
  • Do the Coursera meditation. ✅
  • Enjoy evening with Amy, Aing and Gus.

Well, looking at these five challenges it seems like I didn’t do much yesterday!

I did spend a bit more time reading as I was diving into the book about a girl’s abduction and trying to imagine myself in her position. I wanted to try to write down being there and all the thoughts going through my mind.

Later, I compared it with being a prisoner within your own mind – a place we can never escape.

I sorted out more CDs and feel that that task is getting closer to completion.

By the evening and time to go out, I was feeling very relaxed and happy.

As we were driving to the evening festival Amy got upset because I didn’t drive the way, the direction, she wanted. Her anger got more and more and I felt very embarrassed in front of Aing, Gus and Nu. There was no real need for it and I tried to brush it off as best I could.

Unfortunately, I was only able to do this for a short time until I felt sadness and anger too. I had to go and sit by myself for 5 minutes and calm my mind. I felt better when I returned but by then I was exhausted. Amy had a few beers and was happy though I was worried that she would drink too much and start getting violent with me again.

Things were ok though Amy was getting louder and I just felt like I wanted to be somewhere quiet. The noise of the festival was relentless, from every direction and incoherent. It gave me a headache. I tried to constantly talk myself in a positive headspace but it just got worse as Amy loudly tried to put me down in front of the others again. I couldn’t/didn’t want to have an argument in front of others and Amy knew this and used it to her advantage.

We got home and things had calmed down until Amy came and started on me again. I was tired and cranky by this point and bit back and we went to sleep unhappy with each other. I feel like there is something else behind this behaviour, not just a desire to try and control me.

I’d like to talk with Amy about this but will have to find the right time and try not to just get into another argument.

Something else that has been bothering me is Amy always talking about how all the money is with her and everything is in her name. At first, it was just a bit of fun but I’m not amused anymore. It feels like a fascist hold over me. I’m ok for her to take care of all that stuff but I don’t need reminding of it every week.

Again, I think Amy is not happy these days and doing these actions to compensate. I’d just like to see her happy and positive again – preferably without alcohol.

My war, you’re one of them – 31st January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

“Keep this thought handy when you feel a fit of rage coming on—it isn’t manly to be enraged. Rather, gentleness and civility are more human, and therefore manlier. A real man doesn’t give way to anger and discontent, and such a person has strength, courage, and endurance—unlike the angry and complaining. The nearer a man comes to a calm mind, the closer he is to strength.”
—MARCUS AURELIUS, MEDITATIONS, 11.18.5b

I’ve never been a manly man. Well, I say that, though I can remember trying to be one from about ages 11-14. Then I started getting bullied a bit at school and realised I wasn’t ever going to be a strong boy physically.

Not me but you get the idea…

I retreated into my mind but taking resentment and bitterness there. I filled myself with seething hatred for everything around me, confusing what I considered personal injustice with larger injustices of the world. Everything was against us. It was us and them, whoever us was and whoever they were.

I dove head first into the moshpits of punk rock. Besides my mother, punk really was a rock for me to hold on to. Sometimes I clung too tight but eventually I found my way.

Justice and fairness are still amongst my top character strengths, thankfully along with curiousity and gratitude – those two came later.

These days I’m trying to calm my mind to bring some inner peace but the tunes of yesterday still rattle around from dawn to dusk. This inner noise is it’s own sort of peace, it’s familiarity calming, the anger gone.

Man is spelt big M.A.N. it’s the letters of the law,
Man is spelt big M.A.N. that’s who the law is for.

– Crass

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the supportive teachers around me. They have helped me cover a lesson today and it was easy to stand once I found the right person to talk with.

You can’t learn what you think you already know.

Epictetus (paraphrase)

To-do list

  • Arrange someone to manage the class I miss. ✅
  • Make another blog post around an article. ✅
  • Ride bike to get a haircut.
  • More Coursera/another DIY article. ½
  • WDS – follow up on BKK and Yogya shows. ½

I’m starting to feel comfortable and relaxed at school. Able to deal with unexpected conditions, which seem to arise often. I still feel connected with the students but not so intensely involved. I will do what I can for them and try to prepare a good plan for them for learning but I’m going to over-invest my time, even though I do really love to push myself and always think to do the very best I can.

Without the pressure and expectations from the school for continuing with them next semester I am enjoying all the situations, good and bad, and I realise now that this is how I should try to feel all the time at work.

It’s just occurred to me this idea in opposition, of being a very organised person and having to work in a very disorganised environment. Instead of a strict organisation of ideas for lessons, I should have an outline plan and then be ready and organised for disruption. So, a good solid base to work from and then prepared to add on to it. Work smarter.

I talked a little bit with Kevin today and he was surprised at my involvement in music.

I also managed to complete deleting about 90% of my ‘friends’ on Facebook. Most of them are unnecessary for my day-to-day and if either I or they wish to connect again for any reason we are still able to but I’d like to think of myself using Facebook as opposed to Facebook using me. Communicating in short sound bytes is not effective and nuanced, becomes frustrating and just making me anxious about useless things.

I want to concentrate more on writing on my blog – that gives me a deeper satisfaction. It’s not particularly important if anyone sees it or not – I just want to go through the process, forge a habit, think better and ultimately feel better.

It keeps us away from who we should be loving – 30th January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

“How much more time, energy, and pure brainpower would you have available if you drastically cut your media consumption? How much more rested and present would you feel if you were no longer excited and outraged by every scandal, breaking story, and potential crisis (many of which never come to pass anyway)?”

Excerpt From “The Daily Stoic” by Ryan Holiday

This is something I’ve been conscious of for about ten years, since first reading an article about how ‘the news’ is not good for us. In my lifetime the news and its delivery have changed considerably. Someone who read newspapers or watched BBC 2 news analysis shows was deemed to be knowledgeable and worldly.

These days news is everywhere and very little of it is actually news. A couple of decades ago Jello Biafra urged us to ‘become the media’ and technology has now allowed us that opportunity but we, as humans, have subverted this idea to push along our personal agendas.

So, I turned off the news, anywhere it could be found. If there’s something I really need to know I will find out about it. 99.9% of everything else has no real consequence in my life. That gives me a lot of free time to appreciate all the good things in life. It brings me closer to those I should be loving.

Another fantastic slow news day!

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the sunrise each morning. With the temple as a pointer on the mountain, I can see how ancient man used this to measure time.

Our intentional, effortful activities have a powerful effect on how happy we are over and above the effects of our set points and the circumstances in which we find ourselves.

Sonya Lyubomirsky

To-do list

  • Finish gratitude letter for Maesara. ✅
  • Get some solid info from George about lesson plans. ½
  • Immigration, book shop, relax. ✅
  • More Coursera, transfer notes to book. ✅
  • Clean up cartoon drawing. ✅

Today was another easy day and I felt very happy with everything. I actually got a lot more done than I expected. I feel like things are coming together very well in my life. I feel fresher, livelier, motivated and committed.

I talked with George after work – a stimulating and positive conversation as usual. He thinks TLC will ask me to join CRPAO lesson planning before this semester ends which will be fine for me.

George has his way of dealing with ‘troublesome’ people at work that I really admire and something I could definitely learn and improve on in myself. It revolves around listening and thinking a lot more before speaking. My outspoken opinion on things seems to get me into trouble so I need to step back and think about the outcomes more.

Tomorrow I’ve had to suddenly rearrange my day so that I can renew my work permit. I dealt with this change of plan quite easily and shouldn’t cause any issues. Tonight I will savour my trip to Japan when I first met Limited Express (has gone?)

Delete your friends – 29th January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have a cheap gym close by where I can go and work out after work when I have time.

Change requires you to kill parts of yourself, parts that don’t serve you anymore. This will not be easy, of course, as those parts don’t want to die.

Stoic improvement

To-do list

  • Can I draw a nice card for Kru Noon? Cats or dogs? ✅
  • Typhoon revision games for both classes ✅
  • Write gratitude letter for Maesara ½
  • Write something for Matt’s DIY guide
  • More Coursera – take notes

I got sidetracked today – thinking about something from the Coursera lesson a couple of days ago and took on the mammoth task of deleting many of my ‘friends’ from Facebook.

I’m really happy to have made a half-decent job of a cartoon dog and cat card to give Kru Noon some time. I enjoyed doing it so maybe it is something I will try more of in the future.

Today Amy ended up getting her arm plastered up after discovering that she had in fact broken it a couple of months ago when she drunkenly fell over. It is very specifically that event that has led me to stop drinking so much.

I’m a quiet drunk – I enjoy the feeling and don’t often get loud and rowdy but more and more I had been enjoying it less and more particularly the hangovers. I’ve started filling up my time with things I would like to do each day and find being hungover means I get little done.

Finding Tramadol has also been a great inspiration. Whenever I take it I feel great and really savour things more. Time goes so quickly though, I think because you just get really involved in what you are doing. Time goes quickly anyway, especially as I keep finding new challenges to entertain and ideas for creating things.

Amy is a happy drunk and loves to dance and party. More recently though I’ve noticed her have some more negative responses – in particular towards me, sometimes scratching me hard. When she gets like that I just want my night to end and go to bed. I think Amy’s reaction like this is a subconscious reflection of the unhappiness that she is feeling living in Thailand again.

I know it frustrates her here a lot and that she cannot relate so well to some of her old friends, so she turns to me as her only support. I do my best for us to do things together and she knows I’m trying for her. She’s smart though. I think she will work out a way to make herself feel better.

My past event to savour tonight is the rest of the Limited Express tour as I only got about halfway last night. I also figured I would work my way backwards through time with these memories and see if I can recall more and more.

Joy – 27th January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Said for loaning me 100 baht so I could buy coffee.

It is a joy to be hidden…..but disaster not to be found.

DW Winnicott

To-do list

  • More exam preparation ✅
  • Typhoon game for revision
  • Review each hour at night
  • Think before speaking – do not complain ½
  • No Facebook at work ✅

Spent free time at work today finishing the final exam questions. That’s me prepared until the end of April.

I challenged myself today with the question – ‘what can you do to surprise your partner?’ After a little thought I realised I should book somewhere nice for us to go for our tenth wedding anniversary. I’m really happy with myself about that. It will be a fantastic time.

My challenge for each hour of today:
6am – stretch, meditate, shower, eat, five points challenge
7am – drove to work, prepared extra worksheets
8am – got coffee and did some reading from Daily Stoic*
9am – worked more on the IEC exam, went to pee many times
10am – continued on exams and got another coffee
11am – finished exam paper and printed, messaged Jim and dropped off
12pm – ate lunch and read some more Daily Stoic
1pm – watched Coursera videos and failed the quiz
2pm – fixed set up in library just in time for the only lesson of the day
3pm – rushed through the lesson, Jim returned exams for updates
4pm – fixed exam papers and dropped off again, drove home
5pm – finished reading A Chinese Life
6pm – watched some TV, and looked at Facebook for the first time
7pm – ate dinner and discussed holiday plans with Amy
8pm – here in bed, writing this and will read next

*What do you remember reading from Daily Stoic today? If you can’t remember then I think I didn’t really take in what I was reading.

In confusion, a purpose in life, the choice, the problem – 20th January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Morning ritual (habits)
– read Daily Stoic 365
– movement – the body should be treated more rigorously, that it may not be disobedient to the mind.
– mindfulness – meditation or stream-of-consciousness writing
– mastery – one person likes tending to his horse, another to his farm; I like to daily monitor my self-improvement.

What experiences can you invest in?
– go to school in the holidays and talk to the kids there
– arrange once-a-month free Friday learning in our classroom

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my new pillow. It seems to be doing the trick for my dodgy neck.

Make up your bed each morning. Studies show this simple act can make all the difference in your day.

ABC article

To-do list

  • More Science of Well Being Coursera ✅
  • Prepare/check next week’s lessons ✅
  • Get photo from when teaching for TLC ✅
  • Next read-to-lead step ✅
  • At home – continue dream decade sheet ✅

Today I found out that I will be put back to CRPAO in Mathayom (high school) next semester. Joe (TLC) said that it was because I refused to do their (Anuban’s) work on the weekend back at the beginning of the semester but I’m not sure if that’s true. I feel like Joe has other agendas that I don’t know about, and that’s ok, it’s just hard to place my trust in him totally.

Anyway, it’s something that is out of the way now, I don’t have to think about it anymore. I can start coming up with work ideas well ahead of time.

Although it’s not startling news, I reacted well. It’s not in my control where they would like me to work. In the past, I can imagine being upset at what could be considered a rejection from Anuban. I know I’m OK, I know I’m a good enough teacher so I have no need to feel down about these events.

I enjoyed my lessons today as they were very simple. I will miss some of these kids and would love to watch them grow. I guess that’s part of this job.

My self-control was not really tested today. The kids were their usual rowdy selves but I didn’t shout to strain my voice. I don’t recall complaining today either though it is still hard for me to recognise.

Tomorrow I will talk briefly with Kru Noon and let her know I won’t be there next semester – maybe she knows already. I’d like to find something to give her as a gift, though I’m not really sure what.

Tomorrow is the first day of English ‘camp’ which should be pretty cruisy for us. Hopefully, I’ll get some free time back in the classroom as there are always many things I want to read and learn about.

The end of the road looks like freedom to me – 13th January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Things I must do before I die?

I don’t really consider anything I must do. There are things I would like to do but not must.

The major events previously in my life I didn’t really consider as things I must do but I was motivated enough to make them happen ie separation, travelling to China, moving to Australia, and Thailand.

Anything I must do seems to relate to things I have chosen to do for other people so I must do them as promised. The motivation is external, from a drive that was internal.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful when the weather is cool. Sometimes it feels too cold but then I remember how unbearable the rest of the year can be. Today I have cold ears and I like it.

The nature of the universe consists in perpetual change and so this process is natural and good.

Donald Robertson on Meditations

To-do list

  • More work on exam questions ✅
  • Go and run after work ✅
  • Experiment with turntables for TCRAH ✅
  • Give books to 3 students tomorrow ½
  • Remember – think and listen and think! Then talk! ✅

Quite tired today as I stayed up quite late reading, wanting to finish a book. I am in very good spirits though and enjoyed all the classes I took.

Started the well-being Coursera online class today too. I’m doing a lot of study around this subject at the moment but I think it’s serving me very well. My 4 character strengths are Curiosity, Gratitude, Honesty and Fairness and I should try to practice as many of these as I can in the next week.

Amy and I went to the gym and I worked on light weights as an overall warm-up for doing more in the future. I’m sure I’ll sleep well enough tonight.

Tomorrow should be a fairly easy day and should be enjoyable too. Tomorrow I’d like to get some more things done at home. I’m slowly sorting through my room and there’s no real hurry but it would be nice to be done.