Waiting Game – 2nd August 2021

What is it that we were doing
‘fore this trouble started brewing?
It feels like the world is waiting
An endless anticipating
Which direction were we going
When we had ideas of knowing?
No longer standing proud and tall
Now forgetting about it all


The Week That Was – 31st December 1978


Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have Tigger home again – though he doesn’t look well. We are doing our best to help him through.

Shoes – 21st July 2021

Count our blessings we still have choices
But stand beside those without voices
It’s not my body that suffers these pains
And I will support those with purer aims

Bootstrap pulling without boots
Kept downtrodden at the roots
I should walk a mile in your shoes
To understand there’s nothing to lose

Top dogs shout down ‘try your best’
Knowing you’ll never catch up the rest
When your choice is to eat shit or die
It’s everyone’s business to question why

Suffer a life for god and king
Does not a satisfied nation bring
I should plough the fields in your shoes
To understand the ways you choose


Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to come home and see Amy had been busy all day baking cakes for the hospital workers dealing with Covid. She will deliver them today – she is very kind-hearted and concerned for everyone in this situation.


A nice day today. No aircon last night – just a fan and wake up to a cool post-rain and cloudy sky. Perfect temperature. Still don’t need a t-shirt but just a little more heat in the morning shower.

In my drive to school (and back) I listen to punk rock podcasts, rather than listening to punk rock and at school I can start the day with a delicious coffee. I feel blessed that for 4 days of the week, my first class is with my old students from primary – they are good students and we have a great relationship. They understand quickly what needs to be done.

I am in a great workflow with all my classes and they are all starting to get into the swing of things. I’m not actually teaching anything but with this all being online they are practising their skills – listening, speaking, reading and writing. They are even better students when doing it this way as they don’t have the distraction of each other in the classroom.

So, even though today was my busiest day, it was super easy as everything is prepared a few weeks in advance. And when I got home I was ready to teach Ashley her daily class, again, not teaching, just having a conversation.

Anyway, I got a message that she cancelled today so now I can relax early.

I was just thinking before, that I am busy every weekday this month, having to teach after school and anticipating how good it will feel when those classes finish. Working hard to enjoy a rest.

Working By Yourself In Teams – 15th July 2021

Sometimes things don’t go right
The first time of trying
But to carry on without fixing it
Makes me feel like crying

Wasting time doing double work
Instead of finding a solution
Our so-called green administration
Contributes even more pollution

29th Apr 2024 – Submitted to Word of the Day Challenge – work


Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I didn’t have to teach at school yesterday as the Thai teachers all went off to get the second shot of the vaccine cocktail and decided to cancel all classes. Relaxing day.

You Bring Out The English In Me – 21st June 2021

I’m sorry to say, it’s your fault
It’s all the stupid things I see
Sarcasm is the default result
You bring out the English in me

“That’s just great, that’s amazing!”
While I wonder what the fuck you’re doing
What I mean and say are not the same thing
Over the horizon, trouble is brewing

It’s a culture clash, war with words
I see things I should never see
Slower than thirty-three and a thirds
You bring out the English in me


Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be able to work from home today. Finally, someone at the school made the right decision for teachers to work from home due to the Covid case at school. It is the sensible decision!


Well, the students came back to school last Monday on a treacherous day of torrential rain, and it was good to see them all again. By Friday, the school was closed again due to a case of Covid that the school knew about on that first day but kept to themselves in the hope that it wouldn’t be a big deal. So typical of the Thai style. It’s very frustrating.

On Monday, Nancy was also constantly hassling me to cash her cheque and transfer her money. I was unable to get to a bank, but Amy offered to transfer it if I put some money into her account. I transferred from my account without realising it took me below the threshold needed for my visa application, which was summarily rejected on Tuesday! Now, I have to change to a 60-day visitor visa and re-apply again. I was so annoyed that it became funny.

Thailand has not endeared itself to me this week. I started wondering about leaving. We are only made to feel welcome here if we spend money. We will never be accepted as equals – sometimes it feels like a punishment for the luck of being born in a ‘better’ society. Revenge jealousy.

Anyway, I can play with my cats and the dog from next door. I still have books to read. Fuck frustration!

Poems on this day – 17th June 2021

Twelve

Take me to the twelve
The leaders of the show
From up on your mountain
Looking down on all below
In awe of your majesty
All the fighting has been done
Time to make some toys
Now the battle has been won
Something still was missing
All the goals had been achieved
The minions needed order
And something to be believed
Here we are many eons later
Mistakes still being made
Fighting amongst each other
Our peace has been delayed
On our way underground
Discovering truth much too late
Wishing for eternal youth
For which we’d always wait
Wisdom came and found us
It was always oh, so near
Take it to the after life
Because you can’t have it here
Sailing down the winding river
Darkness is descending
Say goodbye to all you know
This is your life ending

Currently reading Stephen Fry’s ‘Mythos’ – it’s intriguing that the tales of Gods captivate us in some way despite knowing that it isn’t real. Are we even looking at them and laughing at these old stories to describe our existence? I laugh at many religious beliefs because they are nonsensical and I wouldn’t even really bother to read them and whilst I’m enjoying reading this book and these stories – what to make of it?

Gift

You got a gift, virus infection
Breathe it out, in every direction
No one knows until inspection
No one safe until injection

Students came back to school on Monday, by Friday the school was closed again as there was a case of Covid (more on this at some point in the future) and they are still making the teachers come to school to teach online! Something that we can easily do from home. Thailand – I despair, sometimes.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the regular visits from Tangmo, our neighbour’s dog. When he comes to play with me it distracts me a little from my own mini-stress of things I plan to do for myself and gives me a few minutes of fun and laughter. Tangmo is a disobedient, stupid dog but he’s full of love.

The Art of Noticing Chairs – 14th April 2021

Inspired by the email newsletter from Rob Walker I’ve been trying to take notice of simple and mundane things. A nice practice to remind oneself that everything is now.

This first post is chairs. This was pretty easy – it’s actually the second thing I chose to start noticing but completed (finding 10 items) first. I’ll post more of these as they are completed, which may be a while as we are back in a lockdown situation again due to the rising number of cases of Covid 19 across Thailand.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that we have a car and that we can take Kim back to the vet this morning as she isn’t recovering from a cold and can’t breathe properly. It’s lockdown time and we’re a little worried to go out but at least this negative aspect gets us out of the house briefly. So somewhat grateful for this trying time.


A beautiful sleep last night, with the windows open and a fan sucking in the cool air, sourced from a thunderstorm that slowly developed over the mountains and brought us some rain, not too much but steady and nutritious for our plants. Dosing off to departing claps of thunder was soothing and restful.

I felt slightly tired and anxious yesterday, for no particular reason at all and today is the opposite, for no particular reason too.

Everything I do makes me happy.

We got that attitude! – 10th August 2020

Brain dump – not sure date – two-day break from routine – hard to maintain on weekend but I really should try to do it. Stop with tramadol. Tramadol has helped me stop drinking – now stop taking it.

Good weekend come and gone – don’t be sad because today will be great. Rob Whitham in my dream – it was interesting – I wanted to stay in it but can’t remember what happened now. Oh, cats so cute this morning.

Life is very good – I hope we can keep it this way for a good long time. We are so lucky.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my masks to help protect me from viruses. I’m getting used to wearing one now.

I like to relax on my bed of nails, that’s one thing that almost never fails – 29th July 2020

Nothing stays the same, though we always try and force it. Is this the start of the pandemic era as some people are predicting? What is the ‘new normal’ and is it really any different to before?

I feel very lucky. After leaving the UK in 1994 my life, on reflection, has been a lucky and happy rollercoaster ride. Even the bottoms of the ride felt survivable, perhaps because at least there wasn’t a cold grey rain spitting in my face. Perhaps there were occasions where it didn’t feel survivable at that moment, but luckily I did, and so I have the possibility to reflect.

My journey is my own and my pronouncements can only be based on that experience, my judgements for myself, so take them with a pinch of salt. I did bad things, good things, stupid things, smart things. I see others doing the same. Who am I to judge?

I have definitely changed over the last 6 months and I’m not sure why. Or I should say, I’m not sure specifically why. I have implemented lots of minor habit changes and behaviour modifications and perhaps it is an accumulation of minor positive changes that have made the difference. So I can’t put it down to meditating, exercising or journalling specifically.

I decided to get up 45 minutes earlier than I need to in order to get to work. In that time I follow a flexible routine. I keep it flexible because I shouldn’t punish myself for not following it consistently.

First I use my exercise bands to help open up my shoulders and stretch my calves. Probably only a couple of minutes total. Next, I spend 5 to 10 minutes doing tests on my language apps (Drops and Mondly) – the aim is to break my current daily streak, learn some new words, possibly remember those words and reinforce this habit. The idea behind this is to create a sense of achievement as soon as possible in the morning and this sets you up for the rest of the day.

Next, I lay on the floor and stretch out my back, neck and hamstrings. A warm-up stretch more than anything, no more than a couple of minutes again. Just brushing off the tightness left over from sleep.

Then I use an app called Home Workout and all I do is the 5-minute morning warm-up exercise, 10 exercises to get your body moving and your heart rate raised just slightly. I may move onto harder exercise routines later but I’m not in any hurry. I follow this with 30 squats and 20 tip-toe stretches (I have real problems with my feet).

If there is time, I write some ‘morning pages’ – whatever thoughts are piling through my head, though I’ve found that usually I don’t write much because I am sitting ‘trying’ to think of things to write. I often try to recall my dreams at this point. Whatever, it’s not a journal, it’s barely legible, it’s spat out quickly and forgotten – not really meant to be read again in the future. This habit is 2-5 minutes max.

Finally, I’ll meditate (this is when my brain suddenly starts coming up with the random thoughts!). I use the Smiling Mind app which has plenty of free meditations and I don’t know if I often get into a real meditative state but I want to do it just for practice. Doing it over and over again puts smaller chunks of information into my brain that I can utilise during the day, when not meditating as such. In this way, it is a success. Perhaps it has taught me to just pause sometimes before opening my mouth. Taking a deep breath before heading into a difficult class.

I usually meditate between 5 and 10 minutes and mostly they are guided meditations. Once there gets to be longer periods of silence I still struggle with keeping focus on breath or letting go of thoughts, but that’s the reason to practice, right? I also have been laying on a spiky massage mat whilst doing this and that has been great. Much like a bed of nails. It makes me wonder why I like it? Do I like discomfort, do I find comfort in pain? Do I feel some sense of achievement to be able to survive it? I don’t know if there is any scientific study around physiological benefits of this type of thing but I just know that I like it!

Finally, a shower and breakfast and it’s off to work. Following this routine 5 days a week seems to be having a positive effect on my happiness and calm. I wouldn’t put it down to any one of the habits specifically or even them all together. Sometimes it can just be the action, the doing, that provides the benefit. For years I’ve implored friends to just ‘Do Something’ usually for a larger cause. Now I’m starting to understand that whilst I was doing something for a larger cause it also had the side effect of benefitting myself.

I was going to write about how the Covid-19 virus has affected my life teaching at school and what the ‘new normal’ of that looks like. Fortunately for me, it has meant lots of free time, drinking coffee in the morning, sitting by the river. This situation won’t last forever. I won’t last forever. I enjoy it whilst I can.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my energy and enthusiasm. When Dylan called in sick today I was ready to go teach for him.

We got that attitude! – 29th March 2020

I am so happy and grateful for the wind because whilst it may be blowing the smoke in our direction, it is also helping to blow it further away

I’m just this big open field, waiting for the rain.

Henry Rollins

To-do list

  • Continue with lessons ½
  • Finish TCRAH upload and promote ✅
  • Tidy up laptop ✅

Tuesday now, no new report. Not much thinking going on. Not in the mood for thought-provoking reading or listening – just entertainment. No end in sight for this shutdown.