Tag: CRPAO

Forked Tongues – 10th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

These Indians red took the word
Of these well-dressed men of cloth
But soon lines were drawn and blurred
And the taking was never enough
One man whispers truths to be bent
And conquered all within his path
Claiming their gifts were heaven sent
And the pious enjoyed the last laugh
On and on the conquerors strode
Until the world fell to its knees
So as the words further flowed
They would see the world less pleased
Promises broken along with trust
Would see anyone’s station fall
So rises the river as needs must
To flood the lowest of them all

Today I’m feeling:

A little tired again but enjoyed a Saturday sleep-in. I was a little relieved that Matt hadn’t replied to my message about going over so that I can relax at home. At Utopia, Noey was working so it’s nice to see a pretty face and as Art was off doing coffee stuff, she and the boys, Gong and little Art, were enjoying a little freedom at work.
After a haircut, I rode to the 20 baht shop to get some batteries and rode by the grilled pork stall on the corner. I’d previously seen a girl there wearing a CRPAO shortcut but didn’t recognise them. Today though the girl working waved and smiled a big smile at me. It was my student AumAim. I stopped and chatted a little with her and her mum, telling her that she was a good student, which is true. They live in the soi along from me.
In the afternoon I ran out of energy again and woke up feeling shit after a nap.

Today I’m grateful for:

Realising I had potatoes in the fridge, which I then baked, covered with butter, cheese and a little onion, salt and pepper. I’m wondering if this is what made me feel tired though?

The best thing about today was:

Definitely the morning. I felt good, my mood was good and I got things done.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I was planning on getting Art to come with me to the air conditioning shop to convince their mechanic to come and fix mine but when I got there they told me he’d gone into the city. Maybe I’ll catch him tomorrow. Either way, the temperature is a little cooler now and a fan or two is ok to sleep with.

Something I learned today?

US media is claiming China is racist for not going to see the new Disney movie because the lead actor is black, discounting the fact that the top-selling movie in China is the latest Spiderman which also has a black lead. Anything for a China Bad story, it’s ridiculous.

What was the most interesting thing I saw or heard today?

Amy’s student from a couple of years ago, Na, will go to the university near us and Amy said she will ask her to house/cat sit for us when we need. Great idea! She’s got common sense and is respectful. 
I guess my day wasn’t particularly interesting but this possibility could give us a little extra freedom to travel when want.

How did I embody a beginner’s mind?

I remind myself that I know a lot of things and that amount to a fraction of all the things that are known. 
When I’m teaching in class I’m reminded by my students that we all share a beginner’s mind and that we should never be complacent that we know everything.

I took this picture because I have to get my ginger cat fix from the hairdresser’s cat now. I think she said its name is Hoi Tod, Fried Clam!

Writing For Myself – 25th May 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 6 Comments

The words I write, they are for me
Sure to be making assumptions
We are brothers and sisters in arms
(and anyone that cares to fall between)

Sometimes listening to the wind
Eases my burden, settles my heart

The hard code of my heart
Has been passed along for generations
back to the dawn of time

Now at this time of life, whenever it is
Let’s hope the engine keeps running

I only stop learning to rest my eyes
Things long gone are encoded and not forgotten
Whatever is coming towards me
Is all a part of nature’s play

A paraphrasing of section 1 of Walt Whitman’s Song For Myself
2nd May 2024 – Submitted to dVerse

Today I’m feeling:

Like I had a long day with three two-hour classes. I enjoy the days filled with work just as much as the days with little to do. I don’t really have a chance to think about how I’m feeling until I get home, have a cold shower and rest my aching legs. By that time I’m happy with the work being completed.

Today I’m grateful for:

Kru Tongjai for offering to write some instructions for my classes in Thai to help sort out the login problems I was having with Quizizz. She said she would do it at around midday. However during my classes that morning I figured out how to fix the problem myself and finally understood how it worked. When I saw her in the afternoon I told her I had sorted it out and she was happy because she had gotten called away to do something else too. I’ve learned to trust in things working out in time but this one was getting me worried as all my lessons are arranged around using the website. As I’ve been looking deeper into the website reporting I am also seeing more and more great options for the classroom. So I am grateful to Quizizz too.

The best thing about today was:

As mentioned above, figuring out fixing that problem felt pretty good. Along with that was some welcome rain and a continued good feeling amongst the students at school.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Finding out my student lists are all messed up was a bit annoying but then I remembered that this happens every year. One upside of this was figuring out who students were by their student ID numbers stitched onto their uniforms in Thai script. I need to learn how their numbers are written.

Something I learned today?

Looking at what I’ve written already I can see that I’ve learned many things today that are at least of some use in my day-to-day life. Maybe not substantial life-changing knowledge but useful at least.

What changes am I experiencing in my life right now?

Some physical changes due to aging such as getting tired more easily and not being able to get all my pee put easily. Will the upside of that be that I won’t suffer incontinence though maybe kidney stones instead? 
As to mental changes, I believe I am still learning and getting smarter each day. I think I’m happier as I age too, the irony of which is not lost on me.
As to life in general I don’t feel like there are any significant changes really. Nothing beyond what I can expect. There will be a change soon enough when Amy gets back in October which will have to be dealt with but I feel confident we will work things out for the best.

I took this picture from the top floor of our school building because I have to remind myself how nice it is here. I am comfortable and relaxed with my work stresses. Things are going well.

Almost – 7th February 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

You became the master of money
And accumulated great wealth
Became a master of muscles
And maintaining physical health
But that final puzzle piece
Is still hidden as if by stealth
Couldn’t master your mind
Couldn’t master yourself

18th Apr 2024 – Submitted to Word of the Day Challenge

Today I’m feeling:

Happy and relaxed, waiting for the sun to drop so I can do some watering again. I’m hoping for an early rainy season again but I think this year may be long and dry, unfortunately.

Today I’m grateful for:

Manus at the post office for always being helpful and friendly and trying to help me remember the Thai word for ‘registered’.

The best thing about today was:

A long chat with Amy about different ideas and plans for the future.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I had just gotten on a roll with updating more blog entries when Fui came to House and we started talking. I’m never sure how long he will stay but I decided I had no hurry today and we ended up chatting for about 90 minutes. We often go over the same things but we learn a little more about each other each time. At points, I was keen to get back to what I was doing but I told myself to relax and enjoy this time.

Something I learned today?

You can buy a cock ring called the Tally Wacker that counts your thrusts when fucking. I’m not sure if it syncs with your health devices but maybe 100 thrusts equals a calorie?

What is one lesson I am learning right now?

We’ll have to generalise ‘right now’ a little because if taken literally all I’m learning is what I can remember from ‘around’ ‘right now’!

I’m learning a little how to relax and even be bored again. This week involves a lot of TV and reading, playing guitar and listening to music. Much like many other weeks but interspersed with even less teaching than usual.

It’s taken me a long time to learn to relax and in the back of my mind, I’m confident that when the time comes necessary I will be able to get right back on my game again.

I took this picture because I wanted a different angle to look at the garden. I like this mini bamboo plant that apparently cats like to eat. Not sure ours ever do though. The leafless frangipani has more focus than the other trees near it which are also now losing their leaves. The frangipanis are just starting to show leaves sprouting through now. You can also spy the tops of some of our cacti too.

Letter to future me (sent 7th Feb 2022)

Dear FutureMe,

It’s the 7th of February 2022 and I’m sitting in the cafe, Le Paradis, next door to CRPAO, where I am currently an English teacher. It’s scout week and us farang teachers have nothing to do for this whole week. I’ve decided to clock in, show my face and go home again unless anyone wants me to do anything.

I’m feeling pretty happy these days. Amy has been in Australia for a week now and has gotten herself a job already, which she will start in March, after travelling to Albury and Adelaide first to visit friends.

Tomorrow I will go to visit Bruno and Nut for dinner and on Sunday Aing and Now will come to stay for a few days, for Aing’s graduation ceremony. She will look around the area with the intention to start some sort of business here, which is great news. It will give us a local cat sitter that we can trust!

By the time you are reading this, it’s possible you are no longer working – that might even happen as early as the end of the semester in March. Whatever happens, it will be ok, though I’m enjoying having access to almost all my income for a change.

I am still thinking too much about George and the way he is treating me but I am slowly able to push it aside, made easier by just avoiding him at work. I don’t feel anything bad towards him. He obviously feels hurt by my actions towards him, which in my mind have been fairly minimal and understated. He seems to have a higher expectation and can’t deal with that not being met. At least that’s how see it, with the little that I managed to get out of him to try and find out his true feelings.

Everything I accuse him of, I can accuse myself. It doesn’t matter. We’re just not compatible but I don’t let that interfere with staying polite.

I have written many times about my ability to keep myself (my mind) occupied and I don’t easily succumb to loneliness. I would rather be alone than struggle to maintain a difficult friendship. Perhaps this is something that I will improve on in the future but I am happy with myself the way I am. Real, good friends will find their way to each other.

Do I want to tell you anything? Just keep going. You’ve done so well to get where you are now. This year is looking bright to me, right now, with so many possibilities. Some will happen, others will wait.
I’ll go and make some music.

PS – look at your blog for this day in the past, over the years. Do you notice anything?

FutureMe – take it easy.

Squash – 18th November 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Some days feel so full of lack
And nothing goes right at all
Remember that you’ll be bouncing back
Just like a small black rubber ball

It is only when you meet someone of a different culture from yourself that you begin to realise what your own beliefs really are.

George Orwell, The Road To Wigan Pier

Today I’m feeling:
Good but a little frustrated.
Today I’m grateful for:
The couple of orders I received for tenzenmen products after a quick promo post a couple of days ago. I don’t sell much these days but I appreciate everyone who shows interest.
The best thing about today was:
Playing with Tangmo with the rope as I went off to the post office and market and him proudly running off and presenting the rope to the aunties back home. When I came back I rode up and collected it from auntie Sue and we both chuckled. Tangmo had gone off in search of other adventures by that time.
Daily thought
How are you going to remember to keep fighting when the storm is around you? Running away is the easy option and sometimes serves a purpose but how are you to calm yourself down in the heat of the moment and carry on?
What is your “grit” word?
A ‘grit’ word? Is this a thing now? A word to remind yourself to keep going? I could have done with that today. After leaving my class early because I was annoyed by the attitude of some students, I talked with Saipan later (she is one of the smarter, motivated ones) and told her I wasn’t happy with the classes behaviour today and she just looked at me and said ‘keep fighting ‘ like she was a wise old auntie. Keep fighting or ‘su-su’ in Thai is what everyone says to a complaint and in my mind, there’s an underlying implication of ‘shut up and get on with it.’ Maybe this is my grit word.

Someone took this picture because they need a friendly foreign face for the school promotional material and it was my turn. I seem to be looking off to the side but at least my eyes are open! The girl is JubJib, a smart one in my class who I can’t really teach as her skills far surpass many of the other students whose level I have to teach to.

Your emotions make you a monster – 20th February 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful for the opportunity to apply to a new school today. I’m hopeful I can make a good impression

Within that head of yours is all the reason and intelligence you need. Make sure your mind is in charge, not your emotions.

Daily Stoic Journal

To-do list

  • Print out the InFocus lesson plan content ✅
  • Listen and take notes at the interview ✅
  • Better prepare for Bruce’s lesson (30 mins) ✅
  • Check stoicism units on FB ✅
  • Write a blog post

I felt pretty good going into today and even getting thrown an extra class suddenly didn’t bother me too much.

The morning flew by enjoyably enough and the interview at CRPAO went well and then chatted with George for a couple of hours so by the time I got home I was feeling pretty good.

I still occasionally think about Kimi and it almost brings a tear to my eye (even as I write this now) but I understand that there is nothing I can do about this. I can acknowledge the feeling and carry on.

Whilst my mind has been a bit less scattered these last two days I still feel a little less clear and focussed. I think the possibilities of a new workplace can help me refocus and brush out some cobwebs.

I really want to pursue the meditation practice more fully as I believe that could have the biggest benefit for me. My mind is always full of things – I’d like there to be a little less going on in there.

Tomorrow, I think I will be happy and positive and looking forward to the weekend – as busy as it might be.

It keeps us away from who we should be loving – 30th January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

“How much more time, energy, and pure brainpower would you have available if you drastically cut your media consumption? How much more rested and present would you feel if you were no longer excited and outraged by every scandal, breaking story, and potential crisis (many of which never come to pass anyway)?”

Excerpt From “The Daily Stoic” by Ryan Holiday

This is something I’ve been conscious of for about ten years, since first reading an article about how ‘the news’ is not good for us. In my lifetime the news and its delivery have changed considerably. Someone who read newspapers or watched BBC 2 news analysis shows was deemed to be knowledgeable and worldly.

These days news is everywhere and very little of it is actually news. A couple of decades ago Jello Biafra urged us to ‘become the media’ and technology has now allowed us that opportunity but we, as humans, have subverted this idea to push along our personal agendas.

So, I turned off the news, anywhere it could be found. If there’s something I really need to know I will find out about it. 99.9% of everything else has no real consequence in my life. That gives me a lot of free time to appreciate all the good things in life. It brings me closer to those I should be loving.

Another fantastic slow news day!

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the sunrise each morning. With the temple as a pointer on the mountain, I can see how ancient man used this to measure time.

Our intentional, effortful activities have a powerful effect on how happy we are over and above the effects of our set points and the circumstances in which we find ourselves.

Sonya Lyubomirsky

To-do list

  • Finish gratitude letter for Maesara. ✅
  • Get some solid info from George about lesson plans. ½
  • Immigration, book shop, relax. ✅
  • More Coursera, transfer notes to book. ✅
  • Clean up cartoon drawing. ✅

Today was another easy day and I felt very happy with everything. I actually got a lot more done than I expected. I feel like things are coming together very well in my life. I feel fresher, livelier, motivated and committed.

I talked with George after work – a stimulating and positive conversation as usual. He thinks TLC will ask me to join CRPAO lesson planning before this semester ends which will be fine for me.

George has his way of dealing with ‘troublesome’ people at work that I really admire and something I could definitely learn and improve on in myself. It revolves around listening and thinking a lot more before speaking. My outspoken opinion on things seems to get me into trouble so I need to step back and think about the outcomes more.

Tomorrow I’ve had to suddenly rearrange my day so that I can renew my work permit. I dealt with this change of plan quite easily and shouldn’t cause any issues. Tonight I will savour my trip to Japan when I first met Limited Express (has gone?)

Well, maybe now you’re getting what you expected – 21st January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Eight rules for the school of life

1. Accept imperfection
– Perfection is beyond us.
2. Share vulnerability
– the bedrock of true friendship. Compassion for ourselves, generosity for others.
3. – Know your insanity
– warn others, contain our follies.
4. Accept your idiocy
– messing up is to be expected.
5. You are good enough
– ‘Ordinary’ isn’t a name for failure.
6. Overcome romanticism
– Love is patience and compassion for our natural weaknesses.
7. Despair cheerfully
– We’re not individually cursed and many small things should stand out: a sunny day, dawn and dusk, etc
8. Transcend yourself
– Cosmic humility is taught to us by nature, history, and the sky above us; delight in being humbled by it.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to know that I won’t be working at this school next semester. I’m sad in one way but excited in others. Knowing what will happen next semester is the best option.

You’ll stop caring what people think about you when you realise how seldom they do.

David Foster Wallace

To-do list

  • Enjoy new activity with students. ✅
  • Think before speaking. Listen first. ½
  • Gym straight after work. ✅
  • After squats meditate for 5 minutes. ✅
  • Fill out dreams for dream decade challenge. ✅

Easy, perhaps somewhat boring, day. Being surrounded by the other foreign teachers it was a struggle not to complain and when I thought about it more I realised I’d left my bracelet at home so I’m giving myself a day of forgiveness. I’ll wear it tomorrow and try to be more conscious of not joining in the complaining.

21st Mar 2024 – I would wear a bracelet that I would have to swap hands every time that I complained. I would mostly forget to do this until later but it was an effort to become conscious of complaining. I think I only managed to do this for a month or two in the end.

Knowing I won’t be teaching here next semester has kind of lifted off any real burden to overperform. I do still feel like doing my best for the students though. Tomorrow will be more of the same at school. Afterwards is the dentist and then meet with George and Bruno. They have kind of opposite personalities but both with virtuous hearts – I think I sit somewhere in the middle so conversation should be interesting.

I hope to get some information from George on what to expect when teaching back at CRPAO.

In confusion, a purpose in life, the choice, the problem – 20th January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Morning ritual (habits)
– read Daily Stoic 365
– movement – the body should be treated more rigorously, that it may not be disobedient to the mind.
– mindfulness – meditation or stream-of-consciousness writing
– mastery – one person likes tending to his horse, another to his farm; I like to daily monitor my self-improvement.

What experiences can you invest in?
– go to school in the holidays and talk to the kids there
– arrange once-a-month free Friday learning in our classroom

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my new pillow. It seems to be doing the trick for my dodgy neck.

Make up your bed each morning. Studies show this simple act can make all the difference in your day.

ABC article

To-do list

  • More Science of Well Being Coursera ✅
  • Prepare/check next week’s lessons ✅
  • Get photo from when teaching for TLC ✅
  • Next read-to-lead step ✅
  • At home – continue dream decade sheet ✅

Today I found out that I will be put back to CRPAO in Mathayom (high school) next semester. Joe (TLC) said that it was because I refused to do their (Anuban’s) work on the weekend back at the beginning of the semester but I’m not sure if that’s true. I feel like Joe has other agendas that I don’t know about, and that’s ok, it’s just hard to place my trust in him totally.

Anyway, it’s something that is out of the way now, I don’t have to think about it anymore. I can start coming up with work ideas well ahead of time.

Although it’s not startling news, I reacted well. It’s not in my control where they would like me to work. In the past, I can imagine being upset at what could be considered a rejection from Anuban. I know I’m OK, I know I’m a good enough teacher so I have no need to feel down about these events.

I enjoyed my lessons today as they were very simple. I will miss some of these kids and would love to watch them grow. I guess that’s part of this job.

My self-control was not really tested today. The kids were their usual rowdy selves but I didn’t shout to strain my voice. I don’t recall complaining today either though it is still hard for me to recognise.

Tomorrow I will talk briefly with Kru Noon and let her know I won’t be there next semester – maybe she knows already. I’d like to find something to give her as a gift, though I’m not really sure what.

Tomorrow is the first day of English ‘camp’ which should be pretty cruisy for us. Hopefully, I’ll get some free time back in the classroom as there are always many things I want to read and learn about.

A stagnant pool of bile… – 17th January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

If you could share one message with the world, what would it be?

I can’t decide an answer to this – maybe – learn to love to read?

I think as having visited many different places around the world there is not one message that is applicable to one and all.

Of course, we can say ‘love each other’ but it is a tired cliche that also begs many questions. Many religions posited this stance but they all became twisted by human interpretation.

I guess the ‘learn to love to read’ phrase is pertinent to never stop learning and growing because it can apply to anyone at any age.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have 3 happy playful cats in my life. I hope they remain healthy and don’t suffer any misfortune.

The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom.

Isaac Asimov

To-do list

  • Get photos taken for work permit ✅
  • Enjoy spending time with George and Bee ✅
  • Write to Chrissie ½
  • Think about how you can show Kru Noon your appreciation
  • Savour what you can, show thanks ½

School was good today. All my classes went well and the kids were happy. Not so much the teachers! Kru Noon was upset again because she had to fill classes for Said who didn’t show up and couldn’t be contacted. Kevin was also upset because Kru Tam had made him look bad in front of his kids.

The day went quickly for me as I drove into the city a couple of times to get photos for my work permit.

After work, I finished reading Anna Karenina – phew! One of the first books that I want to read again.

Then a quick shower and pick up George and Bee to go for Indian dinner. I enjoy meeting them very much and George suggested talking with Nancy about Jimmy so that she can hear about it from me rather than from him or someone else in the future. The option of going to CRPAO is good to have as a choice next semester. George is always trying to convince me to do it.

Amy and Bee had good long happy talks as we moved to the Library to hang out for a couple of hours, drinking sweet shots of unknown alcohol. They both think that George and I live in a ‘beautiful world’ – ie we see everything as good and positive. I’ve spent a lot of time and energy to try and look at life this way and feel much happier for it. I prefer this thinking style over my older negative and cynical one for sure.

For Saturday I have a couple of classes in the afternoon and Amy will go out again in the evening. I’ll be happy with another night at home. Our home is definitely a ‘beautiful world’ despite the snakes.