Tag: death
On the back of the city they ride
The Leaving – 15th April 1995
The body twinges and jumps
Twitches and shudders, gasping for breath
Heartbeats to
Heart
Beats
Until finally it gives up on life
(You are still alive)
Body useless now, soul departed
Memories left for the teary eyes
A terrible Christmas – 31st December 1993
As midnight approached, there was a drought of happiness. Instead, a flood of tears, uncontrollable sobbing.
I sat on the sofa, wrapped in a blanket to ward off the cold chill of winter. It was two days ago that we were sitting here quietly sipping our coffees, Bronwyn still tending to my last few days of chickenpox. Oh yes, it has certainly been a terrible Christmas.
The phone rang and Bronwyn got up to answer it and I was hoping for a friendly voice for me to set upon my story of terrible illness, oddly proud of my survival and hardship. I wish that had been the case.
By her voice, I knew something awful had happened. It sounded like….like someone had died. She called me through her choking and sobbing.
Thoughts raced. My mum? Not my mum!
Bronwyn said, ‘It’s Rob.’
‘Oh, thank god, ‘ I thought, ‘it’s not Steve.’ Or did she mean that it’s Rob on the phone? Oh, those few seconds are so clear, all those thoughts whizzing around as I took the receiver, Bronwyn too distressed to talk.
‘Steve passed away from a heart attack, the day before yesterday.’ WHAM! It was, as you’d expect, like a ton of bricks.
The veil of illness over me immediately lifted.
*Grandad – 13th June 1987
Grandad passed away today. R.I.P.
*Granny – 3rd July 1985
Granny died this morning. R.I.P.
*Madness Of Insanity – 31st December 1984
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
I’m not insane
Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho
I’m not bad
Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee
It’s not me brain
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
I’m just mad
Ha ho hee ha
The Week That Was 1984 diary
Photo: original import sticker from Black Flag’s Damaged album on Unicorn
31st December 1984
See next diary
Live groups of 1984
Confessions of Sin
Cult Maniax
Subhumans
Self Abuse
Conflict
Live songs of 1984
Self Abuse – Loose
Confessions of Sin – Loose (esp. at Capones)
National Insurance No.
NP 30 09 66 A
Phone numbers
Julie Roberts
Paul Chambers
Andy Anderson
Justin Butler
Simon Bradbury
Dave Brown
Amanda Brown
Jane Seabright
Kathryn Smith
Zoe
Liz Jennison
The Week That Was 1985 diary
Allergies: DEATH
Records of the week: Ruts – Staring at the Rude Boys, Subhumans – Rats
Last song of the year: Cult Maniax – Morphine Mary
31st December 1984
Built a new reception area. Mr. Grainger’s being a cunt but I went at 4. Went to Houldey’s. Dandy and Beki weren’t there
5
1st January 1985
Got up 12. Not much on TV. Not done anything in particular. Cat’s still scared to come in my room.
5
2nd January 1985
Cleaned out the Mezz floor. Fucking knackering day at work. Went to Youth Club. Stayed by myself most of the time. Getting better at darts.
4
3rd January 1985
Cleaned out the Mezz floor. Ringo Chubb are playing on the 11th in Poole. Could’ve fallen asleep at work. Went to Houldey’s. Dandy didn’t seem to notice that I’ve changed for her.
6
4th January 1985
Cleaned out the Mezz floor. Fucking knackered. Moved all shit from Mezz floor. No Youth Club. Went to Muz’s. He’s still being a shit.
5
5th January 1985
Went to town with Mum. Saw Burdett but didn’t say anything to the cunt. He’s still one of the lads. Track’s iced over slightly.
5
6th January 1985
Got up 12.30. Did this and that. Hoovered my room. Went out – no one about.
5
Death Is A Part Of Life – 5th September 1984
Death’s become a part of me
I’ve decided upon reality
Cos reality is dead – death is reality
Someone screams from an open room
As heaven sings
And angels loom
Playing their sweet strings
Cos reality is dead and death is reality
Knocking on your door, a kiss of heaven’s breath
Finally decided, now’s your time of death
Cos reality is dead and death is reality
Pinpoint the danger and you’ve solved the problem
Now you must decide on how to absolve them
Cos reality is dead and death is reality
Reality is dead and so am I
At least I chose the way I’d die
Hear Me Out – 23rd December 1983
We don’t need your bombs
When we’re living on
Death
Society
Answer
Death is
They have
Murder
Starving
Police
Fighting
Violence
Peace
Breathe
We are
What have we got?
Not a lot
All we ever get
No regret
Brutal beating
Are you eating?
Wrong arm of the law
What is it for?
Will it be war?
Heard it before?
Your final breath
Living on death
The Week That Was – 9th September 1979
Record of the week: Charlie Daniels – The Devil Went Down To Georgia
Highest entry: Ruts – Something That I Said
23rd Jun 2022 – Never heard the Charlie Daniels tune on the radio much beyond this time but it’s a classic story-type song that holds up well I think. The Ruts as the highest entry? These were the days.
9th September 1979
Er-m
Dunno
2p 2p
23rd Jun 2022 – Keeping a diary was getting more taxing….
10th September 1979
New member to group
2p
11th September 1979
Chuck a member from the group
2p
23rd Jun 2022 – Now were the formative thoughts of being in a band. I’m guessing this would have been me, Graeme and Chris, and as the Sex Pistols were a four-piece we must be too. I don’t think we (and by we, I mostly mean ‘I’) ever got to a four-piece and these entries were probably about Chris as I couldn’t decide if he was punk enough to be part of the group. His still going to church with his parents on Sunday didn’t quite gel with my ideas of a punk identity! But ultimately it looks like there was no one else to be a part of it.
At some point, I named our band Punks Unlimited, borrowing words from the punk cultural zeitgeist. My mum’s boss Fred had brought some notepad/scrapbooks for me when they visited and I set about making designs for album and single covers, coming up with song titles etc. All of this without any of us owning an instrument or writing any songs and lyrics. But this is where it started.
I threw those books out a long time ago but I can still remember them well. They were rubbish, typical 11-year-old attempts at replicating a minimal understanding of the world that was interesting.
A fad during this time was small cards of stickers (similar to the main photo here) that took off quickly and spread like wildfire throughout the school and I got right into it, begging my mum to get as many as possible from the local shop. It became a fun game to put stickers around the school in odd places without getting caught by the teachers. After a while of this, the headmasters got jack of having to clean them all up all the time and banned them. My first fight with authority!
Tied in with this time was my first and only experience with student death. Phillip Brown was a sickly kid with albino hair and a slow brain. I never got friendly with him really but had nothing against him. He went MIA for a few days and eventually we were told he had died. I don’t recall being shocked or upset as such, perhaps just a weird feeling of never seeing someone again. The school installed a bench outside the main entrance with a plaque of remembrance for him. Soon, it was covered in our little stickers.
12th September 1979
Got him back
My mum’s a bloody barstard
2p 2p
23rd Jun 2022 – Not sure exactly what prompted this entry but I was starting to get frustrated with my life and what I must have considered injustices committed against me. It would get worse – for both of us.
13th September 1979
1. Cliffie
2. Cars
3. BA Robertson
4. ELO
5. Crusaders
6. Roxy Music
7. Bellamy Brothers
8. Vanwarmer
9. Dollar
10. Money
2p
14th September 1979
Nothing
2p 290p*
15th September 1979
Brighton 2-0 Ipswich
2p 288p*
Elvis is dead – 16th August 1977
30th Aug 2025 – I was sitting at the dining table in a room that served as my mother’s workspace when it wasn’t occupied by our dining lodgers and me. I spent plenty of time here as my mum worked at her knitting machine.
But on this day, early evening, maybe post-dinner, Paul, our longest serving lodger, ran in from the living room, where our old dial TV/radio was ensconced, proclaiming that “Elvis is dead!” They said he died on the toilet of a heart attack. I sure didn’t want to die on the toilet.
Elvis was in the zeitgeist, but I wasn’t exactly sure why. I had probably seen his movies on TV at some point, but at age 9, I wasn’t yet aware of the sexual revolution that surrounded ‘rock ‘n’ roll’.
The dining room was, however, where I, aged 6, and a similarly aged girl from ‘down the street’, played doctors and nurses, showing each other our private parts. And I specifically recall asking my mum if it was ok for us to show each other our bottoms too. If only our innocence remained.
By this time, mum and I were living with my grandparents in Dorset and hadn’t sold our three-floor end terrace house in Whitehaven, Cumbria. This was probably our first visit back since moving. By the time of my next return, one or two years later, I had discovered Sid Vicious, the Sex Pistols and was processing the anti-‘rock ‘n’ roll’ of punk and Elvis was a sworn enemy, a faker and a part of everything that should be destroyed.
I was still enjoying Elvis’s final single release, ‘Way Down’, at this point though. The song suddenly found itself scaling the charts, showing just how sellable a celebrity death could be.
1994ever 