Tag: dVerse

Always Going Home – 30th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Outside, the sheds, rotting,
With stores of coal
And wood for the winters

Stray cats brought their kittens
to the secret stash of beers
Stolen to curious teenage lips

The washing hangs from the kitchen ceiling
Dried damp infused with boiled pork
At least the rain can’t get in

There are Proustian moments
of potpourri,
The lotions on the bathroom shelf

Creaking stairs and creaking doors
You’ve been here for hundreds of years
Standing as a home

That scary sloping floor
Will it one day fall on those
grandparents sleeping below?

In my pit
Corners of dirt, carpets of dust
How many skins I shed there?

The icy windows stuck shut
I settle under covers thick with
this year’s sweat

My love of the comfort of your walls,
crumbling as they were,
Left when I did

Submitted to dVerse – Buildings

Today I’m feeling:

More reasonable today though still not breathing properly and have itchy tired eyes.

I slept for almost 12 hours though it wasn’t all good sleep but I was happy to at least have the opportunity anyway.  Getting up late meant that the day disappeared fairly quickly.

After coffee, I came back and watched some videos before a delicious experimental lunch that Amy made of roasted vegetable lasagna but instead of lasagna sheets using soft tortillas instead.

Then some more 3 Body Problem, more videos (I didn’t move much today!) then I made it to my room to play guitar but I wasn’t quite in the mood but still managed about 25 minutes.  My room is super hot in the afternoons now and I need to go there and play guitar in the mornings when my brain feels more alert!

I’m also reminded that I need to get back to my Thaipod101 lessons now that I have some free time again.

And also I want to do some study around active listening.  I figure that after 56 years on earth, I might actually start listening to what other people have to say!  Of course, I may find out the opposite too.

Today I’m grateful for:

The cowman from a couple of doors down.

This evening I was about to go out and close the gate and noticed something black on the grass.  On closer inspection, it was cow shit!  When did that get there!  We were out in the garden in the afternoon and it wasn’t there then.

I grabbed a torch and walked around the garden just to check that whatever visitors we had had gone before going to close the gate.  When I got to the gate it was already shut.  I figured that a cow must’ve come in and the cowman found it, chased it back out and closed the gate behind him.

The mystery was soon confirmed by our CCTV system – a mum and calf with the cowman chasing them out!

The best thing about today was:

Amy’s lunch and then in the evening, Amy’s delicious peach crumble with chocolate ice cream.  What a lucky guy I am.  Or was I just smart enough to pick the best person for me to marry?

Something I learned today?

Last year in the world happiness index, China was number 1, followed by Saudi Arabia and then the Netherlands.  In this year’s report neither China nor Saudi Arabia were in the top 30.  That’s strange!  It turns out that even though their data was collected it wasn’t used in the final report meaning a white Western nation (The Netherlands) is the happiest in the world.  At least, if you cherry-pick the data to your agenda.

Also, whilst watching the Netflix 3 Body Problem it seemed fairly obvious to me that the ‘China Bad’ narrative was highlighted intentionally.  It followed the book in that it was a Chinese woman who made contact with the aliens but as the rest of the series wasn’t set in China, as most of the book was, it bluntly exposes Western audiences to a message of ’look what the terrible Chinese did.’  Sigh.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I sent more messages out to students about their holidays. Checking in with them.

Paen sent me another message out of the blue talking about ending her life again.  I wrote back quickly but still haven’t had an answer.  I just sent her another encouraging message. I hope she’s ok.

I took this picture when closing the gate a couple of nights ago. Is this a blood moon or air pollution?

Dead Daffodil – 16th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Time marches on, each golden dawn
The love call in lingerie wears thin
Beautiful eyes now weep forlorn
As the devil burns at Narcissus‘ skin

With the white lion tete-a-tete
Thalia laughed in comedic grace
Ice follies not quite melted yet
Double smiles across Merlin’s face

A sovereign, a sentinel of silver smiles
Once orange progress or pink pride
February gold fades as June defiles
The Dutch master‘s lemon beauty died

Submitted to dVerse’s Daffodil prompt. Naturally, my mind wanted to turn around the joys of spring and to already mourn its end before it even begins.

Today I’m feeling:

Grotty. Getting up at 4am for Oh and Aun’s wedding has knocked me sideways. In between things that I need to partake in I lay down and dizzily dozed. Each time getting up gingerly worried about fainting.

Today I’m grateful for:

Being able to grab a four-hour afternoon catch-up sleep. I could’ve gone through until tomorrow if I didn’t have to attend this evenings reception, where I’m sitting now wondering if I have vertigo.

The best thing about today was:

Sleep.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Not enough sleep and too much sleep! I also didn’t manage to study any Thai today.

I took this picture because I liked the juxtaposition between the two sides. The facade all looking beautiful and behind the scenes the wood and nails holding it in place.
Fatman report

Nobody Knows – 11th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 23 Comments

“Why does Spring once again offer its green clothes?”*
A break from the darkness, sprung from where nobody knows

Clinging to warmth on those dark winter nights
Hiding under covers as daylight dallies. Nobody knows

where the world is heading, these paths to be unmuddied
Always turning, the coming and going. Nobody knows

when the lights will turn off, green concedes to the dark again
Again, again – why the black dog barks, nobody knows

These clouds shower down a ridiculous rain
As I long for the green, now gone where nobody knows

*From Pablo Neruda’s ‘Book of Questions’
Shared with dVerse Meeting The Bar, a ghazal somewhat meeting the criteria!
31st Jul 2024 – Submitted to Moonwashed Weekly Prompt

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty bright and positive.  

My lower back is sore from sitting in the cinema for three hours and this morning a bit of tooth, or porcelain (I don’t know what is mine anymore) broke off whilst eating yoghurt and has left it very sensitive.  

I have an appointment on Thursday anyway so hopefully I can hold on until then.

Today I’m grateful for:

The positive feedback that I’m getting on some of my poetry.  I’m also grateful to have found many prompt pages and ideas around poetry forms which I’m enjoying trying out.

The best thing about today was:

Watching a group of various students, some of whom I knew, bonding together as there are few students around this week.  They were bonding by playing truth or dare and a drinking game, though with an assortment of soft drinks, of course.

Still, it is obvious to me where that idea will lead.  What can I say, that’s what we all did at that age.  You live and learn, hopefully without anything untoward happening.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

It was a little annoying that all my first class turned up in the classroom this morning which meant I had to stay around for a while and babysit them, though I took time to visit the other classrooms too.  

All of them were lazily playing on their phones or making up their own ideas of fun.  

I managed to get out about 30 minutes early at least.

Something I learned today?

Britain mocked France and Egypt when they were building the Suez Canal until they realised what a benefit it was for them to be able to get to India two months quicker than previously, in case there was another uprising there.

When Egypt soon came unstuck and wanted to sell its share in the canal, Britain eagerly snapped it up.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I offered some emotional support to Praew who has become slightly isolated in her class recently. 

Also to Kwang who told me that her mum, who is in Bangkok somewhere, has blocked her phone calls.  I don’t think there is any animosity in it but it must suck to know that your mum is too occupied with other things to take your calls.

I took the motorbike for a little ride, sticking in some petrol and charging up the battery a little for Amy as she wanted to go to the market tonight but hasn’t been able to use the bike since it needing to be kick-started on its back stand. She’s too little to pull the bike up onto it though I reckon she could if she really needed to.

What is one thing I want to learn more about?

I’m watching a video about RipX DAW and reminded that I still need to learn more about using a DAW, particularly the one I already paid for (Ableton Live – which has been so long since I tried it that I had to look up what it was called!) and bought a midi keyboard to use with it.  

I’m really interested to do it but can see that it involves a lot of time investment that I don’t really have enough of at the moment.

Sarah took this picture of Ozone because she stole my phone out of my pocket as Praewa dragged me off to dance on the other side of the room. As she filled up my phone with pictures I only found three worth saving at the end of the day.

With Art and Word – 6th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

With revolutionary thinking
We will knock down the wall
Of the Kool-Aid drinking
Prisoners in it’s thrall

Rise up from your slumber
Take up your arms
You are many in number
Hearing the alarms

Battle with art and word
Against the unfairness absurd

Submitted to dVerse – Slumber
7th May 2024 – Submitted to FOWC with Fandango

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty positive though my shoulder is giving me some gip.  Something isn’t right in there and I can’t stretch or roll it out.  I’ve done very little arm exercising for the last couple of months and may just try and push through the pain to get back to it.

Today I’m grateful for:

Amy and everything she does to make our house a home. I don’t want to take her for granted.

The best thing about today was:

My grade 10s not turning up for class allowing me time to organise another classes’ worksheets, staple them together and gift them back to the students. I felt good doing that, even if they just throw their work away. At least I made the effort to present their work back to them at the end of the semester.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I lost my cool with Amy when she got overexuberant whilst drunk. She was in a good mood and playful but I was tired and eating and when I didn’t know what she was doing as she tried to put her fingers in my mouth I pushed her arm away. Unfortunately that then set her off and blew up into a fight. Now we are both in a bad mood.

I will try to make her feel better but also just feel like going to bed and sleeping already. I don’t have much patience for drunken antics these days, I’m old and tired when it comes to that. It doesn’t fill me with excitement anymore.

Something I learned today?

2024 marks a special year for cicadas in the USA. It is the first time since 1803 that two specific broods of cicadas (one that emerges every 13 years, and one that emerges every 17) should be emerging together. This co-emergence won’t happen again for another 221 years.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

My vile deed was pushing Amy’s arm away and initiating a tiff. I should have been (even) more patient or be more assertive in a different manner.

I bought some cream chup-a-chups to give to my grade 9 students for their graduation ceremony tomorrow.

I took this picture because I got home to melting cats (again!)

Where Is Goldie? – 2nd March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Leapt up
To breathe hot air
A fish out of water
“Mommy, where has Goldie gone to?”
Came the sharp cry from the distraught daughter
Searching the scene, the empty bowl
From the sofa’s safety
Then mommy too
Leapt up

Submitted to dVerse
Form inspired by this poem at Poetry Matters
“Rictameter is a scheme similar to Cinquain. Starting your first line with a two-syllable word, you then consecutively increase the number of syllables per line by two. i.e. 2, 4, 6, 8, 10 Then down again, 8, 6, 4, 2 Making the final line the same two-syllable word you began with.“

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good after a long sleep, cold shower and coffee. Even a sudden change to plans doesn’t phase me today.

Today I’m grateful for:

Finding that the car seat covers that I would like to buy will be discounted tomorrow for the Lazada 3.3 Sale.  

Now I just have to remember to order them sometime tomorrow.

The best thing about today was:

Sharing two plates of different Bingsu with Amy after lunch.  One was red syrup on milk ice, the other taro. A nice and refreshing sweet cool down.  This time of the year the world turns yellow and the green goes missing.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The change of plans was out of my control but didn’t bother me at all.  I’ve come to expect changes at a moment’s notice now and accepted that things will not always go the way that I hope.  

As I still count myself very lucky to have a lot of time for myself it’s not a big loss to give some of it up for things that come up.

Something I learned today?

The Chiang Rai train station (if it ever happens) will be somewhere between the city and Wiang Chai.  

There are also plans to upgrade the airport starting next year.  Things are up and running again after the fuck around of the pandemic.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Amy changed our plans for the weekend after being invited to travel to Toeng on Sunday.  We will still go to the city in the morning for Grandmum’s 100 days since passing and then she’ll head off with her friends.  

This meant that instead of relaxing at home all day today we had to go to the city to take the truck to get fixed and find shirts for us to wear at Amy’s brother’s wedding in a couple of weeks.  It also meant an extra journey to the city and back this weekend and I was hoping to save on petrol.  This month will be tight for money again.  

Anyway, as usual, I just got on with it, listening to Amy complain about how hot it was and telling myself not to complain about the weather (despite it being complainable about!)

I took this picture because two days of hot weather signifying the instant change from winter to summer has seen buds breaking through in Amy’s mum’s garden.

The Haunting – 25th February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 13 Comments

I see you
I see you on the wall
How can I like you
Curled lip and all?

Your posture
Seems to be exclaiming
Your ugliness
Accusatory and blaming

Your yellowed arms
Wild and free
A broken halo
You haunt me

Shared to Crimson’s Creative Challenge #276 (picture prompt below)
3rd Oct 2024 – Shared with dVerse – haunting

Today I’m feeling:

Tired and sleepy and little prepared for Amy’s planned day ahead, a trip to the waterfall and to the place where she left her charger and then an evening out at Casa Mio with Aing and Now. Ugh. I just want to rest.

Today I’m grateful for:

That we didn’t have to go out tonight in the end.  I was phasing in and out of lucidity as I was eating at the river restaurant and everyone decided it would be best to stay and eat at home together instead.  

I resisted sleeping and felt a little better after medicine but also felt as if I could slip into a long deep sleep easily.

The best thing about today was:

Difficult to pinpoint.  I haven’t particularly enjoyed the day due to my feeling but then nothing bad happened either.  

Oh, maybe the best thing was that Amy got her charger back from the hotel where she stayed and it was close to where we were going too, so all that worked out ok.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My feeling, unfortunately.  I either felt sick and dizzy from my runny nose and headache or sick and dizzy from the medicine that countered my runny nose and headache.

Something I learned today?

Out at lunch, Aing asked if we knew the DJ at Rad Bar and showed a picture.  I said he looked familiar but couldn’t place him.  

Later, Aing said that he would come and join us for dinner and DJ.  OK.  

When he turned up it was Leo, the Ukrainian teacher in primary.  

And the girl he came with said that she would finally meet the person who made the delicious cinnamon rolls.  

Somehow or other everyone knows everyone and everything that goes on around this little city.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I complied with Amy’s wishes when she needed and in return, she didn’t push too much knowing how I was feeling.

I took this picture from our restaurant table in the river. My body still isn’t flexible enough to sit cross-legged for long periods of time and my ass and back were aching.

Touch, Don’t Touch – 24th February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Don’t touch me there
Not today anyway
Show me that you care
And you will stay

Don’t touch that part
I’m not ready yet
Break my heart
And see what you get

Touch me and surprise
Yes means go!
But otherwise
No means no!

Submitted to dVerse Quadrille #195

Searching my tiny little brain for inspiration for the prompt word ‘touch’, I suddenly remembered the lesson I taught my grade 10 students yesterday about sexual abuse.

On one of the slides I showed a cartoon boy and girl in underwear with the title ‘Don’t touch me there’ and we discussed where it was ok to touch another person without permission.

The final slide contains the text ‘Whatever we wear, wherever we go, yes means yes, no means no.’ I love hearing the kids say ‘no means no’, not just because of the meaning in this context but because NOMEANSNO is one of my favourite lyrical bands that has stayed with me throughout my life.

So this all came together quite quickly in the end and it was just a matter of squeezing everything down to 44 words for the challenge.

Today I’m feeling:

Not so great this morning. I didn’t sleep well as snot dripped out of my nose when I slept on my left and my shoulder ached on my right. Will have to get some medicine to fix me up as we have a housewarming to go to tonight.

Today I’m grateful for:

Being free to take a long sleep of recovery from about 11 am until 4pm. After taking some medicine and reading for a little bit I fell into wild and crazy dreams, stirring in and out of delirium each toss and turn.

The best thing about today was:

I haven’t felt like there was anything today that was best. I enjoyed reading some more of Thurston Moore’s Sonic Life. That’s about it for today.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Being at this housewarming is out of my control. I feel sleepy and medicine dizzy. Not unhappy but not particularly sociable.

Something I learned today?

Aing and Now, who arrived here last night for Now’s friend’s graduation had to travel by bus from Bangkok this time, with a day in Chiang Mai on the way. Money is tight for them these days and I know they appreciate our free accommodation.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

After my long sleep, I thought that I would be ok for the housewarming and drove us there through, familiar to me, beautiful green rice paddies which Amy enjoyed, especially as the sun was moving into the golden hour.

At the party though, I wasn’t feeling good and the thumping over-extended PA was giving me a headache as all-comers were slowly slipping into a typical village drunken mania.

I anticipate a couple of cars ending up stuck in the paddies later. I made my retreat telling Amy to call and I would come and pick her up later.


I took this picture because this is the view from the open kitchen at the housewarming we are at. The other three sides are rice fields too. Nice. Perhaps the wooden shack in view is the original house. There seem to be about ten or more people sitting in there, cooking, eating and drinking.

Stepping Out – 17th February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 12 Comments

You burned down our house
But home is in our head
We marvel at the pyres
And warm ourselves instead

We are the free ones
Wandering and wild
Whilst you guard your toys
The spoils of the child

For all the sermons
High up on the mount
You carry more burdens
Than anyone can count

The title refers to the Dangerous Girls song ‘Step Out’ that repeats the phrase “demolition”. The first stanza refers to Edison watching his factory burn. ‘Wandering and wild’ refers to Wasted Youth’s album titled “Wild and Wandering”. The burden is a reference to what Israel will carry once they have completely destroyed Palestine.
8th May 2024 – Submitted to dVerse Poetics

Today I’m feeling:

I felt pretty good after getting back from coffee but whilst settling into some reading some felt sleepy and had another three hours rest waking up again at two pm

Today I’m grateful for:

The shop where we sneakily parked our car and decided to get out and walk the rest of the way to the festival.

The best thing about today was:

The atmosphere of fun and pleasure at the festival.  Folks were having a good time.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Taking an hour and a half to get to Singha Park for the balloon festival, stuck in traffic for more than an hour and missing any sunset photo opportunities. At least I could listen to my music whilst in the car.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I remained patient whilst stuck in traffic (and hungry)

I took this picture because we had a nice spot by the lake to watch the balloons being inflated though it was a little windy for them to go up tonight.

Imagine – 7th February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 6 Comments

In my head
I lost my mind
Imagining red
Colourblind

Absent a shadow
No friend follows
A poisoned arrow
No more tomorrows

No peace of mind
Imagined I
None could find
Or satisfy

Coming back
To my senses
None so black
Beat my defences

Submitted to dVerse

Today I’m feeling:

A little sick with a sore throat and lack of energy.  I skipped my alarm and exercise for an extra 30 minutes of sleep.  I’m hoping not to have to do too much at school today.  I could do with an afternoon nap and I’m saying that now before it’s even 8 am.

(10 am) And there we are, the tipping point.  Lazily wandering from place to place and eventually being told there’s nothing for us to do today.  So here I am back at House for coffee number two.

Today I’m grateful for:

Lots of free time in which I could read, write and learn whilst sipping coffee and then later spending a couple of hours reading comics in bed, where I did indeed, enjoy an awesome afternoon nap.

The best thing about today was:

Hanging out with Michael and David for a little while this morning and then lazily walking from school to where some of the kids were doing the zip-line and we watched for a few minutes, ducked away and walked back again.  The temperature was ok for the most part and once off the highway, the walk was quite pleasant.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The typical dysfunction of Scout week activities at school used to bug me but now I listened to how they bugged David instead and accepted the advantages that we can get from it.

Something I learned today?

Andrew Huberman is into Rancid.

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO –  13. Be Nice. I don’t mean you should be a pushover. You can be someone that doesn’t take shit and be nice about it. Just don’t insult people, think you’re better than them, or act like an idiot.

I’m a lot nicer than I used to be.  I don’t insult people or think that I am better than others anymore but I probably am still prone to acting like an idiot every now and then.  One would hope that we are all a lot nicer than we used to be but then you meet some people…..

I took this picture because these flowers have decided to grow, against the odds.

The Rush – 4th February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The race never existed in his world
To hurry something somehow seemed wrong
Never a challenge externalised
Until the hare came haring along

…and what were you like before…

Today I’m feeling:

Sore. My back and knees are complaining after stressing them yesterday whilst cleaning out the sink drain. 

Today I’m grateful for:

The parking guys with their whistles at Makro.  I don’t know why they are necessary or why they blow their whistles so much as it’s impossible to understand if it means anything.  I almost ran the guy over because I had a clear reverse behind me and he was the only thing in the way!

The best thing about today was:

Spending a few hours in my room, catching up on reading, sorting music, downloading and listening and then practising guitar.  I want to spend more time doing this but I still don’t really enjoy being in that room anymore.

Something I learned today?

The average age of a Ukrainian soldier right now is 43!

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I followed up with Earn, asking her the same question as I did about six weeks ago – Tell me five things you like about yourself.  Her answers are better than last time.  Less focused on looks and more focused on feelings and emotions.

What is a happy memory from my childhood?

I’ve lots of snippets of memories that are not particularly happy or sad, just things that happened. Some may have felt ecstatic at the time such as playing football at school or tragic like the time I cracked my eyebrow open on the edge of a step but at this distance, they are just events. I consider my childhood to be memories until I was about halfway through middle school, pre-pubescent. After that, I consider myself a teenager until I was forty!

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO –  11. Lead the Way. When you find yourself in a situation where everyone looks at each other, it’s time for you to lead. You’re a leader when you decide to become one. There’s no initiation or a title. Just a decision.

Before going through teenage depression I thought that I could be a leader.  After that though, I mostly wanted to keep my head down though I still had a selfish streak of arrogance which popped up from time to time. 

Whilst doing DIY punk things in Sydney I never felt like a leader but did hope that I was an inspiration for others and I can think of two friends for sure who did take something from what I was doing and ran with it themselves. 

Now, at school, in Thailand, I consider myself the same.  Not as a leader but as an inspiration.  I want to inspire my students to become the best of themselves.  I don’t work for prizes and awards and I don’t want to be managing other adults.  I don’t want to lead people in such a way as to tell them what to do.  Rather than leading I just want to be doing something. Anything.  Just do it.

I took this picture because this was one of the few super cute kittens that were jumping around, playing and sleeping on this spirit house at the Night Bazaar last night.