“Everything that needs to be said has already been said. But, since no one was listening, everything must be said again.” – Andre Gide
Email to TLJ:
Thank you so much for talking to me yesterday – I was feeling pretty weird after talking to you in the morning (cos you were in such a foul mood!) and I did feel alone again. I really really love talking to you babe – I don’t want to lose that (you know I don’t want to lose you at all). Anyway – I look forward to talking to you again – as always, as ever.
Your friend
Email to TLJ:
Hey, well it sure was good to see you again you know. I missed you so much and was frustrating me, you being at home…..blah blah. Anyway, I apologise for keeping you late last night. It wasn’t my wish for you to stay so late but you did come round kinda late too and we had a lot to talk about. I’m still uncertain about what is happening with us but I am happy that you still want to be my best friend and that we can have fun and maybe fool around too – like kids or something. I really don’t wanna scare you or frighten you so I’ll back off a bit in that respect OK. If I know that you want to be with me that’s enough you know – that’s what I meant by wanting to know what you want. Well, I’ll speak to you soon I hope
Email to TLJ:
Well, this is pretty hard to write – it’s hard to think about us while I’m at work because it gets me sad and I don’t want to be sad. I just wanted to share my time with someone who dug me like you dug me. To be able to laugh and be happy with you, have fun with you. I guess it’s not fun for you anymore. It really upset me when you said last year was the worst year of your life. I hope this year is better for you. The way things have gone upsets me greatly – I believed in us – I trusted you…..
I’ll talk to you soon – I can’t really write anymore now.
20th Oct 2024 – Whilst TLJ was away in Taiwan for a few weeks I guessed she was reassessing our relationship and at this time had told me that she didn’t want it to continue.
Email to TLJ:
Babe – I hope your delicate little feet are on Australian ground now and that you are safe at home tucked up in bed (or sprawled out on the couch watching Delia Smith with half an eye). And I hope that you wake up sometime today to give me a call. All is well here and anticipatory. I want your cuddles sweetie!
Email to TLJ:
Wonder how you’re feeling now. Nearly home. You’re probably over Queensland somewhere. Asleep. I’m pretty happy today. I feel a bit fitter. I’ve been working out a little, just doing sit-ups and push-ups and walking a lot. Gonna go and put a deposit on a bike at lunchtime too – put it on layby. Can’t wait to look into your eyes again and see the reflections of happiness that you have had over the last few weeks.
Email to TLJ:
Babe – was good to talk to you a bit more on the weekend. Makes me feel good. I hope your throat gets better and that you got to sleep some on the plane. Bet it was emotional saying goodbye to your new friends. Anyway, in my last email, I talked about commitment but that’s not really what I meant. I think what I would like from you is to know that this is what you WANT. I don’t know – it’s all confusing to me now. I need to see you and talk to you I suppose. You make me shake……..
Email to TLJ:
Hey babe – remember me? Remember my number? I wish you’d call me and leave your number or where you are staying – it’s driving me nuts not being able to talk to you.
I miss you, honey.
Email to TLJ:
I went for a walk yesterday after work – down in the National Park – you remember where we went past Whale Rock – well I jogged to about as far as we went – ‘member we went up to that lookout – and then kept going and going until there’s a cycle track that goes up to the end of Vimiera Road – I cut off the track there and went into the bush following some animal tracks and back up from the creek – I ended up at the back of some houses and had to fight pretty hard through some thick bush for a while – woulda looked pretty crazy – I got cut up on the arm a bit too – and I’m dead knackered after that too – at least it was a little easier to get to sleep last night – but still damned hot and sticky.
I’m still thinking of you a lot and that keeps me awake too. I wonder what will happen to us when you return and I go through all the bad things that could happen – by bad I mean like we split up or something – I don’t know why I have these doubts. I wonder if you would prefer to be without me – if life would be easier for you that way. I don’t know how I would go if we split – it would be very sad for me. I know I would want to be friends with you but know that would be hard initially too. Anyway, you see, why am I thinking these things….why am I in doubt? I think because I need to hear some reassurance from you – it’s been hard to not be able to talk to you every day like we normally do.
Christmas has been a non-event for me too. I was looking forward to having some time to myself while you were away but now I know that I need people to keep me occupied (that sounds pretty bad put like that!) to divert my attention from my introverted self. I used to be very extroverted you know – what happened? I don’t know. It’s weird. where did all this self-doubt come from?
Babe, this has just been another get it off my chest session – trying to figure things out. Still haven’t got anywhere! Anyway, I hope that when you are reading this that you are close enough to me to come and give me a supportive hug and kiss and say something like “I understand’ – even if you don’t!!
Have you seen Jackie Chan yet?
Email to TLJ:
Babe
Can you take me to the Moonlight Cinema one day please please pretty please! Are you on a plane now or what I wonder? It must be fairly exciting to be in HK for NYE. I bet it’s completely fuckin mad! Don’t get lost in the crush and crowds will ya! Wish I could be there with you. I bet you’ve become great friends with a few people on this trip? Can’t wait to hear all about it.
Email to TLJ:
Are you on your way to HK now? I probably won’t be doing anything on NYE. I want to stay sober too. Anyway – you may be interested to know that Iota is playing at Martin Place Amphitheatre on Monday 18th so if you’re working there you could pop down and see him! Jeez, I hope you call soon – I really would appreciate being able to talk to you. I wish I could get your number so I could call you – we would talk for ages and blow the cost. Thanks for being there for me when I need you.
My love to you
1994ever 