Tag: Fern

Chemo Kimo – 10th November 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Hooked up to the slowly beeping machine
Waiting for the best result
Otherwise, it is time

image from https://www.cdc.gov/cancer/preventinfections/patients.htm

15th Jun 2024 – Submitted to FOWC with Fandango

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good and positive but have a little bit of a sore throat which hopefully doesn’t develop further. This morning though it’s hella hot and humid and most of the booths for the Open House are out in the sun and students are dripping sweat from their faces and I’ve sought refuge at House for a couple of hours.

Today I’m grateful for:

The Hokkaido milk ice cream waiting in the new freezer for a refreshing afternoon treat in this dripping melting heat.

The best thing about today was:

The afternoon concert finale to the school Open House when the students let themselves go a little and got a friendly teenage mosh pit going to their favourite songs and as I tried to encourage my shy students to join, my more outgoing students tried to drag me in to join them too. It was an excellent afternoon of happiness and joy.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The ferocious mosquitos as the sun sets are a reminder that not everything is great in this paradise. Just as the sun goes down the temperature becomes perfect to enjoy being outside (getting some gardening done, enjoying a meal or just relaxing in a hammock) and all is well and good except for those blood-sucking critters. They do settle down a little about an hour after sunset but they still lurk.

I handled them by acceptance and wildly flailing my arms whilst I was hosing down the bricks outside the kitchen. I came back inside covered in red welts and hope that they fed themselves so fat on my blood that they were too drunk to fly.

Something I learned today?

At breakfast, I learned a little about the post-Beats, the Barbarian Poets and read a cool poem by Julia Vinograd called ‘For The Cafe Babar Poetry Reading’. Later I read about why space telescopes are stationed at the Lagrange point, L2, to block sunlight and orbit at the same speed as Earth due to gravitational pull.

Imagine three things that could go wrong in the next 24 hours.

  • I could be seriously injured in a car or motorbike crash.
  • I could be fired from my job.
  • Amy’s grandmum could pass away.

Being seriously injured would certainly be a drag here in Thailand. If I was conscious I would request to be taken to Bangkok Hospital as I believe the care there would be superior though the cost would match too. There are cheaper options but it’s better not to scrimp when it comes to health. I would hope to get some reading in during a recovery period!

Getting fired would also be a drag of course as I’m really enjoying what I’m doing these days. I think if I couldn’t find another job teaching junior/high school here I would give up and help Amy figure out what we could do here at home.

Amy’s grandmum passing away is likely to happen soon and I can see Amy is already mentally preparing for it. She talked about how her grandmum helped her when she was little and she’s upset to see her confined to a bed and slowly withering away.

This text is a mental preparation for possible futures. Best to be ready for what the world throws at you.

Nong Fern took this action shot because she and her classmates wanted me to dance with them.

Definition – 23rd March 2023

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I don’t need attention or money anymore
I’m no longer the person I was before
Staring into the sky, wondering what to be
Scared that I no longer know what is me

Today I’m feeling:

Happy and hopeful though a little tired.

Today I’m grateful for:

A message from my student Aoi to our class chat saying that she missed me (perhaps a little tongue in cheek) and then Jeng said he did too. I’m glad it’s not just me that feels a void after the intensity of the semesters.

The best thing about today was:

Unexpectedly being home by 10 am was pretty sweet, getting to enjoy all the things I enjoy such as reading, grooming our cats, watering the garden, putting together lesson ideas, drinking coffee and playing cards at Daytripper.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I got to school late because I knew nothing would really start until around 9 am but then when I got to the hall it was all locked up and no one was around. I went back to our building and found out that we won’t be in the hall again until next week.

Ok, no problem, though I had left all my flashcards that I was making in there. I just hope they are recoverable. I asked Kru Mai what I should do today and he just shrugged and said to start putting together presentations for the next semester, which is what I would be doing whether I was at school or not anyway.

I said cool, no worries and came home! I’m thankful the environment here is flexible in this way, not like at previous schools.

In the afternoon I did start putting together my plans for my classes whilst enjoying coffees at Daytripper. Well, why not?

Something I learned today?

I watched a video advising how best to play barre chords on guitar. I’m still struggling with these and my hand and wrist get tired quickly so I’m looking for all the tips I can get. Want to keep playing, and improve my skill and speed. It’s going to be slow for an old bloke like me.

What is something positive happening in my life right now?

I’m feeling pretty positive about everything at the moment though I’m trying to think of something specific. It’s just me and Cap here in bed, in the aircon and…and what? So long as my brain doesn’t fall into a loop of negative thoughts I consider everything positively. Ok got it. The positive thing happening in my life right now is my thoughts.

I took this picture because I thought this plant had died as all the leaves had curled up brown. I secretly held out hope but there was nothing for six months until a couple of weeks ago, new growth and now the unfurling. Amazing.

One Thing – 5th December 2022

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It’s all you have, there’s nothing else
All you held are old dusty dreams
It’s the time you are alive, this one thing
The only possession that is what it seems

Every moment wasted on the dramas of others subtracts from your strength.

Robert Greene

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and carefree despite still having to organise things for my students for tomorrow’s classes.
Today I’m grateful for:
The rental car company and for being able to drive around Phuket at leisure and without worry.
The best thing about today was:
Today has been steadily great. Right now we’re in the Hilton restaurant at the beach with free-flow alcohol. Good for Amy! This morning we had delicious brunch at another beach, along with Aing, after dropping Fern and Harper at the airport. Everything went super smoothly timing-wise and Amy and I drove back by the scenic beaches route with a quick circuit of Patong just as a reminder of being there 10 years ago. The lovely hotel we stayed at that time has been abandoned since, probably due to the pandemic, but there were lots of new ones and many foreign tourists around as expected. After dropping Amy back at Pim’s I went off book shopping and picked up one book I was looking for and another three by Studs Turkel, who I’ve never heard of, but was fascinated by the name and an approval from Kurt Vonnegot on the back cover of one. Awesome, even with the heavy rain.
Something I learned today?
According to surveys, Chiang Rai is the drunkest province in Thailand. Not sure how this was measured and it must be pretty serious as everywhere in Thailand loves a drink.
What are some of the challenges you face?
My biggest challenges at the moment probably revolve around health. I need to lose a little weight again and build up some stamina but seem to be suffering a little from what may be long covid. I get breathless and exhausted easily. I have aching hips and a painful neck, weak arms with painful elbows. I should focus a little bit of extra effort on maintenance in the next few months.

I took this picture because it was good timing for us to be dropping Fern to the airport near where Aing lives and Aing has a day off today so we could treat her to lunch. The food was great and the beach was good too.

The Container – 3rd November 2022

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Oil is needed for the container
Good PR from the explainer
Once made, it needs to be filled
Opposition to it must be killed
The container is mandated by God
To surround those found to be odd
If the flow is something not agreed
The container must be seen to succeed
This box is not some piece of Tupperware
It’s a restricting restraining nightmare
Beaten by always holding one’s breath
If not capitulated by finding one’s death
Held inside, the hope and dreams of others
But not to be shared with Bigger Brothers
The container will succumb to decay
As new containers will come into play

If there is no solution to the problem then don’t waste time worrying about it. If there is a solution to the problem then don’t waste time worrying about it.

Dalai Lama

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and fulfilled.
Today I’m grateful for:
One of my students, Rista, came up to me and asked me if I dropped any money as she was holding out a 100 baht note. I hadn’t but she insisted I take it. When I told her it wasn’t mine she refused to take it back and consider the idea of keeping it for herself. Maybe it will bring bad luck or just the fact it’s not hers so she shouldn’t keep it and once it’s passed on she no longer has the burden. Anyway, I bought some yummy ginger fried fish and rice for dinner with it.
The best thing about today was:
Being in the classroom with my students again. It made me feel so happy to be a little part of their lives again.
Where are you visiting soon?
Amy and I were considering a quick trip to Vietnam when she’s back but we decided to visit Pimmy and Fern in Phuket instead. It will be nice to be near water again even if it is such a short time. Amy lives in Drummoyne at the moment and rides the ferry to work every morning. That’s a nice way to go to work.

Khokwan took this picture because she was playing around with a mirror photo app and asked me to look at the camera. Today I was a model teacher with two students as we posed for a photo shoot for some promotional thing or other. We were all a bit bemused as we were asked to look like I was teaching while we all smiled at the camera. Hopefully I’m not made into a 20-foot billboard.

Cornfield – 13th February 2022

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We broke down the fence
It couldn’t hold us back
Stomped around the cornfield
As if under some attack
Stamping our feet in furrows
Over the husks, we run
We knew we’d later be in trouble
But it was so much damn fun
We screamed for each other
As the leaves flapped our faces
Circling in wide loops
Running made-up races
Finally, we were exhausted
And we settled down to rest
Summer with my friends
In a cornfield is the best

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you too, can become great.

Mark Twain

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Nong Fern to bring me lots of snacks from Hat Yai.

Well boy, you’ve got to listen to me, promise her you’ll rise this day next year, from this very bed – 9th April 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Everyone was asking me why I wasn’t drawing pictures of Amy, so I thought I’d prepare a little surprise for our 11th wedding anniversary. I started with one of us together and then ones with Amy and one of her friends. I then sent these digitally to her friends and asked them all to send them back to Amy digitally today. It was fun to plan all this and it got me a lot of practice with sketching.

Shaun and Amy
Amy and Jessica
Fern and Amy
May and Amy
Amy and Muey
Amy and Grace
Billie and Amy
Mai and Amy
Amy and Bookie

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the TV in our hotel room last night. The porter switched it on when bringing in our bags and I thought it was weird to turn on the TV. As I was waiting for Amy I switched channels by total coincidence they had the ABC Channel and the Swans game was being shown live. I managed to watch the first half before we had to go out for dinner.

We got that attitude! – 5th October 2020

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I am so happy and grateful that I sat and stretched this morning. I feel much better and less stiff.

To-do list

  • Is there someone you can connect with? ½
  • How about a random act of kindness? ½
  • Listen to more of your own music
  • Keep practising that guitar! ✅
  • Workout and yoga too!

Now it’s the 29th and I’m on school holiday for about ten days. It’s nice not to have to go through the familiar routines of getting up and going to work. I’m curious how I can get back into my morning routines after missing them for so many weeks since it started getting dark in the mornings.

I have to motivate myself to do that because I know I definitely feel better when I do those things in the morning.

I have been good at practising guitar and really enjoying it. I am making slow and steady progress. I do notice more pain in my arms thought but I’m hoping that that will just be muscles strengthening slowly. I’m getting interested in the whole music theory and will pick up a MIDI keyboard soon.

I’ve also been learning Thai with a tutor and can see comparisons in this learning. Got to stick with it – through the difficult periods.

Right now I’m in Phuket for a few days with Amy (meeting up with Fern, who it is great to see again). We are staying in a 5-star hotel and seeing beautiful sights, eating amazing food and we are forever grateful for everything we have. I am generally happy and content with whatever I am doing.

Tonight I looked at the sky and contemplated what a twenty-year-old Shaun would think of the idea of where he is now. I’m glad I never gave up on life even in dark and directionless times too.

The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #55 – 12th September 2020

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From now I’m going to tell you that these selections are highly curated, carefully selected and specifically ordered for your listening edification by world-renowned DJtenzenmen.

I tell you this because these kinds of things sell!

The truth is that the music is randomly selected by iTunes – but as the iTunes library is already carefully selected with only the best top quality material from 50 years of research then satisfaction is surely guaranteed!

This week there’s music from Shield Your Eyes, Cecil Buffalo and the Prophets, DJ PicaPicaPica, Invisible Ghost Luigi, Mutants, Butthole Surfers, PFM, Sun City Girls, Gelbart, Ne Zhdali, The Freeze, Massacre, Cypress Hill, Deep Turtle and Orthrelm.

Intro and background music by Utotem.

Brain dump (by mouth)

Attempting morning pages exercise using dictation with phone (Samsung)

Your post goes against community standards
Who was the man in the castle?
Ride around MFU placing stickers – advertising podcast – my stickers are tiny – maybe some people will see, will notice
Utopia this morning – met Pim, Fern’s friend
Woke up late – decided to turn off alarm in the middle of the night – My plan schedule now out of whack
Soon I will read Hendrix – Maybe sort out some more music – Do yoga – Meditating – some more reading – Maybe record some more podcasts in the evening
Try to relax
Teaching English online – I don’t look forward to it but enjoy it when it happens
2 o’clock already
Big rain – big sun big rain
Next week not many hours – How to make use of the time – Always things to do

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my cracking neck these days. Hopefully, it is cracking more because it is becoming more flexible with doing more stretching and yoga. It feels sore but better than before.



Our actions are all transient and fated – 24th August 2020

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Time flies by – things get done, things get forgotten, your laziness takes over.

Fern came to Utopia yesterday and I chatted with her friend Pim, who is a dental student. My teeth hurt all day. Annoying. Neck aches lower back aches. Tired, eating enough?

See what happens.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have a bed to sleep at night. Even if I don’t sleep well it is a safe place.

We got that attitude! – 12th May 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful to be working and getting paid but also having time to spend sitting by the river in the morning.

To-do list

  • Send card to Fern ✅
  • Speak even less today ½
  • Pick up a gift for the student teachers

At the intersection where I planned to pick up a gift, the lights were out so no one was out selling! I’ll try again tomorrow.

At times during today, I felt very tired and unable to think of things to add to conversations. At other times, I noticed when talking about my experiences in the school, then I think I was saying too much.