Shine The Light – 11th July 2024

These are ghosts
White
With bloodied teeth
Dead
Inside the cold room
Shiver and sweat, feel along the walls
Water
Drip……drip…..dripping in tears
Into a puddle
Of blood muck
Sticky in the dark
Fear and fumble for the exit
A midnight moon, it’s way past bedtime
Shine the light back to safety

Written on a day when I was teaching (and learning) about Thai ghosts.
The form is a Paiku. The Piaku form takes part of its name from the fact that the syllable count for each line matches the digits in Pi.
Pi:  3.14159 26535 897
Inspired by this Paiku at Moonwashed Musings and the first line is a variation on the Karate song ‘There Are Ghosts’


Today I’m feeling:

Tired on waking, so I snoozed for an extra 30 minutes, skipping exercise. 

I was sitting at House from 8am until 3.30pm. Before lunch I got a bit of reading and writing done and after lunch I finished off a couple of lesson plans and was feeling inspired to do more but had to go and pick up Amy to take her to the hospital as she will stay overnight with her dad as he is due to have his operation this evening.

Today I’m grateful for:

My usual Jetyod dispensary that had brownies and gummies in stock. I’m hoping to sleep well tonight but hope I still feel ok in the morning too.

Sometimes I still feel sleepy in the morning after eating this.

The best thing about today was:

Really getting into the flow whilst working at House today. Time pretty much flew by and I was enjoying every second of it.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

After sitting for a little while at the cafe I noticed a dull ache in my left hip joint which has gotten steadily worse throughout the day and causing me to limp a little. It is very tender to touch. 

I’m assuming I must’ve overdone it with the exercising earlier this week.

I hope it doesn’t disturb my sleep and I definitely won’t be doing any exercise on it in the morning.

Something I learned today?

My students at the competition all messaged me to tell me that they had done well, coming 2nd or 3rd place, which they were all quite proud of.  I’m still waiting to find out about others too.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

After I got back from the city I took some cookies to Baipad and her sister and mum. It was already getting a little dark so she wasn’t keen to practice riding the bike so I managed to twist her arm to get in her mum’s car and we just went through everything in front of her, without going anywhere.

I told her I should be free tomorrow afternoon and if it works out, we can practice driving. She threw her arms up in a semi-mocking fright but also a happy resignation that if I push her to do it, then she doesn’t have a choice.

Overflow – 21st April 2024

I’m pouring rainbows down on you
Until your cup is filled
You’ll overflow with a love so true
It can never be killed
All your seeds will bear fruit
In fields never to be tilled
Joy spread deep from the root
A life spent fulfilled

Submitted to No Theme Thursday picture prompt, Weekly Prompts Weekend Challenge – Flow and NaPoMo.


Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good after a long sleep from the day of travelling yesterday. Should be a relaxing day ahead.

Today I’m grateful for:

Aircon.  I don’t know how many times I’ve said this but today was freaking unbearable outside between 10am (when I woke up) and around 6pm.  Even just going to the kitchen or bathroom was a chore. It’s going to be hotter this coming week too!

The best thing about today was:

I didn’t do much to speak of today though when the sun did finally relent I enjoyed watering the parched earth in the garden.

Something I learned today?

Charles Cunningham Boycott (12 March 1832 – 19 June 1897) was an English land agent whose ostracism by his local community in Ireland gave the English language the term boycott.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I gave Art and Noey some gifts of candy that I picked up at the market in Chiang Saen yesterday.

What’s a recent realization I’ve had about myself?

I’m starting to BE old.  I’m not in need of thrills or excitement so much these days.

I think I realised this when I think about travelling overseas. When I think about going somewhere with Amy I’m not so interested in planning things to do and where to go. 

When I see people in places on YouTube videos I think that might be nice to go and see but I’ve just seen it pretty well. I would be taking the same photos every other traveller has taken. I feel like I may not be able to savour it deep into my soul like I might have done before. I’m much more amenable to just getting on a tour bus and letting others deal with logistics.

Having said that I’m still interested in organising a tour for a band around Southeast Asia and dealing with the stress of that, perhaps because the shows would give me the drive and inspiration I’d need.

Perhaps this is not a great realisation but has crossed my mind more recently.

Amy took this picture because this princess was enjoying our (relatively) expensive prawns yesterday.

Signals – 11th October 2023

I didn’t ask to be me
Yet here I am
Not excited or proud to be
But that’s what I am
Why can’t I be you
There you are
I like your point of view
And what you are
Together is community
Made from many mes
All signals of society
The mes, the yous, the wes

inspired by the first paragraph of the introduction to Wallace Shawn’s Essays


Today I’m feeling:

I woke up feeling pretty great as the sun was coming up. Unfortunately, it was just the street lights from outside, I’d only slept for three hours and it was 1.30 in the morning. 

I eventually got back to sleep and Amy woke me up again at around 10.30. I still wanted to sleep more but forced myself up.

Amy is showing me around the area now, like the tourist I’m actually feeling. I’d forgotten how big Australians are. Loud too!

A successful shopping expedition has me dressed for dinner tonight and the wedding on Saturday. I feel fucked though and will perhaps sleep a little despite three shots of Campos.

Today I’m grateful for:

Finding new shirts and pants at reasonable prices (for Australia) at Birkenhead Point. It’s nice to be in a place where there is lots of choice for me. In Thailand, it is difficult to find nice clothes in my size. Anything that really attracts me is usually made for skinny Thai boys.

The best thing about today was:

Doing 10000 steps without realising. In the evening after cocktails and tapas, we walked from Barangaroo to Haymarket then back through Chinatown and up George Street to catch the bus back. It was cold in the wind but perfect out of it.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Today was about going with the flow which meant letting go of control. Amy continued as my tour guide through new areas of the city and I enjoyed it very much.

One thing I noted was that just outside Paddy’s Market a family car had stopped in the middle of the road and a big old Ute couldn’t get past and the guy inside kept leaning on his horn. That doesn’t happen in country town Thailand. No one will toot their horn, they’ll just wait or even get out for a sticky beak to see what the situation is. I can imagine in Bangkok it’s a little different but that’s what I’m used to in sleepy Chiang Rai.

Something I learned today?

As Amy and I were walking up to the bus stop I could see that I have changed. I now walk much slower than her, now moving at the speed of a Tropic dweller, just as I remember having to slow down when visiting my friends in Malaysia.

The peculiarities of Australians feel mildly annoying but I know that that is my fault, not theirs. It is something that makes me feel like I’m a tourist again.

What am I nervous or anxious about?

I’m anxious about Amy’s return to Thailand and how she will deal with things. Anxious about next April and the air pollution and the possibility of being able to escape it for a while.

That’s about it really.

I took this picture because that’s not a bad view from the bar we’re drinking at.

If I took the time to bleed from all the tiny little arrows shot my way – 24th January 2020

Flow
– challenging but attainable goals
– strong focused concentration
– intrinsically rewarding
– feeling of serenity
– loss of self-consciousness
– timelessness/lose track of time
– lack of awareness of physical needs
– complete focus on the activity

How to achieve flow?
– Doing challenging leisure!

extrinsic = external
intrinsic = internal

extrinsic motivation can undermine intrinsic motivation and growth mindset

Growth mindset

– focus on learning not outcomes
– good performance takes hard work
– hard work is good
– effort = good
– make the most of deficiencies
– capitalise on mistakes
– no decrease in internal motivation
– performance increases over time

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be able to watch the sunrise in the morning and prepare myself for the new day.

The choice of being horribly depressed or incredibly liberated is up to you.

Neil Pasricha

To-do list

  • Book flights after school. ½
  • Cut down on feeds – focus on Stoicism. ✅
  • Be more curious today – learn more about someone. ✅
  • Do not complain! Do not complain! ✅
  • Random act of kindness. ½

Finally, the English camp is over. I decided to sit and talk with Aiza a little as we’d never really been introduced.

At the coffee shop, there were some Japanese tourists and I held the door for them and said ‘Oaskini doso’ much to their surprise. They were very happy and it made me feel good.

I was very conscious of not complaining about anything today and may have succeeded. And in a big effort, I managed to book most of the flights for the WDS tour. A beautiful Sichuan hot pot to complete the day.

The only downside is the feeling that Amy is not so happy at the moment – she is always annoyed or upset about something in this country. I understand it is more difficult for her here than it is for me (in some ways) and I know she appreciates the things we have but I hope she can ward off these imbalances in her happiness.

Tomorrow we will be teaching again. I’m feeling confident in my lessons and look forward to them more than school, even though I have more fun with the students at school.

You do it once and you don’t like it and you do it twice and then you’re insulted – 20th November 2019

4th June 2022 – I was making these notes as I was studying in my classroom, as classes were going on and 10-year-olds were jumping around, screaming and playing. It looks like I was doing some free online course from Donald Robertson’s website and Laurie Santos’ course at Coursera. Writing this out again now is a good reminder. Things I know but forget to practice or implement. How to bring these reminders into my thinking more often? I must find a way.

ataraxia – a state of serenity that comes with always acting properly in the world
pathé – negative, disruptive emotions
eupatheiai – positive, constructive emotions

pathé
Negative emotions/bad judgements
Good/present – pleasure (hēdonē)
– an impulse toward something present now that is considered good but isn’t
Good/future – appetite (epithumia)
– an impulse toward something in the future that is considered good but isn’t
Bad/present – distress (lupé)
– an impulse away from something present now that is considered bad but isn’t
Bad/future – fear (phobos)
– an impulse away from something in the future that is considered bad but isn’t

4th June 2022 – curious about the origins of the word pathé and its connection to Pathé News, which is where I first knew the word, I see that the Greek is actually pathē. It looks like the origin of the news name is from the surname of Charles Pathé so I wonder where his name came from and if it got bastardised over time for this minor change.

eupatheiai
Positive emotions
Good/present – joy (khara)
– an impulse toward something present now that is considered good and is, in fact, good
Good/future – reasonable wishing (boulēsis)
– an impulse toward some future thing regarded as good which is, in fact, good
Bad/present – n/a
Bad/future – caution(eulabeia)
– an impulse away from some future thing regarded as bad which is, in fact, bad

joy is opposite pleasure
reasonable wishing opposite appetite
caution opposite fear

within our power:
opinion
motivation
desire
aversion


not within our power:
our body
our property
our reputation
our workplace

impressions (phantasiai)
– judgements from previous experiences or subconscious thinking (cats are nice or cats are selfish)

assent(sunkatathesis)
– confirmation of the initial impression (cats are indeed selfish)

impulse (orgē)
– a movement of the will toward action that we feel because of having assented to a given impression
all emotions are impulses

4th June 2022 – it’s a kind of historical reassurance to see roots of English words such as fantasy and orgy and that their meanings have perservered. The meanings have persevered but us humans are still struggling to put these things into action.

impressions > assent > impulse
– impression is involuntary
– assent is the result of reflection
– impulse is voluntary

Provoked by the sight of a beautiful woman, you will discover the contrary power of self-restraint.
Faced with pain, you will discover the power of endurance.
If you are insulted, you discover patience.
In time, you will grow to be confident that there is not a single impression that you will not have the moral means to tolerate. (Enchiridion 10)

incorrect analysis:
impression – someone is insulting me
assent – it is awful to be insulted
impulse – I experience distress (lupē)

Don’t be angry. it’s pointless.

correct analysis:
impression – someone is opening their mouth and moving air
deny assent – movement of air cannot hurt me
impulse – none, just walk away

If you didn’t learn these things in order to demonstrate them in practice, what did you learn them for? (Discourses 1, 29.35)

Social connection
People with close social ties
– less vulnerable to early death
– more likely to survive fatal illness
– less likely to fall prey to stressful events
– appear to be happier

Trying to connect with strangers will make you happier and we mispredict this fact.
Shared experiences make us happier
– eye contact
– smiling
simple ways to practice

Time affluence vs $$
using time for something fulfilling is more important than spending that time to make $$
Wanting better stuff that we don’t want yet
– are there things that we should be wanting that we don’t realise?
– seek out opportunities for doing kind things
– random
– do extra/more

Mind wandering
The objective conditions of our lives have improved dramatically yet we haven’t gotten any happier.
Mind wandering appears to decrease happiness.
Practice moment-to-moment experiences.
As we’ve said for the last 30 years ‘Live in the now!’
Meditation should assist. Be more aware. Practice more.

Flow
You are in such an ecstatic state to such a point that you feel as though you almost don’t exist.
You have to enjoy what you are doing. You won’t be very good at it if you don’t.
You also have to feel you are contributing something worthwhile.
High skill + high challenge
Control Arousal
Flow

Mind control
Why do our minds wander?
Our default network is fast – it thinks outside the here and now
Meditation – turn your attention away from distracting thoughts and focus on a single point

Event + response = experience
“The last of human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given circumstance” – Victor Krankl
How?
– Realise you have the power
– Practice the responses
Mindfulness:
Attention – present moment
Attitude – acceptance

Meditate
1. Notice your breath
2. Mind wanders
– memories
– planning
– judging
3. Notice and accept
4. Go to 1

Attend to and accept any sensation you experience in response to the event, without making any judgement of the goodness/badness of the event.
Ask yourself – can I be ok with this feeling?

Stratagies for creating better habits
Put yourself in situations that benefit those habits (situation support)
– fix bad environments
– promote healthy environments and connect with people doing the same things
Set goals
– be specific – how to achieve your goal (who what why when where)
– good visualisation – especially the obstacles
– mental contrast against the acheivement
– if-then plan can lead to better goal attainment, implementation, intention

WOOP
Wish – think about your wish (goal)
Outcome – the best outcome
Obstacles – things that may stop you
Plan – if-then plan

Wish – to better control my emotions
Outcome – to be able to better deal with stressful and difficult situations without reacting to my initial emotions
Obstacles – I still want to be right. I still want to be better than everyone else. My ego gets in the way.
Plan – If I start to feel out of control then recognise this and pause, try to pause the conversation and make a decision later.

4th June 2022 – I think I have gotten better at this but not really sure if it is through practice. I feel like my attitude has developed, a little into a ‘ah, whatever’ apathy. I suppose each time I haven’t reacted I’ve been learning and then those situations just don’t arise in the first place. Am I trying to deny myself credit here? Ah, whatever!

Resistance never sleeps. It never slackens. It never goes away. The dragon must be slain anew every morning.

Steven Pressfield

virtue – bahviour showing high moral standard
moral – principles of right and wrong behaviour, the code of behaviour that is considered right and acceptable in a particular society
ethics – moral principles that govern a person’s behaviour
principles – a fundamental truth or proposition that serves as the foundation for a system of belief
truth/true – in accordance with fact or reality
wisdom – the quality of having experience, knowledge and good judgement
values – one’s judgment of what is important in life

It is the privilege of the gods to want nothing and of godlike men to want little.

Diogenes

The forging of human love and human work is the labour of life.

Charles Tart (?)

Death is neither a good nor an evil; it delivers no category of fortune.

Seneca

What are the pros and cons of holding these beliefs?

  1. Dying doesn’t frighten me much
  2. It’s more important to have lived a good life than a long life
  3. Life and death are not intrinsically good or bad; it depends how we use them

Death
Perhaps you think it superfluous to learn something that can only be implemented once – this is the very reason we have to practice.
Picture your own death several times a day. Think of it in slightly different ways, at different times.
Going to bed be grateful for our lives so far.
Plan your day as if it were last chance to really live.
Contemplate the transience of all living things.

Death comes knocking at the poor man’s shack and the king’s palace alike.

Horace

Contemplate a good death.
Read Trial and Death of Socrates, Plato’s Apology or Crito or any short story about a Stoic death
1. Imagine you are in their shoes
2. What would you do? How would you feel?
3. Compare your actions to theirs.
What lessons can you draw from this exercise?

Tell yourself that death is inevitable and necessary.
Contemplate objectively, consider your death from a scientific perspective, a natural event.
Imagine what is under your control and exercise wisdom and virtue in the face of death.
How would a Stoic respond to the death I imagine facing?
Imagine your own funeral.

Golden pins are stuck into people out of boredom. The golden pins will be welcomed.

Dostoevsky

4th June 2022 – These exercises about death I haven’t gotten around to though my impending decline is often thought about in various abstract ways. I don’t feel like my life is over but that I have probably lived the best parts of it already. That’s not a sad or bad thing. The remaining years are more content and happy. I don’t feel the need to fight for things as I used to.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my cousin Sharon who took care of my mum so well before she passed away. Sharon did everything she could for her and went to great lengths to make sure my mum was as happy as she could be. I miss my mum a lot.