Tag: Fragile

Fragile – 31st March 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Hang on in there
Don’t make this goodbye
Your eyes shine at me
But don’t speak those words
I don’t want to wake up
To hear those sad words
It’s in the balance, fragile
Like your kiss
I want to see you again

Written for Kim Chi.
30th May 2024 – Submitted to FOWC with Fandango

Today I’m feeling:

Fairly happy but stressed about Kim Chi’s health.

Today I’m grateful for:

Having been able to save a little money over the last couple of months which I’d planned to spend on myself but have been able to cover all the expenses our cats have had in March.

The best thing about today was:

The official start of the holiday for me. Also, see the attached picture.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

After dropping Kim with the vet this morning they advised to come back after 5 pm which I did. Dr Arnon said she only has a 50% chance of surviving this latest problem which is a low red blood cell count and lung infection.

Kim looks very sorry for herself but tried to sit up when she saw me and heard Amy’s voice on a video call. I got the impression Dr Arnon was trying to give us hope whilst he didn’t really believe it. I guess I would do that too. Nothing to do now but wait.

It was difficult to talk with Amy. She feels helpless because she is so far away and I’m helpless even though I am near.

We are sad that we can’t comfort each other though. Kim has been dealt a bad hand after being left to die in the back of a truck and having leukaemia.

We know that her life will be short but it’s hard to reconcile when we’ve seen her so happy and playful most of the time.

I really hope we can see that again.

Something I learned today?

The Thai PM has admitted failure in being able to control the annual fires and pollution in Thailand. No shit Sherlock. Doing next to fuck all about it never amounts to much.

Reflect on a meaningful experience I had this week.

It’s hard to write anything at this time whilst Kim Chi’s life is in the balance. I’m questioning myself if I did enough for her, should I have taken her to the vet sooner?

In hindsight, I can imagine she has not been well for a while but cats are never that clear about showing distress. If this is my meaningful experience this week it’s not over yet.

KP contacted me again about doing the English camp on Saturday which I had to decline because, despite feeling better myself, the air outside is still at hazardous levels. In normal circumstances, I would do it but now my feeling is low about things. Sigh.

Jet drew this picture of me because I asked her to. She’s a talent. Not sure about the devil horns though. She was very happy with her overall grade and said she looked forward to me teaching her again next semester.

She’s An Egg – 31st December 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

She’s an egg, putting on a face
A tough nut, that’s a fact
She needs some love and kindness
Or she’s bound to end up cracked

She’s an egg amongst many others
One mistake may lead to ruin
When the shell starts to break open
She may be her own undoing

She’s an egg, hidden away inside
Soft and so easy to rot
Let some air in to breathe
Before she gets herself forgot

A nation of lazy contemplative men would be incapable of fighting a war unless their very laziness were attacked. Wars are the activities of busy-ness.

John Steinbeck

Today I’m feeling:
Gurgling guts, sore tummy and tired from lack of sleep, though it’s not getting me down. Just write off the day catching up with videos I’ve wanted to watch.
Today I’m grateful for:
The carbon pills and electrolyte powder to help settle my stomach. These are a standard in every Thai household first aid kit. Bad guts and diarrhoea are pretty common here.
The best thing about today was:
Buying new socks. Some days it’s the simple things.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
My ass was out of control today and I handled it by being lazy and lethargic and being close to the toilet in case of an emergency. Shit happens.
Something I learned today?
Thailand imports trash especially since China banned importation in 2017 but since it has such difficulty dealing with it will slowly phase out bringing in more by 2025. That’s the plan but I can foresee things getting in the way of that target.
What’s your New Year’s Resolution or goal?
I haven’t done new year’s resolutions for many years, discovering how difficult they are to maintain. Why choose this date? If you’ve failed with them by the end of January maybe you feel bad for the rest of the year or just wait til the next new year to start again. I’ve had more success with just starting things at times that felt right or were appropriate. I also never beat myself up if these things get derailed and just do my best to get back on track.

I took this picture because this is some awesome Lardna at a restaurant Amy took me to for lunch. I have a dodgy stomach today so couldn’t coat it with all the condiments I would’ve liked but it still tasted great. I don’t usually take food pictures and this is a relatively normal picture but it was either this or another cat photo!

I asked AI to take the Lardna image and make it into a manga image – hence the featured (yet unrelated otherwise!) manga picture.