Princess Amy, she’s so lazy She will never become the queen Made her teacher really crazy Because she lives inside a dream
Princess Amy still never learns But all her friends are growing They are all taking their turns Off to bright futures going
Will the princess ever see The wisdom of work instead? Will the princess ever be Able to get out of her bed?
a poem for one of my students
The laws that govern circumstances are abolished by new circumstances.
Napoleon
Today I’m feeling: Happy Today I’m grateful for: Amy’s parents bringing me food again. I was out at the time, at Daytripper, doing more lesson preparation and dropped by the market to pick up some dinner. A stall was selling pla duk foo which I hadn’t seen there before so I grabbed that and some bananas. When I got home I saw that Amy’s parents had left some food and when I checked the bag it was pla duk foo and bananas! I’ve got a lot of eating to do! The best thing about today was: Reading some random text from a teaching English book and being able to add an idea to make my lessons more interesting for my students next semester. Doesn’t sound too exciting I know but I was inspired enough to update all my lessons immediately. Another thing was coming across a KLS video from 2016 that was fantastic to see and got my little brain running again about organising a tour for them here. I think it would go really well. I need to start looking into this more. If you started a sports team, what would the colours and mascot be? I suppose I might pick blue after my childhood soccer passion for Ipswich Town and Italy. The red and white of Sydney Swans would perhaps remind too much of Arsenal. As for a mascot, I don’t know. I must admit I would not be a good person to make these decisions as I consider them to be irrelevant though I understand their purpose, it’s just not something I’m interested in.
I took this picture because I was surprised to find Kim here on Amy’s pillow. I also find it cute to see cats sleep in this position. In fact it makes me envious. Unfortunately, rockets from the funeral next door sent her off hiding behind the bed again soon after I took this.
Old uncles have their black pants on That’s when I realise that I am one Old to the front, young to the rear There’s an order of expiry here No tears are flowing, it was expected Hanging on so long had made all dejected Eulogies in memoriam were told As I pondered what it means to be old The smoke rose as rain began to fall The chanting ceased and that ended it all Black pants returned to wardrobes then Until next time the family gathers again
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for the sweet cakes we got from Auntie’s funeral. It seems to be a tradition to give the guests a box of these for attending the funeral. The shops that supply them must always be busy.
Cat cries – wake up call – got a present for you, toss and turn – nice dreams again, forgotten or fading already. Cranky neck, cricks and creaks. Birds call – wake up, the sun is coming, left big toe throbs in pain. Welcome to another day.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for my weird independent personality. I prefer just to keep myself amused over trying to keep everyone around me engaged. It’s not that I’m cold but it’s just the way I am. I work hard for my students and other younger people – I offer them my advice and my point of view and expression are just as valid as any other teacher’s methods, I’m sure.
Amy’s alcoholic uncle got killed, being hit by two cars, so we’ve been running around a little bit sorting things out for his small funeral. He was not particularly well like so there wasn’t much to attend to in the end and everything was over within two days.
Someone mentioned that the size of the funeral is a reflection of the person’s life. Steve’s funeral was attended by so many people it was standing-room only. But, so what? Do either of them care? I think that they would both ask for a chance to do it all over again.
Amy wishes for a small funeral. Me too.
Both classes today were enjoyable as I watched kids trying a little more than usual to do and say the right things. Dylan and I both agreed it was weird how some days the students are all good and other days they can be a nightmare.
Yesterday I stopped to talk to some students in the canteen and a couple asked me to teach them more English so I’m trying to arrange to help them out once a week. They gave me the impression they were keen to study and that is what I am looking for in the students. Let’s see.
All in all, the working days have been good this week.
It was a weekend of dying. In the morning, Kimi, my great friend in Kuala Lumpur passed away at the too young age of 36. In the afternoon our neighbour’s grandfather passed away at the ripe old age of 90.
My one aim in life was to live longer than my father, something which I managed to surpass in the last year or so. My father died when I was just 18 months old; lung cancer, after a lifetime of being advertised to the health benefits of smoking. It’s difficult to gauge exactly what effect that event had on my life but it is surely significant. Death was a part of my life from the beginning.
One of my earliest memories is aged 4, sitting up in my bed, crying my eyes out, knowing that one day I would die. I couldn’t believe it. What was this thing called life all about if you just ended up dying?
Whilst I was sitting around crying for my friend far away, feeling useless, the neighbours were busy making preparations.
Could I get to KL to be with everyone? What kind of funeral ceremonies do my Muslim friends have? Are they celebrations of someone’s life or sombre occasions like in most of the west?
I’ve become somewhat familiar with Thai funerals unfortunately. Many of Amy’s family are at that age when funerals come along more often. I’m also getting to the age when more and more friends will leave too. And it will be my turn sooner than I’d like too.
In the smaller villages of Thailand it is still traditional to keep the body in the home for around 5 days before cremation. I’m not sure about burial here. All the funerals I have attended have been cremations and the only places I have seen graves are for people with Chinese backgrounds. I think burial should only really be used if a tree is planted along with the body which I know has started to become more popular in some places and seems to make a lot of environmental sense.
Gatherings, food, prayers and respects are shown by visitors to the home, from relatives and the local residents. Family spread out all over the country will drive back to attend. As this grandfather was 90 years old and his family have lived in the village his whole life it was due to be a big turnout. So big that local farmers where hired to clear the jungle land opposite our house to make an impromptu car park. There were some big rats living in there that were quickly grabbed by the locals and I don’t want to guess what for.
Huge gazebos were erected, a PA system bigger than Motorhead (every house seems to own huge PAs – even worse when combined with their Karaoke machines!) Each night for 5 nights, crowds would gather, monks would chant, food would be served until on the final day a huge silver decorated cart would take the body off to the crematorium, followed by everyone as it spiralled through the village.
I sat through an hour or so each night of chanting and it was quite meditative and mesmerising, especially as I was often lost in thought for my friend Kimi. I then struggled through another night of a chief monk talking. I didn’t struggle with his words, though I didn’t understand anything, it was the crappy plastic chairs playing havoc with my back and posture. The monk was hilarious, the crowd often erupting into laughter and I could feel the ease within everyone. He even joked about me and was sad that I couldn’t understand what he was saying. Of course the whole crowd turned to look at me. I think I’m just know locally as ‘that farang’ who lives here. Amy translated a lot for me so I got some of the fun. At the end the monk opened up his homemade accoutrements to make a little extra cash. People gotta eat I guess.
In contrast, I finally heard what happened to Kimi and discovered that Muslim tradition requires the body to be buried as quickly as possible. I don’t know what kind of ceremonies happen around that and I’m guessing not everyone in his family would have been able to attend this.
Kimi had been finalising some concerts for some European bands and the Kuala Lumpur concert will happen this coming weekend. I will fly down to meet Kimi’s wife and all our mutual friends. I will treat the concert somewhat as a memorial to my great friend.
These coincident deaths have obviously brought sharply into focus thoughts around death but as I wrote last time, these thoughts are still confusing. I’m still processing it all.
I’m very grateful to have made friends with Kimi 12 years ago and to have felt such a connection that we remained in contact over this time, worked together often and I visited him many times and he always showed me his big heart; giving me excruciating massages, taking me jungle river swimming and one time directing me into the ocean filled with jellyfish – a story that is repeated for everyone on every visit. He didn’t piss on my jellyfish sting but I know he would’ve if I had asked him.
23 years, 26 years, 52 years, 90 years. It’s not enough for anyone. Soon, all our names will be forgotten, let’s remember whilst we can.
Come hither, my lads, with your tankards of ale, And drink to the present before it shall fail; Pile each on your platters a mountain of beef, For ’tis eating and drinking that bring us relief: So fill up your glass, For life will soon pass; When you’re dead ye’ll ne’er drink to your king or your lass! Anacreon had a red nose, so they say But what’s a red nose if ye’re happy and gay? Gad split me! I’d rather be red whilst I’m here, Than white as a lily and dead half a year! So Betty my miss, Come give me a kiss; In hell there’s no inkeeper’s daughter like this! Young Harry, propp’d up just as straight as he’s able, Will soon lose his wig and slip under the table, But fill up your goblets and pass ’em around Better under the table than under the ground! So revel and chaff As ye thirstily quaff: Under six feet of dirt ’tis less easy to laugh! The fiend strike me blue! I’m scarce able to walk, And damn me if I can’t stand upright or talk! Here, landlord, bid Betty to summon a chair; I’ll try home for a while, for my wife is not there! So lend me a hand I’m not able to stand But I’m gay whilst I linger on top of the land!
Drinking Song from the “Tomb” by Rudimentary Peni
Salut!
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for the people I know, my acquaintances. Their part in my life is small but still valuable.
To-do list
More contemplating death videos (and contemplate) ½
Write blog post ✅
What do you want to WOOP?
Clear emails ½
Finish TCRAH 28 and WDS spreadsheet ½
I lost my cool again this morning when Joe sent me a message that the school had complained about me but he didn’t say exactly what. I was a bit shocked and could only guess it was Jimmy who sent the complaint. I tried to stay calm but the anger and upset overwhelmed me very quickly.
I was smart enough to send messages to Amy and George in the hope of a swift reply with some encouragement. Unfortunately, they didn’t get to me in time before talking with Kru Tam and I had to cut that short cos I could feel myself about to cry. I felt disappointed that I did that.
I’ve kept telling myself to stop and wait before talking but I can’t tell myself when I’m in the middle of these fits.
George calmed me down a little with some humour and Amy really calmed me later too. Luckily before I did anything stupid.
Later I also found out what the complaints were actually about but they were so silly that I had to ask what it was all really about. Joe (at TLC) replied that someone there obviously doesn’t like me and it’s stirring things up.
There are too many stupid people in the world. I know I’m probably one too. It can really get you down. But everyone actually made me feel pretty happy by the middle of the morning so that I actually felt pretty proud of myself that I had actually handled things pretty well. Just that I want to not even reach the point of anger and upset at all.
The rest of the week is very easy teaching wise so I’ll relax a little and see what tasks I can accomplish in my spare time.
I am so happy and grateful that I can communicate enough with non-English speakers. I will try to learn more and more.
Think of yourself as dead. You have lived your life. Now, take what’s left and live it properly. What doesn’t transmit light creates its own darkness.
Marcus Aurelius
To-do list
More about emotional control ½
20-minute meditations ✅
Sort out passport/visa change ✅
Sort out return visa exemption ✅
Give Maisarah letter ✅
Improved positive emotions today, helped by having to go to Immigration in the morning to get my visa transferred to my new passport – ie. not sitting around in school.
Gave Maisarah my gratitude letter and spent an hour or so talking with her. She’s a good person.
I felt much calmer today and though I thought about Kimi often it was happy memories of him laughing and joking.
This evening I sat for over 2 hours at the neighbour’s funeral as the monk made everyone laugh with his words, sometimes making fun of me. It was an interesting approach to often sombre occasions. Even though I couldn’t understand his words I could feel the happiness throughout those gathered and I could also see or at least understand the positive effects of community.
There’s a vast difference between the habit of getting by, and the habit of getting better.
This switch from the old way was easy of course, because in the meantime I’d become an adult—I’m running a far more capable system, I just hadn’t thought to update the software.
-Raptitude newsletter
As I sit writing this at lunchtime, I am surrounded by 40 children in the classroom, running back and forth, banging tables, experimenting with musical instruments, attempting homework or chewing on sugary candies. Each shouting over each other to be heard, some making fun, some making fists, some making affections. Some dance, some pull faces, and some express themselves quietly in their own minds before releasing a newfound energy burst that no one cares to notice.
Why can’t I practice this now? Where did my time go? Why does the weight of responsibility bear down on me now? Why do we grow up and what does it mean?
There’s a balance to be found somewhere within your own personal timeline. Do not close the mind off, do not become the old fogey that doesn’t understand the kids today and complains that the music isn’t what it used to be. You’ve had your turn, so what are you going to do now?
You need to upgrade your software. The hardware will continue to fail at a more rapid rate and software is the only way to deal with this problem. Otherwise, you will become redundant and end up dusty on a garage shelf, waiting for recycling one day.
Forever entropy
I got by for a long time. Instead of doing proper software upgrades, I tinkered randomly and blindly with the code. I put them off for as long as possible in a vain effort to maintain an ideal of youth. But youth is clumsy, ugly, grasping for meaning in a darkened room, grasping for skin in a passion of tears.
The light at the end of the tunnel ever approaches – we know one day we will see the light. Let’s get better – this is no time to be getting by.
……and all he did was cry I looked him in the face, but I couldn’t see past his eyes Asked him what the problem was, he says “Here is your disguise”
Husker Du – Hardly Getting Over It
Gratitude Journal
I’m so happy and grateful that I am still alive today. Many of us didn’t make it this far.
To-do list
Meditate and remember Kimi ✅
Tidy up (and move?) room ✅
Write down list of passwords for Amy
Hang up the bells somewhere ✅
Many positive affirmations today ½
Today was a struggle. I knew Amy was right when she was telling me not to cancel my classes today but it still sucked. I have an empty space in my stomach, a constant hole, sickly and void.
Teaching did take my mind off things and I did feel more reasonable afterwards but when I tried to meditate I could not stop my mind from wandering, not even hearing the words of the meditation. I am not looking forward to school tomorrow though know that the distraction will be helpful.
This tragic event puts the stupidity of the schools into perspective. They are not worth my time bothering about.
I talked with Parthiban online and I will try to do more things with him in the future. He was very close with Kimi too and is in the same shock. I will also think about going to Kimi’s funeral and helping Asikin with anything that I can. I talked with Thiban about maybe finishing off any projects that Kimi was in the middle of.
All the things that I have been studying and learning have been thoroughly tested this weekend. I see my biggest issue is over emotional control and I think I will look for more ways to try and improve that. All these ideas have been useless if I can’t utilise them when the time comes
Last Sunday Amy and I, along with Mum and Dad, had to attend a funeral in Chiang Mai. It’s a three plus hour drive and meant a 5am start for us. I know we’re getting older and getting up earlier is kinda normal but damn, 5am!
I was hoping to be able to spend some time listening to podcasts but when we arrived at Mum and Dad’s and found Dad asleep in the passenger seat it was obvious that I would be driving. It was still dark as we left the city and approached the mountains. The air turned grey and dusty as the sun rose slowly somewhere in the sky and it was entrancing to watch the changes to the colours of the mountains that I was driving towards and soon driving through.
Dad’s big truck made easy time as we settled into the long valley and then through the twisting second set of mountains where a never-ending road work slows things down somewhat. I had to ease off once into the Chiang Mai valley though as, eager after the road works, I was starting to hit 140 km/h without even realising it.
This funeral was for cousin Ting’s mum. Ting had taken the time to travel an hour or so to my own mother’s funeral in the UK so it was only appropriate that we attend her mum’s and it was good to catch up with her despite the circumstances.
Monks did their thing and relatives did their thing and I followed where and when I was told. I noted the ‘No women allowed’ sign outside one of the buildings and wondered when Thailand will discover its enlightenment. Is it my place to judge and do I need to care about how people following certain religions behave? Well, if it feels like injustice it feels ok to care. Just know that progress of this sort often takes more than a single lifetime but we can hope that the progress is made before the world burns.
Having left Chiang Rai before the sun came up, we returned after the sun had set again. Chiang Rai missed us for the day and still the Earth turned without care.
And so it was we arrive at Friday and this time I’m on a solo adventure in my own car, again to Chiang Mai. This time it was for my UK passport renewal and I had allowed myself an overnight stay so as to split up the driving.
I had challenged myself since the Sunday journey to drive more conservatively and having that extra time I planned to enjoy the drive and take a few extra seconds to check out the views. It also meant I could listen to music uninterrupted for 3 or 4 hours.
For some reason I enjoy driving; I’m not sure why. This trip towards Chiang Mai was especially entrancing and I arrived in a very good mood. In fact I was a little annoyed that the first half of the travelling was complete!
The first port of call was back to International House, where I had studied for my CELTA certificate, almost two years previously. I bumped into my favourite tutor there and was pleased to have a quick chat and also to see a few other staff members that I still recognised, though had forgotten their names.
The environment here on the mini campus still amazes me, it’s so beautiful and not what you would expect. Like a holiday resort but with not much to do except study. I somewhat envied the students who would be arriving after the weekend but then I remembered the feeling in the first week when I was questioning myself whether I could do it or not.
I had hoped that they still had copies of my work for the course in the office there but unfortunately, they only hold on to them for six months. Never mind. It was nice to drive through those familiar small lanes where nothing has changed too much. The city is sprawling out that direction but has only had minimal impact so far.
Back into the middle of the city and everything went well with my passport application, though I had some difficulty making my signature similar to what it was 10 years previous. The staff laughed with me and I’m guessing it’s not that an unusual problem as they had paper prepared for applicants to practice.
Quickly out of there and across town to a book shop that had been recommended. An hour and 1000 baht later it was time to find some food and I treated myself to a tiny pizza and salad. Woohoo! Holiday time!
Dark by now, I waited at the Mohawk Bar to catch up with Facebook friend John Murrie. The bars opening time is 8pm and it was only 7pm so I sat in the car reading some more Anna Karenina, taking the opportunity to cross off one of my daily challenges. By 8.30pm the bar was still closed and Tolstoy was taking a sleep-inducing hold of me and I had to quit and head out south to my overnight lodging with one of Amy’s old school friends.
I wuz ‘ere. No one else wuz.
Tired and sleepy I was somewhat energised by meeting the two puppies of the house, once I was accepted as a welcome enough intruder. I was warned to keep my shoes away from them so placed them in my room and shut the door. Not long after, I placed myself in the room and fell asleep but reminding myself I must make an effort to talk more with my hosts Oh and Namtan when I was in a more lucid state in the morning.
In a flash it was morning and after getting my reading challenge completed before 8am, I did 40 squats, took a shower and planned a breakfast coffee for my hosts. Unfortunately, I had left the bedroom door open and hadn’t noticed the dogs sneak in looking for some bounty.
Everyone showered and set I went to get my shoes but they had disappeared. Obviously, the dogs had got them but no problem, whatever, let’s just go on a hunt for them. One under the car, another at the back of the garden. Unfortunately, they hadn’t just been deposited but chewed on and spat out! Ah well, farewell my shoes. Luckily they were just about wearable as I had no other shoes with me. The girls were very apologetic for their pups’ behaviour but I just thought it was funny. I’d had the shoes for a few years so they’d done me pretty well. Maybe an excuse to go shop for some others soon.
An excellent coffee later it was time to get back on the road and my mind was filled with wonder as I listened to good music and again enjoyed the twisting roads round rolling mountains. I counted off the landmarks backwards, breaking the 3 hours down; mountains, valley, mountains, home. The return journey never as exciting as the outset, slight melancholy following the setting afternoon sun.
However, once home I was awed by the feeling of comfort. Looking across our garden I gave Amy a big hug and declared ‘I love it here. I love this life and I love being with you.’
The local rock group down the street Is trying hard to learn their song They serenade the weekend squire Who just came out to mow his lawn Another pleasant valley Sunday Charcoal burning everywhere Rows of houses that are all the same And no one seems to care
– The Monkees
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to have the energy and motivation to get up and do things. Today I took time to water the garden and clean the car.
…my memory was never loaded with anything but blank cartridges.
Mark Twain
To-do list
Write blog about Chiang Mai trip ✅
Record TCRAH
Water garden in the morning ✅
Prepare CD cases and case some more discs ½
Clean up balloons
Once again time ran out but I had a very busy and productive day. As well as getting up and watering the garden, front and back, I also washed the car. I ate breakfast in there somewhere too.
Before the morning was out we went for coffee and photocopied in preparation for afternoon lessons. In between lunch and teaching, I also wrote up a blog entry about my trip to Chiang Mai. It wasn’t as good as it was in my mind yesterday though.
Time running out doesn’t seem to be bothering me as much as it has in the past. I’m more accepting of the fact that I can finish something later. So long as I’m getting some things done then it’s fine.
Tomorrow is back to the routine mad Monday. One of the lessons should be pretty straightforward though and hopefully, the two difficult classes will be getting used to the method of what I’m doing with them now. I hope to get the rest of the exam questions finalised this week and probably be able to finish the regular class one tomorrow if I put my mind to it.
Music from R. Stevie Moore, Alamaailman Vasarat, Kustomized, Sun City Girls, The Monkees, Flesh Narc, Beastie Boys, Cheer-Accident, Milk Burp, Different I’s, Logic Circuit, The Skatallites, Rebel Truth, GIRTH, Mahavita, Toy Dolls, The Woolies, Angelic Upstarts, Lost Nation and Bleach.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for our visitors who fill our home with action and variation. It’s nice to be able to share our experiences with other people.
From commonplace book
I’m much more interested in being a hero than a professional.
Billy Childish
To-do list
Get out of your own head and talk to people ½
Compliment people ½
Do something nice for someone
Upload TCRAH ✅
Write to Kieran and Chrissie ✅
Write blog about making friends
A busy and productive day – time ran away too quickly.
Mam and her family enjoyed breakfast and within an hour we had students.
I feel more confident today and have mostly pushed the negative from yesterday out of my mind. This was helped a lot by getting down my thoughts when writing to Kieran and Chrissie.
I was happy to receive a reply from Jochen. Well-considered and thoughtful ideas to my questions particularly about children. I look forward to composing a reply. He has also agreed to do some recorded responses for the podcast which provides me with the challenge to prepare and execute that.
I didn’t manage to do all the things on my list today, perhaps overreaching. I need to take into account that recording a new podcast can take up to three hours.
My self-control was only minimally tested today when Amy wanted to go to a local shop to buy some clothes for the funeral tomorrow. I was fine with this, to be honest – it was necessary. I do feel a little that I am sick at the moment though but mostly just dizziness and not affecting my mood.
We have a 5 am wake-up tomorrow and I hope I can get some extra sleep on the drive to Chiang Mai. I’m somewhat prepared with things to listen to on my phone and things to read. I don’t anticipate any other free time tomorrow.
Something I could have done better with today would have been to help Amy more with things around the house. I’m very lucky that she cooks and cleans for me all the time. It gives me lots of free time and I often feel somewhat selfish for that.
Thankfully, I didn’t drink much last night so woke up early and started doing a few things and the day has ended up quite well. A few ideas for more things I’d like to do this year. Slowly, my man cave is getting in order.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to my old friends, who are busy now, as we all are, but haven’t forgotten about me. I won’t forget about them either.
Weight: 80.5kg Resting heart rate: 47
My friend Rosie, in Sydney, posted on facebook an offer to draw/paint pictures to send to friends and so I picked Jochen (Hinterlandt), Kyaw Kyaw (Rebel Riot) and Lachlan (Art As Catharsis). I can’t recall if I arranged for her to send out the actual pictures too but they all received them digitally around this time. A great philanthropic idea for sure and I was very happy to take Rosie up on her offer.
To-do list
Dye hair.
Sort more old writing and things in room.
Next Thai video and Drops.
Find something for teaching KT.
Wix forum options.
Did it list
Read 3 chapters.
Got up early.
Dyed my hair.
Recorded another TCRAH.
Sorted through old writing and letters.
Streamlined more online processes.
Installed forum options to WIX – looks achievable to do what I wish.
Heard some great new music.
Posted Rosie’s pictures to Jochen, Lachlan and Kyaw Kyaw.
Watched next Thai video and Drops x2.
Had long lazy buffet lunch with Amy.
Reacted calmly when discussing having to go to Chiang Mai on Sunday.
It was good to get up early and take advantage of the day. I’m glad I didn’t drink too much last night and though I did;t hang out much with everyone celebrating NYE I felt contented reading comics by myself. I have to go to Chiang Mai next Friday to apply for my new passport and thinking about the best plan for going and coming back. This afternoon we heard that Ting’s mum had died today and we discussed about going to Chiang Mai for the funeral. We will have to go and come back on Sunday. it’s not optimal but as Ting took the trouble to come to my mum’s funeral, it is the best thing for me to do. Ting has to fly all the way from the UK.
You may not wake up tomorrow.
What did I do well today? What could I have done better? – where was my self-control tested? What will I do tomorrow? How can I improve? – what have I learned that will help me tomorrow? Savour a memory from the past.
Well, today is the day to bid farewell to my mother officially. I’m filled with some nerves, some trepidation and some relief. Sharon and Ken are busy running around preparing for guests invited after the funeral and their son, my second cousin, Mungo turns up with warm hugs and regards, along with his eldest daughter Ella, who shares his dad’s bright blue eyes. Despite the nature of the day, there’s no sombreness really, just a realisation that this day needs to be done and in short time life continues for all of us left.
I spend some time trying on Sharon and Ken’s hat collection whilst Amy irons me a shirt.
We head to the funeral service, just in a small room, a converted barn called The Barn. Possibly an Australian was asked what to call it. The site is a new cemetery where ashes and bodies can be buried with trees and a small memorial plaque.
The officials are all very nice and understand the nature of my mum’s requirements for no religious texts, prayers and hymns. More people turn up that I expected, most that I don’t recognise but people that Sharon has managed to find in mum’s contacts book. I don’t get much chance to talk with anyone to find out more but later reflect on the words passed on from these people about their appreciation for my mum.
It’s weird to see the coffin and imagine your mother is inside. But I know she isn’t there, that is just the body she was using. It did bring home a finality though and I felt sad.
The service starts with a song I picked which I knew mum would’ve liked. It’s called Day Is Done by Peter, Paul and Mary. I also chose the closing music which is Acker Bilk’s Petite Fleur. After a quick introduction, it’s quickly on to me. I have a prepared speech and stiltedly read aloud as I attempt to input some emotion into it and occasionally make some eye contact with the onlookers. I’ve never been one for standing up and talking in front of people; unusual for someone who used to stand in front of a 100 people and attempt to sing back in younger days.
My speech went like this:
I just want to share a small story that reflects what my mum meant to me and how she subtly influenced me to be who I am today.
I’m guessing I was about 21 or thereabouts at the time and we were living in Colehill.Most dinner times I would come home after work and mum would have baked something for us to eat, me in my room, her in the living room.This particular evening she prepared a big fry up.Eggs, bread, mushrooms, tomato and baked beans.I was grumpy and ravenous.As the egg was the final component and it hit the plate I thanked her (I hope) and headed off to my room.
Some how I caught myself on the corner of the door and the whole plate plummeted to floor, depositing everything onto our worn carpet.I was devastated.I don’t remember what else was going on in my life at that moment but this was the final straw, the end!I think I burst into tears!
My mum quickly came along and told me to get something to clean up the mess.She looked at me and said ‘Don’t worry, I’ll make you another one’.Somehow this new plate of food tasted bittersweet.I felt guilty but happy.
This short anecdote demonstrated mum’s attitude and unknowingly influenced me as I have since developed a strong streak of patience, a lack of drama and a get on with it approach to any difficulties in life.
This was just the way my mum was.She just got on with things without making a fuss and bother.She’d be furious with us all now making all this palaver over her demise but a funeral is never for the deceased but for those who are left.So let’s remember her like this, and as we go on our own ways, let’s just get on with it.
My cousin Ken reads through a chronology of mum’s life and another song is played. Mungo reads a short poem that also pretty much reflects my mum’s wishes (except the second line!).
‘By Herself and Her Friends’ by Joyce Grenfell
If I should go before the rest of you Break not a flower nor inscribe a stone, Nor when I’m gone speak in a Sunday voice But be the usual selves that I have known. Weep if you must, Parting is hell, But Life goes on, So sing as well.
Finally, the director reads out a poem that my Aunt Lorna has requested be read. Lorna is the last survivor sibling sister and unfortunately isn’t well enough to travel to attend today.
‘Weep not for me’ by Constance Jenkins
Weep not for me though I am gone; into that gentle night. Grieve if you will but not for long, upon my soul’s sweet flight.
I am at peace, my soul’s at rest. There is no need for tears. For with your love I was blessed; for all those many years.
There is no pain, I suffer not, The fear now all is gone. Put now these things out of your thoughts. In your memory I live on.
Remember not my fight for breath; remember not the strife. Please do not dwell upon my death, but celebrate my life.
As this poem is read out I start to feel a little emotional and so look outside through the window whilst taking in the words. In the building opposite a dog has decided to push through the curtains and sit in the window, taking in the sun. Life goes on.
The rest of the afternoon is spent chatting with mum’s friends and associates, some who I’ve met previously, others I’ve often heard her talking about over the years. I think the service was appropriately short and without fuss and was a nice way to think about my mum’s life.
Later, we’re joined by Mungo’s two youngest kids who tear around the kitchen distracting us with laughter and screaming fun.
And later still, a final dinner with my cousins where we eat well and drink copiously, even managing to pry the last drops out of Ken’s bottle of Dalwhinnie. Discussion ranges from my mum’s life to deeper, more philosophical things as Mungo stirs the pot with his Dad, who is up for the debate. Amy is wilting and I soon offer we retire to bed and the day ends with an upbeat feeling and one that I know my mum would have enjoyed partaking in.
1994ever 