Tag: garden

Crop Rotations – 6th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Living happily as hunters
Roaming around with a herd
Someone planted a seed
And no one said a word
Toiling away ever harder
For a minimal return
There’s no going back now
We will never unlearn
Now our tribes grew bigger
Each and everyone breaking backs
And then foul weather ensures
You’ll never again relax
An arrogant virus we are
Thinking to tame this land
We made ourselves slaves
Without it ever being planned

Today I’m feeling:

Good, all day. My annoying students were annoying but didn’t annoy me. Annoying adults didn’t annoy me and annoying technical problems didn’t annoy me. I feel satisfaction today.

Today I’m grateful for:

My eyesight and the fact that I didn’t go blind from the gunk that hurt my eyes last night.

The best thing about today was:

Nothing stands out above anything else really. These are the best kinds of days and I would like more of them!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I feel stuck for words today. Everything has gone well today and that doesn’t mean that everything went the way I wanted but that anything that didn’t I could mentally accept and not let it bother me. As my air con didn’t work last night I still slept ok but didn’t feel so refreshed when I woke up in the 29-degree bedroom. Abs exercise soon woke me up. I was so into what I was doing in class this morning that I forgot it was only for one hour, thinking that we had one more to go! Considering my skin felt like it was burning and was actually blistering by the time I got home I didn’t even really think about it throughout most of the day.

Something I learned today?

Good days sometimes creep up on you unawares.

What is the greatest life lesson I’ve learned?

Patience. When I was younger I was patient with some things and then wildly impatient with others. As I’ve gotten older I have managed to get almost everything I might have been impatient for before under control. It is hard to teach patience to children. They are not designed to comprehend it yet.

I took this picture because this is the tree/plant that has covered me with its sap that is now burning my skin everywhere. An uncomfortable night last night as the aircon stopped working again and the two fans I was using were next to useless in keeping me cool, even whilst sucking in cooler air from outside.

Temptation – 27th May 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 12 Comments

Winds a-whispering such alluring tunes
over the sashaying hips of the golden dunes;
A devil tempts to caress sweet flesh,
to find soft lips to taste afresh.

The valleys first open to be explored,
the enchantment, too strong to be ignored;
A hopeless daydream, a critical situation
must be forgotten, not lost to temptation.

There, within, lies the road to destruction;
the unthinking mind, the unfeeling instruction.
Look beyond this beauty, stunning, unreal;
around each corner lies further appeal.

The holy grail is beyond where the fishes swim,
the welcoming waves beckon to dive within;
Surrounding forest and earth, both lightly scented,
this story, oft-repeated, that has been invented.

21st Nov 2025 – Shared with Poets and Storytellers United #204

Today I’m feeling:

Tired and my muscles aching, the ones I barely use until I worked them out yesterday. Just 7 minutes and I’m in pain. I’m weak, I know, but I’ll give it a go. I remember all the talk about working out and taking care of your body during my years of abusing it instead. Is it too late to fix it? Well, who cares. I can’t go back so I’ll do what I can now. My aches are good aches. I know my pain, mental or physical, is good even if it sucks.

Today I’m grateful for:

The grass cutter we bought when we got here that annoys the fuck out of me as it is difficult to use, feels like it’s falling apart, hurts my hands with its violent vibrations, gives me blisters and the engine burns my skin. But I’m still grateful for it to be able to do a little bit of cutting whilst waiting for the gardeners to come and do the job properly.

The best thing about today was:

Having a burst of energy that saw me wash Amy’s doona which smelt of cat spray again. Vacuuming and cleaning parts of the floor. Do some grass-cutting and apply the tape to the guttering in the garage again as it failed to stop the leaks in this week’s rain. I like the feeling of this energy and hope it keeps perpetuating.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I almost lost my temper with the grass cutter and the body strap that supports it. In fact, I did at one point, throwing the cutter to the ground whilst it was still spinning. I think it needs a proper service and repair just to tighten things up. I use it so rarely that I forget to take it for repair and just get frustrated again when I use it! It probably needs a new blade too as I don’t have anything to sharpen it with. 

Something I learned today?

I watched a video that asked the question ‘Why make music when no one cares?’ For me and the legion who grew up on DIY punk, this question never needed to be asked and I find it ironic that it is a common question amongst modern music makers. I don’t think a self-respecting artist would make their art for any other reason than to please themselves. You are the only person that needs to care. If you are doing it for any other reason it is no longer art but just a product.

What challenges am I facing right now?

Health is my main challenge. It’s not something that I consider a major challenge like trying to ace an exam, move to a new country or such like, but more a fight against the ageing process. It is also a challenge that is just a regular fact of life. Any challenges are really self-imposed. For example, I want to improve my Thai and get better at guitar but they are not really game-changers if they fall by the way. I also challenge myself to improve in the classroom and sharing knowledge with my students.

Things like cancer, deep depression or debilitating grief would be real challenges and I’m not facing anything like that.

I took this picture because I saw this plant stem literally looking at me as I walked to the door of Utopia. Even looking at it now is kinda creepy and cool. Reminds me of the movie Labyrinth which I loved to watch whilst tripping in my 20s.

Isolation – 22nd May 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 18 Comments

Trapped within these walls
There are no words to share
Bare functions, dirty nails
Life lived less there

Rats outside running scared
The snakes all need to eat
From sundown to rise again
A dead circle again complete

The echo chamber of the heart
Energy gone to waste
Dreams quietly smashed apart
With only bitterness to taste 

The many paths that led here
Beyond the now closed door
Content in isolation
Left alone forever more

16th Aug 2024 – Submitted to Poets and Storytellers United

Today I’m feeling:

Positive and happy. Mondays are a breeze for me so I enjoyed the whole morning drinking coffee after greeting all the students at assembly. When I went back to school I made some photocopies for David to help him out a little. He is still confused about how things work here and doesn’t really try to help himself in that regard. I chatted with him for a fair while too. He was trying to guess my star sign as he is really into astrology but he guessed wrong and I wouldn’t tell him after that.
I had my first class with new students and took it very easy with them. They were cautious but seemed happy enough. The class didn’t feel too big even though there are 29 students. I felt good and came home as that was me done for the day.

Today I’m grateful for:

The gummy sticky oily rubber tape that Amy’s dad bought to hopefully stop the guttering from leaking in the garage next time it rains. I sanded the metal down and cut the tape to size. The tape smells like it’s full of cancer which, I don’t know, maybe gives it a balance in that something made of carcinogenic material is likely the only thing to stop the bad thing from happening. I’m reasonably hopeful it will work in the short term but all the different types of relentless weather tests even things made of stone. I also need to get on the roof and check the gutter is clear too. Dirt gets trapped up there easily and plants and weeds here don’t need much of anything to start growing.

The best thing about today was:

Almost all my students coming to me saying that they miss me and they want me to be their teacher again. I know they’ll soon get over it but it definitely made me feel good.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Oddly, despite this being the first day back in class I can’t really find anything that felt out of my control. Talking with David he started saying he doesn’t know how I do it, in reference to just getting on with my job and not letting the people around me bother me. It took me a while to figure it out and find the balance I need to be stable. David overthinks things sometimes and sure people are out to get him in some way whereas I’ve come to the conclusion that other people are thinking about you very little, if at all. And even if they are gossiping it’s none of my business. I’m doing what I’m doing and if that’s not good enough then I’m sure someone will let me know.

Something I learned today?

Well, I guessed I learned a little about one of my classes of new students. I see them again first thing in the morning and will do little interviews with them to get a better idea of where they are at.  I will be learning quite a lot this week – more than the students!

How can I make today amazing?

I don’t do amazing. Why is amazing something to strive for? My mundane days are full of amazing things. Every interaction with every atom around me is amazing for what it is. Of course, I’m not always thinking about each of those interactions but when I do I find myself in awe.
Today was filled with love, joy and happiness.

I took this picture because this cactus that got smashed a couple of weeks ago is starting to sprout new wings already.

My first day of teaching and I only have one hour to teach, annoyingly at 1.30 so I have to wait around all morning. This is ok though. I can get a bunch of things done and ensure that I have things prepared for the rest of the week.
Recently I haven’t been taking Tramadol very often and I’m surprised at the lack of side effects not taking it this time; usually, I get really dizzy. But I think I’ll pop some again once I get back into the working habit.
I’m feeling pretty okay again. I’m glad to be out of home, as much as I love it there.
One of my students, Eing Eing, was a little reticent about studying with David this semester and kept telling me she wanted me to teach her and that she loves me. Quite a few students are disappointed that I’m not teaching them.
It’s a nice feeling to have their appreciation. But this is life and we don’t get everything we want.
Soon enough they will be telling David that they love him too.

Disorder Based Rules – 11th May 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A roll of the dice
With a careful nudge
Generals in sync
Will refuse to budge
The game of Risk
Is a risky game
Must be ensured
It’s played the same
Rules are manufactured
Out of thin air
Top of the pecking order
Keeps the lion’s share
Disorder is maintained
To keep challenges at bay
If you want to win the game
It must be played this way

Today I’m feeling:

Cautious. A little dizzy. Not unhappy or negative but not quite right. At only 11 am, I’m feeling tired and sleepy already.

Today I’m grateful for:

A new deodoriser I found at HomePro that seems to work quite well. There’s a bad cat pee smell on the sofa though I can’t find exactly where so I’m going through spraying the deodoriser on the sofa bit by bit.

The best thing about today was:

Being able to look out of my window and see the mountains clearly again across the rice fields. It makes me feel more connected to the world.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Despite trying to fight it I napped/lucid-dreamed through listening to a Black Midi CD. Thankfully it wasn’t long enough to stop me from getting into bed before 9 pm. I think my general lack of motivation and enthusiasm is going around in ever-decreasing circles with my tiredness.

Something I learned today?

I found out that Earn at House will leave on Saturday to go and study at a university in Bangkok. Her English is pretty good and though she’s not shy, she’s also not chatty. A little like myself I think.

What are some words that best describe my personality?

Today:
Quiet
Thoughtful
Lethargic
Unimpressed
Nature loving
Lazy
Depressive
Happy

Yes, I can suffer symptoms of depression and be happy at the same time. And I also feel that though I’m a little unimpressed and uninspired at the moment I’m also a little optimistic along with it.

I took this picture because this year we may end up with enough lychees to eat, rather than the insects or birds getting them all.

No Readers – 26th April 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Just a recording, a memory
A gentle nudge to remind
One day in the future
I’ll look back and find
No readers were here to see
What these words meant to me

In another time and place
Some comments will be made
Either an idiot in the making
Or a compliment to be paid
Either way, it’s all good
And no readers misunderstood

Today I’m feeling:

A little tired. I’ve been waking up before my alarm, though unable to stir myself out of bed, as my mind is slowly getting around the fact that it’s back to work again next week. I’m starting to feel the stress and tension, my mind anticipating obstacles in the class. Self-preparation for self-preservation.

Today I’m grateful for:

Being able to park illegally at the airport as no one cares that much about it. It’s surprisingly busy here even though it’s 8 pm.

The best thing about today was:

I struggled through getting my head around a lesson plan and how, when and why I would use it. At least I could do this whilst sipping good coffee and watching people coming and going. I pushed on until finished and was quite happy with the result in the end.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

It seemed Runa was going to stay around the city rather than near home so figured I wouldn’t need to pick her up at the airport but then she called just before getting on her flight and asked if I was ok to pick her up and that’s ok with me.  Runa is never on time for anything and it’s already 29 minutes after her flight has landed. I can imagine her still sitting on the plane trying to get organised to get off. She cracks me up but I don’t need the drama that comes along with her chaotic life.

Something I learned today?

Again I don’t feel like I really learned much useful. I watched Netflix and comedy on YouTube. Trying to keep my mood up rather than go deep into anything.

I took this picture because all our different frangipani trees are blooming. Big bunches of flowers get blown off in storms but each year there’s more and more. I love to see old frangipani trees. Ours are still young but I hope to see them old one day.

Funhouse Mirror – 17th April 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 8 Comments

Looking at my twisting reflection
This is not real
Even on closer inspection
It’s just not me, I feel

Is this copy worthy of duplication?
Is it even a fact?
A mirror-to-mirror demonstration
Repeating all I lacked

I am bewitched by my own distortion
Will the real me please step forth?
Invested in psychological contortion
Searching for magnetic North

26th Apr 2024 – Submitted to dVerse OLN #360

Today I’m feeling:

Fairly positive, and cared about yet still with a nagging cold in my psyche.

Today I’m grateful for:

Nong Nut and Nong Fon for making and giving me food today. Nut made a delicious cheese, cream cheese and spinach bake along with some banana cake, yoghurt and more jam. Fon made her best sourdough bread yet and was delicious, toasted with cream cheese.

The best thing about today was:

I felt quite blissful as I was talking with Amy whilst sitting outside. I could smell food cooking coming from somewhere instead of smoky air for a change. The trapped heat in the house was not present outside with a comfortable cosy feeling of warmth. Another day has passed quickly with the feeling of little achievement though relative satisfaction. I have to remind myself that this is what life is. I don’t need to be jumping out of aeroplanes or be popular to know that I am alive.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I still haven’t got back any enthusiasm for listening to music. Apart from playing guitar a few times I haven’t purposely listened to any music this month. I know music can take me away but it can also bring focus right inside my head and I still feel like I want my senses dulled. I’m still in some kind of mourning. I’m getting used to Kim not bring around now and it even feels like she never existed, like she was a dream. That’s sad but maybe my way of coping. Where does the love go that you gave? It feels like it just evaporated.

Something I learned today?

Robotaxis have been given the go-ahead in Beijing. It would be weird to be in a car with no driver but still have a steering wheel and watch it moving. Why not just get rid of the wheel too? Anyway, the future is here. Where is it going? By the time you read this, you’ll be able to tell me.

What am I looking forward to this week?

I’m looking forward to having finished sorting out the hundreds of vocabulary cards that I started making last month. I’m enjoying the process of putting them in order after they all got mixed up during the process of making them. It’s one of those huge tasks that I enjoy as I watch it slowly get easier as it nears completion.


I took this picture yesterday because I like leaving these little models around amongst our little plants around the entertainment area.

Broken Isn’t Bad – 14th April 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Broken isn’t bad, here we are again
It’s our destiny, what we’re made for
There’s no hiding from our inner pain
For some, it’s what they’re paid for
Scabs are formed around scrapes and cuts
Dizzy heads are spun amongst the stars
Feeling cheated and going nuts
These deeper wounds will form your scars

Today I’m feeling:

A little flat and a little bored. Missing that crazy cat.

Today I’m grateful for:

Free time. Netflix. YouTube. Books and comics. It’s a lazy day.

The best thing about today was:

Watering the garden whilst on a video call with Amy. It got me up and about instead of lounging around and napping.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I couldn’t keep my eyes open this afternoon so had to succumb to a quick snooze. I’m not motivated at all today. That’s ok. I know there are days like this and things will pick up again.

Something I learned today?

I watched a video about the cost of living in Bangkok and was shocked at comments saying they thought 200,000 baht a month was about right for someone single in their 20s or 30s. I know that’s not my demographic but to compare I live on less than 30,000 baht per month and the locals are getting around 9,000 for many jobs.

What is my favourite way to relax?

My favourite way to relax is after working hard. Right now I’m relaxing from one relaxing thing to another and it’s not my preference. I need the juxtaposition between effort and rest.


I took this picture because I’m having to pour my love into Cap and Tig. Cap loves to be close by though usually just out of arms reach. Though he’s usually lazing around he rarely seems to be in a deep sleep.

Beautiful Idea – 8th April 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Always searching for the elusive
Open to interpretation
Blown along like leaves in the wind
To catch on to inspiration
There’s no dogma here on the fence
With a view of the garden on each side
Just going along with the flow
And the push and pull of the tide
We’re humbled by the mysterious
In awe of those who rage
There’s a beautiful idea here
Just waiting for the page

inspired by Red Hand Files #229

Today I’m feeling:

Flat, sad. The fucking smoke outside isn’t helping as the light barely gets beyond a dusklike feeling all day. It’s like a typical English dull grey weekend sky. This just makes me want to sleep. The slight mood upswing yesterday has been brought right back to earth. How do I miss a cat so much? Is it my mistake to have focused all my love onto Kim without even realizing it. Is it safer to not love?

Today I’m grateful for:

Amy being able to visit Mai in Albury which helps distract from her own feeling of loss and discomfort at not being here. It’s hard for me to be enthusiastic on video calls but seeing Mai’s daughter YaYa is pretty entertaining as she is a very lively and active 5-year-old.

The best thing about today was:

I’m still unenthusiastic but the first coffee was good and the 20 baht of strawberries I picked up outside 7/11 were ripe and juicy. It’s good that the garden got taken care of and also to see Amy and YaYa.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I’ve not quite got a grip on my emotions yet and finding it hard to be here without Amy. I know things will get better and it will take time. 

Something I learned today?

I came across the movie Made in Britain on YouTube today. I can remember watching it in 1982 and being excited by the music and the fucked up attitude of Trevor, played by Tim Roth. I seem to recall being confused by it at the time because it wasn’t clear to me what the message might have been as it amounts to either conform or go to prison. I know that was the purpose of the movie, that there didn’t seem to be any other options but that was little consolation to angry 14-year-old me. My solution was to run away to Australia which I think was the best decision of my life. Watching it again now made me kind of unhappily nostalgic. Those times were depressing yet they were all I knew. I guess inside I did still have a will to find a way out because that’s what happened. I can’t imagine what I would be doing if I was still stuck there. I was useless, with a bad attitude but I never had the guts to do the dumb things Trevor did in the movie. When my old schoolmate Jeremy boasts about having been in prison I don’t think that’s something to be proud of. Fuck I’m glad those times are over yet I still wish I could live them again.

Describe a perfect day from start to finish.

Right now I feel like answering this like my students would answer it – sleeping!


I took this picture because the gardeners came today and cleaned things up but this picture still reflects my sadness as all the things are still set up in Kim’s room in the centre. Going in there and sorting things act may be the final admission that she’s gone. I still can’t understand it.

Definition – 23rd March 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I don’t need attention or money anymore
I’m no longer the person I was before
Staring into the sky, wondering what to be
Scared that I no longer know what is me

Today I’m feeling:

Happy and hopeful though a little tired.

Today I’m grateful for:

A message from my student Aoi to our class chat saying that she missed me (perhaps a little tongue in cheek) and then Jeng said he did too. I’m glad it’s not just me that feels a void after the intensity of the semesters.

The best thing about today was:

Unexpectedly being home by 10 am was pretty sweet, getting to enjoy all the things I enjoy such as reading, grooming our cats, watering the garden, putting together lesson ideas, drinking coffee and playing cards at Daytripper.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I got to school late because I knew nothing would really start until around 9 am but then when I got to the hall it was all locked up and no one was around. I went back to our building and found out that we won’t be in the hall again until next week.

Ok, no problem, though I had left all my flashcards that I was making in there. I just hope they are recoverable. I asked Kru Mai what I should do today and he just shrugged and said to start putting together presentations for the next semester, which is what I would be doing whether I was at school or not anyway.

I said cool, no worries and came home! I’m thankful the environment here is flexible in this way, not like at previous schools.

In the afternoon I did start putting together my plans for my classes whilst enjoying coffees at Daytripper. Well, why not?

Something I learned today?

I watched a video advising how best to play barre chords on guitar. I’m still struggling with these and my hand and wrist get tired quickly so I’m looking for all the tips I can get. Want to keep playing, and improve my skill and speed. It’s going to be slow for an old bloke like me.

What is something positive happening in my life right now?

I’m feeling pretty positive about everything at the moment though I’m trying to think of something specific. It’s just me and Cap here in bed, in the aircon and…and what? So long as my brain doesn’t fall into a loop of negative thoughts I consider everything positively. Ok got it. The positive thing happening in my life right now is my thoughts.

I took this picture because I thought this plant had died as all the leaves had curled up brown. I secretly held out hope but there was nothing for six months until a couple of weeks ago, new growth and now the unfurling. Amazing.

Total Victory – 18th March 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Nothing but total victory will suffice
Is at the heart of democratic advice
Diplomacy is an admission of defeat
Propaganda must make victory complete

Cutting off the head is seen to win
The hearts and minds of those within
Here we go again, history repeated
Total victory has been totally defeated

Today I’m feeling:

Woke up tired after not sleeping until about 1 am as I’d been busy setting up my computer again. Feeling right after coffees!

Today I’m grateful for:

All the people in the world who make it possible for me to get my computer running the way I want. It often involves a little bit of fiddling around to get dodgy bits and pieces of software going but once it’s done I forget about it until the next time I have to rebuild my computer.

The best thing about today was:

I took Cap back to the vet to check his blood and got the all-clear which was good news. Cap talked all the way there and back and was relieved once home again.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy was upset over something that happened with one of her friends and even though I thought I was saying the right thing it wasn’t what she wanted to hear so she hung up the call. Unfortunately, her upset transferred to me and I just felt grumpy after that so I took an afternoon nap which was enjoyable at least.

I still feel a little uninspired and bored after that though. I didn’t feel like playing guitar which I had been looking forward to in the morning. I ended up just playing Xbox for a while and even that felt like a struggle.

Something I learned today?

I learned how to play Dishonored 2 on Xbox. I enjoyed the first game and this one looks good too but my head is just not in the right space at the moment for time wasting like this. That could change in a couple of days though.

What are a few of my favourite wise quotes?

Check out any entries from last year. One every day.

I took this picture because these plants are getting their new leaves. Even the one that looked totally dead has hung on for another year.