Where can I add more fun to my life? What is the purpose of my life? (Why you do something or why something exists?)
SAY IT ALOUD
Gratitude – Thank you, thank you Forgiveness – It’s OK, it’s OK Curiosity – that’s interesting, that’s interesting
THE GOAL OF LIFE
The goal of life is virtue. Virtue is the only true good. ‘Excellence’ (arête) of character. What’s healthy/beneficial = what’s honourable/praiseworthy. “Living in agreement with Nature”
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful that I don’t give in to my impulses (all the time). Despite being tired this morning I will go to the gym as I challenged myself to yesterday.
I think sometimes people are afraid to be happy or to let go.
Lorraine Robertson
To-do list
Go to the gym in the morning ✅
Finish writing to Chrissie ✅
Start editing TCRAH #25
Draw one of our cats (find some videos on drawing cats)
Savour things for longer
Started off well by pushing through tiredness and going to the gym.
Came back and started finishing off my email to Chrissie which I put a bit of extra thought into and only ended up completing after lunch just before teaching, which then pretty much turned into being dinnertime. I did continue sorting things in my room though. I also remembered to call Hayden but he didn’t pick up.
This coming week should be very cruisy as for 4 days we are playing adjective bingo with different groups of students.
Tomorrow I’ll get a list of students who would like to do extra work so I should prepare that for the following week.
After school I will also go to TLC and have a chat with Nancy about different options for next semester. With George’s advice I’ll also tell her about what has happened with Jimmy.
If you could share one message with the world, what would it be?
I can’t decide an answer to this – maybe – learn to love to read?
I think as having visited many different places around the world there is not one message that is applicable to one and all.
Of course, we can say ‘love each other’ but it is a tired cliche that also begs many questions. Many religions posited this stance but they all became twisted by human interpretation.
I guess the ‘learn to love to read’ phrase is pertinent to never stop learning and growing because it can apply to anyone at any age.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to have 3 happy playful cats in my life. I hope they remain healthy and don’t suffer any misfortune.
The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom.
Isaac Asimov
To-do list
Get photos taken for work permit ✅
Enjoy spending time with George and Bee ✅
Write to Chrissie ½
Think about how you can show Kru Noon your appreciation
Savour what you can, show thanks ½
School was good today. All my classes went well and the kids were happy. Not so much the teachers! Kru Noon was upset again because she had to fill classes for Said who didn’t show up and couldn’t be contacted. Kevin was also upset because Kru Tam had made him look bad in front of his kids.
The day went quickly for me as I drove into the city a couple of times to get photos for my work permit.
After work, I finished reading Anna Karenina – phew! One of the first books that I want to read again.
Then a quick shower and pick up George and Bee to go for Indian dinner. I enjoy meeting them very much and George suggested talking with Nancy about Jimmy so that she can hear about it from me rather than from him or someone else in the future. The option of going to CRPAO is good to have as a choice next semester. George is always trying to convince me to do it.
Amy and Bee had good long happy talks as we moved to the Library to hang out for a couple of hours, drinking sweet shots of unknown alcohol. They both think that George and I live in a ‘beautiful world’ – ie we see everything as good and positive. I’ve spent a lot of time and energy to try and look at life this way and feel much happier for it. I prefer this thinking style over my older negative and cynical one for sure.
For Saturday I have a couple of classes in the afternoon and Amy will go out again in the evening. I’ll be happy with another night at home. Our home is definitely a ‘beautiful world’ despite the snakes.
I have all the characteristics I need but need to work harder at these: perspective, social intelligence (understanding others), spirituality, and kindness.
I am sometimes good at doing these things but often get wrapped up in myself too much instead. I would like to deal better emotionally with difficult situations. Sometimes I can’t control my feelings well enough.
After some more consideration, social intelligence is the one I want to improve most. I can do this by going out and meeting more and different people – not just those within my own sphere of interest.
1st Jan 2023 – Three years later, and having been through much of that time with pandemic lockdowns and prohibitions I don’t think I consider social intelligence so highly anymore. It would be important if I was 20 years old again but over the last year or two, I’ve become much more comfortable with myself.
I can guess that George was the influence for me to try to engage more with other people in 2020, as I always saw him happy. However, I also discovered that trying to be like other people is not always the best approach, especially when feeling let down by them. What works for him doesn’t necessarily work for me.
I’m comfortable and happy with my tribe, I know who they are even though they are not close by. I can still work on improving social intelligence within that premise instead. I don’t need to spend time meeting new people just to practice this. I feel I have better ways to spend my time. I know other people enjoy doing it but it’s not for me.
How can you get those characteristics?
I already have these characteristics but just need to enhance them further. Bring them to the forefront of memory and practice them. Be conscious of them, In order to practice social intelligence, I need to stop pre-judging people and use come conversational techniques to find out more and quickly. This skill is something I have improved on but am not really comfortable with yet. Perhaps visualising and pretending beforehand would help? I could also read more about how to do this and watch some instructional videos.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to be able to have a small sleep-in this morning as it is teachers’ day. I’m writing this from my bed and can look out of the bedroom window at the blue sky and jungle mountains in the distance.
It is possible to live only as long as life intoxicates us; as soon as we are sober again we see that it is all a delusion, a stupid delusion.
Leo Tolstoy, My Confessions
To-do list
Practice RekordBox ✅
Record new TCRAH ✅
If any appropriate time arises, tell Amy about what happened with Jimmy
Finish work permit tasks ½
Exercise at gym
Amy and I spent a long day around the city sorting things for my work permit, getting my laptop fixed and buying bits and pieces for teaching. We had a nice long lunch of sushi and I felt very happy.
I was hoping to go to the gym but it was already 4pm by the time we got home and I wanted to do some other things. Amy had a couple of drinks at lunch and was starting to get a little loud. Most of the time it was fun and funny but occasionally I got a bit annoyed (internally).
I know Amy is a little lonely here in Chiang Rai because her friends are not quite in the same position and way of thinking. We know we are lucky to be where we are and with everything that we have got and there is always some sort of trade-off.
Tomorrow, it’s back to school and I have to try and remember not to touch the students. I’m pretty sure that I will get told off again sometime.
I’m considering the option of going back to CRPAO next semester as I may be able to work with George and Tang. George keeps trying to sell the option to me but I’m a little conscious of working with someone that I consider a good friend and also about my ability to work in any school system.
15th Mar 2024 – Time certainly tells the tale. I was right to be concerned about working with a close friend though I ended up extremely happy.
Where I am now is quite easy in many ways and if it were a similar situation next semester then that seems like a good option. We never know what we’re going to end up with – all options could turn bad. I definitely don’t want to be working harder for other people.
I really want to learn to meditate in an effort to calm my mind. My mind is no longer busy with negative thoughts but quite often with useless thoughts. I just want to calm those down if I can.
I also want to learn to practice the things I have been reading about and put them into action. This is far more difficult than expected and I’m hoping that just by continually being exposed to them that it will rub off on my day-to-day actions.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to be able to manage myself and my time and be adaptable to sudden changes. Today I got given an extra class which could have been annoying but it was perfect as it is for a class I will miss on Friday so having to do the class now means those kids won’t be behind.
From commonplace book
Without knowledge of what I am and why I am here, it is impossible to live.
Levin, Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy, pg 908
To-do list
Think, then speak.✅
Do something nice for someone.
Start putting together exam questions.
Help Boyan with ideas for English camp. ✅
Practice gratitude about the school. ✅
I caught myself a couple of times and chose to stop talking and let the other person speak. At the meeting yesterday I was pleased that Boyan chose to want me to work with. He’s not an easy person to make an impression on so i felt a little flattered that he felt I was OK enough to work with. He came primed with an idea in the morning and by the end of the day we had it all fleshed out and ready to go.
I spent a good bit of time writing out why I’m grateful for the school. That was tough but I managed to fill a whole (small) page.
Ran out of time for exam questions but have everything else for the semester completed now. I also picked up the grade 6 books and have challenged myself to write a week’s worth of lessons from those (at least). Even if I don’t end up teaching that next semester it is still good to keep planning.
In the morning I got given an extra class which became quite fortunate as it meant I could complete the full week of regular English classes which wouldn’t have happened as planned as I’ll be away on Friday. This potential negative turned out to be very helpful and I handled it well. The students were really happy to see me too which made me feel good.
My general negative thoughts from yesterday have all disappeared today and I have noticed myself being more comfortable around the kids again. In some ways, not being able to hug or touch them has created a little distance which has made me care a little less about them. Maybe by care less, I mean more detached. This is probably a good thing for now.
Today I also wrote a little more to Lachlan and received audio files back from Jochen – it was nice to hear his voice again. I’m not quite sure how I’m going to edit it all yet but I’m looking forward to the challenge.
Just by chance, as I was reading Anna Karenina a perfect passage stuck out to me and became my first entry in my commonplace book (see above).
Tomorrow we have some sort of Buddhist ceremony event and I’m not sure what we are required to do and if it involves doing some sort of ritual thing. I’m undecided about whether to refuse or not. I asked George about this a couple of weeks ago and he said he would just do it – who cares? I read today to copy the actions of people you respect so thinking that that’s what I will do.
I also hope to clear out a bunch of emails that I’ve had sitting around. They are not important but challenges that may take a little time to do – I’ll see if I can print them out and do them that way.
This morning I am filled with a quiet happiness. Determined to get up early on a Sunday and to do something, whether it be a walk, a meditation, writing or studying, I rolled out of bed, fed the cats and opted to walk to my favourite local coffee shop, Utopia.
As I prepared food for the cats a light rain appeared. Unusual for this time of year but accurately predicted by our weather apps for once. Undeterred, I set out. The temperature still cool but the minimal exertion keeping me warmed I chose to listen to a reading of a Chekhov short story. The relative quiet around made for clear listening to the beautiful words of the story as I walked through small fields of wet grass and aspiring mud. Was I still in Thailand or transported to that Armenian village?
Before I knew it I had arrived at the shop but it was too early and as I waited on the porch I listened to a primer on Nietzsche and then an imagined conversation between Fred and Jane Austen where, despite their differences they arrived at a philosophical agreement and appreciation for each others works. Inspired by this I contemplated how everyone is different but we must be able to find some common ground.
The Nietzsche primer mentioned his text’s difficult reading but also highlighted his humour. Something which I had not been previously aware of. Friends have told me they preferred to read works about Nietzsche rather than his own. I will try this approach sometime. Sometime when I can add those books to my ever growing library.
The shop opened and I lazily drank through 3 coffees which produced a wonderful buzzing awareness of all the subtleties around me. Soon an acquaintance of Amy’s arrived, a Thai lady who runs her own English school. As this was our first meeting we talked about our shared experiences with teaching here in Chiang Rai.
Coffee and conversation
I lead the conversation for a while before realising it was time to let her speak and so I asked questions about her school and so the conversation flowed. I set myself a small challenge to try to talk to a stranger every day and thought to myself that I can cross this off today’s challenge list and it’s not even 10am.
Later though, as I was walking home, the rain a little heavier than before, I realised that I had failed in another of my personal challenges. Inspired by a Tim Ferriss article I read this week I have challenged myself to not complain about anything for 21 days. To remind myself about this challenge I have started wearing a bracelet, the purpose being that every time you complain you have to swap the bracelet to the other wrist. I have made this doubly difficult for myself by choosing a bracelet that is awkward to attach to oneself with one hand.
As the bracelet effect kicked in I thought back to the conversation in the coffee shop and asked myself if I had been complaining. Despite my mind’s protestations and justifications I sadly realised I had, indeed, been complaining. Perhaps only mildly but there is a fine line between stating the facts as they are and infusing a negative into the narrative.
In fact, the hardest part of this challenge is actually recognising that you are complaining. So long as it pushes to the forefront of my mind more and more it will help me become more aware of my own words and to try to understand how someone might feel whilst listening to me.
The walk home was still wonderous as I contemplated all this and listened to the description of beautiful Masha and the joy and sadness the narrator felt. This description was thought-provoking as I also was feeling so happy with life, despite the fact I was getting cold and wet in the rain. The walk crowned by the view of the feathery grass that spikes alongside our driveway, suddenly weighed down by the heavy drops of water, pointing towards the path home.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to be inquisitive. To want to constantly learn and understand myself. This morning I listened to a primer on Nietzsche which was interesting as an introduction because I don’t know enough about his philosophy. I then listened to an imagined conversation between Nietzsche and Jane Austen where there two apparent so different writers end up agreeing on many things. I walked to Utopia this morning too. A nice gentle walk and gave me chance to listen to these articles.
To-do list
Prepare Lazada order.
Upload TCRAH and record new ep.
Check more Wix options.
Read 3 chapters.
Next Thai video.
Install WP App and streamline Chrome windows.
WDS t-shirt options.
Dye hair.
Did it list
Uploaded TCRAH.
Read 3 chapters.
Walked to Utopia.
Talked with a stranger at Utopia.
Wrote blog post.
Stayed calm despite Amy being in a bad mood.
Missed a couple of days due to having George and Bee over on Friday and being lazy and hungover on Saturday. Did not do anything on my Saturday list so moved all to Sunday and still only managed half of them, though the day is not over yet.
On Friday I kept my challenge of playing with the kids so that I would get some exercise. However, after a while, they asked me to calm down. I was a bit rough and too competitive. I felt slightly aggrieved at that moment but did calm down some. When I thought about it afterwards I realised they were right. It probably wasn’t as much fun for them as it should have been. I need to learn about the consequences of my actions – even the small ones.
After a great start to the weekend, things got a little more sober after Amy fell and hurt her face and hands. We were very quiet and recovering on Sunday.
Looking forward to coming back to school on Monday was brought to a sudden halt by discussions with the school and my agent about withholding two days of my pay for not attending the weekend seminar. I feel particularly aggrieved at this as it was not made clear to me that this would happen and it is not fair to withhold money for not attending an unpaid weekend of work. My agent blames the school and the school blames the agent. This is a very typical scenario here in Thailand and exactly the situation Amy warned me about.
But what to do now? Should I just accept the situation, stand up for myself further, walk away to something else (which may just end up with similar problems) or walk away from everything?
My learning shows that I should remain professional and unaffected emotionally by these types of situations but I still struggle with these things.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to have read some positive things today otherwise I might have felt completely terrible due to a situation that happened at school. I’ll catch up with George briefly as he often knows the right thing to say.
14th July 2022 – Looking for a photo to use for this post I found what seems to indicate that I went to the local hospital on the next day and got myself a medical certificate giving me a day off, as a fuck you to the school for not paying me!
Imagine your 10-year ‘future self’ has just been asked the previous task. He comes back and talks to you. What’d do you think he’d say?
I couldn’t quite answer this question until I asked these two questions of George and for this one he replied “Keep up the good work.” He asked me why I was struggling to answer and suggested the first thing that came into my head.
And that was to stay strong in my convictions because they often turn out for the best. Stay positive even through the tough times. Keep that confidence that I mostly feel because it has proved to work well for me. Remember also to live day by day as if it may be your last. Make it count. Try your best in everything you do. Give your sincere smile to everyone. Appreciate the time you have and make the best use of it. I’d like to think I can say the same thing as George – to keep up the good work.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful that I was able to sleep early yesterday and that Amy takes care of cooking, cleaning and washing up for me. I was starting to feel a little under the weather after a day of shouting in class and after coming home and dealing with a gecko I also had time to read a couple of chapters of my book. This made me quite sleepy though and I didn’t last much longer after dinner. I am grateful that I feel better this morning so far!
Who do you spend your time with? Is this in my control? What does your ideal day look like? To be or to do? If I am not for me, who is? If I am only for me, who am I? What am I missing by choosing to worry or be afraid? Am I doing my job? What is the most important thing? Who is this for? Does this actually matter? Will this be alive time or dead time? Is this who I want to be?
21st Aug 2021 – As yet, still unanswered, although probably considered and written about since. I’ll get back to this.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to meet George and Bee yesterday even though I will meet them again tonight. They are interesting and offer stimulating conversation. I can smile a lot around them.
Dear George, I am so happy and grateful for your positive outlook and influence. You have helped me through a difficult time and I really appreciate having you as a friend. You judge fairly and behave honorably and make friends with everyone. I want to greet the world everyday with the same smile you have. Thank you.
I am so happy and grateful to have a friend like George. He helped me realise that I was doing the right thing even when the situation was futile. He stayed positive and made me understand that I had choices and that whichever direction I went I would be ok.
1994ever 