Tag: gratitude journal

Diaper – 27th July 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

When love has gone wrong
Run off to dark spaces
Desperately clinging to hope
Remembering those embraces

Butterflied chest and tears
And seething like a viper
In the car for 20 hours
Wearing an adult diaper

A last romantic gesture
To mend your broken heart
May push away with vigour
Forever to be apart

Don’t laugh at their madness
When Eros too was your sniper
At one time or another
We’ve all worn the diaper

Inspired by We Learn Nothing by Tim Kreider, recalling bad reactions to broken hearts

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the preserved cabbage that we got given by the Chinese students who went back to China. It was yummy.

I ended up sleeping at around 7.30 last night and I’m glad I did. Still felt dizzy and tired this morning but my mood picked up after my first class of the day.

Tigger is in the hospital again and Amy and I went to see him at lunchtime. He has some dodgy blood level count which seems to indicate a kidney problem but the vet said we caught it quickly before he had organ failure again.

I’m glad I cancelled teaching yesterday and tomorrow. I’ll have one class tonight after school but like I mentioned yesterday I’m in the right frame of mind as I already have the natural tension from teaching at school.

Perhaps I’ve been working too hard recently but I feel compelled to be doing things. The quote from Ryan Holiday that we are human ‘beings’ and not human ‘doings’ was interesting to me as at this time, with lockdowns and everything, we are not actually ‘being’ as much as we would like. I am always ‘doing’, I never stop doing things, and those things keep me happy. Sometimes I get too focused on some things when I could be doing more, perhaps around the house or in the garden, for example.

Sometimes I wish all my stuff was in the house (as opposed to my man cave outside), especially as I would have my music playing all day long, and would read books on the terrace more. Now I feel like I have to do all my things in my room so it divides everything up into ‘my’ time and ‘other’ time. It’s a first-world problem in a third-world country!

Fat Cat – 26th July 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 8 Comments

You’re a fat cat hiding
But you can’t really hide
Your belly is sticking out
Of the box on either side

Climbing up on the shelf
With the picture as your screen
Your paw hanging over the edge
So you can still be seen

Let’s play this game longer
I know you want to dash outside
But everyone is watching
Everyone knows where you hide

15th Aug 2024 – Submitted to What’s Going On – dogs and cats

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that we could take Tigger to the vet today. He’s been a little subdued and not eating much and due to his condition, we erred on the side of caution. He’ll be there for a few days.

Sometimes my mood changes suddenly and I just cancel everything. The last few days I’ve been tired and was looking forward to a lazy long weekend, which it has been in general but I had committed to teaching online for Ellen on these days off and I just feel like my brain isn’t in the right place.

It’s weird but when I get up early and go to school I end up with more energy to do more things. I find if I have a relaxed morning, I really struggle to motivate myself.

So, with a tired weakness, I cancelled my lessons for today and for Wednesday, which is also a holiday. On Tuesday I have to go to work and should be ok to do the extra classes after school. I should try not to get stuck like this and work myself up to being ready to go whenever asked of me.

Sometimes, I think my life is too easy. Sometimes I feel like I need pain and stress to work, to appreciate living. I can relax but why can’t I relax correctly! My brain….

The Balance – 25th July 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

The less ideas you get, the more friends you’ll have
But the more friends you have, the more ideas you’ll get
This is a strange dilemma for me to deal with
And I haven’t found the best way to balance it yet

The first line is lifted from the ‘Abe – Wrong for the Right Reasons’ by Glenn Dakin

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I didn’t fall off the roof of the garage yesterday as I tried to repair our leaky drain. It was ok on the roof but a little dicey getting on and off the step ladder.

Lazy dull grey-skyed Sunday, morning spent with coffee and book, blogging this week’s poems and continuing the DVD ripping. After pizza lunch it’s Netflix time, watching The Lost Kingdom, which reminds me of the foolishness of belief in god, king and country. I seem to be a proud heathen though with, hopefully, a better moral compass than the Vikings.

Walk Like a Malaysian – 24th July 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Push through the air thicker than glue
Where is it we are going to?
Let’s get Teh Tarik (to-day oh)
Can you park right outside the show?
One thousand degrees in the hall
Now time to eat, let’s make a call
Pile on to the bikes (o-kay oh)
Get ABC from your favourite stall
Sweaty brow, to slow things now, so
Walk like a Malaysian
Not so quick to take a trick, just
Walk like a Malaysian

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for our passionfruit plant that is now growing fist-size fruit. Maybe a couple more weeks and they will be edible. Can’t wait.

Hit The Reward – 23rd July 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Hit the dog, hit him hard, make him pay
That’s the lesson every dogging day
Hit the boy, hit him hard, he never learns
The lesson for him is that anger burns

Hit the bottle, hit it hard, that’s your sword
But understanding is based around reward
Hit the road, hit it hard, there’s no return
You lost them all, none shall learn

1st Jun 2024 – Submitted to Word of the Day Challenge

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for 20 minutes of extra sleep this morning. Usually, I’m awake before my alarm but not today. After resetting it for an extra 20 minutes I went straight back into deep sleep.

I talked with Hayden briefly yesterday. He sounds pretty down with life – not articulating it into words but just in his tone and choice of words. He had nothing to say really as he hasn’t been doing anything except playing video games for the last two months.

Bronwyn is staying at his place in Newcastle at the moment, actually, her house, where I’m guessing he is living rent-free. He says he’s annoyed with her because she doesn’t give him enough space. When I asked him ‘space to do what?’ he just answered ‘space to be himself’. I translate this as ‘space to do nothing.’ Being 25 years old already it shocks me how little he can do for himself.

Bronwyn is a control freak and does everything for him because she can see that every time he tries to do something and fails, he just gives up. Now it seems like he doesn’t even want to try.

I’ve been telling her for several years to cut him off (financially) and let him fend for himself but she can’t bring herself to do it. And now it is super easy to get caught in online loan shark debt too. That boy is going to fall hard one day and I blame myself as much as anyone.

Next Enemy – 22nd July 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Is manufacturing an enemy
The right way to finding peace?
Other powers must be countered
As their influences increase
Not content to share the riches
Unprepared to let release
There’s always money in warfare
So the war must never cease

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the beautiful light purple flowers on our climbing plant.

Just looking back at an entry a year ago on 21st July 2020, I note I was not writing as much as before and I can see from this (physical book that I’m writing in) book that I have not been so diligent in the last 12 months. But I’m ok with that.

I still do lots of writing and have changed the focus of entries in this journal a little. I also feel that writing here was a lot more necessary last year than today. I’m feeling more stable in general and ok with everything. I do have to remember though that if I fall down at some point, that the journaling habit is most useful in those times.

I also noted back in that entry from a year ago that I talked about converting all my old DVDs. That task is still ongoing, though almost complete, at least for all the old movies I downloaded and burned to disc. I still have 100s more store-bought DVDs.

Again, I will never have enough time to watch them but I do enjoy the fact that I can and that I can share them for others too. Much like the books on my shelves waiting to be read. I won’t let them be a burden for me. It’s not a task I must try to complete. Collecting, cataloguing, it’s just part of who I am.

Shoes – 21st July 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Count our blessings we still have choices
But stand beside those without voices
It’s not my body that suffers these pains
And I will support those with purer aims

Bootstrap pulling without boots
Kept downtrodden at the roots
I should walk a mile in your shoes
To understand there’s nothing to lose

Top dogs shout down ‘try your best’
Knowing you’ll never catch up the rest
When your choice is to eat shit or die
It’s everyone’s business to question why

Suffer a life for god and king
Does not a satisfied nation bring
I should plough the fields in your shoes
To understand the ways you choose

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to come home and see Amy had been busy all day baking cakes for the hospital workers dealing with Covid. She will deliver them today – she is very kind-hearted and concerned for everyone in this situation.

A nice day today. No aircon last night – just a fan and wake up to a cool post-rain and cloudy sky. Perfect temperature. Still don’t need a t-shirt but just a little more heat in the morning shower.

In my drive to school (and back) I listen to punk rock podcasts, rather than listening to punk rock and at school I can start the day with a delicious coffee. I feel blessed that for 4 days of the week, my first class is with my old students from primary – they are good students and we have a great relationship. They understand quickly what needs to be done.

I am in a great workflow with all my classes and they are all starting to get into the swing of things. I’m not actually teaching anything but with this all being online they are practising their skills – listening, speaking, reading and writing. They are even better students when doing it this way as they don’t have the distraction of each other in the classroom.

So, even though today was my busiest day, it was super easy as everything is prepared a few weeks in advance. And when I got home I was ready to teach Ashley her daily class, again, not teaching, just having a conversation.

Anyway, I got a message that she cancelled today so now I can relax early.

I was just thinking before, that I am busy every weekday this month, having to teach after school and anticipating how good it will feel when those classes finish. Working hard to enjoy a rest.

2000AD Again – 20th July 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The dogs will always get you
If not stabbing each other’s backs
Franks is in the Krool Heart
Where Kano suffers attacks
Alphabet warriors of steel
Drive through black holes of Khaos
And back in the big bad city
Dredd remains the toughest boss
There’s future shocks in store
Splashed across every page
As the rogue trooper attempts
To quell his partners’ rage
A breeding ground of stories
Fantastic fiction and fun
Two thousand AD forever
Even after two thousand and one

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for our lime trees – finally fruiting with delicious fruit that we can use for cooking and drinks.

Both Worlds – 19th July 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

A lazy day with thundery skies
The temperature for Netflix and chill
In between episodes, look out the window
To see the clouds descend the hill
The bang and crash as lightning strikes
I can’t believe my good luck
But suddenly the power goes out
And now it’s Netflix and fuck!
Wait for the rains to stop again
And electricians to earn their pay
So we can get back to our series
And watch until the finale
Weirdly, there’s top-speed internet
Yet intermittent electricity
Nowhere has the best of both worlds
Neither this country nor city

Letts Association Football Diary 1979 – 30th December 1978

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have had a lazy day yesterday – even forgetting to write here. The busy week makes me tired on the weekend and I enjoy being home with the cats, our surrogate dog and crazy Amy.

Our House (again) – 17th July 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The feature picture (above) is a picture that we have to take every year for my visa application, to show that we are the happy family that we are telling them we are. We also have to supply a picture in our living room and bedroom!

The dog, Tangmo (Watermelon), is our neighbour’s but he is increasingly happy to be at our house these days as we give him love, pats and attention. We do not listen to the aunties who insist that we should hit him when he’s naughty. And they don’t understand why he likes to visit us so much…

This is the view from behind the village market, across the paddies looking towards our house, which you can see on the left, with the green fence. On the hill on the horizon is the stupa. I still don’t know what they indicate or ceremonies they are used for.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for our fresh-cut garden again. I love it when it’s been tended to and happy to pay for someone to do it (5 people!).