Tag: gratitude

The Narrative – 26th November 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Is this narrative true
Or just what you want to hear?
If everything is obscured
It surely can be made clear
Is this narrative a lie
Or what you choose to believe?
When lies are lies and lies are truth
It’s manifest to deceive

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.

Aristotle

Today I’m feeling:
Pretty good. A little antsy but not for any particular reason.
Today I’m grateful for:
The new 100-watt light bulb above me that means I can read a bit more comfortably again. The last one didn’t last for long.
The best thing about today was:
Riding my pushbike to Utopia this morning. Nice temperature, cloudy and little traffic.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Amy needed some money to buy wine at the shop as she couldn’t pay by card so she came and asked me to get some cash out for her. In the evening the same thing happened at 7-11. We share our money so it’s not that big a deal but it was something that we couldn’t control at the time though because we were together the solution was quick and easy so Amy didn’t have any frustration.
What are you most thankful for?
This seems obvious but I’m most thankful to be alive. I wouldn’t be anything otherwise.

I took this picture because I find this building incredibly interesting. It looks like it’s from a Ghibli movie. I’m not sure if it’s a hotel or a student dorm. I took this a couple of days ago up by the stupa. No photos at all today!

The Tech Ghosts – 25th November 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The victim of these spectral slaves
Invited into our rooms
Ghosts of make-believe realities
On which this monster consumes
Mere cogs of a mega machine
Assimilated to technological production
With immediate planned obsolescence
And the means of its own destruction

We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.

Joseph Campbell

Today I’m feeling:
Pretty good, a little relaxed
Today I’m grateful for:
Kru Fluke coming to assist me in recording my voiceover for the flower festival this year. She helped me with pronunciation of the Thai words and translating with the audio guy. She didn’t really need to come and help but I appreciate that she did.
The best thing about today was:
Being around the students for the open day. We were all happy that we weren’t in classes. I was super happy that some of them were even doing the work I asked them to do!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I guess this is connected with the comment above. I asked my students to do some work for me as we didn’t have classes. I realised pretty quickly that many of them wouldn’t bother doing the work and most of them weren’t around to be able to follow up with. There was no way I could control this situation and whilst I feel a little disrespected by the students who won’t do the work out of laziness or sheer bloody-mindedness I have to let it go. So I’m thinking now about how I can reward those students who did do the work.
Name 10 people you love.
Amy
Hayden
Jochen
Kieran
Chrissie
Sharon
Aaron B
Kimi
Steve
Mum

I took this picture because there are new monsters everywhere.

What’s Not Mine – 24th November 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

My favourite mug smashed to pieces
Now strewn across the kitchen floor
Happened a thousand times in my mind
And so this is what I’ve prepared for

Whenever you must learn a new skill or alter your career path later in life, you reconnect with that youthful, adventurous part of yourself.

Robert Greene

Today I’m feeling:
Mostly happy, a little tired.
Today I’m grateful for:
The Bath and Body Works car freshener that lost its smell in the car but I brought it inside and shoved it in the screen door and pierced it slightly so the fluid can slowly drip. In the afternoon the sun hits it and the bedroom smells great.
The best thing about today was:
Not having to teach. Can’t complain about days like that.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I was expecting to have to teach today but at the last minute realised that I wouldn’t be able to. I hastily prepared some work for my students to do in their own time and was able to feel that I wasn’t neglecting my students or just skipping out. I doubt if most will do my work so at least I can see who is conscientious at least.
Describe your family’s greatest catastrophe to date.
I suppose this would be my father dying which undoubtedly affected things around me but as I was less than two years old I can’t say that it affected me directly at the time. It’s also not possible to say how it has affected me since as I have nothing to compare it with. I don’t think there has been anything catastrophic in my life since though no doubt some things may have felt so at the time.

I took this picture because Kim didn’t really seem to mind balancing across these parts of the sofa.

Til The End – 23rd November 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Make sure to watch til the end
This video needs the stats
Nothing happens at that point
As you can see within the chats

But make sure to watch til the end
Cos this video needs to go viral
A dollar for every ad served
Within this ever-downward spiral

Make sure to watch til the end
If you really want to laugh
Forget about the time you’ve wasted
Cutting your life in half

Make sure to watch til the end
Scroll and pause, pause and scroll
You’re the product in this game
And the devil wants your soul

So make sure you watch til the end…

The foundations of a free country is that your freedom to swing your fist ends where someone else’s nose begins.

Ryan Holiday

Today I’m feeling:
Reasonably happy.
Today I’m grateful for:
The old auntie at the market that made an old-style Thai dessert that is hard to come across. It’s a little like Japanese mochi, made with sticky rice and flour and other things I don’t recognise.
The best thing about today was:
Explaining some work to a couple of students and seeing the joy of understanding on their faces when it clicked for them. Small steps. Interested students are a teacher’s pleasure. Uninterested students are impossible to get through to and those moments of understanding are far fewer with them. So even a poorer student that shows interest is preferred.
Daily thought
Who is someone living that you admire?
I’ve been thinking about this off and on all day and as was commented on where I found this question, it is much easier to come up with a person that is dead. Why is that? A finished story perhaps. A life that no longer can be spoiled… I admire many of my musician friends, just for their abilities to create music that sparks me. This can apply to artists I don’t know too but the connection feels vaguer these days. This admiration is not necessarily for who these people are but for things they created, though there is a strong connection in the qualities of patience and persistence amongst other things. If I have admiration for who a person is then that would be Amy. She has her ups and downs as much as anyone but in general, is a happy person whose positivity is seen by most and I’m sure has helped guide her through life with good results. I admire her attitude. I’m not like that, not like her in that way. I wish I could be but I just can’t. It’s one of the reasons I want to be with her though. She’s a counterbalance for me.
What’s your best advice for teenagers?
The best advice is what I have learned through reading about Stoicism and understanding the dichotomy of control. As I am teaching teenagers at the moment this often comes up for them in learning about dealing with relationships and situations. It is always something I have to remind myself about every day though. I think I’ll make that a daily question for myself from tomorrow.

I took this picture because this is typical of my students in class. Today I laughed with them but actually, I feel disappointed for them. The environment is just not conducive to learning.

Your Daily Meditation – 22nd November 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Let’s waste some time
Kick a ball
Forget our problems
Forget it all
Let’s watch TV
Take a nap
Rest your brain
Don’t let it snap
Breathe it in
Nice and slow
Fuck it all
And let it go

Revolution starts within each of us – in the demands we take up against the world, in the daily fight against nihilism.

Hua Hsu article about bell hooks

Today I’m feeling:
Pretty good by evening time.
Today I’m grateful for:
The psychiatrist at the hospital for not being upset with me for missing my appointment 3 months ago. The way they work here is just in the outpatient department, just get in line and wait your turn. I’m guessing most of us are just getting re-ups on prescriptions anyway. I’ve been lazy to go recently even though visits don’t usually take more than 30 minutes. If I’m feeling good again in the next few months I may cut down to half a tablet and see how it goes.
The best thing about today was:
Sitting at Daytripper, thinking about the morning, my students, my actions and my reactions. It’s a nice environment with tables of uni students around lazily studying. Usually, there will be interesting people to watch and invent stories for (only in my head). I always think about what other people’s lives consist of, even in their mundanity. I want to see and experience every boring corner of everywhere and everyone’s lives. Do we tick the same?
Daily thought
What is something that surprised you recently?
I’m not much surprised these days, to be honest. I think I need to look out for it again, otherwise, life will just feel like an endless series of disappointments.
Have you been skiing?
I haven’t. I wouldn’t have minded to try when I was younger but the cost always felt prohibitive or not worth it in my mind. It probably would have been a better option than buying a skateboard when I was 40. I gave that up at the first fall landing on my hip.

I took this picture because I noticed the foliage around the stupa has been cut down making it more visible from below and obviously making the views more open from the top. I already have a few good pictures from here before but these are even better.

Wind Up – 16th November 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

It’s a crowded room full of screaming
And I’m feeling out of control
I wish I was only bad-dreaming
As I’m sinking into this hole

I gotta leave here quick
Or something’s gonna blow
Not sure what’ll do the trick
I don’t know, I don’t know

Temperature rising to the max
Smoke coming out my ears
Gotta face up to the facts
Or it’s gonna end in tears

Ran myself out the door
Before I got to blow
I can’t do this anymore
I know, I know

How you confront difficulties with determine your fate.

Robert Greene, Daily Laws

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and satisfied
Today I’m grateful for:
Working for most of the day. Some days I’m happy to only have two classes (4 hours) and can relax and then sometimes on days like this with three classes (6 hours) I can feel happy and achieving something too. It helped that I’d planned well and that the students were in pretty good moods.
The best thing about today was:
Taking time to be one on one with some of the poorer or quieter students in my last class and seeing them start to understand more about what I’m asking them to do. It’s a little frustrating that some students get left behind in the melee of the full class especially when they can do the work if they take the time to understand. The pull of the crowd is strong though.
Daily thought
Do you have any hopes or fears?
I do but I don’t put much stock in them. For instance, I hope Amy can come back here and find some happiness and something to occupy her time effectively and I have some fear of packing up and moving back to Australia (fear of the logistics and effort) but at the same time I know that whatever happens everything will be ok. So I would downgrade fear and hope to preferences.
What do you think of the idea of living forever?
Just about everyone ponders this idea at one time or another. I first did after watching the first Highlander film or reading The Sandman and was quite into the idea. I once thought aloud that I would live to 300 which seems a little more reasonable. But to live forever means to live beyond the existence of the universe and forever would not just be a long time but would make our universe’s existence like just a pinprick in time. That does not seem amusing. Perhaps the joy of our lives is knowing that they will not last and why I enjoy the excitement and wonder of my students with whom I can still share in their dreams. I hope they can all find some satisfaction in their own lives.

Praewa took this picture because we were having fun in the classroom today and I was pretending to be angry. It’s funny to see this because I guess this is what I must look like sometimes when I am actually angry. Even my ‘bad’, ‘difficult’, and ‘annoying’ students were ok today.
Fatman report

The Calmers – 13th November 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Take a deep breath
Still that thrashing heart
Stop for a second
Before you fall apart

Not the time to run
Bouncing around
Turn the TV on
Until you’re settled down

Upon the fields of friendly strife are sown the seeds that, upon other fields, on other days will bear the fruits of vistory.

General MacArthur

Today I’m feeling:
am: tired pm: lively
Today I’m grateful for:
The afternoon coffee that is keeping me up late right now. I’m glad I forced myself to get out this afternoon as I had a quick midday nap and could’ve just spent the rest of the day lazing around.
The best thing about today was:
Going to Daytripper as just described and finding that the girl working there is someone I often see at Utopia reading books but we’ve never spoken. As I paid to leave she asked how the coffee was and we chatted a little. Her name is Natalie and now we have a basis to talk in the future. There was also a group of the barista’s friends there playing a card game and just as I was getting energy back from the coffee I really wanted to ask them if I could join but by then I had to get home to feed the cats. A missed opportunity to make some new acquaintances but I’ll be sharper next time
Daily thought
Do you complain too much?
Maybe. It is definitely not at a level I left the UK with and I think I still continue to improve on this but as with these things you generally don’t tend to notice yourself when you are doing it. So I’m saying maybe because I don’t think I do complain too much these days but I may be missing it.
Do you ever see wild animals?
Can I include my students?
Snakes, lizards, birds and some mad insects. I don’t think there are any big cats in Thailand and any elephant I’ve seen is no longer wild.

I took this picture because the stupa on the hill is a landmark letting me know I’m near home. This shot was in the golden hour taken from Daytripper across the rice fields. I’m not tired of rice field shots but they never quite catch the experience. Maybe I should crack out the big camera and see how that performs.

Daisy – 12th November 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

There she is, dressed in black
She’s clinging to my arm
There’s no way to take her back
But there’s no cause for alarm
Even though she’s hurting me
I know it will be ok
And not everyone will see
That she is here to stay

Western civilisation is a story of full bellies and starving hearts. Of a feast of information and a famine of truth.

Caitlin Johnstone

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and dizzy.
Today I’m grateful for:
The girls at the tattoo studio again for doing a great job. They don’t mess around and just get on with the work. Again, I was out by midday and on my way home.
The best thing about today was:
My new tattoo, obviously!

I took this picture because it’s fresh.

The Container – 3rd November 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Oil is needed for the container
Good PR from the explainer
Once made, it needs to be filled
Opposition to it must be killed
The container is mandated by God
To surround those found to be odd
If the flow is something not agreed
The container must be seen to succeed
This box is not some piece of Tupperware
It’s a restricting restraining nightmare
Beaten by always holding one’s breath
If not capitulated by finding one’s death
Held inside, the hope and dreams of others
But not to be shared with Bigger Brothers
The container will succumb to decay
As new containers will come into play

If there is no solution to the problem then don’t waste time worrying about it. If there is a solution to the problem then don’t waste time worrying about it.

Dalai Lama

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and fulfilled.
Today I’m grateful for:
One of my students, Rista, came up to me and asked me if I dropped any money as she was holding out a 100 baht note. I hadn’t but she insisted I take it. When I told her it wasn’t mine she refused to take it back and consider the idea of keeping it for herself. Maybe it will bring bad luck or just the fact it’s not hers so she shouldn’t keep it and once it’s passed on she no longer has the burden. Anyway, I bought some yummy ginger fried fish and rice for dinner with it.
The best thing about today was:
Being in the classroom with my students again. It made me feel so happy to be a little part of their lives again.
Where are you visiting soon?
Amy and I were considering a quick trip to Vietnam when she’s back but we decided to visit Pimmy and Fern in Phuket instead. It will be nice to be near water again even if it is such a short time. Amy lives in Drummoyne at the moment and rides the ferry to work every morning. That’s a nice way to go to work.

Khokwan took this picture because she was playing around with a mirror photo app and asked me to look at the camera. Today I was a model teacher with two students as we posed for a photo shoot for some promotional thing or other. We were all a bit bemused as we were asked to look like I was teaching while we all smiled at the camera. Hopefully I’m not made into a 20-foot billboard.

Makes Me Laugh – 2nd November 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

It’s difficult to see your point
When you are the one affected
Cos I’m just going to carry on
I choose not to be infected

Your cold hard exterior
Makes me laugh so much
Your two faces finding
There’s things you cannot touch

Hello and good morning to you
I care not your reply
Every day the same
It’s not my business to wonder why

Most people are stupid and lazy and really only concerned with getting through the next couple of hours with silliness and stimulation and something to eat. Be polite.

Katherine Hepburn

Today I’m feeling:
Happy. A little breathless.
Today I’m grateful for:
The printer at work where I finally was able to finish scanning one of the books I use for one of my classes. I was also happily watching the kids outside doing fun and funny activities with older students. It made me realise the different ways kids learn some responsibilities here.
The best thing about today was:
Reading a stack of different comics this evening. I know I do this most evenings but the stories were all particularly enjoyable tonight.
What is your favourite photo of yourself?
Probably the one from Dean’s party the week after Torpedo Town in 1986. I’m standing tall, topless and skinny, pointing at the camera with a cigarette. It was the second time I’d ever taken acid and at this party Emma and I did it together (her first time) and we had a great evening, night and morning. The original photo got sent to an American gay punk fanzine, which I got sent but without the original picture returned. So now I only have this photocopied copy of the picture.

I took this picture because this sequence all happened pretty much in about 60 seconds. Cap was happily by my pillow. Kim came in and sat on the bedhead which I was surprised about as she usually goes straight for play and hence me taking the picture. As I was sending the picture to Amy, Kim had gone into attack mode and I took the second picture. Cap quickly jumped over to the other bed and Kim seemed satisfied with that and nonchalantly returned to her slumber on the bedhead.