Tag: gratitude

My Wife’s Performance Review – 18th November 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Yesterday I reviewed the dog
Today I review my wife
I feel her performance
Doesn’t meet the standard for my life

She’s got some goals to reach
And I will keep on poking
Look out, here she comes
No honey, I’m joking! I’m joking!

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the adjustable bracket I bought for my iPad so that I can read laying down flat and looking straight up. I hope this helps a little with my sore neck.

Well, turned up today to find only 4 students come to my first class and none to my second! I guess I would’ve done the same after getting a vaccine and being told you may get sick afterwards. I would definitely be sick!

But, I haven’t let the kids off – I sent them the work I had planned. I expect the good ones to do it. It will help them with their work for next week.

It means I have another full day mooching around so at the moment I’m in 22 Grams as I had to come and collect Amy’s vaccine passport. I will apply for one too next week, now that I know where to go and what to do.

Hayden called me yesterday and seemed pretty upbeat. He’s getting involved in some disability care training, which could be really good for him. Doing good things for other people will definitely improve your own self-worth and esteem.

Amy’s student, Nong Na, will come on Saturday and I will teach/talk with her for half an hour or so. I’ve been thinking about what to do and as I’m writing this, the idea has come forth for her to interview me. Sometimes the act of writing provides the inspiration.

I’m waiting for Central to open in 15 minutes (11 am) to go and double-check the price of the MacBook Air. I’d like to buy it before Amy goes away. My laptop is starting to get very slow and finicky, especially the trackpad. As I mentioned before – it still works though. 12 years use for a laptop is pretty good going!

I already prepared all of next week’s work for classes yesterday, so I can start on 2/9’s future classes with the subjects they’ve chosen. I could probably finish that all this afternoon and, who knows, maybe even tomorrow, students will still be ‘sick’. Then next week I can just sit in cafes and read, write, caffeinate.

Here I am again in another job where there’s hardly any work to do. I’ll motivate myself to improve the quality of my work. Put effort into the common good.

(Later) I made a good decision to go and get a massage. I feel great! Now, I’m back at House for afternoon coffee and I’ll go back to school around 3 pm, as I did yesterday, and eat lunch!

A Dog’s Performance Review – 17th November 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 11 Comments

Oh dog, your performance is far too poor
You are not achieving what we hired you for
The rats still run rampant everywhere
You’re on probation until you start to care

Your KPI’s are well below par
Do you know exactly what you are?
Eating shoes and snapping at flies
You are a dog! Do you realise?

Scared of cats and other critters
The village bears your many litters
Hopefully, these puppies understand their job
The proper work of being a dog

Based on this article
15th Aug 2024 – Submitted to What’s Going On – cats and dogs

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I have been asked to be the voice of the Chiang Rai Flower Festival again.

Amy was pretty drunk yesterday. She is obviously very excited about going to Australia and open to the possibilities there – lots of options. Sometimes when she is drunk, her emotions can swing wildly. Last night she was ok but cried a few times, not with happiness or sadness but with gratitude and appreciation for her parents and me.

We both went to bed early and I held her little body in my arms as she settled down and rolled over and found her sleep. I had some interesting dreams, with lots of people from my past.

Today I usually only have one class and that was cancelled as the kids are off for vaccinations. I knew that I had to do recording for the Chiang Rai Flower Festival today, like I did last year but I only found out that I had to go to the CRPAO official offices, next to Immigration, about 15 minutes before starting.

I met Kru Gratae and Kru Tee there and they did their Chinese version and I did the English version, even nailing the long Thai name first time. The texts they use are pretty weird, flowery words that any English speaker would immediately recognise as fantastical hyperbole. It’s pretty funny to read though.

So for the rest of the day I’m pretty much free. I will take advantage and prepare the class work for students next week, do a little reading and check out more of this free literature course that I found online.

Tall Tales Told – 16th November 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The stories we tell always change
To suit the audience being told
Fake news has been around forever
The preposterous tales of old

Legends live on in our minds
To moralise for the present
Made obvious for the new generation
Who is bad and who is pleasant

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to the two guys who make the You Don’t Know Mojack podcast as they have introduced me to good music that I would maybe never hear otherwise.

I don’t know how many months now that it has been that I have been trying to play Scarborough Fair 100% accurately on guitar. It made me mad and then I got all ‘whatever’, thinking that one day it will come. I’m still waiting for that day. The chord change from Dm to F was/is the main stumbling block and when I do manage it I end up not quite nailing something else. Never give up. I do fucking hate this song now though.

I’m out in my room and can hear Amy screaming inside. I don’t mean screaming scared but just drunkenly emoting loudly on the phone. She does get excited after a couple of wines.

Good classes today. Some testing students but not too bad. I’m pretty calm most of the time now.

I Need A Maid – 15th November 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Feed the cats, iron the shirts, wash the dishes
My wife has gone with the bestest of my wishes
She did so much and I even paid
But without her, I realise that I need a maid

First-world problems, yes, I understand
Pleasure and housework don’t go hand in hand
Now I’m wishing that my wife had stayed
Cos I don’t want to admit that I need a maid

See yesterday’s poem

4th Jun 2024 – Submitted to Ragtag Daily Prompt

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Amy’s parents for understanding her and not making any crazy demands of her.

A reasonable Monday with a couple of classes. Felt good, students playful but did their work. Did they learn anything? I’m not so sure! Keep plugging away.

I’ve had lots of thoughts go through my head that I though might be interesting to write down but I failed to capture them at the time and now they’ve left the long winding river, somewhere out of reach. If they’re important enough, I’m sure they will float back sometime.

Gone Away – 14th November 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

There’s no problem between us
I’d never tell you you have to stay
We are always together at heart
Even after you’ve gone away

Our dreams are sometimes different
And other times they are the same
We push each other to realise them
Cos our love will always remain

With the latest technology
We are merely a whisper apart
It may be a while ’til we meet again
But you always remain in my heart

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for Google Translate. It can help make the parents aware of their children’s work and to push them to complete it.

On Friday afternoon, I started to enjoy a grim feeling. Lethargic, sour thoughts, dizziness. I got home and vegitated with some Netflix but I couldn’t enjoy it.

I woke up feeling good on Saturday but soon this sad feeling appeared again. I was very aware of it. Anything I watched or read compounded it; nothing was contributing anything good to the world.

I slept a little and in the evening read a load of comics and a little bit of Rollins ‘Stay Fanatic’. I thought that perhaps I should understand clearly what Rollins was saying about the power of music and he hides himself in the melodies and nuance of those sounds. Perhaps I should’ve tried the same.

Today, I’m feeling ok again and intend to indulge myself in some music – just listening, nothing else. Something familiar.

I’ve recently been adverse to going to my man cave. Something about it displeases me and I can’t quite figure out what. Could be time for a rearrangement. I want a comfy armchair to relax on. I rarely see comfy armchairs in Thailand.

A Celestial Emporium – 13th November 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

For things that tremble as if they were mad
For suckling pigs and mermaids that emperors had
Any grunt and squeal from a secret dictionary
Must define the world in words less ordinary

Inspired after reading about this piece of writing from Borges.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for this island in our dining room where I’m now sitting. I can remember when it was being built – I can remember when it didn’t exist and now we use it all the time for eating, writing and preparing food.

Beyond The Blind Spot – 12th November 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Seeing things as they are
Dreaming them as they could be
A dark forest, a wide sky
A landscape full of human history

A spirited manifestation
Flashes of insight, literary
The lyrical moment happens
There born, the epiphany

Inspired and mangled from Black Paper: Writing in a Dark Time by Teju Cole
30th Oct 2024 – Shared with Ragtag Daily Prompt – epiphany

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be able to watch our jacarandas grow a few feet higher and the trunks a little thicker, every year.

Friday again already. It’s been great to be able to sit at House and keep up with lots of reading and writing. Next week I won’t have so much free time like this but have the pleasure of being face-to-face with students. I’m happy with all the scenarios at this stage. I’m enjoying everything. Is life too easy?

As with a couple of years ago, I’m kinda excited for Amy to go away for a while, leaving me to fend for myself and indulge in all my endeavours. I do know, though, that I will also get lonely and I will miss her a lot. Especially her cooking.

It looks as if Jess and Mei will be coming to Thailand soon too. It will be great to see them again and I know Amy will have a great time with them here.

The Week That Was – 18th February 1979

Byrne’s Music – 11th November 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

It’s a sex diagram
A time machine
Program Annihilator
A heartbreak scene
Messages subliminal
A Smith’s repetition
Gimmick harmonies
A metaphor competition
Ambiguous lyrics
A chaotic romance
Banging the drum
A community dance
Disturbed facilitator
A melodic personality
Layered catalysts
A concerted reality

Inspired and mangled from here: http://davidbyrne.com/explore/tree-drawings-arboretum/photos/music-tree-2002/1 with added references to SST, The Fall and Scream. The tune in my head is the Minutemen’s ‘One Reporter’s Opinion’.
13th Apr 2024 – Submitted to FOWC with Fandango

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the possibilities to keep my brain engaged other than the mindless use of social media.

Here I am again, safely tucked up in my corner at House – talking online with the good students and anxious if the other students are actually doing any work.

Amy is busy working out more details for her trip to Australia and I’m wondering what I’m gonna eat when she’s away! I’ll need to get organised with shopping and potentially – shock! horror! – cooking! I think any cooking will purely involve potatoes, cheese, onion and garlic!

After a relatively good period with less neck ache, it seems to be playing up again. I’m back on the abs workout and hopefully that helps a little. I think that when Amy is not here, I will try sleeping in other places, second bedroom, lounges, etc and see if they make any difference. My neck has been a problem for more than a decade now. Hopefully, my general fitness improvements all keep me going a bit longer. Like another 50 years if possible!

I was surprised at the happy ending to the Aladdin story. I’m uncertain if there was any moral to be learned from the story and curious if it was told for any more purpose that is culturally adjacent to its places of telling. I always thought of being able to wish for anything as a curse; that was my cultural context.

Reading some Rollins last night resonated with me a lot, particularly about doing things alone. I need to check out more of his more recent writing again.

It’s 11:11 today and I don’t think I can afford to buy anything on sale at Lazada this time. I looked at the new MacBooks in Central yesterday, considering buying one sometime but also clinging on to my current machine as it is still pretty reliable. I often get these compulsions to get things even though I perhaps have no real need for them. And even though I can afford them, I’ve noticed myself more recently talking myself out of things or delaying that gratification, perhaps to enjoy the anticipation for longer. Anticipation is usually more pleasurable and longer-lasting than gratification.

I think I’ve already talked myself out of the new MacBook Pros and could easily manage with the MacBook Air, which is about half the price. For what I currently use it for, it is more than capable.

I also want to get a big iPad and would be happy enough with an older one, so long as it can store books and comics on it. I just want it for reading. Still, my current iPad is adequate, though some comics can be tough on the eyes after a while.

I also note to myself my many first-world problems while surrounded by people with their third-world problems.

The Week That Was – 11th February 1979

Shooting Rainbows – 10th November 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Pointed words lost meaning and never became real
Maybe I’ve gone crazy, but it’s happiness I feel
My mind is ravelling, circled to the start
Painted rainbows shooting outward from my heart

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to the farmer and cows that eat the jungle growing on the land next to us. Those cows are eating machines.

If I only had three wishes, as some stories contain, then it is obvious that the third wish should be for three more wishes, over and over again! But what to do with these wishes? Knowing that a wish for a positive more often than not ends in a negative, for example, wishing to be able to have sex with that beautiful girl ends up with her getting pregnant!

So, perhaps my wish could be more even-handed; perhaps instead I would ask my jinnee to give me useful advice when I so required and I could choose to take that advice or not.

In fact, as I think more deeply into this, I realise that a jinnee is not required. We have everything we need already (speaking from my position of privilege, of course). Our jinnee is in our head, just waiting to be used.

As Amy considers starting a business in Australia, I am not so hot on the idea. I am not opposed to it and I know we could do it. I just wonder, what is our purpose in doing it? We could be successful and make lots of money but will that make us happier?

I know Amy is frustrated with where we are, living in Thailand but actually our lives are very simple and easy despite those frustrations. We have choices and neither of us works particularly hard. Amy loves to cook and serve people; her dream is a business like this. We also currently have the choice to do that here, as we’ve often discussed before.

I’m not going to try to convince her one way or another, I will be happy anywhere, everywhere in the world. I am happy to be with her, even if we are not always in the same place. I got my jinnee working for me right now.

The Week That Was – 4th February 1979

Lower The Flags – 9th November 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Flights of fancy, a child always spoiled
Political wrangling, in scandals, embroiled
A name in history, now forever soiled

A handy harem, each night to select
Behaviour fitting one of total disrespect
A country mourning its own death from neglect

Ignorance is the most practised of skills
Run away to a mansion in the hills
Escaping judgement on who pays the bills

An era ending not soon enough for some
Time to reflect on what has become
Lower the flags, put flowers in the gun

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to open the curtain this morning to thick fog, almost hiding the rice fields right outside our fence. It’s nice to wake up to cold air sometimes.

I lost it a little bit yesterday as I was saying goodbye to everyone in the teachers’ room and George refused to even acknowledge me. Dylan came outside and I asked him what was going on and he just said that George says I don’t talk to him anymore, so he’s not going to bother talking to me, even just to be polite.

I got pretty defensive at this but let it drop quickly and tried to forget about it. I just hope Dylan can see and understand George’s reactions for what they are but I feel that George will be able to persuade him whichever way he wants. It just feels so childish.

Even if I don’t like people I can still be polite. As I discussed with Bruno last week I’m not here to make friends and have a good time with everyone. I’m here to do a job and I want to do a good job – and I can have a good time doing that.

The opportunity arose to say hello to George today, so I gave him a cheerful ‘good morning’ and got a begrudging ‘hello’ in response. I just smiled under my mask and reminded myself of something I learned from George when he would say ‘I generate the atmosphere I wish to be in.’ Indeed.

I’m chilling in the cafe whilst preparing more work for the coming weeks. I hope these ‘off’ weeks can continue as it gives me lots of time to prepare.

Oh, last night I finished watching a short JTV series called The Queen’s Classroom in which a super tough teacher improves the students in similar ways to myself, though I am not as strict as she is. At the end of the story, the students agree that they will remember their teacher forever – in a good way. I hope that I can have the same influence on my students.

The work they are doing with me this semester will push them hard but I already get a feeling that they are very capable. I never want to underestimate their abilities and possibilities.

Reading the story of Aladdin. I’m only vaguely familiar with this story and I can see it not ending well for Aladdin. So, if I had a jinnee and unlimited wishes, from a lamp or ring, what would I do?