Look deep into the eyes Of the cat and dog freed from its cage There to be seen The root of all human happiness To chase around the beach, cuddle and engage
More reasonable today though still not breathing properly and have itchy tired eyes.
I slept for almost 12 hours though it wasn’t all good sleep but I was happy to at least have the opportunity anyway. Getting up late meant that the day disappeared fairly quickly.
After coffee, I came back and watched some videos before a delicious experimental lunch that Amy made of roasted vegetable lasagna but instead of lasagna sheets using soft tortillas instead.
Then some more 3 Body Problem, more videos (I didn’t move much today!) then I made it to my room to play guitar but I wasn’t quite in the mood but still managed about 25 minutes. My room is super hot in the afternoons now and I need to go there and play guitar in the mornings when my brain feels more alert!
I’m also reminded that I need to get back to my Thaipod101 lessons now that I have some free time again.
And also I want to do some study around active listening. I figure that after 56 years on earth, I might actually start listening to what other people have to say! Of course, I may find out the opposite too.
Today I’m grateful for:
The cowman from a couple of doors down.
This evening I was about to go out and close the gate and noticed something black on the grass. On closer inspection, it was cow shit! When did that get there! We were out in the garden in the afternoon and it wasn’t there then.
I grabbed a torch and walked around the garden just to check that whatever visitors we had had gone before going to close the gate. When I got to the gate it was already shut. I figured that a cow must’ve come in and the cowman found it, chased it back out and closed the gate behind him.
The mystery was soon confirmed by our CCTV system – a mum and calf with the cowman chasing them out!
The best thing about today was:
Amy’s lunch and then in the evening, Amy’s delicious peach crumble with chocolate ice cream. What a lucky guy I am. Or was I just smart enough to pick the best person for me to marry?
Something I learned today?
Last year in the world happiness index, China was number 1, followed by Saudi Arabia and then the Netherlands. In this year’s report neither China nor Saudi Arabia were in the top 30. That’s strange! It turns out that even though their data was collected it wasn’t used in the final report meaning a white Western nation (The Netherlands) is the happiest in the world. At least, if you cherry-pick the data to your agenda.
Also, whilst watching the Netflix 3 Body Problem it seemed fairly obvious to me that the ‘China Bad’ narrative was highlighted intentionally. It followed the book in that it was a Chinese woman who made contact with the aliens but as the rest of the series wasn’t set in China, as most of the book was, it bluntly exposes Western audiences to a message of ’look what the terrible Chinese did.’ Sigh.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I sent more messages out to students about their holidays. Checking in with them.
Paen sent me another message out of the blue talking about ending her life again. I wrote back quickly but still haven’t had an answer. I just sent her another encouraging message. I hope she’s ok.
I took this picture when closing the gate a couple of nights ago. Is this a blood moon or air pollution?
What goes on in there? Door ajar, window wide Unholy noises emanate Secrets unseen inside
Are there witches Three crone sisters That talk in tongues And hypnotic whispers
A crash and a scream There’s blood supposed Suddenly the doors And window closed
The shadows darken And take their leave Was it just a nightmare That kids believe?
Inspired by the attached picture that reminds me of my own childhood home a little but made me think more of a house that as kids we used to pass sometimes at night and heard all sorts of weird noises coming from. Our childish minds formed ghosts and witches and we would run past as quickly as possible. A few years later and I ended up dating the girl that lived there with her wild and crazy mum and girlfriend and I soon saw for myself what was making all the noise inside. They were bat-shit crazy. It was fun for a while.
A little tired and underwhelmed so far though I’m waiting for my first coffee. I haven’t been sleeping well due to discomfort in my shoulder and struggling to breathe clearly.
Today I’m grateful for:
That the AFL website now has a dedicated page for match replays where the scores are not displayed.
Maybe they had it before but this is season is the first time I’ve found it.
The best thing about today was:
Realising what I can do for my grade 12 classes next year. Last week Australia announced that they are raising the IELTS level for students from 5.5 to 6. Already well above most kids level but as we were talking about it it reminded me of when I was teaching Chinese students online, preparing them for the Speaking exam.
So I figure why not use my class to prepare these kids and go through a different set of IELTS questions, discussing and preparing one week and then attempting the following.
It should be easy enough to find sample questions online again and it will just be a case of wash, rinse, repeat. I love it when an idea comes to me like this because I wasn’t sure what I was going to do with this class.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Today has been pleasantly full. From coffee to immediately getting home and watching the Swans play well to beat Essendon, then straight out for buffet sushi lunch at a place we hadn’t tried before, to visit Cap at the vets and then a little shopping at Makro on the way home, straight into my room to play guitar and then to finally sit and watch some YouTube videos at around 5.30 pm.
I’ve been glad to be on the go for a change as I’ve not been moving my old bones enough for this last week or so and I’m feeling it.
Something I learned today?
I finally found out where to change the setting on my Mac to do a three finger window drag!
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Amy hurried me along to not wait around with my morning coffee as I usually do today but thankfully I was up early enough to get back and watch the football with enough time for us to make it to lunch before she started biting my head off.
I’m happiest when …
Listening to music, reading a book, reading a comic, playing with students – when the joy resonates through my body bringing me to a point of savouring.
Anything that triggers this is when I’m happiest and sometimes, if I remind myself, I can activate this feeling at will.
A bit more lively than yesterday and with a little bit of tension knowing that I have a few things to do. Amy will go out for lunch with Aun so there shouldn’t be any interruptions.
Today I’m grateful for:
Poowanut at Heaven and Hell record store for immediately paying for a couple of copies of the Jornada Del Muerto LPs which I immediately got packed and will send to him tomorrow.
The best thing about today was:
Getting everything done that I had planned. The day went way too quickly though. Even what feels like doing nothing in particular goes too fast and being bored is a thing long past!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
This one happened to Amy but I got to hear all about it. As mentioned above Amy had planned to meet Aun for lunch but as it approached time to leave she called Aun just to double-check, who then said she was still in bed and hungover and could she cancel.
Amy was rightly annoyed and complained to me about this common occurrence amongst her friends in Thailand.
She blamed herself though, saying that she should’ve known better. As she continued I just kept listening and acknowledging her displeasure and she let it all go with a ‘better just to be by myself and not care about other people.’
Something I learned today?
My football team, Ipswich Town, making a bid to return to the top tier of English football lost their first game this season to West Bromwich Albion.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I smiled and acknowledged the old lady (she may not have been old) at Utopia in the morning. She gave me a nod and a smile as she left.
I committed to investing time and money in a new release for SpeechOdd and High Voltage.
A random guy had emailed me last week about wanting to buy a CD in my collection and though I really like it I figured I could track it down again and he seemed really desperate to get it so I decided to let it go today.
Another random guy had emailed me about making music together but he thought that I had made a song that was actually done by Trumans Water. I forwarded his message to the band and replied to the guy that I had done so.
What made me smile today?
Walking into Utopia after riding my pushbike from home, I smiled and greeted staff and customers with a smile because I was in a good expectant mood looking forward to that first sip of delicious coffee.
Seeing Cappuccino and Tigger curled up in the cat tree boxes.
Watching a funny video of a kitten running after a delivery guy whilst I was laying next to Amy in bed after having my morning shower.
I feel like I didn’t smile that much really even though I’m pretty happy today.
What puts me in a good mood?
Seeing my students. They can also have the opposite effect but in general, being around all the students at school makes me happy and picks me up.
Coffee helps too!
I took this picture because I managed to capture Cap’s blue eyes.
Sometimes we play like children Before we remember who we are No more skipping along the road Or taking a joke too far Why blush embarrassed at the fun Of pretending to shoot an imaginary gun?
Now the world is our playground We’ve forgotten exactly how to play Life suddenly got so serious And we let it get in our way We removed ourselves from our dreams Made them into our children’s themes
Positive and energetic with any underlying feeling of tiredness just from exercise. Is it ironic that I’m feeling the best I have felt in a long time whilst Amy’s family is all struggling with their health and the stress that goes along with it?
Today I’m grateful for:
Finding a parking space outside the 7/11 next to the hospital as I had to go and wait with Amy’s dad whilst Amy’s mum went to grab some food and move her car. I bought a protein drink there to keep me going as I’m not sure when I’ll get home. I’m hungry after a long day.
The best thing about today was:
For my last class of the day, I gave the students a difficult listening and spelling test. I sat them apart and told them they couldn’t speak to each other. They had forty words to listen to and then spell. What made me happy was that all the students took it seriously and the ones who hadn’t been paying attention were being found out.
This was the real goal of the lesson. I don’t much care about the results of the test.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I knew that I would have to take Leo (Amy’s dad’s dog) for a walk after work and had built that into my thought schedule for the day, knowing that I would be tired as this is my busiest day of the week. During the morning I got a message from Amy that I was also needed after that at the hospital to relieve Amy’s mum for a while. Whilst not that unexpected it meant readjusting my mindset that now I wasn’t even sure when I might get home and to eat. Again, I submitted myself and got my mind straight about it. No point in being upset.
Something I learned today?
I learned the reason why China had to develop its own GPS system. In the mid-90s the USA declared a Chinese ship was delivering chemical agents for weaponisation to Iran, without any evidence at all. The USA forced the ship to stay at sea and demanded other countries refuse to let the ship dock. The Chinese offered for independent assessors to come and check the ship but the USA refused! Then they switched off GPS for the ship to use so the captain didn’t know where they were going. After 20 days the crew ran out of food and water until finally supplies were sent from one of the Gulf countries and it was allowed to dock. When the contents of the ship were checked it was all harmless as the Chinese had said. The issue of the USA’s ability to turn off GPS and later banning China from using the suddenly ill-named International Space Station pushed China to forge its own path ahead.
What are some of my strengths?
Patience, determination (when I care), perseverance, easy-going attitude.
At least that’s how see myself. I wonder what others might think my strengths are?
How do I find peace?
I think I found it by travelling a long way and forfeiting a lot of the things that previously brought me pleasure in a less peaceful world (big city rat race office job).
Making life a little less complex and being in an environment with fewer choices has made me more peaceful. If I had done this 10 or 20 years ago I think I would have felt more restless but right now it’s perfect.
Quote: Happiness is a virtue, not its reward – Baruch Spinoza
I didn’t understand this on first reading so shoved it into ChatGPT asking it to be explained to a twelve-year-old. Then I could make sense of it.
The point of this statement seems to fall into place with time and practice. I can recall times when I knowingly did good things for some vague notion of brownie points. Maybe by repeatedly doing things like that, I learned the habit of doing good things and in time my reasons for doing them became less contrived. I have become happier over time as I’ve matured.
I don’t believe in karma as such, in that I don’t believe that if I do something good then something good will happen to me, but that if I do something good it just makes me feel better. My karma is internalised rather than hoping for some kind of reciprocal external reward.
I took this picture because this was the result of trying to get excitable Leo onto his leash!
Great, despite sleeping badly with aching hips and being too cold from the aircon. I got to school early and enjoyed multiple conversations with students. Most everyone seems to be in a good mood.
Today I’m grateful for:
The small office room at school that doesn’t get used much anymore and I can commandeer to talk one-to-one with students. I need to get them away from each other to see what they really know. To be honest, I don’t see much improvement during this time from most of them but hopefully, bits and pieces are sinking in.
The best thing about today was:
Checking in on David’s grade 8 class after my one-hour class and sitting with the poorer students and getting them started so they could start to see the pattern and what they needed to do. I think those students appreciated it especially when they realised how easy it was.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I got to the new immigration office pretty early but still ended up waiting about 45 minutes just to get the stamp in my passport for another year’s stay. At least I was prepared for this though and could catch up with some reading.
What is a photo that makes me smile every time I see it?
Maybe this used to be photos of Kim Chi but now those same pictures make me feel sad and miss her.
This picture brings back happy memories of new love and adventures.
Where did I show kindness?
Despite wanting to get out of school quickly to get some shopping done on the way home I ended up staying an extra 30 minutes and helping students in David’s class. I also followed up with one of the sleepers in that class to try and encourage them a bit more. It’s like leading cats forward with treats but at the end of the day the cat is still going to do what it wants to do.
I took this picture because I’m always making fun of Baipad for sleeping in class. I think she has some sort of problem that makes her tired as well as probably not eating well and overuse of the phone. The more I think about it the longer the list of things that have a negative impact on these kids these days. What to do…?
I was from there, but you came from here And now we’re here you want to leave Beyond our borders, greener grasses Chasing after the things that we believe
The world is sure bigger than we understand To dip toes in the sand or look out from the hill People leaving for ports unknown And then we feel as if we’re standing still
For miles and miles, watch the Earth curve And start running towards all your dreams But one day, we arrive and reminisce For the days when nothing was what it seems
Yesterday I was seventeen and tomorrow I’ll be dead Pretending to be adult til that’s what I became Dismissing the words of my all-knowing elders Who’d long since been through the same
Those times we thought we were at the centre And everything was made for us to hold Now understood to be just youthful wishes With the wisdom that came from getting old
Really good. An easy day with a nice long gap between easy classes. With only about 6 hours of good sleep last night, I knew I was tired but was able to just remain laid back and go with the flow.
Today I’m grateful for:
Amy persisting in hugging me last night before arousing me from my lucid dreams and into a delicious tangle of hips and limbs before we even managed to kiss. 30 minutes later and I was happily drifting into crazy dreams for far too short a time.
The best thing about today was:
From my ab workout and muesli yoghurt breakfast until sitting in this cool aircon before sleeping it’s been a day of feeling happy and spreading a little happiness around. A little bit of joy was shared between us all.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
One of my students, Namfon, couldn’t do work in my class yesterday because she had no internet connection on her phone. This morning I asked her to come and talk to me and Kru Karn because I wanted to know how we could fix the situation. I could tell Kru Karn was really short with her and blaming her and Namfon started to look dejected and almost teary. I felt sorry for her but also wanted her to know that a solution had to be found. When we went back to class I tried to comfort her and she did eventually come round to a little smile.
In my afternoon class lovely little Nicha had a cry too because, although she didn’t admit it to me until later, she couldn’t understand the work I wanted her to do. There was a lot of work and other students were too busy to help her. She told me her frustrations and again I tried to comfort her and she impressed me with being able to read more words this year. Even though she is one of the older kids she hasn’t really matured yet and, sadly, she’s been left behind in her class. It is a frustrating situation for everyone because she could easily slip through the cracks and deserves a better chance than what is on offer.
Something I learned today?
Again with students, I saw Fah in class today and she looked lost in thought and upset about something which is unusual for her. When I bumped into her l asked her about it and she couldn’t explain in English and just said รำคาญ which I later looked up to find means annoyed. I’m learning language in use.
I took this picture last month because all the paddies are getting seeded and this should all look amazing again in a couple of months’ time. No new picture today so having to dig back.
Thankful for a sleep-in as my afternoon nap yesterday saw me awake into the early hours. Couldn’t force myself to exercise but will try to do something a little later. Can I hold myself to that promise? Is hanging out the washing considered exercise?
Today I’m grateful for:
This free day that saw me pulling weeds, sweeping leaves, hanging out washing and bringing it back in happily, as the morning clouds had left for a sunny afternoon. I kept myself awake with a quick bike ride in search of the wooden buildings I’d once seen down amongst the rice paddies near the airport. The day filled out well.
The best thing about today was:
Rediscovering the music of Cinemachanica, first listening on the stereo, and being convinced they’d never be able to play it live, and then finding several videos of them doing just that. Incredible musicians making music that will only appeal to a very few and I happen to be one of them.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Amy’s package that I ordered for her birthday was due to arrive today and all was looking good until Amy called me saying she’d got a message that it was delivered though she hadn’t received anything. The courier sent some photos and it appears it was just left outside the lifts of the building, sitting there for anyone to pick up and take off with. Fortunately, she found it in time but it was a bit of a blot on something that should have been a carefree joyful occasion. These trials test us. We shake our heads and go on our way.
Something I learned today?
I watched an amazing speech by Max Blumenthal to the UN about the war in Ukraine and how it is making America poorer as well as the rest of the world. Piles of Western allies’ tax money has been spent for no reward except for those that profit off the sales and how each of the last government’s chiefs all start buying stocks in weapons manufacturers whilst they’re in power which will start making money via the wars they start during that time. What a game!
What is my favourite memory from the past month?
This is a test. What happened in the last month? Anything out of the ordinary? I’ve learned to savour moments no matter how small but the memory of those moments is insignificant and a blur. Playing guitar, reading, writing, teaching, learning, talking, sleeping. Is it monotonous? It doesn’t feel like it. It feels normal. It feels preferable to highs and lows. Yesterday, talking with Amy at the end of her birthday night she told me that several people remarked on how happy she is most of the time. It’s her default setting. She got the gene that makes her normal state of happiness higher than most. She’s lucky and grateful for that though a little perplexed because for her it’s just normal. We mere mortals have to try a little harder to occasionally reach a level of happiness that stands out.
I took this picture because I finally found the place I was looking for on my ride. It looks like it may have been a monk’s retreat or resort in the past. All the structures are made from wood so could be pretty old. Places like this get the old brain excited at the thought of what events may have occurred here in history.
Positive and happy. Mondays are a breeze for me so I enjoyed the whole morning drinking coffee after greeting all the students at assembly. When I went back to school I made some photocopies for David to help him out a little. He is still confused about how things work here and doesn’t really try to help himself in that regard. I chatted with him for a fair while too. He was trying to guess my star sign as he is really into astrology but he guessed wrong and I wouldn’t tell him after that. I had my first class with new students and took it very easy with them. They were cautious but seemed happy enough. The class didn’t feel too big even though there are 29 students. I felt good and came home as that was me done for the day.
Today I’m grateful for:
The gummy sticky oily rubber tape that Amy’s dad bought to hopefully stop the guttering from leaking in the garage next time it rains. I sanded the metal down and cut the tape to size. The tape smells like it’s full of cancer which, I don’t know, maybe gives it a balance in that something made of carcinogenic material is likely the only thing to stop the bad thing from happening. I’m reasonably hopeful it will work in the short term but all the different types of relentless weather tests even things made of stone. I also need to get on the roof and check the gutter is clear too. Dirt gets trapped up there easily and plants and weeds here don’t need much of anything to start growing.
The best thing about today was:
Almost all my students coming to me saying that they miss me and they want me to be their teacher again. I know they’ll soon get over it but it definitely made me feel good.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Oddly, despite this being the first day back in class I can’t really find anything that felt out of my control. Talking with David he started saying he doesn’t know how I do it, in reference to just getting on with my job and not letting the people around me bother me. It took me a while to figure it out and find the balance I need to be stable. David overthinks things sometimes and sure people are out to get him in some way whereas I’ve come to the conclusion that other people are thinking about you very little, if at all. And even if they are gossiping it’s none of my business. I’m doing what I’m doing and if that’s not good enough then I’m sure someone will let me know.
Something I learned today?
Well, I guessed I learned a little about one of my classes of new students. I see them again first thing in the morning and will do little interviews with them to get a better idea of where they are at. I will be learning quite a lot this week – more than the students!
How can I make today amazing?
I don’t do amazing. Why is amazing something to strive for? My mundane days are full of amazing things. Every interaction with every atom around me is amazing for what it is. Of course, I’m not always thinking about each of those interactions but when I do I find myself in awe. Today was filled with love, joy and happiness.
I took this picture because this cactus that got smashed a couple of weeks ago is starting to sprout new wings already.
My first day of teaching and I only have one hour to teach, annoyingly at 1.30 so I have to wait around all morning. This is ok though. I can get a bunch of things done and ensure that I have things prepared for the rest of the week. Recently I haven’t been taking Tramadol very often and I’m surprised at the lack of side effects not taking it this time; usually, I get really dizzy. But I think I’ll pop some again once I get back into the working habit. I’m feeling pretty okay again. I’m glad to be out of home, as much as I love it there. One of my students, Eing Eing, was a little reticent about studying with David this semester and kept telling me she wanted me to teach her and that she loves me. Quite a few students are disappointed that I’m not teaching them. It’s a nice feeling to have their appreciation. But this is life and we don’t get everything we want. Soon enough they will be telling David that they love him too.
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