Tag: Hayden

Where To Hide? – 29th April 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Where can I hide from you?
Your red and blue words cut
Angel face, honest and true
Harder to crack than a nut
Where can I hide from me?
My blue and red words cut
My cave mind unfair, unfree
Always stuck in my own nut
All that glitters is not gold
Our stories best left untold

Today I’m feeling:

Very relaxed feeling today so far. I feel like I got an unexpected holiday gifted to me.

Today I’m grateful for:

My curtains all around the house. Since Amy went back to Australia I keep most of the curtains drawn all day to try and stop the sunlight and heat getting in. I think in our next house we have to think more carefully about design to allow better airflow and insulation to keep heat out. If there ever is a next house.

The best thing about today was:

Enjoying all the things I was reading from Substack articles about events in China, Dave Simspson’s book The Fallen about ex-members of the Fall and Michael Parkinson’s biography about his interviews with Muhammad Ali.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I called Hayden today and he was feeling down about things. He complained about his friends and how he feels they are treating him and also that he was feeling lonely. I was a little stuck with what to say and ended up saying that me and mum were far from good examples on how to make and maintain friendships and I felt a bit apologetic towards him. I tried to generalize things a bit and tell him that we often don’t have any idea what other people are dealing with so we have to forgive them and at the same time, we also have to be kinder to ourselves. I’m still trying to understand these things so he shouldn’t beat himself up about not knowing the best thing to do.  Although I couldn’t really help him at least he knows he has someone he can talk to.

Something I learned today?

I think I accidentally saw the result from today’s Swans match whilst looking around Youtube. I didn’t see a score but the picture and title were definitely pointing to a defeat. Oh well. I will still watch the match replay tomorrow morning and try and enjoy it!

What is my idea of fun?

These days I feel like I have no idea about fun. I’m happy and content but fun doesn’t play much of a part in my life right now. Perhaps the closest I get to the feeling is going on crazy bike rides or being with my students. I would love to be involved in concert organisation again but there’s just no chance of doing it locally and I’m slowly losing touch with what’s going on around southeast Asia too.

I took this picture as a follow-up to yesterday’s. It seems these flowers don’t burst open into bloom, they just wilt like this. They look like they are tired and gave up.

No Bricks, No Mortar – 13th April 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Keeping up with the Joneses and Smiths
Established in a canyon of glamour
Here are built the legends and myths
The counters to the sickle and hammer
There’s no volunteer to be the clown
As it’s just the beginning, just a starter
Their crushed dreams are raining down
Like confetti from a busted pinata

*Last two lines are a paraphrase from a sentence that stood out in Brix Smith Start’s biography and the inspiration for the rest

Today I’m feeling:

Better each day. I’m getting there. Today though Amy asked me to call her when I got up and when I did she told me her grandmum was rushed to the hospital after passing blood. In her 90s she still has a good brain but a failing body. 

Today I’m grateful for:

My phone’s alarm clock and my smart idea to set 3 alarms 15 minutes apart to help get me out of bed a little earlier. I’d like to get back into the rhythm of getting up early and sleeping earlier again.

The best thing about today was:

Talking for an hour with Hayden on the phone. As he gets older and has more life experience we can talk about many issues and subjects these days and I enjoy our conversations.

Also messaging with Echo in LA and catching up with her again which I try and do every 12 to 18 months.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy asked me to go to the hospital and visit her grandma in the evening after she’d been moved to a private room. The only problem is that today is the first day of the Songkran celebration and the traffic in the city was crazy. Whilst on the way there Amy called and told me to go home. It had taken her brother two hours to make the usual ten-minute drive from home to the hospital! As I’d been stuck in traffic for 20 minutes already I thought going home was a good idea too.  I enjoyed driving anyway as it gave me a chance to listen to more podcasts.

Something I learned today?

I learned that Echo is a ceramic artist and recently held an exhibition in LA, examples of which I could see in her WeChat Moments. I never knew that she was doing this and still not clear if she can live off her art but I’m quite amazed at her ability and pursuit of this.

What things are in my control today?

Some of my thoughts. Some of my actions.


I took this picture because I’ve never seen these fruit (or nuts – I’m not sure which) turn red before. This is on one of our palm trees. A quick search tells me they are foxtail palms (and they are fruit!)

My Own Despair – 5th April 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I just want to feel numb today
Don’t need the good things you say
Just want to sleep and fail to care
Just want to wallow in my own despair

I want nothing that can be had
I just want to be happy being sad
I want to punch and scream and yell
Let me remain in my personal hell

I want to sink into a deep depression
I want to be familiar with this obsession
I want to be alone, I want to be there
Just let me wallow in my own despair

Today I’m feeling:

Flat, a little uninspired but forcing myself through a to-do list I made last night. It’s distracting me as much as it can but little Kim is everywhere in my mind. Thinking about doing some meditation but think I will be unable to clear my mind and all I will end up thinking about is Kim. I’m tired but slept well and eight hours. I’m looking forward to watching the last two episodes of Top Boy and trying to save them for tonight. I’m at Utopia again this afternoon, enjoying this four-coffee high but wondering if I can get back to crossing something off my list or just falling into watching tv or reading. I need to eat too so that should give me a little brain boost as well.

Today I’m grateful for:

The farmers burning in the mountains behind our house. Why?  Well, it looked like they did it when the wind was taking the smoke over the mountain rather than down into the valley. Sorry for the folks that live up there. I wanted to turn into a giant and pour a glass of water over it all and blow away the smoke like I was the Monkey King or something. Despite my comforts I am a victim of poverty too. Tonight, ash is rain.

The best thing about today was:

I dosed and lucid-dreamed, a coffee coma, whilst listening to an interview with David Foster Wallace and a review of The Infinite Jest. Makes me want to read it again. As the conversation phased in and out I felt inspired but when I got up my thoughts turned blank. Or more accurately, they returned to the vacuum in my life once filled by a lovely little cat. 

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The fires were out of my control but as I mention above I try to make the best of it by imagining they were trying to do the right thing whilst doing the wrong thing.

Something I learned today?

I took a little ride around on the way home from Utopia this afternoon and discovered new roads and paths further into the mountain jungle, where fires have already burned out. There’s lots more building and activity going on. Land being cleared may be for new crops or new houses.
Sometimes I don’t recognise places that I rode through only a year ago.

Who has made a difference in my life lately?

This may be one of the usual suspects. Amy and Hayden. My circle is small, I’m fine with that even though I know it can leave me vulnerable in the future. So for people who have made a difference perhaps I might say Bruno for his friendship or David as a work colleague. Maybe the staff at my favourite coffee shops or customers that I have made friends with. Just their small contributions to my life make a difference.


I took this picture because I thought these flowers had all gone already. These are on the corner of the pond below Lake Hill Resort. The pond has now been landscaped for fishing and lots of jungle cleared to transform the area.

The Plough – 3rd April 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The fire is out, now just smouldering
A burden the beast has been shouldering
Look beyond the mountain towards the sea
The red moon rising so graciously
A bell is calling to gather the bulls
A rope is the life on which it pulls
The will to work is never satisfied
Around the tree where stories are tried
Broken leaves sail down to earth
An imitation of an angel’s worth
All the chanting and all the prayers
There’s nothing dancing, nothing cares

Today I’m feeling:

Flat and sad. Lonely but not alone.

Today I’m grateful for:

Condolences from Art, Fon and Jess as well as Hayden, following up and checking in on me. I really appreciate that. Like Amy, I’m also feeling like not wanting to talk directly with anyone much even though people are being nice. 

The best thing about today was:

I tried to keep myself distracted as much as I could today. Washing bed sheets after Tigger sprayed next to the bed again getting some on the doona, going shopping, starting ironing, watching football. It worked for a while. I think I’m nearly cried out now.
 
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Nothing springs to mind today. This is a quiet time now.

Something I learned today?

I found out that the familiar old guy at the Swans games (Kenny Williams, I also learned) had passed away recently and his ashes were spread on the Sydney Cricket Ground. He was honoured by the Swans with a seat with his name and also one for his wife who survives him. That guy was a legend.

What happened today worth remembering?

Whilst I was talking to Amy on a video call, Cap and Tig came out into the garden to do some investigating. Cap was in the corner near the termite mound and Tigger stalked him from the garage. Amy thinks Tig’s eyesight may be no good now and doesn’t recognise Cap from afar. These old boys are handsome and beautiful. I hope they can stay with me for a long time.


Amy took this picture back in November 2018 not too long after we got Kim Chi. Amy is putting together all our cat photos in Facebook albums.

And the light pours out of me – 2nd April 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Confusions

This cracked mirror shows
The holes in the heart
Pieces drop to the floor
As the jigsaw falls apart
Put back together again
It’s never quite the same
Like a missing memory
It’s difficult to explain
Reorder, reimagined
Ghosts fill the floors
A handful of smoke
Rushes through closing doors
Voices in the distance
Are illusions of the past
Clear out all the cobwebs
These confusions will not last

Today I’m feeling:

Sad, down, and a little lonely. Our two Aussie cats are lovely but they never come and rub me nose-to-nose or come and settle on my lap. Kim Chi is everywhere in my memory but I want her here in my house. Sigh.

Today I’m grateful for:

Finding olive oil in the kitchen so I could roast potatoes, pumpkin and onion for lunch. My first proper meal since Friday. I didn’t see the bottle where I was expecting but later found it on top of a cabinet. It saved me a trip out. I’m not much in the mood for going out though I know I should
.
The best thing about today was:

Despite what I said above about having no mood to go out I can’t stop myself from coffee. At Utopia Boss was hungover so Noey made my coffees and though she’s still practising they tasted fine. I chatted with her for a bit, conscious that I was just distracting my thoughts.

When I got home I called Hayden and asked him just to talk to me to distract me too. He is sounding good and seems to have come around to the offer of taking a permanent part-time position with his work. He’s starting to listen more to the advice Bronwyn and I give him though we know it can take a few days for him to run it through his mind. He asked if I wanted to talk about Kim and I said maybe next time and after hanging up I couldn’t hold back the tears.

As I imagine many people reading this, some will think what is the big deal it’s just a cat, and other cat owners will understand. But I ask myself, why am I so upset? I often consider the fact that we are all going to die and have talked with Amy about being prepared for our cat’s passing. So, something was special about the love I have for Kim Chi. I’ve always rooted for the underdog and when she came into our lives she was very lucky. She could’ve ended up at a temple totally defenceless against other cats and dogs. Instead, she got to spend her short life in relative happiness with us. For some reason, she attached herself more to me than Amy and after Amy went to Australia I guess I was pouring all my love into little Kim.

I cried out for her. Where are you, Kim? I pretended she was in her favourite box in the walk-in and was rubbing her head and tickling her tummy. I opened a gap between my hanging shirts hoping to see her little face once more, looking out sleepily before settling back into a new position. Where are you, Kim?

I know your body is in the ground here. But where are you?

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Apart from my grief, there’s nothing in particular out of my control today. I’m also not really doing anything either.

Something I learned today?

Apparently, Zelensky has said that if Bakhmut falls to Russia then Ukraine will have to sue for peace. This whole war was a waste of time and lives and some people have gotten very rich from it. Humans can be shit.

What is something I love about this season?

In north Thailand, there is nothing much to love about this season. The forecast is for a heatwave for the whole month which likely means no rain to clear the poisonous smoke. I guess there are still good strawberries around but it’s little consolation.

I put this picture here because this is the last picture I took when Kim was alive. One of the spots she loved to sit and annoy Cap from, or to launch herself off around the house on a mad chase.

The Diplomat’s Anthem – 16th March 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

My respected enemy, my hated friend
Our love to hate may never end
A battle of wits, a game of pretend
A hold on hope on which we depend

13th Mar 2024 – Submitted to Writer’s Workshop Prompts

Today I’m feeling:

Happy, content and later, tired.

The temperature is perfect at around 7 pm and I feel like going for a walk but there’s nowhere really to go. I could walk just for the sake of it but feel that my house is so comfortable it’s challenging to motivate myself by this time of day. I think about walking to Daytripper but I usually go there with my laptop to either work or write and I don’t want to carry a bag with me all that way.

First-world problems in a third-world country for this entitled white boy.

Today I’m grateful for:

My work situation that allows me so much free time that I sometimes struggle to fill it appropriately.

I got home before 10am and have been doing all sorts of little things from reading to cleaning to vacuuming and suddenly it is evening already and I wonder where the day has gone, and everything is ok.

If I wasn’t doing (what feels like) a whole load of nothing I’d have to be at school usually teaching or on days like these with no classes filling up time with useless activity.

I’m so lucky.

The best thing about today was:

Seeing lots of excited happy kids at school for the graduation ceremony. If they weren’t graduating they were preparing to present gifts to their friends and siblings.

It’s funny to see some of the ‘bad’ students celebrating in this kind of traditional ceremony and it reminded me that the kids have a cultural understanding of expectations which I will never have and which sometimes brings us to odds.

While pushing them with all sorts of possibilities for their futures they understand their realities which I can’t see.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Not much really. A car freshener I ordered online got refunded as it was out of stock and the computer repair shop called me and advised they couldn’t access the data on the old drive which is a minor inconvenience as about 99% of my files are backed up. Nothing too wayward today.

Something I learned today?

Despite wanting to watch less YouTube I found an interesting new channel from China by journalist Miao Xiaojuan.

The AFL season starts today and there will be 4 umpires on the field now and the bench will have one sub plus 4 to interchange. Swans play on Saturday and I will watch on Sunday.

What am I looking forward to?

I’m looking forward to going to Australia in October. It’s been five years since I left and I’ve been the happiest I’ve ever been. Australia is what made me though and I am very fond of it there. It will be good to catch up with Hayden and Jochen and to look around my old haunts to see how or if they have changed.

I took this picture because this climbing plant has suddenly found its wheels and trying to overgrow everywhere, reaching out to find new attachments. The remnants of last year’s growth are still stuck up in the tree tops, dead and decaying yet still stuck. I have to fight it back this year.
Fatman report

Broken Mind – 12th March 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Giving in to the
Broken mind
You got me down here

Pinned to the floorboards
Can’t stand up
Falling down again

Every time I rise
With the sun
Comes the clouds and rain

Giving in to the
Medicine
What is normal now?

Today I’m feeling:

Some aching bones but relaxed and positive.

Today I’m grateful for:

My blow-up neck stretcher. I don’t know if it really helps my neck but it does feel like it helps keep it stable and forces me to sit up rather than lie down to read or watch TV. I go through phases of using it and it has felt necessary for the last few days.

The best thing about today was:

Forcing myself out and enjoying sitting at Daytripper and putting together more lessons with Quizizz. It’s making me look a bit more at my lessons to see how to improve them. I don’t like to do work at the weekend but I’m spoiled with actually doing so little work whilst I’m at school during the week!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

In my ongoing attempts to counter the smell of cat pee in my mattress, I pulled off all my bedding, shoved it into the washing machine and headed off for my morning caffeine injection.

Waiting for that first cup I checked my phone and found a heavy rain warning for the whole day. Everyone is hoping for rain to crush the poisonous smoke in the air. But will it rain?

It was forecast yesterday too but with nothing eventuating. Just a smoky sky that even the power of the sun was unable to really penetrate.

Either way, today looks like more of the same. I’ll stick the bedding under cover and hope the humidity dries it out by bedtime.

(It’s 8 pm now and there’s been no rain and the hot humid air dried everything before lunchtime. Tomorrow’s forecast is a 90% chance of rain so let’s hope that that comes true!)

Something I learned today?

A piece brokered between Saudi Arabia and Iran by China. Could this be the start of lasting peace spreading around the world or will the USA inevitably stick its nose in to destabilise things for its own gain?

What is a simple delight I have been enjoying lately?

My two bottles of Curcumin C, one in the morning and one in the afternoon, activate my tastebuds in the best possible way.

Talking with Hayden has also been nice the last few times we’ve talked too. He seems a lot more open and not stuck in his head so much.

Yoghurt, muesli, strawberries and of course, coffee.

Our cats, despite the pee issue, make me smile every day somehow.

My students, despite frustrating me to no end, are all also delightful.

Life is pretty good.

I took this picture because I often see this furball sitting here in the beauty shop next door to Utopia. What a beauty but I’m glad I don’t have to deal with all that hair.

I Like To Move It – 7th March 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Our minds never stopped moving
When difficult roads need smoothing
What does not move is dead
Is what the greatest thinkers said
Let’s move ourselves to improving

inspired by Robert Greene’s Daily Laws and quoting Aristotle

Today I’m feeling:

Strangely filled with love and goodness. I was happy to wake up and exercise, feed our cats and whilst driving to work listen to a podcast about the Clash’s Sandinista album which reminded me how much I like that record.

Then I bumped into Paul at school who had just had a heart operation last week and was back at school already and though he looks about 60 he’s actually younger than me.

I met a few students and we made each other laugh, before getting in the car to go for coffee and listening to the Bangkok Podcast about an Englishman who went across land from the UK to Thailand via lots of other places.

Everything this morning just seemed interesting and worth knowing. I want to feel like this more.

Today I’m grateful for:

My little MacBook Air that I was able to quickly install Yousician and Capo so that I could bash around on the guitar again.

My iMac won’t even get to a login screen at the moment. I live in the vain hope of it starting again after a few days rest. But I fear machines are not humans.

The best thing about today was:

Getting a few lessons organised for next semester whilst sitting in the classroom with the few kids who came to sit there. They amused themselves with the usual things on their phones but I was happy to see one group of four who asked me to move as they were making a movie.

It was enjoyable to watch them acting especially when I asked them to do it in English and they made fun, imitating me, acting like I do in class.

I also had another really enjoyable talk with Hayden that made me think about going to visit him perhaps in April next year. He seems to be finding his feet in the world. Slowly we all work ourselves out.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

There was no yoghurt at Makro! Oh no, disaster. My mind swirled around, what if they never get it again? I’ll have to change my diet. Well, let’s see. I dropped into Big C and got a couple of medium-sized pots but they may only last a couple of days. Yoghurt with muesli is a super easy and fast breakfast for me though. I hope Makro gets it back in stock again.

Something I learned today?

Whilst reading Affluenza, it suggests analysing your childhood deeply to understand more about your behaviour when it comes to wanting things. This made me think that I don’t really think I have finished my childhood yet! Perhaps what I’ve been doing these last few years has been my own self-analysis and along the way I have ‘cured’ myself a lot of wanting bigger, better and more.

However, I do find myself contemplating buying a nice new computer. As the book suggests though, I have to ask myself ‘do I really need it?’ My old computer has served me well for these last 10 years and I look at buying another to last me that long too. In its time it has allowed me to explore many different things with its advanced capabilities. Perhaps now though I am more settled on what I want my computer to be able to do so I don’t necessarily need something that is so overpowered and costly.

Oh, anyway, I’ve switched topics here. The point is that I still feel like I’m in my childhood. I don’t have the sense of awe and wonder in the same way as a child but I think I do have the open mind to most facets of life and living. That could also be down to just being in the right place, mentally and physically, these days. I will keep working things out. It will be a shame to reach a point where I feel that everything is worked out, that may be the end of my childhood phase.

What decisions have I made recently that make me proud?

Today I decided that I won’t buy any more ice cream from LungChom to eat with strawberries and yoghurt. It’s just too delicious but fattening! Even just writing this is making my mouth water and I’m considering changing my mind already! No! This is a decision that I will be proud of.

I took this picture because all baby animals are cute, whether human, bovine or something else; though perhaps unsure about fish.

A Pink Code – 21st February 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

From orange to red, we’re ready
To march off into four-cornered war
Fortunes hold battle lines steady
When it’s forgotten what we’re fighting for

And twenty years of resistance
Have been unable to remove the stink
Yet perhaps with a little more insistence
Peace may be found with CODEPINK

Today I’m feeling:

Content. Happy that I have the afternoon free from classes.

Today I’m grateful for:

Lachlan and Mike for sending me the lost package replacement of the HCT album release from last year though they unfortunately also sent me vinyl instead of the t-shirt I ordered.

The best thing about today was:

Going to Daytripper and learning a new card game with some of the students there. The game is called Keng (I think) and after getting a quick understanding of the rules I played a few hands before I had to go and could see there was a deeper strategy involved.

I’ll play again if I see those kids there again. I’ve seen them there before but today was the first time I’ve been introduced.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Struggling to think of anything, except my students as per usual but even that didn’t bother me today.

Something I learned today?

From listening to Jello Biafra’s podcast I learned a little about Ukrainian history and if I remember correctly Ukraine is where the original Russians are from, something about Vikings moving down from the north.

I also put 2 and 2 together about the connection between Russia and the ‘rus’ in Belarus though I think I might’ve acquired that knowledge many years ago and since forgotten.

Whilst listening and considering these things it makes one wonder why we’re fighting over arbitrary borders that have changed over the years. One of the interviewee’s stories was about a family member who had lived in three different countries without ever moving house!

What are some of my favourite memories from past travels?

The extreme dry heat in Rhodes, the smell of a new world, swimming at the pool, riding around the island on a motorbike, getting naked at the pebble beach, the broken bottle of ouzo in my luggage on return.

Landing in Sydney for the first time, the smell of lemon-scented gums, riding on highways wider than I’d ever seen, through so much beautiful scrubland, mountains and rivers.

Landing in Guangzhou, China, clueless; again, the smell of a new world, wandering around the Forbidden City in Beijing and a ruined part of the Great Wall in the countryside, the food! The food! So many different places around China and crazy stories. One day maybe, they’ll be written down before forgotten.

The temples in Kyoto, the flashing neon of Osaka and Tokyo, the food! Beautiful walks in Nikko and the onsen in Minikami.

The crazy car ride from the airport in Kuala Lumpur with Epit, meeting up with Lex at Batu Caves, the start of a great friendship with Kimi and staying in his many residences over the years, the food, the monkies, the waterfalls, the monitor lizards.

In Thailand, the rice paddies, the valleys, the waterfalls, the beaches, the food!

I took this picture because my routine doesn’t vary that much and I’m here again at Daytripper though this time at a different table than usual. The temperature is cool due to the haze though it doesn’t seem to be from smoke or at least not the usual lethal smoke.

A letter to future Hayden (sent 21st Feb 2022)

Dear Future Hayden,

Hey buddy, who’s got yr belly?

You can tell I’ve been watching too much Trailer Park Boys recently.

So I’m sending a letter from the past. It’s Feb 21st 2022 and I just talked to you this weekend. You sounded pretty upbeat and happy. You were helping your friend move house. Is that friend still around?

It was great to hear you sounding happy. And at least if things weren’t going your way you still seem to be being positive about them.

Right now, it’s been a couple of weeks since Amy came back to Australia. We miss each other a lot but support each other in what we’re doing. I wonder where we all will be when you receive this. Right now, I’m hoping I’ll still be chilling in Thailand, maybe even not working.

All right, take it easy, young man.
Love
Dad

In The Ring – 3rd January 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Why suffer to win a meaningless victory?
The search for glory, the greater goal?
Do we strive just because we can
And winning fills the heart and soul?

inspired and plagiarised from Existential Comics

Poverty is not necessary. It is a social, economic and political failure, usually caused by a history of injustice.

Chris Tomlinson

This ends a year of finding quotes every day. I wrote them all in a book that I will gift to Hayden. I’m going to fill up the book with some choice lyrics that also inspired me.

Today I’m feeling:

Motivated and energetic

Today I’m grateful for:
Well, I’m grateful for Amy again. Despite her being busy preparing food for a party at our house tonight she still made me pasta for dinner and enough to feed me for three more meals in the freezer. All her friends are happy to come here and enjoy Amy’s entertainment.

The best thing about today was:

Having that feeling of motivation again and not being too tired and lethargic at the end of the day. While Amy was busy I was preparing some lessons and discovering new worksheets and things for the kids to read and then also updating old entries for my blog and things like that. I’ve managed to keep going fairly well today. I hope I can keep it up.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

At the party tonight I was actually expecting to be joining them and eating with them and didn’t realise that when Amy made dinner for me I was supposed to eat it quickly. I was hungry anyway so it didn’t really matter and when I think about it Amy planned well because she and her friends will be chat-chat-chatting in Thai.

I’m okay to just sit and enjoy everyone having a good time but I can’t really add much to the conversations and things like that, so it’s good that Amy allowed that I wouldn’t be part of the party although I was around and still talking a little bit with everyone. It’s nice not to have the expectation and to feel a bit like the odd one out.

Something I learned today?

Today I watched an interview with Andy Boreham and the ex-prime minister of New Zealand John Keys and they were talking about China, in particular, John Keys was talking about his experience of China and I pretty much had to agree with everything that he said and so I didn’t really learn anything new but just confirmed something that I already believed.

It’s okay to listen and watch things that confirm things that you already believe but also I’m interested in other arguments or a point of view.

I watched another video of someone whose reports I usually enjoy but this one, whilst it was about something that happened between China and America there was something that he was saying that didn’t feel like it fell in line with what I believe to be true. I wanted to understand his argument for the particular situation but because of other things that were said that seem to be common putdowns about China put me off wanting to watch any more about it.

It’s a shame because even people who seem to have a balanced view can fall into rhetoric or just follow what is accepted as fact when actually, if it’s not accepted by some people, such as myself in this case, then it affects what they are trying to argue. Maybe I would change my mind on his point but because of other statements around it, I was put off to listen further.

It goes to show how difficult it is for people presenting news and reporting to just stick with, I’m going to say facts but is it facts or just accepted truth? It’s difficult to judge for anyone now as a listener, as a watcher. We all get caught in this trap.

Write about your most embarrassing moment.

I’m struggling to think of something that was really embarrassing to me since I became an adult.

So, I can remember a time when it was a Christmas time family party and my grandad played a prank on me. I guess I was about 12 or 13. He was selling it as a seance and that he was contacting people from beyond. He had me rub my finger on the underside of a plate and then touch various parts of my face and apparently, this would help communicate.

After about 10 minutes they showed me a mirror and what had happened was that they tricked me and they had burned a candle under the bottom of the plate and obviously I was running my finger along there and putting soot all over my face and when I was shown the mirror and saw myself, I was so upset and unhappy.

I couldn’t believe that I had been made to look so foolish in front of the family. I hated my granddad for a long time after that.

I took this picture because I am the clown, the entertainer, and the teacher. These were the kids at the restaurant from a couple of days ago. I will drop some simple English books for them one day. No new photos today.

Dang! And back into it!

Two morning classes, push, push, make these kids work, no easing into things. They responded well enough and I feel satisfied. We know what to expect of each other on the battlefield as we push for a win-win outcome.

Some will be lost, maybe lost already. Some will return and be pulled into the unit by improving maturity.

I tried to encourage Poppy this morning by showing her a magic card trick but she wasn’t sure why I was doing that. I think she will go off and think about that a bit more. She needs attention, which she no longer gets as she lost her friends. I will try a couple more times. She’s hard-nosed and unsure of things but presents a tough exterior. I’m reminded of myself, of course.