Tag: Henry Rollins

Friday Antidote – 18th April 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Making Monday Friday
Smile through gritted teeth
The best day of the week
Comes down to belief

No day is hump day
Every one a joy
Waiting for the weekend
A folly to employ

So savour every minute
Life only starts when you begin it

Submitted to dVerse – Friday and FOWC with Fandango — Antidote
23rd Jun 2024 – Submitted to Word of the Day Challenge – folly

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty inspired after a good sleep.

The crying cats woke me up to feed them at 8.30 so I got up and did that but knew I wanted more sleep.  Back in bed and I eventually got up at around 11.30.  Hooray for a good long sleep!

I think I ended up sleeping at around 2am last night as I was reading comics til 1am and then listening to the Henry and Heidi podcast about Rollins Band.

Today I’m grateful for:

A guy called Pran.  He is Baipad’s mum’s boyfriend and he got in touch with me today because he wants to understand more about Baipad because they may end up all living together.

Baipad put us in touch and was ok for me to tell him everything.  I kinda understand why she doesn’t want to tell him directly.  Baipad seems to like him so I hope he is a trustworthy and good guy.

The best thing about today was:

Getting back to some guitar practice. This holiday has been on and off for me, not wanting to go out into the oven of my room in the afternoons.  But today I told myself to get back to it.  It was a struggle to play and I know that it just needs more practice and that the more I do, the better I will get.

I also told myself that I need to get back into exercise too.  I downloaded a new app to try out for motivation and will start tomorrow.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Nothing wildly out of control.  I accepted that I woke up late and was even happy about it as I got enough good rest.  

At various times throughout the day Amy would order me to do something and I was in the mood to acquiesce without complaint.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

With Baipad’s approval I told Pran everything that I knew about Baipad’s experience and also gave my suggestions as to what might help her.  I also told him that I understood Baipad’s mum too.

Anchan said that she wanted to go to a friends house and bake.  I told her to stop thinking and get going.  Later on she told me that she had a good time.

Momo took this picture last week because I asked her to. With me is Baitong – a funny favourite of mine.

Animal Pure – 14th May 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

These relations are an approximation
Things are more beautiful when you are on the outside 
Trusting the seasons more than people
Loving the cities, loving the animals
I know. I know. I know. Don’t get too close
I’m not letting anyone in.

inspired and paraphrased from Broken Summers by Henry Rollins

Today I’m feeling:

(morning)Expectant, anticipating. Winding up with stress. Envisioning feelings and actions of tomorrow.
(bedtime)At the moment I’m feeling a bit despondent if I’m honest. I don’t have a clear direction or purpose right now. 

Today I’m grateful for:

Receiving a new T-shirt in the mail that I wore for the first time today. It has a new t-shirt smell and feel for the first and only time. After the first wash that will be gone.

The best thing about today was:

Meeting a lovely little kitten when I was picking up lunch. Reminded me a lot of when we first got Kim Chi. I felt an excitement from the unconditional affection it gave me. I thought about what it would be like if I took this kitten home right now and it made me a little sad because I don’t want to lose and replace my memories of Kim. I know I will lose them one day and maybe that will be a better time to think about new additions to the family.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy made another quip about my not knowing enough Thai when I told her about the aircon people. She said ‘How am I going to survive in Thailand if I don’t communicate more?’ though I’ve been here by myself for most of 18 months and during most of that time she’s talked about us staying in Australia which doesn’t inspire me so much to want to struggle more with learning the language. I felt frustrated and a little disconsolate. Maybe I should go and find some intensive course to study next April, somewhere in the south where I can avoid the air pollution for a while.

Something I learned today?

I saw some Google AI updates for Gmail that looked useful though it would’ve been more useful to me about 20 years ago. I don’t use email so much these days.

What is the weather like right now?

Cooler and cloudy. Low clouds making the mountains pretty. There’s sun over there somewhere as it’s hitting sections of the mountain lighting them up in a peculiar fashion as the cooler cloud sits above.

I took this picture because I made a new friend at lunchtime.

Failure Porn World – 6th May 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Everyone is looking for a laugh
To put a smile on their face
In an upside-down world
Digging down is the safest place

Pick ourselves up by putting down
Cut down all the tall poppies
Misfortune brings us all together
So that’s what everyone copies

Fortune cookie philosophers rant
How to make a million dollars
But the need for the dopamine rush
Will never make us into scholars

A promise one day it could be you
That is the star of the show
Turnover is high in failure porn world
Clicked over to the next video

29th Nov 2024 – Shared with Ragtag Daily Prompt – failure

Today I’m feeling:

Hot. It’s hot. This is Thailand. What did I expect? The aircon stopped working in the bedroom last night and the temperature never dropped below 28 degrees. I slept fine though. Tonight I may have to sleep with the window open and have the fan next to it, weakly sucking in cooler air from the night. In the meantime, I have to contact someone to come and fix the machine.

Today I’m grateful for:

My portable hard drives that allow me to save and move files around from one place to another. When my crusty cranky old MBP stopped recognizing one of the drives I was able to swap things around and get things running again with a freshly formatted drive. I think I may be at the point now where I just don’t need any more drives. I’ve slowed down my music consumption a lot recently and I have too many movies to ever have enough time to watch.

The best thing about today was:

A general feeling of well-being. Perhaps the only thing that really stood out was riding back from Utopia and going on a convoluted path home. The sun’s heat was like a blanket around my skin with the breeze being just enough to stop feeling crispy. I slowed down a little to savour the feeling. The mountains looked like a photograph from the 70s, all washed out due to the hazy air, enough blue sky shimmering through from above to highlight the depth.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

It was time to start a new book whilst sipping coffee at Utopia so I had a quick scan of the shelves at home. I use my Utopia time to read music biographies or music-related books. Yesterday I  finished Dave Simpson’s The Fallen. Now it was a choice between SNFU or Rollins Broken Summers. I opted for the latter. As I start reading I get back into Henry’s groove quickly and easily. He’s a maniac. I respect his attitude a lot. I see parallels with myself in his words though I’m totally softcore in comparison.
As I keep reading I realise I’ve read this before and not too long ago. I wonder whether to ditch it and swap it tomorrow. However, the strength of the writing keeps me intent to follow along as he prepares for another tour of duty. I feel compelled to bring his attitude back into my thinking as I prepare for my own lovely little war in the classroom over the next couple of weeks. I need to get back to some discipline. Cut the flabby excesses of lethargy.

Something I learned today?

I’ve seen a few videos of people telling jokes to make each other laugh and if they do they lose a point or take a drink or similar punishment. Sometimes they are fun to watch. One popped up and the thumbnail looked like a guy I vaguely knew back in Sydney so I watched it and sure enough, Rodney Todd in all his afro-hairy glory!

What is something I can’t live without?

There’s nothing beyond air, food and water. Without other things, life would certainly be uncomfortable. It’s like people who lose everything in house fires, they find that their lives still go on. I’m thinking about Kim Chi today and how sad I still feel about losing her. But here I am.

Where are you, Kim Chi? Why are you not here? I miss you so much.

Duk Dik – 20th June 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Always active, nervous twitching
Under the skin, blood is itching
Actions precede thought
Which evaporate to nought
Leaving all around you bitching

11th Sept 2023 – In Thai ‘duk dik’ means constantly moving around. This phrase can be used for my students in most of my classes.

The highs and lows I have known have turned me inward to the point where I’ll never feel anything close to normal. I don’t feel isolated, I don’t want in… There’s no confession to make, there’s no truth burning to come ripping out of me… I will always make relationships with people an approximation of a relationship. I think that’s better. I think things are more beautiful when you’re on the outside.

Henry Rollins

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be able to find the books I want to read from Dasa Books in Bangkok or even able to order from overseas using Amazon.

A Dark Past – 14th June 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

When there’s no light, a sunny attitude will light the way
There’s a grain of truth in any story so I’ve heard them say
The windows into the past took us to a world away
The light that gave us colours, a rainbow no longer grey

We are inhabitants of a factory so huge we can’t even see it.

Henry Rollins

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my aching hips – reminding me to move and stretch more.

My music search this week – 5th November 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment
  1. In a never ending search for music that I haven’t yet heard and might like (that is making me slightly mad) I came across some great blogs that I, surprisingly, hadn’t come across before. First is One Chord Is Enough, with one or two obscure 70s and 80s tunes to listen to. Punk, post-punk and things from when it was exciting to read what was new in the “Independent Chart” run downs in the music rags.

  2. I found the One Chord blog after a search for Rhythm Plague who I was inspired to seek out due to this post about the Rotary Totem label. I think I only found one song by the band of this name but stumbled upon a treasure chest of music from that magical period of 70s and 80s. I downloaded all 160+ mixes and will stick them on the phone to listen to at some point.

    I’m kinda excited as my search for music is still on the ear-out for a tune I heard on John Peel back in 1979. All I remember of the song is it was kinda punky a-la The Users and there was a stop in the music for a shouted vocal of “Who are these people?”. I heard a song from the One Chord Is Enough site that maybe the song but only if I’m misremembering it. I can’t even remember what this song was now – it’s in a pile of 1000s of files to check out. Everything is in the queue. I love this shit!

  3. Another search lead me to the Stewart Lee alter ego of Baconface and his show “Global Globules”. The premise is odd (in a typical Stewart Lee fashion) and the music is freaking killer. Lots of freak scene acid folk psychedelic obscurities from around the world. From the first seven two hour shows there’s perhaps only one band I’ve come across before and that’s Brainticket. If you are familiar with them but not much else then definitely check this show out for more.

  4. Another blog that I’m slowly plowing through is Music for Maniacs. I forget how I came across this one – perhaps connected with an episode of the excellent You Don’t Know Mojack podcast, that has lead me in search of many interesting SST related releases. Anyway, Music for Maniacs is as described – it’s out there, avant and just plain weird recordings and stories about them. I quickly found a series of compilations and downloaded them. They are in the queue for listening.

  5. Music related reading, again from the Mojack podcast, is the New Vulgate – Joe Carducci’s old blog. I skip through some of the non music content and I’m not a huge fan of Joe’s writing but that’s not important. The information is important (to old music nerds like me and Rich Levine). Rabbit holes are here.

  6. I finished reading Henry Rollins first volume of Fanatic! Here’s my tongue in cheek review.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be back at school and have a routine again. I need routine to keep me focused.

You can’t make me feel like you do – 10th October 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Cool Saturday morning – didn’t exercise for a week or so. Cooler dark mornings – difficult to get out of bed.
Bed annoys – always wake up with a crook neck.
Lazy. Mood okay. Amy is a little cranky – not sure why. Am I selfish?
Read Fanatic – easy read. Last two books took forever. Busy on computer and playing guitar. Fun with that.
Tar Babies in my head – want to play more of my own music but always discovering something new and cool.
Exercise time.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my books. When I’m finished I can just pick another or to read and hopefully enjoy.

We got that attitude! – 29th March 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful for the wind because whilst it may be blowing the smoke in our direction, it is also helping to blow it further away

I’m just this big open field, waiting for the rain.

Henry Rollins

To-do list

  • Continue with lessons ½
  • Finish TCRAH upload and promote ✅
  • Tidy up laptop ✅

Tuesday now, no new report. Not much thinking going on. Not in the mood for thought-provoking reading or listening – just entertainment. No end in sight for this shutdown.

Real Discipline – 19th October 1995

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I wanted this to be the real thing
I wanted it to finally be the real discipline
The discipline
That I had been so well preparing myself for

I needed something to be real
I saw all things
I saw all people around me
Falling apart
Caving in

I needed the discipline
I asked myself how long
I was going to live this lie
How long was I going to let myself down
And blame someone else

Finally, I kicked through the wall
It was like a junky
Busting through the scar tissue
That keeps him from hitting
It was like slashing through the womb
With your teeth

Lies make me weak
It’s the lies that are killing me
The lack of discipline
I was killing myself and I didn’t even see it
I couldn’t even feel it
The dead painless days are over

10th Aug 2024 – I’m guessing that I had been reading a lot of Henry Rollins around this time and was struggling a little bit.

When I get to the bottom I go back to the top – 25th July 1994

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Rollins teaches us (!) (found it at last!):

I wanted this to be the real thing / I wanted it to finally be the real discipline / The discipline / that I had been so well preparing myself for / I needed something to be real / I saw things / I saw all people around me / falling apart / caving in / I needed the discipline / I asked myself how long / I was going to live this life / How long was I going to let myself down / and blame someone else / Finally I kicked through the wall it was like a junkie / busting through the scar tissue / that keeps him from hitting / It was like slashing through the womb with your teeth / Lies make me weak / It’s the lies that are killing me / the lack of discipline / I was killing myself and I didn’t even see it I couldn’t even feel it / The dead painless days are over.

I see my connection in this – I feel like that. Not necessarily all the time. I’m still insecure. I’m still weak but I am getting stronger in my soul. I have lots to report as the helter-skelter of ambition thrusts me forward into my future. I’m coming. Later!