God took six days to do
What can now be done
In a minute
At the push of a button
A simple prompt
A new world may be created
Everything for that we strived
Made faster and easier
And with it, the artist dies
Along with their struggle
How to know something is good?
It must be a piece of you
A chuck of the pain
That gave birth
No more the imagination
Your future automated
*A boundless machine
Of artistic demoralisation*

inspired and pilfered from the Red Hand Files and *Nick Cave directly

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Today I’m feeling:

Unsure yet. I guess I’m relaxed. Just a little soft around the edges, not quite in focus.

At midday, my mojo is returning after three hours of catching up on writing and some reading.

And then….(see further below)

Today I’m grateful for:

The medicine that has helped Tigger overcome his fever and infection. I wasn’t particularly worried about Tig but I also remembered not being too worried about Kim when she was sick too. Sometimes, when Amy is being cautious, it’s best to follow her lead, just in case.

The best thing about today was:

Coffee. And having a few hours spare to read and write but more importantly to get my brain back in the game. 

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

In my final class of the day, I lost my patience with one student who was being obnoxious to me. I took his phone and later gave it to his homeroom teacher. He didn’t even seem to care that much. 

It’s a shame as I have previously gotten on well with that student. I can guess that something was going on with him but still…..

Sometimes the disrespect gets to me.

6th Nov 2023 – Only three months later and I only have a vague memory of this happening and can’t recall who it was! I think that’s good. No grudges held.

Something I learned today?

Tigger’s infection is all good now, though because of the medicine he had been taking his kidney function levels are a little high. Another week without medicine before another blood test which hopefully gives the all-clear.

How would I describe where I am right now?

I think if I told my friends just the word ‘Thailand’, that would trigger their imaginations to understand where I am right now. I know that I’m living a lucky life. Despite minor stresses, I’m feeling content and almost at peace.

How did I embrace uncertainty?

I’ve been looking at this question for several days.  I feel that my life is reasonably certain and has been for a long time. In times when I did feel uncertain it was purely internal thoughts rather than some circumstance.

Both times I moved countries I didn’t feel uncertainty really, though I guess that means that I did embrace it. How did I do that? Perhaps by positivity. Perhaps by ignorance. 

As I’ve gotten older I’ve understood that no matter what happens or is happening, things will be okay. Sometimes you just have to go through shit. I do wish I could’ve worked that out when I was younger as it would have saved me a lot of trouble and stress at that time.

What is an unusual fact about me?

I was listening to the End On End podcast with the High Back Chairs and one of them was talking about his collection of German military uniforms from 1880-1918. It reminded me that no matter what you may know people for they can always surprise you with something unusual. 

I guess I have an unusual amount of CDs featuring unusual music but because of the circles I run in that doesn’t seem particularly unusual to me but may be to others.

Perhaps something I find unusual about myself is the variety of work that I’ve done over the years. Ugh, even that doesn’t seem particularly unusual though.

Am I.… am I normal? What’s wrong with that? I don’t want to be normal. I know that no one is normal but I would hate for someone to think of me as normal!

Quote: I quote others in order to better myself – Montaigne

Sometimes a good quote captures your imagination and consolidates ideas into a sentence or two. Most of the quotes I enjoy are positive but I also dig the backhanded sarcastic and ironic type of quote when it is clearly obvious its intention.

I wish I could remember good quotes though and be able to use them in conversation. That would make me appear smart. Perhaps that is vanity but it’s true, I would like to appear smart at least. Because I don’t feel smart at all. Can I fool myself?