Fighting Life – 29th March 2023

It’s a game of chance
And you’ve got a bad hand
Heading for elimination
Whether to fold or stand?

Fighting for the right
To play one more round
To run across the roof
Or to be under the ground


Today I’m feeling:

Tired, headaches, sore eyes and demotivated. The grey colour of the sky reminds me of the dullness of England. There is beauty everywhere but unseen without a light to shine on it.

Today I’m grateful for:

My rolling massage balls that can pummel my hips while I’m watching TV on the floor. My left hip is particularly sore and needs more movement but with the situation outside I’m staying in as much as possible and avoiding doing anything that requires deep gulps of air.

The best thing about today was:

Haven’t done much of anything today so it must be reading more of Death’s End, the third in the Three Body Problem trilogy. It’s interesting because an alien race is coming and Earth comes together as best it can but is unable to ‘beat’ them. It has parallels with our own historical geopolitics.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Right now, I just sat down to watch Netflix and it’s not working. Guess I’ll keep reading then!

Something I learned today?

Lots of geopolitical stuff but I’m getting tired of the whirlwind of information and useless information. I should just check in once a week or once a month instead.

Nothing that has been going on directly impacts me beyond the cost of living rising which is not really something I can control either way.

I’ve saved some money these last two days by not going to work because I’m sick and not eating because of my medicine. If I lose some kilos I hope I can keep them off.

What do I know is true?

I will die one day.

Someone from Utopia took this picture because they were showing how we need super-efficient masks to fight the pollution. I edited the picture and pinched an Australian slogan as a sarcastic commentary.

A Dark Past – 14th June 2022

When there’s no light, a sunny attitude will light the way
There’s a grain of truth in any story so I’ve heard them say
The windows into the past took us to a world away
The light that gave us colours, a rainbow no longer grey


We are inhabitants of a factory so huge we can’t even see it.

Henry Rollins

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my aching hips – reminding me to move and stretch more.

Looking Good – 9th January 2022

This shiny apple, so appetising
Fools your sense without realising
Inside, the maggots, breeding more
In fact, it is rotten to the core

We sold the apple, sold it well
From the outside, no one can tell
This analogy can be multiplied
Across your beautiful nation wide

Within is decay, or already dead
No matter all the pretty words said
A conspiracy in which we all take part
Only the truth can fix this heart


Fuck the fuck off back to where you fucked on from.

Ricky LeFleur, Trailer Park Boys

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to the lady that gave me a 2-hour massage yesterday. It was painful but awesome and I’m still in pain now, but awesome now!


I slept super well last night after a spoonful of kratom and feel great this morning, though I’m too early for Tha Sut and no cafes are open yet, so I’m back here writing.

Yesterday was relaxed but the time disappeared quickly. In the morning, Amy and I took Na up to the university cafe for her English lesson and it was good to go somewhere different. Na was very sweet when she said that she will miss Amy.

After lunch, I watched the Youth Brigade/Stern Brothers documentary, which was pretty inspiring and reminded me that I also wanted to start a Better Youth Organisation in Dorset. I didn’t know what I was doing, just as the Sterns admitted but I wonder turn my life would have been like if anyone had responded to my leaflet to do something more like that.

After that, it was time for a deliciously painful massage that loosened up a few places in my body and made me contemplate my future with my hips. Will I need some kind of operation at some point? What can I do now to delay that possibility?

I left Amy in the city to meet her friends and came back to watch some TV bits and pieces and chill out with kratom and before you know it, the day’s gone.

Today we’ll go shopping and hopefully not much else. Life is great.