Tag: home

Double Cap – 7th June 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Give me the big cup!
Double up!
Make them big shots
Top it off!
Drink it slow
Then take off!
When it’s time to go
I got enough!
Buzz and howling
Flying high!
The fear of falling
Pushed aside
Tomorrow morning
Same again!
Without a warning
Jump my brain!

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for our spare room outside – that we can adapt to be Kim’s new space. She won’t be an outdoor cat anymore which will frustrate her but I’m thankful we have this reasonably sized space that we can give to her.

We got that attitude! – 10th May 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful that I was able to watch the football on my iPad while swinging in a hammock under the shade of our trees yesterday. I’m also grateful Kim Chi was looking around cautiously and as I followed her eyes saw she was looking at a 2-metre cobra just a couple of feet away from where I was hanging. I chased it away.

After one day back at school on Friday – which I felt good about – we have Monday off for some public holiday or other. Thailand sure has a lot of holidays – can’t complain.

I’ve been busy working on this blog – where this hand-written entry will end up one day in the future (today is 3rd March 2025 as I transfer this from book to blog).

I’ve chatted briefly with other friends on chat apps and that has helped keep me a little grounded. Although nothing much in depth, it seems to help somewhat – just in knowing that there are people out there vaguely interested in my life.

I’m still a little unsettled at the moment, about the long term future and it’s effected me and my man cave – somehow, I don’t feel quite comfortable in here at the moment and I’m always wondering about moving things around to make them more like my teenage room – make it more like a pigsty – the pit, as such. Seems a stupid thing to be writing about, but it’s in my mind for some reason.

I think maybe I don’t feel quite relaxed – I’d like to be able to leave things outside, on the terrace, but the roof is still prone to leaks, and the wildlife here invades everything. We still have an idea to build a house in the city, next to Amy’s mum’s. I’m not that keen on the location, but it may solve some of these issues.

Haha – damn! Build a house to solve a trivial problem!

Watch out for me now cos I’m alive – 8th March 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Damn, it’s cold in the morning. Have been sick, this is the first day back.
Amazing long sleep – feel good. Body weakened – need exercise, need discipline again.
G.I.on brainbox. Can’t stop reading – so good, so happy. Tattoo ideas formed.
Write 1994 and ideas coming – found more old writing. Is it important – no – is it interesting to me? Yes.
I’m running out – is there nothing to do except document my life? Should I be living a life still? What is it?
I love my home – my comfort here.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have access to YouTube and to have an internet connection. Having internet means it is easy to live anywhere in the world. If I didn’t have it I could probably still manage but life would be a lot different – time would have a totally different meaning. The things I use the internet for are thought-provoking and thinking makes me alive.

We got that attitude! – 23rd November 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful for everything in my home. I love it there. I love to watch the garden growing and changing over time. I love all the different ideas Amy comes up with to change things around.
I am so happy and grateful to be able to afford a MIDI keyboard and to have time to experiment and mess around with it. I hope I can learn how to use it properly.

2nd Feb 2023 – I can’t believe I’ve had the keyboard for two years already. It still sits in front of my computer screen generally gathering dust. It’s not that I couldn’t have time to use it but that I have enjoyed playing guitar regularly and at the moment I’m more focused on getting old information uploaded to here, which is a pretty monumental task. Also, despite my loving my home, the set up of my desk and computer are not really conducive for sitting for long periods of time so it’s not quite comfortable. I know it will take a good period of time, effort and concentration to learn to use the keyboard in the way that I want (actually it’s the software, not the keyboard particularly) but I am still weirdly optimistic that I will make more time in the future!

We got that attitude! – 26th July 2020

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I am so happy and grateful for all the lovely plants we have growing in our house. Plants help make a house into a home and I feel like this is home.

To-do list

  • Awards awards awards ½
  • Push yourself to workout on weekends
  • Compliment everything
  • A random act of kindness
  • Draw something again in the next few days

Well, that was not very successful with this list. After a picnic and party with George, Bee and Dylan (and Amy, of course) on Monday, I was too hungover on Tuesday to do anything that required much thinking. So I’m back on it today (Wednesday).

I realise how much drinking takes it out of me – interrupts my plans. It’s fun to be drunk sometimes but I’m finding it worth less and less. I prefer the happy high of life and living. I’m still pushing myself but finding myself more focused now.

I spent a good 6-8 months reading and researching many different ideas about thinking and being. I’ve trimmed this down a lot now – having understood much of the content and advice. Now I’m doing less thinking about thinking and slowly turning this into action and habit. Still working towards a better life for myself.

There were ants crawlin’ on the floor – 8th July 2020

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1990 was 30 years ago! Crazy – I was a young man. Scribble dribble. Lazy but content.

Play video games – was okay but got a little bored. Movies. YouTube – okay but a little bored. No exercise, no writing, no thinking – that was okay. That was good. No thinking – just doing but need to think – keep a clear head.

Sore neck. Stretch it out, massage it. Back to school back to.… Plan some things to do. Use school free time for myself. What’s my new Twitter password? Brain blank – it’ll come… Is my mind this empty? – what’s in here? – foggy blur. Sit and meditate – that password will annoy me for sure.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be back at school. Even though I’m not doing much I started to get bored at home, despite there being lots of things to do there!

I vacillate a lot or maybe not so much – 10th June 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Alice Donut on brain jukebox today. Workers here already dig, dig, digging. Young fat Chinese-looking guy or maybe sumo.

Thai was tough this morning brain not ready. Stretch stretch stretch – feels good – my muscles are for a smaller body – muscles – 5 foot 10 my body 5 foot 11.

Making bed, so happy and grateful – imagine that I live in this house – wait! I do! We own it but in the end, we are just renting – we are not going to live forever. How lucky we are to be here. I have my room, my books, my CDs – everything. I love it. I have my health (just about!). Can I live to be 300? I feel like it might be possible! There’s things to do.

Wow, many thoughts seem clearer each morning now – maybe I’m not awake yet, need that coffee. Dream… Oh, wait I was dreaming about school I remember but now not sure. The more I try to remember the further away it gets. Time to meditate I bet when I do my mind will fill with ridiculous thoughts. Trying to remember that dream. Oh well, let’s practice.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for everything around me in my life. I’ve been so happy with our wonderful home and with my time together with Amy.

To-do list

  • Find smoking video for Bruce ✅
  • Positive-smile-compliment-wish ½
  • Listen – respond with understanding ½
  • More Thai practice ✅
  • Actually draw mini-zine

Another simple, easy day with no real problems at school. George is still talking about conspiratorial faked moon landings and I can’t work out if he is really believing in these things or just trying to be provocative. I think it’s a bit manipulative to try and generate some discussion but it seems somewhat at odds to me with his usual calm and clear-headed thinking.

In the afternoon we met Kevin, Ben and Mike (three French teachers – teaching English) and I felt a little bit in conflict – particularly with Mike who I can’t help but be competitive with. He says things that make it seem like he knows things about me that he thinks are secret or don’t want him to know but actually, I don’t really have that feeling until he mentions them. I need to stop feeling like that at all and not play into that game – difficult as it is for me. I can realise my shortcomings, but can I act to improve on them.

In the morning Hayden contacted me and said he was in the psych hospital after having a panic attack and meltdown. He sounded very upset and it was a little difficult to try and find the right words to say to him. I can empathise with having negative thoughts and self-talk but personally never got to the point of panic.

He talked a little about what the causes of it were, though they are all external and are obviously upsetting for him to deal with but I don’t have a clear view of the whole picture.

I blame myself somewhat for not being a good enough role model and being absent in his life. I do think that I had given him my perspective on these things based on my own life experience but it can be hard for someone to comprehend until they go through it themselves. He shows many of the same traits I had at that age – self-doubt, low self-esteem etc. These are things I struggle with even now.

After talking with his mum to get more background it seems the stem of the current problem relates to his girlfriend who does not seem to be a person who brings him up but puts him down. There’s obviously some conflicting emotions going on for him and he’s struggling to deal with that.

Amy gives me her pointed advice and shows some frustration with me in not giving him a better foundation on which to build and when she asks me what I can do to help him I really don’t know what to say and then, what to actually do. Tough love is probably not the best option right now. His mum may wrap him up in cotton wool again and he still won’t learn how to deal with things for himself.

I hope he can accept that he might need medicinal and therapeutic help and arrive at the right conclusions for himself. I feel a little helpless and useless. I couldn’t be a good dad – just a person with the name, dad.

Nu and Aing came for dinner as Nu will leave on Friday. One by one our friends are leaving. I have just tomorrow to make some small gift so I really must make a mini-zine for him tomorrow and give it to him.

Why don’t you do something, at least get out of our way – 6th June 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Tiananmen – America burns – irony, oh the ironing – where did that phrase come from?

Core is useless – short plank – five reverse situps and 16 bike, at least I know it’s something I can improve.

Smoky air today despite lots of rain, coughing phlegm – neck sore from sleep – would like my neck to be free from pain – been a problem for so many years now. Look up neck exercises.

Still Heavy Vegetable* on the iMind player. Foot massage yesterday, good but ineffective – need every day! I can’t breathe anymore – I can’t see through these lenses.*

Fat Tigger purring in my arms – still eager to get down. No lap cats in my life. Maya and Inca.

Little garden changes – making a home.

Okay – some weights. Slowly, slowly changing body.

*was actually Thingy’s Ketchup Sandwich

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to discover so many things that I enjoy. They keep my brain satisfied.

To-do list

  • Read more – finish book this weekend ✅
  • Record another TCRAH if you feel it
  • Listen to Rudimentary Peni ✅
  • Practice mini zine making
  • Scan some photos

Weird day. Felt very good throughout but very unfocused – I couldn’t decide what I wanted to do but ended up finishing a book which was a good result.

Amy got annoyingly drunk by the early evening – but not annoying so much because she was drunk but I got quickly annoyed with her – I think because I couldn’t focus and wanted to – then when she came and distracted me more – I got unreasonably annoyed. I ended up doing more jigsaw which at least maintained my focus.

Then, around 7.30 pm there was a short in our electricity in the house that we couldn’t fix – which sobered Amy up quickly! We couldn’t get anyone to come and look so had to sleep in my room which still had power.

Slept ok but woke up with a cranky back – probably from lifting blocks in the morning and then hunched over the jigsaw for a couple of hours.

We got that attitude! – 5th June 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful to be able to drive the truck today. I can see the traffic coming now.

To-do list

  • Savour something ✅
  • Perform a random act of kindness
  • Smile and think positive wishes ½
  • Compliment everyone about anything ½
  • No negative jokes ½
  • Go to Bangkok Bank and Kasikorn ✅

Another very chill and relaxed day with no work to do. Getting paid for a full month was a fabulous bonus too. I was so happy that I hung out in my room pottering and reading and just feeling great in general.

Amy is really happy at the moment too. What she has done with the entertainment area has really pleased us both. Our house is getting even more like a home. I love it here so much.

It’s hot again and drops of sweat are blurring the pages as I write. Thanks for aircon!