Better for all the sleep but my body feels a little like a pharmacy sponge – soaked in medicine. I pushed through a little exercise with a six a.m. wake-up and hope to get back to full exercise again tomorrow.
Today I’m grateful for:
The That Record Got Me High podcast for featuring Cardiacs this week. Their music is so familiar to me now but it’s always exciting to hear it again.
The best thing about today was:
All the students being in a good mood after finishing their scout week. The grade 9s in particular were happy because this was the last time they will ever have to do it. Tomorrow morning the kids celebrate Chinese New Year, another morning free of classes.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
When I got to House this morning the shop was shut. I still went in and played with Tokyo and gave her a snack but no one was around. I grabbed a coffee at Hobby Roasters to keep going and when I went back to House later Gui apologised saying that he had slept in after working every night at his restaurant last week. No big deal as there is other coffee around.
Something I learned today?
Israel is bombing Rafah during the Super Bowl when many North Americans may be occupied. But the other 90% plus of the world is not watching football.
25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO – 16. Don’t Judge. Just because people make different choices than you, they are not stupid. Also, you don’t know everything about people, so don’t judge them – help them.
I used to judge people who were straight and boring, those who did the expected and followed paths given to them by acceptable standards of modern society. I used to hold animosity towards them. I still do in some way but much more forgiving. So long as no one is pushing their agenda on me then it’s fine.
I no longer try to push an agenda on others. Lots of things that I did that went against the grain have become mainstream now. I was judged harshly at that time. I remember what it was like. My animosity and judgement was a reaction to that. Everyone has a story and sometimes it’s worth listening to.
I took this picture because Amy asked me to. The jacaranda flowers are small and not as plentiful as the species in Australia but it’s nice to have them like this as a reminder.
Reality doesn’t care about your shoulds and shouldn’ts The way out of suffering is the same on any scale Would you side with peace or with the wouldn’ts? Determined to see the negotiations fail Does the price of peace negate your profits? How many bodies are on your bottom line? The brave will do the right thing to stop it Not afraid to call the reality a crime
First two lines borrowed from Caitlin Johnstone
Today I’m feeling:
Slow but positive. Got home at around midnight and found the documentary about the making of Dogs in Space on TV so watched that and then there was a show about an explosion on an active volcanic island in New Zealand that killed 22 tourists. It was pretty compelling and kept me up til 2 am.
Today I’m grateful for:
Amy’s co-workers to have become good friends and colleagues over the last 18 months. They were quite emotional to say goodbye today at dinner.
The best thing about today was:
Walking through Balmain down to the ferry, with a beautiful full blue Australian sky, purple jacaranda blooms scattered across the ground and the scent of jasmine everywhere.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Amy wants to dance this evening and I’m tired already but know that she will miss all this very much. I sat just outside in the foyer reading and finally, Amy came out.
Something I learned today?
China’s divorce rate has dropped for three years in a row. This seems surprising considering that time includes pandemic lockdowns where it would be assumed that families having to spend so much time together would get on each other’s nerves and separate easily.
What are you afraid of?
Toothache. At the wedding, I broke some more off one of my teeth whilst eating risotto of all things. The nerve isn’t exposed thankfully but it’s only a matter of time before more pieces break off and fall out. Toothache is the worst!
I’m afraid of other more existential things too but right now it’s toothache!
What am I longing for right now?
Knowing a long flight is ahead tomorrow I’m longing to be back home again.
I took this picture because it was a beautiful day to be a tourist in Sydney so that’s what we did.
When the road is muddy the air is clear So follows the only road out of here And when the road is dust the air is thick Steps are laboured as the cart is sick Trails are blazed along dotted lines Paths that were paved in ancient times Making tracks towards the next fire Making monuments that will inspire
Today I’m feeling:
Happy enough despite having to be at school. Utilising the time this morning to glue some flashcards for next semester. Messy and mind-numbing but at least not looking at the phone or watching anime as some other teachers are doing.
Today I’m grateful for:
Strawberry season. I know I did this one recently but I just ate a punnet of juicy rippers from the hill tribe lady and her snotty-nosed kid outside 7-11. Delicious.
The best thing about today was:
Finding out what classes I will teach next semester which also includes a new class for me with M4 students (15/16-year-olds) in the hospitality program. Many of the students haven’t studied in English programs so it’s just like teaching elementary level again. It should be fun and at least something new to try.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I didn’t have any control over where I had to be today which was in the school hall with all the other teachers. In the morning we just heard the directors talking about what we will do but as it was all in Thai there was little for us to do. I had planned for this and brought my components to make flashcards while waiting. Not sure what we have to do this afternoon yet but I hope I get more glue time.
Something I learned today?
David laughed when I talked about glue being made from horses (at one time at least) as he didn’t believe me until he looked it up online. He thought he was getting high off the fumes but I didn’t think that they would have glue you could get high on at schools but then, this is Thailand.
What did I learn? I met Indian Paul in the hall and he told me he was upset. He told me how next semester he has been given a co-teacher that he has had problems with before. I laughed and told him this is his reward for being given the teacher of the year award this semester. Sometimes it’s better to keep your head down!
What does contentment mean to me?
Contentment means no stress from difficult people. Stress is ok and people being difficult can be ok too but combined means discontent.
I took this picture because I was watering the jacarandas and turned around to see the dappled sky in the sunset. Home.
Now we are the Nazis We are ISIS, the terrorists We accepted hatred For our motivational bomb-schools Where lessons learned Were in books burned As we mistook our enemies To be the ones fooled
Now we commit genocide From romantic shelter Far away from freedom Forcing refugees at our borders No ifs, just rifle butts Force of power, force power cuts And bodies pile up Of those who were simply following orders
The stash of Pocky that Amy left here because she couldn’t fit it in her luggage when going back to Australia. Now I can use them as birthday gifts for my students!
The best thing about today was:
I want to say my students but they were probably also the worst thing about today too! They make me laugh and they make me cry.
Goya and Pat gave me friendship bracelets (just pieces of string).
Fah and Boty play jokes on me and Bright always enjoys having jokes played on him.
And of course, they all try to get away with murder when they think I’m not looking.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
The usual group of 1/7 students were late to my class again and I marked them as ‘absent’. I could tell 4 of them were debating whether to just skip class then but decided to stay though they weren’t very happy.
They soon cheered themselves up together though and were very happy when I rewarded them by changing their status to ‘late’ instead of ‘absent’.
They come up with all sorts of bullshit excuses for being late but realise they don’t fly when all the other students are always on time.
The work is so easy too but they don’t put it together that if they just cracked on with it they could finish the class that much sooner. They’ll figure themselves out at some point.
Something I learned today?
I learned that from 1971 until 1989 US-China relations were fairly cooperative except that for the US it was a case of an enemy of my enemy is a friend and the relationship changed again once the Soviet Union fell. It makes me wonder why we have to have enemies?
How can I be more mindful and present in the moment?
I think I need to calm my thoughts a lot more again. My brain is a little overactive recently and I need to stop looking at things like Twitter and YouTube as much as I do. It’s too easy to get wound up by the stupidities of the world when in actuality things are quite sedate around my own life.
I took this picture because our jacarandas are blooming and in the misty sunrise the purple looks luscious.
I am so happy and grateful to be able to watch our jacarandas grow a few feet higher and the trunks a little thicker, every year.
Friday again already. It’s been great to be able to sit at House and keep up with lots of reading and writing. Next week I won’t have so much free time like this but have the pleasure of being face-to-face with students. I’m happy with all the scenarios at this stage. I’m enjoying everything. Is life too easy?
As with a couple of years ago, I’m kinda excited for Amy to go away for a while, leaving me to fend for myself and indulge in all my endeavours. I do know, though, that I will also get lonely and I will miss her a lot. Especially her cooking.
It looks as if Jess and Mei will be coming to Thailand soon too. It will be great to see them again and I know Amy will have a great time with them here.
Woke up today with huge indecision about the future. Last night Amy and I discussed what we might do in the future and whether we are happy where we are at this time.
Amy’s reverse culture shock has been getting her down a lot and she is itching to go back to Australia – whether just to visit or to make more long term plans. She says once her parents have passed that she has no compulsion to stay in Thailand.
Combined with news that our school’s budget has been cut and we will have to teach more classes, containing more students, it’s a somewhat depressing look ahead. I would be happy not to work at all. I can ‘be’ in any place or country and the advantage for me here is that I don’t necessarily have to work, whereas in Australia it would be a must just to survive.
The current plan is that Amy goes to Australia for 3 to 6 months once there are less travel restrictions and I carry on teaching (or perhaps stop – to be considered) and then when Amy returns we start doing some sort of business on our land and see how that goes. If that keeps us both happy, then we stay and if not then maybe we have to decide to pack up and think about our options in Australia.
I started this post with these pictures of the summer garden taken a couple of weeks ago, but bigger thoughts have taken over. Let’s see how our garden grows.
Our mulberries have gone mental this year – everyday I can pick a new bowlful.These tall branches reaching into the sky now have so much fruit that they are bending to touch the ground. I don’t know if this needs to be cut to grow differently or if it’s best to just leave it the way it is.This Jacaranda currently has more flowers than leaves. Our four Jacarandas all seem to flower at random times throughout the year. I just hope that they can live and survive a lot longer and grow as big as the ones in Australia. Love these trees.This is a weird bush, plant, tree (?) that reminds me of fractal theory – it looks like each ‘branch’ separates off into two and on and on.
24th Mar 2023 – The plan I discuss above is still in progress. Amy will have been in Australia on and off for almost two years by the end of this year and will come back then and again consider doing some business on our land. Things are a little more normalised after the 2 or 3 years of pandemic restrictions. The mulberries are going crazy again this year too. I wish the sky were as blue today as it is in these pictures. Today’s AQI is 224 (Very unhealthy).
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for our wheelbarrow. Yesterday I used it to move a whole heap of rocks to the other side of the garden. Without my wheelbarrow, this would’ve been a real pain. I’m also grateful for our big shovel too. this helped me get all the rocks into the barrow. They are both bright orange – like lots of garden equipment here in Thailand.
The best thing about today was getting a gift from Am and Tee. It’s just a mug but I liked Am’s explanation for choosing it.
I taught Maeve online again tonight and that was really a pleasure – she’s a bright and enthusiastic learner so time went quickly.
I tried to practice guitar after that but somehow my fingers and brain aren’t quite connecting. That happens sometimes. If it’s not coming together after ten minutes, put it down and try again tomorrow.
Another busy week of back and forth. I’m slowly getting into the rhythm of the hours and the days. A weekly rhythm is illusive still but that’s fine, most days I have no idea what day it is. It’s a big change from sitting around in an air-conditioned office, staring at a screen for 12 hours at a time, though I do spend a bit of more time looking at my phone these days.
One time last week Amy came to me laughing after having talked with the electrician at our house. Apparently, he had heard, from someone around in the village, that I was a professional football player from Australia! I can guess that this came from the village store where I’d been a total of once at that time.
I trekked up there again to buy beer for our workers after one long day where I did a lot of back-breaking weeding. There’ll be more of that to come for sure, barely scratched the surface. Anyway, I managed to convey that I needed 12 cold beers and that they were all for Amy, whilst I was just having a yoghurt drink. They complimented me on the house and then said how hot the weather was. Well, it’s small talk but I’m getting there slowly when I’m allowed off my leash. I wonder what gossip that visit generated as I trudged in in my boots and sweat-ridden clothes. We shall see.
Talking about being let off the leash, whilst I’ve been happily driving around in Amy’s mum’s car, or dad’s truck, I was granted permission to ride the motorcycle. Usually just at night when it’s quieter and we never go too far anyway. Amy had been riding with me on the back and I think she was finding it hard to control with the extra weight, better to let me ride instead.
I think she almost changed her mind on the first few runs though. The motorcycle is somewhat dilapidated and the front brake doesn’t work at all. It took me a while to master the gear changes, whilst also using the gears to brake half the time. I decided we’ll get an automatic bike when we get round to getting our own. Much simpler. I need simple these days.
Sometimes, Tigger is chill. Sometimes.
The weather has been pretty good as far as I’m concerned. Even on the hot days, it wasn’t too much of a bother but I know it will get much more sticky and hot next month. The evenings, as the sun is setting, are perfect. We rode out to the old airport where folks young and old walk, run and ride up and down the runway, to get a bit of exercise in. Has to wrap up before the sun disappears though as there is no other light there at all. A few vendors have figured it’s a good place to make some money on water and various other drinks.
We walked past a group of about 30 teenage boys playing football, shirts vs skins, and I watched them for a bit, noticing the topless fat boy at the nearest corner. A few seconds later the ball came his way with a long floating kick from midfield. This was his chance for glory. But he had his back to the ball and facing towards us. His team all screamed at him, ‘Fatty, wake up and stop checking out the farang’s wife’, talking about Amy. Everyone laughed and we kept on strolling.
We met up with Goi, one of Amy’s old school friends, as we were walking and they chatted whilst I called up my cousin Sharon to see how she’s doing back in England, now that things are not quite so frantic with her looking after my mum. She asked if I felt bereaved and I said I didn’t really, things have just been too busy to even think about it too deeply, though I was always reminded of mum whenever I took photos of unusual plants and flowers. Sharon said to send them to her instead which I had planned to do anyway.
Later, when Amy and I were having dinner, she told me about Goi’s life and her worries about health, money and the future. Similar to another friend who is also raising a child, around 8 or so years old each. We are sympathetic to their situations as they ask about ours and why we don’t want kids. For us, the answer is obvious, we don’t want to have the same worries and concerns that they are now having. For some reason, it doesn’t make sense to them.
After the football incident, we are also constantly discussing the fact that some people around they city stare at us – a lot! We can understand people’s curiosity but some people literally gawp, mouth wide and follow us as we walk past. Foreigners are not that uncommon around town or even out in the countryside these days and we think maybe it’s because Amy doesn’t look like the traditional Thai girl a lot of foreigners seem to go for. I decided that next time it happens I will softly say in Thai, ‘Excuse me, what is it that you are staring at?’ The only downfall to this plan is that if they answer, I probably won’t be able to understand.
Whilst our garden is a constant battle against weeds, our next challenge will be the constant battle against insects, particularly, ants. Ants are everywhere in Amy’s parent’s house. Whatever is built they will find a way in. I don’t have anything against ants, as far as I know, none of them are dangerous, the thing that freaks me out with them is that sometimes, in low light and I’m not wearing my glasses, it looks like the walls or floor are moving and I’m reminded of tripping on mushroom tea. And it makes me want mushroom tea! The ants and the weeds will take over this world. They are unstoppable. We planted 5 small Jacaranda trees this week. Fingers crossed they take root, survive and maybe in a few years time even flower.
Not yet hungover, still wobbly and happily void of any stresses involved with departing my home country of the last 24 years, Thai Airways does its usual job of safe and stylish delivery. In between meals and bouts of sleep, I observe the passenger in front of me constantly annoying the hostess and interrupting her as she talks and serves others. Finally, she firmly tells him he has to wait his turn.
I tried to watch the new Blade Runner movie but this surely wasn’t the right environment. Much more satisfied with the mindless comedy of Thor: Ragnarok. Pretty sure I was still drunk at the time of arrival in Bangkok where the queues for transfer were horribly long but still, I didn’t care as other foreigners stood by and shook their heads. “Welcome to my country” as Amy sarcastically often says.
The short flight to Chiang Rai is not of any particular note except for the Sumo who steadily waddles on the plane and listens to something on his headphones. I’d like to think it’s the latest grindcore release or something equally zen.
Just my luck, I get stopped at customs, where no one ever gets stopped and they pick out the new iPhone I bought for Amy as a surprise, at duty-free in Sydney. They want me to pay tax on it. Apparently, you can bring stuff in without tax if the value is under 20,000 baht and this is over. I plead with them that I have just relocated from Australia and this is how I am welcomed to Thailand. I tell them my wife will be furious if she knows I had to pay tax on the gift. I look at them puppy-eyed. They discount the tax rate for me but it’s then I realise I only have 500 baht on me anyway. I offer it to them but they seem unimpressed. They look over my shoulder and ask ‘Is that your wife?’ Amy is waiting just beyond the doors with a curious look on her face as the officers her invite her inside.
Some discussions later we end up paying the tax and told that it was just unlucky they decided to check my bag. It’s also apparent that if the phone had been unpacked and in my pocket, no one would have noticed either.
Welcome to Thailand, indeed.
Next day the hangover finally kicks in, added to by the approach of a cold, no doubt initiated by the last night of drinking and talking which caused me to almost lose my voice. Now the coughing starts.
Both our cats are confused to see me again but we soon make up when I start feeding them. Whoever feeds them is their favourite, always. We are all camped in a bedroom in Amy’s parent’s house. A place that is her childhood home and we’ve often stayed here on our previous travels but is not quite comfortable for us as we don’t know where their things are, and all our things are stored in the multitude of boxes piled high in the living room.
We head off to visit our house, the first time I have seen it in person. Now I can appreciate the dimensions of each space, yet can’t imagine it as a home just yet. It won’t be long now and we can start filling it with the things that make it homely.
I start my life as a gardener today, breaking up big clumps of clay and watering all the various plants and trees still left growing which includes durian, ten lime trees, jackfruit (already with one big fruit almost ready), papayas, Thai chillies and multiple frangipanis. We’ve also ordered 5 Jacaranda trees that we hope will grow and blossom at the front of our land and attract visitors should we run some business from there. A small reminder of Australia too.
We pick up some drinks for the workers at the local store where I’m introduced to the shopkeeper. May as well start the village gossip at the source. I hope we’ll become good friends in the future.
The workers live in temporary tin sheds they have built alongside our house and we are doing little extra things for them to keep them content and happy to work for us. They are not quite used to some of the designs and plans that we have so we need to explain things often and carefully for them. They are very hardworking men and women, mostly from Burma, though legally working I’m told. One wife is fairly heavily pregnant and presumably (hopefully) not doing any heavy work but maybe preparing meals for everyone. Despite their poor accommodation they still have a TV and satellite dish rigged up to keep up with their favourite shows or maybe the EPL.
Despite our tiredness and my now constant coughing, dad (father-in-law) decides we must all go out to the new fish restaurant to welcome me here. I try to partake accordingly but between us, we only manage three bottles of beer. The food isn’t as good as some other places we have tried in the past and the service was still going through a teething period. There’s a big lake out front with attractive table settings but in the evening it’s a constant battle with mosquitos, which would spoil things somewhat. I still have to invest in repellents and appropriate clothing, luckily those things are very cheap here.
Both our nights are fitfully slept as I cough myself and Amy awake but we stirred at 6am to get to our house again before it gets too hot. I set about the watering, almost completely covered head to toe from the oncoming sun. Next, I need to invest in some wellington boots as my runners get covered in muddy clay. It takes about an hour and a half to water everything and I start dreaming of automatic water systems. One day, one day.
The temperature is good in the morning and stays reasonable for the rest of the day. I, however, have to retire with medicine for a nice siesta.
The siesta soon became a full nights sleep, again, broken often by coughing. But we’re up and at them at 6am again stopping off at a little shop that has been running for 45 years with just a slim menu involving tea, coffee, toast and eggs. It’s brilliant and cheap but doesn’t do enough for me as we get to our house and Amy does some supervising and I fall back asleep on a deck chair on the terrace. I have nice dreams and awake delirious before driving back home and sleeping even more, until it is time for us get prepared for our next little journey to the UK, to farewell my mother and catch up with family and friends.
1994ever 