Stupid Delusion – 1st January 2024

No longer intoxicated
Awoken from my dreams
Meaning was a delusion
A stupid delusion it seems


Yeah, happy new year!


Today I’m feeling:

Happily lazy again.  I ate lots and did little over these last 4 days and it’s been a good wind down to the end of the year.  Tomorrow it’s back to exercise, work and reality. I plan to just do abs and legs this week to try and get the ache out of my shoulders before working on any upper body exercises again.  I’m stiff from sitting and laying down so much recently too!

Today I’m grateful for:

The internet, YouTube, the BBC, John Peel and Thinking Fellers Union Local 282 whose John Peel Session I have just found and listening to as I’m writing this.  Excellent!

The best thing about today was:

Finishing the excellent John Cooper Clarke biography.  It feels good to finish reading a book on the first day of the year.

Also releasing the SpeechOdd/HighxVoltage album for pre-order through Bandcamp today which got a few folks interested.  It feels good to have a record release on the first day of the year.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

There wasn’t much to be done today, lots I could’ve done but decided not to, so there was little to get out of control.

Perhaps I could say that though I was happy to play a little guitar this afternoon I was also really bad at it. Just missing a few days sets me back. And then after watching some Thinking Fellars live footage I marvel at the genius of their guitar interplay and wonder if I could ever become as skilled as they are. It’s half inspiring, half frustrating. What a great band. I fucking hate popular music – what a waste of skill!

Something I learned today?

I came across an interview with a YouTuber I follow called Nathan Rich titled Scientology, Punk Rock and Addiction.  Wild!  I know him for his investigative journalism opposing the Western anti-China narratives.  Life is long and varied and I’m looking forward to watching this and learning more about his past.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I made Amy’s bed for her without being asked.

I cleared as many hairy worms as I could find around the hose and drowned them all in a bucket.  All this was in an effort to stop Amy’s allergy to them which makes her itchy and brings her out in a rash.  Somehow I’m not affected by them.

A close member of your family has committed murder. Would you keep quiet about it? What might your silence depend upon?

No way.  The circumstances of the event may have an effect on my attitude towards them but covering it up would be out of the question.

Write a message to myself to be reviewed one year from today.

Why? Everything I write here is up for review at any point in time. Review that.

Art took this picture a few weeks ago on his trip up to Mae Hong Son. I saw it on his Facebook page and it jumped out at me with its magnificent misty morning glow. No new pictures today.

How Do You Do, Bartholomew? – 3rd June 2023

In the battle between one god
And this supreme being’s two sets of believers
Each arguing that they were doing good
And that the others were purely deceivers

These good deeds involved massacring
Those that believed the same thing
Killing more of each other than those
That hated what some good deeds might bring

More than the Romans ever threw to the lions
Over the space of three hundred years
In just one day thousands lay dead
And the Pope rejoiced with glorious tears

The irony seems to be lost on some
When their books said to live and let live
Only humans could twist the words of their god
And make it part of their dogma to forgive

Inspired by a section of Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari dealing with religion.
1st Apr 2024 – Submitted to My Vivid Blog


Today I’m feeling:

I’m zonked out today. I went to bed around one thirty last night and I knew I was dog tired but still felt like I was in a good mood and should be doing things. I knew it wasn’t the best idea though and fell asleep quickly in the end. I got up late this morning and felt pretty good but by about lunchtime, I was crashing. I just ran out of energy.

Today I’m grateful for:

Yes’s album Drama, which I listened through twice as I crashed out through the afternoon on the sofa. I drifted in and out of consciousness as did the music. At times it made me think of the 70s and 80s, the Old Grey Whistle Test and listening to John Peel late at night. I can’t recall any of the music, even just a couple of hours later but I know I enjoyed it. I’ll listen to it again soon.

The best thing about today was:

Getting into bed early and getting a message from my student Jet that she was having problems at home with her mum and stepdad. I tried to understand as best I could and gave her my support. Jet is a very funny, smart but lazy, tomboy that speaks her mind and has a lot of bravado but as with any kid around 12-15 has her own insecurities and hers is whether her parents love her.
Her mum and dad split a couple of years ago after her dad cheated and no doubt her mum was shocked and sad, and now with a new man living in the house there must be all sorts of conflicting emotions at play for everyone.
Sadly, a lot of kids are facing situations like this. I wonder if it is spurring on the popularity of lesbian relationships here. Girls are seeing how badly their mothers get treated and then forgive and remain subservient to men and they’re deciding that’s not what they want in their lives but they still want love.
Anyway, the reason this was the best thing that happened today was Jet’s response of ‘Thanks for listening, you’re the best teacher and I love you! ‘
That warmed my heart though I did remind her that I am not perfect either!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My energy levels, handled by sleep! I think I just get so exhausted during the week at school and whilst still buzzing on the Friday, it all comes crashing down on the weekend. That’s not to say I didn’t get anything done or feel down. I’ll bounce back.

Something I learned today?

Apparently, there was a report out of Cambridge University Press that China is no longer communist but runs a free market, controlled capitalist system and that at the same time, the USA is becoming an increasingly authoritarian system. In my lifetime the world has turned upside down but I still know where to stand.

What are some simple pleasures that bring me happiness?

Coffee. Is coffee simple enough? Maybe not but right now it is simple. Reading a good book that stimulates thought and memory. The smell of night jasmine. A clean shave. The soft ache of a post-workout body. The struggle of conversation in a second language.

I took this picture because this is Thailand. Dirty, dusty, hot, random, wild, beautiful.

Problem N – 28th July 2022

Too much, and thinking is affected
The past is a time still being perfected
Forever with us as a problem somehow
Living in the past instead of the now


Humanity’s state of mind has been distorted by its own bloody history.

Liu Cixin, The Dark Forest

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be able to enjoy falling asleep to weird interesting music. I love that feeling and sometimes reminds me of listening to John Peel as a teenager or jazz on the radio in the early hours.

The dearth of new ideas makes us wallow in our shame (The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #16) – 14th December 2019

I’ve been considering what content I can put here as some of my personal thoughts and feelings about this particular place I am now living (and enjoying) could cause me trouble. It’s funny how Thailand is known as the Land of Smiles but often times it feels like the Land of Fake Smiles. Having a couple of years experience here now, I understand these reasons but cannot fully support a positive attitude towards it. This is the balance I am trying to find in my world.

Perhaps that balance has always been there even in the other places I have lived but I haven’t noticed it so much and oftentimes found myself in difficult or at least odd situations. I don’t ‘play the game’ very well still but I’m getting there. If this sounds like generalised waffle, I apologise. I will try to make an orderly composition of my thoughts at some point.

Out of one of the most difficult times I’ve had in Thailand I found myself keen to focus some energy into something personally (and somewhat selfishly) fulfilling. In what little downtime I had when I was pushing myself too hard preparing lessons for my grade 5 English class I would throw my iTunes playlist on shuffle and found myself quite enthralled at the collection of digital music I collected.

The randomness reminded me of those late school nights furtively listening to John Peel’s radio show under the covers, falling asleep as I lay hoping to hear the latest and greatest punk tunes in amongst all the other genres being pioneered. This exposure to many different styles of music laid the groundwork for events many years in the future when I was organising shows for bands in Sydney and subconsciously decided on mix billed being the best way for people to hear new music. Never a way to a successful financial business model, it kept my brain satisfied and able to calmly appreciate music I didn’t particularly enjoy, anticipating music that I would.

So it was that iTunes on shuffle kept popping up a classic tune (classic to me), a dodgy old punk demo, an experimental noise soundscape and a 60s garage rocker, with many things in between. Nothing really modern mainstream though. It’s amazing some of the music from my youth was considered mainstream back then. It shits all over what is mainstream now.

Anyway, digging this vibe I even ended up downloading a bunch of reggae and African music that Peel always used to play – just to try and get that reminiscence in full force. Things I may not listen to as a full recording of suddenly make a lot of sense squished in between things I was more familiar with. I ended up down many paths of discovery of experimental music from around the world – as opposed to ‘world music.’

With need of some distraction, I decided to put together a ‘radio’ show and upload the result to the Mixcloud platform. I mostly take the tracks as they were shuffled through iTunes and do a bit of back announcing. I also decided to play around a little with some of the songs and introduce some moments where I could read a paragraph or two from books from my shelves.

To give this odd mix a little focus I decided to target my audience to the university students at the local uni which is less than a kilometre away from where I am. I roped in a few of my student friends from there and also from my favourite local coffee shop, to do a bit of speaking and to have their pictures taken. So was born The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour and the push for musical world domination.

The tenzenmen music library
Gus, Mink, Nu and Aing – in the music library.

Understanding that my tastes are almost niche beyond niche I would not expect a huge audience for what I’m doing but really that is not the purpose. I do it for myself. I really enjoy putting it together and messing around with things, trying to come up with some new ideas for presentation. I’m contemplating how to do this mix in a live setting and finding a place to do it but I don’t have much time to practice that part as well as not having a completely reliable equipment setup. A new laptop is a little out of reach at the moment.

So, if you’ve read this far you may be curious to hear what these shows sound like? Or scared to find out. Either way, it seems like this is a good vehicle to post links to each show and also force me to write at least once a week as new episodes appear.

“Remember life on earth is but a flash of dawn
And we’re all part of it as the day rolls on”

Music from Ween, Magic Mushroom Band, No Babies, The Ebonettes, goat, Andy Partridge, Acanthus, Banned, Hebosagil, The Yellow Payges, Bad Brains, Daniel Striped Tiger, Martin Archer, Teenage Depression, Mudhoney and Donovan.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I could do so many things yesterday and keep going even though I was so tired by the end of the evening. I kept a good attitude and wasn’t so anxious about things that I wanted to do compared with some things that I had to do.

Did it list

  • Encouraged Fern to learn to make my coffee at Utopia.
  • Got my haircut.
  • Uploaded TCRAH podcast.
  • Recorded new TCRAH podcast.
  • Prepared and executed a quick fun game for my two students today.
  • Got through a little of the never-ending sorting of music, on computer and CDs.
  • Wrote another blog post and enjoyed the process of writing.
  • Got passport photocopies done.
  • Rosie offered to do quick drawings and send them out as postcards. What an awesome idea so I asked her to do Jochen, Lachlan and Kyaw Kyaw.
  • Finished reading Lonely Boy

*The Week That Was – 8th June 1981

Single of the week: 999 – Obsessed, Vice Squad – Resurrection EP

8th June 1981
Anarchy in the UK on John Walker’s show
JW taking JP’s place

9th June 1981
TOO DRUNK TO FUCK IS IN THE CHARTS AT 36

10th June 1981
Went to rounders
I am great

11th June 1981
A good day
Nothing happened though

12th June 1981
You’ll never believe this but I watched telly

13th June 1981
England 1 – Germany 2
Won 10, Lost 5

14th June 1981
BLOODY HOT

This week’s chart-topper is: Smokey Robinson – Being With You

*The Week That Was – 25th May 1981

Single of the week: Jam – Funeral Pyre, Siouxsie and the Banshees – Spellbound, Squeeze – Is That Love?

25th May 1981
STILL QUITE ILL
The Exploited are #20

26th May 1981
THE EXPLOITED
I got Punk’s Not Dead and Splodgenessabounds

27th May 1981
PUNKS NOT DEAD
Euro Cup
Liverpool 1 – Real Madrid 0

28th May 1981
John Peel’s gone mad after yesterday
TOO DRUNK TO FUCK

29th May 1981
I can’t remember
May 1st

must’ve been June 1st

30th May 1981
Wales 0 – USSR 0
Switzerland 2 – England 1

31st May 1981
Cut the dog
God-dog

This week’s chart-topper is: Adam and the Ants – Stand and Deliver
ROTM: Killing Joke – Follow The Leader, Vice Squad – Young Blood, Dangerous Girls – Man in the Glass

*The Week That Was – 30th March 1981

Single of the week: Tenpole Tudor – Swords of a Thousand Men, Twisted Nerve – Vertigo

30th March 1981
Well at least Mr Hoare’s gone to French

31st March 1981
Friggin’ in the Riggin’ in my musical story

1st April 1981
Master scheme failed on Monday
now they’ve got me
League Cup final replay
West Ham 1 – Liverpool 2

2nd April 1981
Some good stuff on John Peel show
I’m Forever Blowing Bubbles
John Wark PFA player of the year two weeks ago

3rd April 1981
So Boring

4th April 1981
West Bromwich 3 – Ipswich 1

5th April 1981
With Matthew

This week’s chart-topper is: Shakin’ Stevens – This Old House

*The Week That Was – 29th December 1980

Record of the week: Lookin’ For Clues – Robert Palmer

29th December 1980
Expecting Graeme 1000
He didn’t come should come tomorrow
Dentist 3.20pm

30th December 1980
Album of the year:
Damned – Black Album/Machine Gun Etiquette
Cockney Rejects – Greatest Hits Vol II
Dead Kennedys – Fresh Fruit For Rotting Vegetables

31st December 1980
Single of the year:
Dead Kennedys – Holiday In Cambodia
The Fall – How I Wrote ‘Elastic Man’

1st January 1981
The Damned and PiL are on OGWT
mixed my drinks – all the family have (illegible)

17th July 2021 – The Old Grey Whistle Test was an interesting TV show although at the time I just wanted to see punk music and not all the boring old hippie, prog, jazz shit they would include. Trying to find more information about the show on this date makes me think that they re-ran recordings from 1979 – maybe a New Year special or something like that.

As to the drinking part of this entry….I’m not sure if this would have been drinking allowed by my mother (and with family – Grandparents, visiting relatives, maybe) or perhaps stolen from my grandad’s stash out in the shed, from which I learned to enjoy Newcastle Brown Ale and practice skulling 300ml bottles of various other forms of ale.

2nd January 1981
Bought The Not The Nine O’clock News album
and Sid Vicious Family Album

3rd January 1981
FA Cup Third Round
Ipswich 1 v Villa 0

4th January 1981
Gotta finish school project
but who the hell wants to do that?
ME! I suppose

This week’s chart-topper is:
Anarchy In The UK for the 3rd time
John Peel’s Festive Fifty
Also in Top 10 – Stiff Little Fingers, Dead Kennedys, Clash, Undertones, Joy Division, Jam, Damned

The Week That Was – 4th November 1979

Record of the week: Specials – Message To You Rudy
Highest entry: BA Robertson – Knocked It Off

24th Aug 2022 – By this time my friends and I were just starting to form our favourite music and subculture. Danny Dowling and Nick Spooner were really into Two Tone and I loved the energy and politics of it too (without fully understanding it yet). I was pulling away more into punk rock, both music and attitude.

As I started to hang around in the village in the evenings over the next 12 months or so, that little group of friends was very diverse. Murray Jackman was the mod, Lee was the gribbly (our name for someone into hard rock and metal), Graeme was the trendy and I was the punk. Because the village was so small and there were so few kids we stuck with each other despite our subcultural differences.

4th November 1979
Dunno
2p 180p*

5th November 1979
(tick)
We’re back
2p 178p*

6th November 1979
Got John Wark in football cards
Danny brought radio but we didn’t find out no. 1 only number
2p 176p*

24th Aug 2022 – At this time we were all interested in hearing the chart rundown on Radio 1 during our lunchtime. Sometimes it went on too long though and we had to return to class. As Lena Martell was number one though, we didn’t really miss out on much this week.

I guess it felt like another form of sport, instead of following your favourite team you were following your favourite artists.

7th November 1979
So I found out today
2p 174p*

8th November 1979
1. Lena Martell
2. Dr Hook
3. Abba
4. Sad Cafe
5. Queen
6. Tusk
7. Jam
8. Viola Wills
9. Selecter
10. Still
2p 172p*

9th November 1979
Total fuckup in the charts
What’s fucking no. 1
Tell me
2p 170p*

24th Aug 2022 – Not sure what the deal was here but it does show how difficult it was for information to travel in those days. In this current time of knowing about everyone’s farts and burps in real-time, there’s something missing. Much like the idiom about the journey being more important than the destination and living is suffering, having everything at your fingertips really has no reward.

I still have a goal in my mind now, from all the way back in 1979. I think I’ve mentioned it before. One night whilst listening to John Peel under the sheets I heard a song with the lyric ‘Who are these people?” I still have a vague idea of the sound of the song though find it a little difficult to describe. It was quite a simple song, kind of like the Angelic Upstarts or some of the more upbeat Messthetics post-punk coming out, like the Leyton Buzzards ‘I’m Through With You’.

Anyway, I never wrote down any information. Maybe I never heard who the band was, which is annoying because I did start writing things like this down when I heard them so that I could try and buy them later. There were many things that I did track down eventually, some of which were 10 or more years later. But this one has eluded me and in my mind, I have a feeling that one day I will discover this song again and then I will soon die. I would like to say that I will not die UNTIL I hear this song again. Let’s see.

10th November 1979
Ipswich 0-0 Villa
2p 188p*