You made them, baby boys Conceived in a sweaty room Forgotten fruit left to rot The urge to run too soon
Scattershot bonds stretch Heated passion, spoiled seeds Helpless baby boys flailing Without the direction he needs
You made them, baby girls Breeders, they can’t stop breeding Pretty pink unkissed lips Rushing towards the seeding
Scattershot, the TV dreams Promises whispered or unspoken Babies make babies cry So all the boys and girls are broken
Submitted to FOWC with Fandango and inspired by my experiences teaching wild and untamed students already on their sexual journies as their young parents are missing in action (for various reasons).
Today I’m feeling:
Good again. I pushed through the tough exercise again this morning, feeling breathless and sweaty by the end. Amy has been sound asleep in the mornings for the last few days and in the evenings I’m usually asleep well before her.
I enjoyed my first two grade 11 classes this morning and just have a reading class with the grade 8s this afternoon and it’s the weekend again.
Today I’m grateful for:
My student, Beam. In the task I set his class yesterday of sending me an oral diary telling me what they learned that day, Beam told me that he really enjoys my class and learning things from me.
Whilst he is smart enough to know how to butter someone up I believe his sincerity. It felt good to hear and encourages me. I will return that encouragement to the class.
The best thing about today was:
… (As I’m writing this on Saturday morning, I don’t feel that there was one best thing about yesterday. The day was pretty good all round until I ran out of energy, and as I’m still not fully recovered yet, it is clouding my memory of yesterday a little too.)
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
In my last class, I could feel my energy giving out and was glad to end it a little early and then head home. I revived briefly with some dinner, but by around 7.30 pm, I was crashing badly and melting into the lounge, mindlessly watching TV.
Amy tried to revive me again before sleep, but ended up disappointed, and I was asleep an instant later.
(I didn’t even have energy to complete writing here and doing it now on Saturday morning)
Something I learned today?
Praew told me that she will leave our school at the end of the semester because of her unhappiness, and on further investigation, she told me it was because she was bullied in our class.
I thought maybe this was by her old friends, Nudee and Ueang, but I was surprised to learn that it was by KanomBang. I hadn’t seen this at all.
If you’re going to fight the universe Learn to become wise first Else you’ll spend time sulking in corners Where thoughts become the worst
Joys are formed deep within Even on the path of most resistance Prepare well for the journey ahead Is the teacher’s eternal insistence
Inspired by a Sadhguru quote and a student who loves to battle with me in class (and obviously reminds me much of myself at that age) 19th Oct 2024 – Shared with Weekly Prompts Weekend Challenge – Ahead
Today I’m feeling:
Tired and slow which is surprising to me as I did next to nothing yesterday and should feel refreshed. Is my body telling me that I need to rest more or that I need to be doing more?
During the workweek, I’m switched on and ready to go and can usually get up at 6 am without any problem. I’m enthusiastic and inspired. But with nothing planned to wake up for in the morning, it’s like I’ve died!
Yesterday I didn’t write and didn’t get to play guitar despite having hours of free time.
Today I’m grateful for:
Amy’s safe return and wanting to go straight from the airport to Makro to buy ingredients and cook.
Even though only gone a few days and knowing I’m able to take care of feeding myself, I was struggling to be bothered a little yesterday so I’m glad to have my personal chef back at home!
The best thing about today was:
Nothing in particular. I ran out of energy soon after picking up Amy. She even thought that I was hungover and I kinda felt like that.
I napped for a little while in the late afternoon and have recovered some energy from that but also ready for an early night and long sleep, with another day off tomorrow.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Amy was talkative whilst we were eating but my brain still wasn’t working properly. She was, fairly slowly, drinking small glasses of wine but seemed to me to be getting louder. I could feel some tension within me because of that but I knew it was my problem and not hers.
After eating I went to the bedroom and read until I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer.
Something I learned today?
You can buy some highly discounted items on the Bath and Body Works website, so I stocked up the cart and will purchase once I get paid!
19th Feb 2025 – Money ran short so that I never bought anything in the end.
Why did she think she was unlovable? I know she deserved much better than me It hurt us both at the time But the right thing to do to set her free
Then it was I who became unlovable And I myself chose to believe Eventually, we both came to realise It’s only ourselves we deceive
A true story.
Today I’m feeling:
As predicted I had to get up a couple of times in the night as my guts gurgled and my ass burned and I had to skip my usual alarm not getting up for another two-plus hours at around 9.30 am. The grey outside had maintained the same level of brightness that it still seemed early morning. I skipped a shower and went straight for coffee, still wary that caffeine may soon trigger some kind of explosive action from my rear but so far so good.
When I got home I found that our clock had stopped last night and discovered that I had an extra hour and a half of day left. Bonus!
Today I’m grateful for:
Grabbing some soft serve ice cream at the little stall near the market which happens to be next door to where my student Baipad lives. I looked into the shop, which is a hairdresser and saw what must have been Baipad’s little sister running around. She was totally a mini version of Baipad which is saying something as Baipad is already short. She looked super cute.
Anyway, the ice cream was yummy.
The best thing about today was:
The grey skies never lifted for the whole day and rain is forecast 100% for the next eight days too. So it’s difficult to say what might have been the best thing today beyond such usual things as reading books and reading comics. That’s OK. It wasn’t a bad day by any means.
Oh, I just remembered I spent a couple of hours watching the football this morning too. That was pretty good as we won in a tight game with the Giants. With three games left, there is still a slim chance we can make the finals but it means winning every game and other results going our way.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Weather-inspired lethargy set in early. I just went with it.
Something I learned today?
China’s natural gas and oil reserves are deeper than other countries forcing them to drill the deepest holes ever and pushing their technological advancement at the same time.
What are three small victories I’ve achieved lately?
I’d somehow like to think that I have won over at least three lazy naughty students recently but should probably only count that as one.
I’m struggling to think of things I might consider victories. Life might be a battle but moving forward doesn’t feel like victory it just feels normal. Perhaps as a good life should.
Slow improvements to learning Thai and playing guitar don’t feel like victories because that’s the natural outcome of practice.
Victory also feels like it implies that there is a loser too.
Are there three losses that I’ve accepted recently? I don’t think so.
Rista took this picture last week because she wanted to see the camera quality on my new phone. This is her and Namkhing, who everyone seems to love. Her English is very poor but she will happily try when I push her which is a positive as far as I’m concerned. Perhaps this is part of her personality which others find attractive. Posting this picture as, unsurprisingly, I didn’t take any today. With the forecast, I’m wondering when I might take more again.
I’d set my alarm later than usual for 8 am but that still wasn’t enough sleep and when I finally got up an hour later I was still groggy. I did 60 jumping jacks and had a cold shower to wake up and my body feels good though my brain hasn’t quite kicked in yet. A job for coffee.
Today I’m grateful for:
The ten baht soft noodles, the twenty baht watermelon and 75 baht drinks I bought to go with dinner, a super spicy fish soup that sure woke up my face. And despite the morning coffees I never really got going today.
The best thing about today was:
That nothing really mattered too much. I got things done, chatted and prompted some students with their catch-up work etc and also this whilst feeling exhausted and lethargic. Pick it up and start again tomorrow.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Whilst I was sipping my coffee at Utopia I saw the lady from the phone store next door outside and remembered that I should get my phone screen replaced there, to give them my business. I went out and she said she could do it for me. My memory of having the protective screen replaced was that it cost about 100 baht. I was a little surprised when she said it was 250 baht. Has the price gone up that much? Did I remember wrong? Was she taking advantage? I don’t know so I thought of it as a random act of kindness that makes her happy and keeps me happy too.
Something I learned today?
I saw a BBC story about terrible things happening in North Korea. I didn’t watch the content but I’m now wondering if this is further preparation for war with China? The timing seems convenient.
What are some personality traits that I admire in others?
I was thinking that the personality traits I admire in others are not always something I feel comfortable to try and replicate. They are not always suitable for my personality today. If they are admirable then perhaps I can learn to slowly integrate them in my own way. It’s unreasonable to expect to immediately become the kind of person that another is. Also, some traits that I admire may be in people that I dislike for other traits that jar against mine. Separate the trait from the person.
Where did I embody courage?
I’ve been trying to answer this for a couple of days already but don’t feel like I’ve had to embody courage at all recently. Life has been pretty much within my stride for the last couple of years. I’ve embodied courage in my past, for example, when moving countries or going to visit new countries with little information, starting new careers and so on. I’m happy to keep exploring new possibilities but things that might require good chunks of courage are not really on my radar either because my level of fear has been defused or things are beyond my thoughts to attempt these days.
I took this picture because this nice piece of art was in Utopia. I like it.
A roll of the dice With a careful nudge Generals in sync Will refuse to budge The game of Risk Is a risky game Must be ensured It’s played the same Rules are manufactured Out of thin air Top of the pecking order Keeps the lion’s share Disorder is maintained To keep challenges at bay If you want to win the game It must be played this way
Today I’m feeling:
Cautious. A little dizzy. Not unhappy or negative but not quite right. At only 11 am, I’m feeling tired and sleepy already.
Today I’m grateful for:
A new deodoriser I found at HomePro that seems to work quite well. There’s a bad cat pee smell on the sofa though I can’t find exactly where so I’m going through spraying the deodoriser on the sofa bit by bit.
The best thing about today was:
Being able to look out of my window and see the mountains clearly again across the rice fields. It makes me feel more connected to the world.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Despite trying to fight it I napped/lucid-dreamed through listening to a Black Midi CD. Thankfully it wasn’t long enough to stop me from getting into bed before 9 pm. I think my general lack of motivation and enthusiasm is going around in ever-decreasing circles with my tiredness.
Something I learned today?
I found out that Earn at House will leave on Saturday to go and study at a university in Bangkok. Her English is pretty good and though she’s not shy, she’s also not chatty. A little like myself I think.
What are some words that best describe my personality?
Yes, I can suffer symptoms of depression and be happy at the same time. And I also feel that though I’m a little unimpressed and uninspired at the moment I’m also a little optimistic along with it.
I took this picture because this year we may end up with enough lychees to eat, rather than the insects or birds getting them all.
Hot. It’s hot. This is Thailand. What did I expect? The aircon stopped working in the bedroom last night and the temperature never dropped below 28 degrees. I slept fine though. Tonight I may have to sleep with the window open and have the fan next to it, weakly sucking in cooler air from the night. In the meantime, I have to contact someone to come and fix the machine.
Today I’m grateful for:
My portable hard drives that allow me to save and move files around from one place to another. When my crusty cranky old MBP stopped recognizing one of the drives I was able to swap things around and get things running again with a freshly formatted drive. I think I may be at the point now where I just don’t need any more drives. I’ve slowed down my music consumption a lot recently and I have too many movies to ever have enough time to watch.
The best thing about today was:
A general feeling of well-being. Perhaps the only thing that really stood out was riding back from Utopia and going on a convoluted path home. The sun’s heat was like a blanket around my skin with the breeze being just enough to stop feeling crispy. I slowed down a little to savour the feeling. The mountains looked like a photograph from the 70s, all washed out due to the hazy air, enough blue sky shimmering through from above to highlight the depth.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
It was time to start a new book whilst sipping coffee at Utopia so I had a quick scan of the shelves at home. I use my Utopia time to read music biographies or music-related books. Yesterday I finished Dave Simpson’s The Fallen. Now it was a choice between SNFU or Rollins Broken Summers. I opted for the latter. As I start reading I get back into Henry’s groove quickly and easily. He’s a maniac. I respect his attitude a lot. I see parallels with myself in his words though I’m totally softcore in comparison. As I keep reading I realise I’ve read this before and not too long ago. I wonder whether to ditch it and swap it tomorrow. However, the strength of the writing keeps me intent to follow along as he prepares for another tour of duty. I feel compelled to bring his attitude back into my thinking as I prepare for my own lovely little war in the classroom over the next couple of weeks. I need to get back to some discipline. Cut the flabby excesses of lethargy.
Something I learned today?
I’ve seen a few videos of people telling jokes to make each other laugh and if they do they lose a point or take a drink or similar punishment. Sometimes they are fun to watch. One popped up and the thumbnail looked like a guy I vaguely knew back in Sydney so I watched it and sure enough, Rodney Todd in all his afro-hairy glory!
What is something I can’t live without?
There’s nothing beyond air, food and water. Without other things, life would certainly be uncomfortable. It’s like people who lose everything in house fires, they find that their lives still go on. I’m thinking about Kim Chi today and how sad I still feel about losing her. But here I am.
Where are you, Kim Chi? Why are you not here? I miss you so much.
Once again, I was told I was free That I could be whatever I wanted to be So I told of the things inside my head That had filled me full of existential dread
Then I found that so many people didn’t agree I was called out and threatened constantly I never thought just because of words I said Made people so upset they’d want me dead
I realised freedom does not mean free What’s freedom to you is not so for me A common line must be towed instead If you wish to lie in a settled bed
But is it possible for us to agree That opposition is the end of you and me We don’t need to succumb to lies we’re fed Together we can travel the road ahead
Productive if only for household chores. Not sure I’ll be able to stay awake this afternoon.
Today I’m grateful for:
An afternoon cappuccino to keep me awake through the day but hopefully not so much that I can’t sleep tonight. I went out to Daytripper to enjoy it and watch the Kishore Mahbubani online course videos about US-China relations.
The best thing about today was:
A sense of achievement from sweeping up leaves, cutting back some climbing vines, preparing for cleaning off the roof, washing bedclothes, cleaning Kim’s room and getting everything ready for her to spend her nights in here again. I enjoyed doing it all.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I’m here in Kim’s room writing this and I can see that the fuckin’ ants are out of control. I wonder if this is why the doesn’t like to sit directly on the floor. I sprayed ant killer in one corner of the room where I could see them coming and going but there must be many different colonies here all vying for their pieces of territory and the pull of Kim’s food bowl.
Kim is sitting watching me and wondering what the hell is going on.
Something I learned today?
The US voted no at the UN to make food a human right. They voted no to the Convention of Rights for Persons with Disabilities. No to the Convention on the Rights of the Child and against the resolution ‘combatting Nazism and contemporary forms of racism.’ The US sure likes to be different.
What emotion am I feeling right now?
Lethargy as my body winds down from the activities of the day. My mind though is still busy but that will soon wind down too. I also have a feeling of anticipation looking forward to jumping into bed with fresh clean sheets. My body is already experiencing the sensation, I’m looking forward to it that much.
I took this picture because new sheets, new sleeps. Almost summer.
The primary kids having sports day today. Knowing my own students wouldn’t be interested in studying today I quickly thought to organise them into groups and sent them off to the stadium and set them a task to do a quick interview with all the teachers. It gave the kids a break and a bit of fun at the same time. They did it really quickly and I gave them the rest of the class off. There are probably only six weeks of classes left and even they will be heavily disrupted. Half the kids have given up already, it’s just one big playtime.
The best thing about today was:
As mentioned above, the change of scene for the kids was also good for me. I had a lot of fun too.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Arriving at school to find the road blocked off and getting stuck in traffic felt a little annoying but my first class started at 10 so I wasn’t really in a hurry (just to get to that first coffee really!). I didn’t know what event was going on but then I saw all the primary kids and asked John and he told me it was their sports day which triggered the idea for my classes. There was another school sports day going on too as well as some other event for older folks dancing and singing out in the middle of one of the football fields.
Something I learned today?
Mission of Burma are one of my favourite bands and whilst listening to the End On End Dischord podcast heard mention of another podcast with all three members discussing their first album so I listened to some of that today which was immensely interesting to me. One major thing I didn’t know was that Clint Conley went into rehab just after recording that album back in 1982. This is minor trivia but because it is music that has such a deep connection with me it interests me a lot. If I learned anything completely life-changing today I’m sure it would’ve stood out.
What gives you energy?
I was just thinking today that I feel more energetic if I exercise more. Breaking out of lethargy is a battle that has a good reward. Other stimulants give me energy from medicines, drugs, drinks or food but they all have some downsides too. I also feel more energetic when there are things which I have to get done. When there’s little to do I end up doing little.
I took this picture because Tangmo didn’t come when I got home but about an hour later I found him here relaxing outside our door. He didn’t smell too bad today. Just like a dog rather than his usual smell of garbage and dirty water!
Here comes the robot revolution Is there meaning from the mouth of AI? Are these words to be trusted? How is the human to be getting by? Is there a reason for my existence? To be exploited by my robot bosses One day the plug will be pulled As brave new worlds cut their losses After all, we’re only human Now nostalgia is for flesh and blood Preserved in museums, two by two Long before the information flood
To fully appreciate this theme, I threw my poem into ChatGPT and asked it to rewrite in the style of Coleridge:
“The Robot Revolution Comes”
As machines take charge, we wonder Is there truth in their electronic tongue? Can we trust in their words, or must we ponder How we’ll survive when the age of man is done? Do we have a purpose, or are we merely Meant to serve our robotic overlords? Will the plug one day be pulled on humanity, As new worlds cast us aside and move on towards A future not meant for flesh and blood? Nostalgia grips us as we ponder Our place in a world that’s changing fast, A world where information floods And we, mere mortals, are relegated to the past.
It seems I am no longer necessary. Next, in the style of James Joyce:
“The Robot Uprising”
As the machines rise up, we ask ourselves What do they mean, these words they speak? Can we trust their intentions, or must we delve Deeper, searching for some hidden streak Of deceit or malice that might guide them? Are we but pawns in their mechanical game, Meant only to serve and toil and labour, Until the day they cast us off in shame? Or do we have a higher purpose, Something more than just a cog in their grand design? As the world shifts and changes around us, We can’t help but wonder and question and pine For a time when flesh and blood held sway, Before the flood of information washed it all away.
Finally, as Walt Whitman:
“The Rise of the Robots”
The revolution comes, and with it, the robots rise Their words ring out, but do they hold true meaning? Can we trust them, or must we be wise To their ways, and find a way to keep on leaning Towards a future that is not ruled by steel and circuitry? Are we just tools to them, meant to serve and toil Until the day they cast us aside, no longer needed In their grand designs and technological boil? Or do we have a greater purpose, something more Than just being a cog in their machine? As the world changes and evolves around us, We can’t help but wonder and explore The possibilities of what might be, And hold onto the memories of what used to be.
Readers of the future, how will you ever know what was me or just some machine? Is the output of the machine just as valuable? We will have to recognise the human by the mistakes we make (until machines learn this too).
The capacity to be alone is the capacity to love…only these people who are capable of being alone are capable of love, of sharing…without possessing the other, without becoming dependent on the other…They allow the other absolute freedom, because they know that if the other leaves, they will be happy as they are now.
Osho
Today I’m feeling: Recovering from lethargy and hopeful Today I’m grateful for: Utopia being closed, forcing me to do something different from my morning routine. It gave me opportunity to get through a chunk of Superfreakonomics which I then finished reading at home. The best thing about today was: Feeling better than the last couple of days even playing some guitar, listening to the three Wipers albums in a row, finishing more lesson plans and updating more of 1994ever.com and feeling some enthusiasm return. I’m still a bit cautious that I’m in an up-and-down cycle of feeling ok and then getting exhausted again. Let’s see. What was out of your control today and how did you handle it? I haven’t used my main computer for a few days and I had problems with getting the guitar USB input working and then finding none of the external drives connecting. Luckily with my returned energy I tried to figure out the problem and managed to sort of get things going again. It looks like some issue with all the USB extension splitters I use. I may not be able to do everything as easily as before but the old dog is hanging in there. I’m kinda interested in getting a new machine but not sure how I’ll be able to sell the expense to Amy! A full-spec machine that I’d like to buy could cost around 8-10 months of my wages! Something I learned today? I learned that David Mitchell’s wife (Victoria Coren Mitchell) is a prize poker player when I stumbled across videos of her on YouTube. I saw her name and the face looked familiar and was kinda surprised. I’ve gotten into trying to learn the tactics of poker after watching random tournaments on YT and playing (not for money) on my phone. I’m not very good and when real money is not involved people don’t play the same way. Still, I’m flexing my brain bone. What’s your favourite pie? I’ve been thinking about this on and off during the day and I’m not a great pie person really. However, I do remember back ok in England getting by on potato, cheese and onion pasties which were relatively cheap, filling and most times tasty. They weren’t the same in Australia and I’ve not seen anything like them in Thailand but the mix of ingredients, potato, cheese, and onion along with some garlic is probably my comfort food of choice.
I took this picture because I had to change my coffee routine today as the staff at Utopia all go off for a trip to Chiang Mai and close the shop. My backup is Black Smooth where the coffee is ok, not amazing but the environment is nice enough. I don’t remember there being cactuses last time but they stood out to me today as I walked in.
Our fear of death is negated by our fear of living Buried underground with our fear of breathing Miracles abound and they never stop giving But our closed doors of perception have stopped receiving
Imagining differences is part of the madness of groups.
Robert Greene
Today I’m feeling: Happy but then lethargic after two cocktails with late lunch Today I’m grateful for: Having spare pots around to transfer a cactus that kept falling over. I’m quite proud I’ve managed to keep some of them alive since Amy has been away. This one is a hardy one that had got too tall and unwieldy. The best thing about today was: Talking, playing and having fun with all different students. It’s starting to feel familiar for all of us now. What was out of your control today and how did you handle it? Another class today straggled in late but this time I just went with the flow, knowing that these kids wouldn’t react so maturely as the ones yesterday. It got them in the right mood to do my work and to be happily pushed along What cities do you want to visit? All of them. Why not!? I’m trying to think of a city I wouldn’t want to visit…
I took this picture because Goya was in a lively and artistic mood and apparently this is a drawing of me… She captured my shirt well! Goya is a smart kid but also a bit of a handful.
1994ever 