“Everything that needs to be said has already been said. But, since no one was listening, everything must be said again.” – Andre Gide
Email to TLJ:
Thank you so much for talking to me yesterday – I was feeling pretty weird after talking to you in the morning (cos you were in such a foul mood!) and I did feel alone again. I really really love talking to you babe – I don’t want to lose that (you know I don’t want to lose you at all). Anyway – I look forward to talking to you again – as always, as ever.
Your friend
Email with TLJ
T: my bottom lip is really sore from natalie kneeing me in the mouth yesterday….so i’m pouting more than usual, and i’m having a really bad day already. so cheer me up babe.
love you sweety, hope you got plenty of sleep last night. sorry for waking you, tlj
S: I’m missing you so much sweety. I wish I could kiss your ailments away – maybe you could do the same in return. I’m really down about my financial situation. I sent a cheque to the Credit Union but they haven’t received it yet – it’s for 370 dollars -I could really do with some of that. I’ll be miserly til I get paid again except I have to pay for HJ’s birthday lunch on Sunday. You really mean so much to me – I feel closer to you every day. I hope yr day will get better – try to stay calm and concentrate on yr study and on doing the best you can. I dint get to work til 9 – I slept in! Glad to speak to you last night cos I miss you so.
Love from yr biggest fan
T: love you baby, i’m really missing you – oh, and i finally found out who Chris Han was, although i didn’t speak to him – it was Chrishan!!!!! – my friend from school, and my dad wrote the name wrong – pretty funny huh?
anyway, i knew he was having a dinner for his birthday that night but didn’t think i was invited. I think he must have rung me up to invite me. everyone was going to joo’s party after as well – see the night i missed out on!!!
oh, and in case you didn’t get my last mail (i sent it to .com.au – does that matter?) i’m trying to open it in version 6 word 95.
S: Well, my name is Shaunhems Lee. haha.
csc.com or csc.com.au all comes to my Lotus Notes now. Don’t send to the hotmail account if you want a quick reply though – there 150 mails there waiting to be read! I’m sorry you missed out on that big night – I feel responsible and will make it up to you somehow. I answered yr question already – although you prob dint like the answer.
T: but none of the other word 97 documents i’ve saved have specified that it’s a msword document.
S: What do you mean? I would think you’ve saved all yours as word6/word95 so you can open them in word 95. This document you’ve been given has prob been saved as a word97 doc.
T: it’s not mine by the way (the kid i mean).
S: What do you mean?????
T: but i’ll give it a try. thanks babe. tlj
S: Well, thank you my little Chinese angel.
T: ok, so it worked – you are the greatest babe – and no the document was not mine!
S: Thank you thank you thank you
No – you are the greatest…..
Email with TLJ
S: You know Yes is my favouritist word. I think I got da bug – I got running things out my behind and I think I have go to the toilet now and my big fat tum aches inside. I know the cure so come rub me better. Thinking, dreaming of you always and what you are and who you be and what it means to me. Angel like, that’s you
T: in a rush, gotta go, just writing to let you know how much i like you. i like you very much – love even, well maybe.
T: well, di wants to go shoppng instead of working,
S: She’s such a girl
T: so i’m gonna exchange my dad’s shoes
S: and she’s conned you into going shopping too right
T: and then probably go home (or to your place) to do some work.
S: Yes,yes,yaasss
T: I’m really worried about marketing now, cause we actually have to do 9 chapters!!!!!
S: Don’t worry – you’ll be cool -I’ll leave you alone OK.
T: anyway, tu split up the chapters between us, so i only have to do chapter 8. but i still won’t feel comfortable not having summarised all the chapters myself!
S: Yeah, I agree – well read it all and you will explain it to me.
T: how did the ultrasound go? hope you’re ok babe.
S: I’m OK aren’t I?
T: love tlj
S: I want your love
Email with TLJ
T: how’s your day been so far? hope it’s going well. apparently, sheera’s real name is princess adora – hah! pat wrote and told us all. anyway, sorry for keeping you up last night. still want to hear everything you did last night. real tired, only had about 5 hours sleep – how about you. anyway, how come you haven’t emailed me yet?
just doing sdd stuff. got a timesheet to do. email me babe.
S: Only just got here sweety. Remember I went to the doctors this morning. I have to have an ultrasound and may need surgery! Not sure if the Workers Comp will cover that and worried they might want all the money back. I’m real tired too. I wish you were here.
Missing you. Need coffee.
I mean REALLY missing you. Not the normal every day missing you that I day but a long heart aching miss of your breath on my cheek…..
T: i’m sorry you have so many things wrong with you (though i think you’re perfect!).
anyway, had the weirdest dream….I was supposed to meet my SDD group at 11am, and mel (from my sdd group) had sent invitations for this dinner/party at her house, that started at 1, and she didn’t want anyone turning up later than 1. anyway, in actuality, i don’t know what mel thinks of me, cause when we were doing sdd, we weren’t really on the same wavelength in understanding each other – but we were the two that knew and understood the most about it, but i left it to her to compile our documentation together – so the fact she invited me was weird – and i was really eager to see what her husband looked like – (just curious, because she talks about him sometimes).
anyway, when i got to uni whilst waiting for the sdd meeting, i went to see this performance, and they were giving out free magnums (the iceblocks – the food had to come in somewhere) and I saw eric and told him i couldn’t sell his friend my SM textbook. he said it was ok.
then i realised it was 2pm, and i had missed the sdd meeting AND mel’s party – but was still keen to go to mel’s.
also, i didn’t have anything to take to mel’s and thought she’d resent me even more if I didn’t take anything along – so i went to shop for wine, and met some other people on this grassy hill (kathleen was there for some of my dream).
anyway, that’s not the wierd part. i was phoning you from outside your office – like at csc when you ring from the phone just outside the door, but our lines crossed and i started talking to your boss jacqui and you.
anyway, she sounded like a real bitch and really sarcastic, so I decided to muck around with her a bit – being a real smartarse. and she was sarcastically asking for paper for the printer or something, and i was feeling pretty smug saying shit back to her.
then she hung up, and i got a scare because she burst out the door and grabbed hold of me and told me i was never going to work at csc ever!!!!!!!!!
i think it was a premonition. anyway, sorry to bore you with my dream, but it was so vivid, and funny that i dreamed it. i even remember what jacqui looked like and was wearing!
anyway, please explain it to me. i couldn’t write anything raunchy last email cause i was talking to the first year who thinks i am a militant lesbian, and well, i couldn’t ruin the fantasy for him!!!!!!
S: Not sure I can explain but it’s funny as fuck! Lucky you not having to ever work at CSC!! Not sure I like you being someone else’s fantasy. I think you should be just mine – actually I guess you are my reality (as you help me with my fantasies). Anyway – don’t want them thinking funny things about you. Tell them you have a mean mother of a boyfriend who’ll come beat him up. You never bore me sweety. Oh yeah – I’m still missing you.
Lots to say but too little time and also brain is on go slow due to tiredness. Mail me all day though!!
S: Ahh, yr the sweetest little thing
T: i remember after she came and yelled at me though, that i’d blown my chances and i’d never be able to work at CSC – and i was real disappointed. do you think jacqui would do that to me?
S: Anything to get things the way she wants them – watch out babe this is the real world and prepare to be crushed.
T: will keep emailing you. hearing from you is fun. missing you too babe.
S: I love the ding of new mail
T: just physio tonight?
S: Yes. and sleep at last.
T: i think our family is living on the edge and perhaps going indian tonight – cause nat’s bored with chinese.
S: Well, that’s what i was thinking last night while I was talking to Dharmini!!!! ONLY JOKING – DON’T HIT ME – well not til I’m ready.
T: we didn’t get mum anything so i feel bad, but i hope the party we throw her will cheer her up.
S: Is she unhappy – how can you tell.
T: anyway, i’ll keep looking. dad made croissants this morning, and kath got her chocolates and dried apricots or something (though mum made it pretty clear to her she didn’t want chocolates or flowers this year!) but dad
doesn’t seem to get the message – how could anyone not want chocolates and flowers i ask you? or kitchen appliances for that matter – or irons………..
S: Someone to iron too hey
T: real tired as well, though my fingers aren’t keeping up with the brain so well (what’s new) – and there’s so much i’d like to tell ya. notice the length of my mails to yours – mine’s longer – but what’s new? – ha!
S: I’m sorry but I’m happy. Thanks for your beautiful time
T: i’m full of energy babe, full of you, tlj
S: I’m full of you and I’ll be full of energy too if you come right here and sit on my lap.
Soon, sooner, soonest
T: that dharmini comment’s the funniest thing i’ve heard all week – can’t stop laughing – i look like a git. man that was such a good call…….you bastard!
S: I’ll take that as a compliment!
T: love the name. also love ari for a girl.
S: The singer in the Slits was called Ari Up.
T: anyway, if you’re that bored with chinese, try something else.
S: Well, I’m not, so there!
T: now you tell me, what’s irish and spanish cuisine like? heard an awful lot about the tapas and paellas – fiery!
S: Jeez, man you the one who watches all the cooking progs on TV. Din’t you see Iain Hewitson (or whatever his fat name is) do his tour of European cuisine. Only remember Italy actually but sure they went to Spain too. As for Irish they just eat anything and potatoes and you have to drink ten pints of Guiness at lunch time then it doesn’t matter what the food tastes like.
T: love to try them all one day, won’t stop til i’ve tasted all the nations – i’m very multicultural.
S: Watch out for Pauline. Yes – we’ll try them together – you go the meat I’ll go the veggies (cos I’m cool and yr not)
T: quick thinking – i thought you were tired, but you’re just crude.
S: Don’t understand this comment
T: i hate that in a man, and in english food – getting fucking tired of just plain old bangers and mash!
S: What the fick are talking bout sweety. PLEASE EXPLAIN!
T: better keep me satisfied babe, tlj.
S: Well, howm ah doing?
T: ps – HA!
S: PS HA2! Loving ya sexy
T: well, you vague little thing – you say you’re getting bored with Chinese, so I’m a gonna get bored with english. get it? you were talking bout girls (I was talking about food)
S: Ah, well now I understand you see cos you are always thinking bout food and I’m always thunking bout girls and in particular one little cute girl on the end of these mails, namely you , you understand.
T: so know i’m talking about both – men and food (bangers and mash and you). still don’t get it? i’ve gotta go.
S: Yr gone.
T: have fun, love tlj. ps – you’ve kept me entertained this morning. thanks babe.
S: The same!
Emails to TLJ
When you lay with your head gentle on my lap last night your beauty rose up to my eyes and I wanted to capture that moment, hold it in my memory forever and lose myself. This is where I want to be, always.
I hope that you don’t need to worry unnecessarily about what your friends think of you, me, us…. You can just tell them you went to the music festival with me and that’s why I was there. They know how much I am into music and how interested you were in that aspect. Hope you have a good day at uni today and sure wish to be seeing you soon.
There’s a part in On The Road where Sal goes to sit on the banks of ‘his beloved” Mississippi leaving Dean and MaryLou at Bull Lee’s place. When he gets there he finds the river fenced off and says ‘When they separate the rivers from the people…then what is the world coming to”. All those years ago JK stood at the Mississippi and then recently JB stood there, where there was no fence and chose to take a fatal dip. Both our revolutionary heroes now gone.
Was wonderful to doze together on Saturday. Come be in my arms again sweet angel. You are the best.
Email with TLJ
T: still at uni. mail me babe, need ya.
what are you doing this evening – more sitting on your balcony.
S: Not sure what time you sent this – I just got back from lunch (just went for a walk). Hope yr day is good. I guess I’ll be on the balcony – will probably clean the other two chairs and sweep up the bird seed (will have to get a feeder on the weekend I think) put away the clothes move the carpet and maybe organise it all a bit more feng shui. Care to join me? You are welcome anytime – what’s mine is yours OK! Was thinking I’d like to go back to Market City on the weekend – get some sago pudding maybe…can you make it – maybe go to What Is Music afterwards? What you think my love?
T: well, can’t get through to di’s mobile, and her home phone is busy, so may be able to see you tonight. only one prob – eric messed up my hair so it looks shit, and i took my wax out of my bag just this morning, so I’m really upset. i lost my spikes! maybe i can get some wax – and a massage at your place babe.
going to the library now, will be back soon and hopefully i can meet you in chatswood. give me a time and a place babe. or are you doing anything else tonight?
S: I’ll be here for you sweetheart. My machine is having a spazz at the moment so I may not be able to mail you again. I’ll fix your hair and give you a massage – no worries. Call me when you can. Love to you angel
Email with TLJ
S: Hey sweety I’m missing you and wanna make things good with you. Wanna know you’re all right with everything. Want you to know that I think you’re great, happy and full of life. (We all have our bad days – me particularly)
Love to you
T: you know what? whatever.
No only kidding – just knew that would piss you off.
S: Hang on – I’ve put my sense of humour down here somewhere….
T: Planning on going shopping with sue, di, and tu in about 1/2 an hour.
S: Window shopping I hope. Or a present for me of course.
T: josh asked if that guy on friday night was anything special,
S: Tell me the truth – is he?
T: and made a reference to Jack (whom he has heard a bit about from nat) – i think I said something bitchy though to cover up. anyway, he’s moving out with jay and joe to Newtown tomorrow. sue, di and tu asked if i wanted to go white water rafting in october – i’ll think about it, though it’s 90 dollars + you have to find transport (can get a lift with sue and di, or you wanna drop me? i think it’s at Shoalhaven or something).
S: You know I can drop you – can I come too – or is that a girl thing too (or a uni thing). I think I’d like to be in a dingy with three beautiful teenage girls (hang on I’m just going to the toilet).
T: Shaun also offered to pay for josh’s skydiving ticket!
S: OK – will he pay for me too? (and I’ll promise to be his friend)
T: no, things are good with me, i only wanted to spend the night together and really have fun – no worries or anything.
S: We’ll have a long hot bath – I’ll massage you and you can fall asleep in my arms.
T: di can’t make tomorrow girlie thing, so i may be able to see you.
S: Oh, but I’m seeing Di…oops! No no that would be cool. I look forward to it.
T: As well, i may try dropping around to marty’s party, or maybe even newtown to see triple J’s (get it) new house.
S: I can always drop you there too sweety.
T: Sunday’s out though, cause i may be getting together with di to work on IS & OD. and monday night, we may be having our girlie night (if mum lets me).
S: Oh well. If you can you can if you can’t you can’t – no sweat. You know I’ll be waiting for you.
T: anyway, what are your plans?
S: I might try and get a swim in this weekend actually – otherwise more work on the equipment and some noise plus comic reading and taking it easy.
T: love tlj
ps – i’m wearing his pants for her………….
S: Can I wear your pants…
Hope you get this – our mail server is fucked today
T: ok, so we didn’t get to go shopping but i’ll be going after the marketing lecture til 5, and then i’ll come see you at about 6pm at the physio.
we were talking instead and boy have i got some juicy goss to tell you! the best!
catch ya babe
Email with TLJ
T: we can see each other tonight and that would make us both feel better.
had an awful dream last night. They’re still looking for people to lab assist comp prac – or a subject similar to it. They want 9-1 on fri morning’s. If i could move my marketing principles tute, i could make it 2 hours, although i will miss out 1/2 hour of IS &OD either way! DAMN! and i’m in marketing principles with all my friends and we’re doing the group assignments together (sue, tu, di, me and jeff!)
S: Hey – I feel good anyway. Don’t you? I can make you feel better (I think!). Anyway – I hope I can see you too. Meet me at the physio as soon as you can – maybe we can go get a coffee somewhere? Sorry about your dream (Can I make it better?)
Cheer up Miss Blue – I’ll be here for you (no expectations no demands plenty of rope)
Email with TLJ
T: email me baby.
S: OK
T: i miss you.
S: When does your lecture start? You get all yr work done?
T: want to spend some time with you on the weekend – maybe go for a drive or picnic if it’s sunny,
S: Sounds good. let’s do it. Let’s go to the art gallery…
T: but i just remembered that i’m working on the next development task, and will probably be flat out.
S: Oh well. We got plenty of time ahead of us….
T: damn, hung out the clothes this morning and now it’s starting to get cold and rain! and i’ve only got a jumper and t-shirt on!
S: You need a cuddle? Come and get it.
Missing you too. Something I hoped to achieve at work today didn’t work. Damn. Shitting me.
Love ya too babes
T: i didn’t want to wake up this morning (apart from being tired)
S: Me too – I had to catch the train – i hate that.
T: because I was having a vivid and bizarre dream about andrew (from school).
S: why you no dreaming bout me….?
T: cause andrew’s cuter!
S: bbbllllleeeeeeeeuuuuuauuaaaarrrrrgggghhhhh! Me cuter!
T: He was cheating on his girlfriend with Aren!. ANd his girlfriend was this blond chick.
S: I think you got a thing about blonde chicks. I don’t.
T: no, i’ve got a thing about blonde himbos.
S: I’m dying my hair and going to the Gym.
T: Check out some of the lyrics to “summertime” “Romantic piscean seeks angel in disguise, Chinese speaking girlfriend
with big brown eyes”. Pretty cool huh?
S: Me like
T: but i don’t speak chinese, and i don’t have big brown eyes – so which chinese speaking girlfriend with big brown eyes are you talking about.
S: You are more beautiful than the most beautiful things in the world. You are the One!
T: also babe, i’m really sorry, but i may be busy saturday. Marty is having a party saturday night, and sue, di and tu want to get together for a girlie, movie night (not girlie-movie night!)
S: Well, that gives us all afternoon. I don’t unnerstand – Marty is having a party so you’re going somewhere else? I’ll come too – I’ll put on my skirt and lippie and pretend OK. Where’s it at?
T: and they want to watch some chick flicks – damn! exactly what is a chick flick? give me an example.
S: Beats me. Maybe Clueless or Sleepless in Seattle – shit I don’t know. Wanna take a copy of Apocalypse Now!
T: catch ya babe.
S: You better… And wish yr Dad a happy birthday.
T: he says thanks – he wants you to stop seeing his daughter as a b’day present. how bout it?
S: You heard him wrong – he knows what a great guy I am and asked me to marry you for his birthday. So how bout it. Seriously – do YOU want to stop me seeing you (sounds like it?) Don’t break my heart babe – I’m too far gone.
T: i just finished typing up the timesheets (but i haven’t got all of them from them laxzy fuckers!)
S: Kick butt sweety
T: yeah, yours
S: Like to see it. You can whip it anytime.
T: and printed out the minutes (huge waste of paper – i’m feeling guilty over it) and now i have to go meet the
data systems design people – damn. how come your mail comes with the header from your .csc.com.au account? just wondering.
S: Our Notes internet mail goes through that gateway now. CSC owns it now instead of Connect.
T: “well it’s you and me in the summertime, we’ll be hand and hand down in the park” can’t wait for summer, tlj
S: You’re driving me nuts – I can’t wait either. You better make plenty of time for me (cos I’m a demanding sonova…)
T: Is that because of the insanely fast way i think and converse, and you can’t keep up with me? or what?
S: No it’s cos of yr gorgeous body. All my lovely love
PS My night was cool – I fell straight to sleep (after dreaming bout you)
T: thanks babe, tlj
S: Do you love me?
Email with TLJ
T: with a cherry on top – I love you – truly, madly, deeply – you seen that movie? it’s pretty good.
S: Not sure – don’t think so…
T: Just finished typing in everybody’s timesheet details into a spreadsheet only i don’t know how i should set it up.
Anyway, finally remembered what i was gonna say to you after you got the milk at the corner store but forgot when you came back – i was just gonna say that when Notorious BIT (topdeq, ice-D, Futang et al) have their meeting, Sue-pergroove and hammerDogg (jeff) sit at the front because they’re the project leaders. I was just gonna say how i’d absolutely hate the project leaders actually displaying their leadership, but remembered that our project leaders do that as well (but not as obviously).
S: Power always goes to the head and initiates the search for more power and so on…
T: oh well, we’ll never make it to the top will we.
S: It depends on how you look at it. we could already be at the top (of what we want) other people just want more and go further than we have – but happiness is more important – wherever you are. Us, together, we are at the top, sweety.
T: we just have to work harder and give them all the glory.
S: Yes, this is the thing that shits us below – where we were happy the people above seek to make us unhappy to make themselves feel better – arseholes!
T: i hate project leaders as a rule. don’t become a project leader babe, cause then i’ll want a divorce.
S: There are good leaders too I’m sure. (Ok, I haven’t met one either…)
T: saw Sandie’s snow photos the other day, and all her friends. they all got on really well (except for Jackie’s friend and her boyfriend who were real tight-arse)
S: What’s the goss?
T: and are planning a summer getaway. i really want to get away with friends as well. my school friends (laura and michelle etc) wanted to go to the Hunter Valley this winter, but i guess none of us really had the time. also wanted to go to the central coast for the summer – but I forgot i might be going to Taiwan. also, everyone seems to be going their
separate ways for the summer hols
S: I think that is kinda what happens after leaving school and those close relationships kinda disperse. I hope you keep close with your friends – they are very important – I realised this myself, after losing most of my friends. I’m still kinda jealous of you you know! I wish we could go away. We have to one day all right?
T: like Thailand and stuff. actually, i’m not so sure i would want to go to Thailand anyway – not yet, cause I wouldn’t want to go with Laura and Gerard’s friends – don’t think that much of them – they’re very elitist – Laura doesn’t think much of them either. we refer to them as the ASM – Asian Supremacist Movement. ok, so it’s very immature i hear you say.
S: She must like Gerard a lot…
T: Mich rang last night. she’s going to return my Jeff Buckley video this afternoon cause i’m meeting her at markets.
S: I don’t think you ever told me about a Jeff Buckley video did you (but then you know what my memory is like)
T: only prob – i haven’t got her the rest of her b’day present yet. there’s also a free BBQ as part of union week here at the uni. so i don’t think it’ll be hard convincing the fellas doing SDD to take a lunch break (you should see the size of some of
them). Dan was saying how much Yuri likes crackling (so do i) and how Trent just eats hot dogs). anyway, it beats Bar Broadway for lunch. told Mich if she wanted Jeff Buckley dubbed, i would try. do you think you could set up your video to dub, or would that require another power socket that you don’t have?
S: Call me Chief Dubber MC Hemsley. Course I can. Just gotta find the leads and set it up.
T: had great fun with you and Hayden yesterday – he’s a real groovy babe.
S: Hey, what about me???? We both had fun with you too. Thanks for taking the time to hang out.
T: was good to see you parenting as well – that’s another side of you I haven’t seen before
S: What did you think? Am I too slack or too overbearing. I like to let him explore things and figure out for himself what is good and bad. I think it’s cool to let him run around looking at things where other folks like to keep their kids on a tight leash. Let’s face it they really can’t do much harm and it’s fun to watch them open up cupboards in Grace Brothers or pull things off shelves. Wasn’t he cute when I would say Let’s Go and he would say it too!
T: except when you father me!
S: Sorry if I was bossy with you yesterday. It’s pretty important that HJ has his routine of an afternoon sleep – you saw how tired he was.
T: are you seeing him tonight?
S: No, but I saw him asleep last night – he was cuddling Winnie the Pooh as he didn’t have pillow and snuggler. Can’t wait for him to come back.
T: send him my love.
S: I think he felt it yesterday – thanks again.
T: anyway, if you have reached the end of this email, i’m very sorry it was so long.
S: At last a long email from you…
T: i just had plenty of time to kill and nothing much to say.
S: You’re fun, you’re the best…
T: anyway, i hope this makes up for all the mails i haven’t sent and for the rest of the week.
S: Er, no it doesn’t!!
T: love to you baby, tlj
S: And to you too sweet angel
1994ever 