Tag: lucid dreams

Old Man Of Twenty One – 4th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I was from there, but you came from here
And now we’re here you want to leave
Beyond our borders, greener grasses
Chasing after the things that we believe

The world is sure bigger than we understand
To dip toes in the sand or look out from the hill
People leaving for ports unknown
And then we feel as if we’re standing still

For miles and miles, watch the Earth curve
And start running towards all your dreams
But one day, we arrive and reminisce
For the days when nothing was what it seems

Yesterday I was seventeen and tomorrow I’ll be dead
Pretending to be adult til that’s what I became
Dismissing the words of my all-knowing elders
Who’d long since been through the same

Those times we thought we were at the centre
And everything was made for us to hold
Now understood to be just youthful wishes
With the wisdom that came from getting old

inspired by this post at Spinning Visions and its connection with my own experience.

Today I’m feeling:

Really good. An easy day with a nice long gap between easy classes. With only about 6 hours of good sleep last night, I knew I was tired but was able to just remain laid back and go with the flow.

Today I’m grateful for:

Amy persisting in hugging me last night before arousing me from my lucid dreams and into a delicious tangle of hips and limbs before we even managed to kiss. 30 minutes later and I was happily drifting into crazy dreams for far too short a time.

The best thing about today was:

From my ab workout and muesli yoghurt breakfast until sitting in this cool aircon before sleeping it’s been a day of feeling happy and spreading a little happiness around. A little bit of joy was shared between us all.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

One of my students, Namfon, couldn’t do work in my class yesterday because she had no internet connection on her phone. This morning I asked her to come and talk to me and Kru Karn because I wanted to know how we could fix the situation. I could tell Kru Karn was really short with her and blaming her and Namfon started to look dejected and almost teary. I felt sorry for her but also wanted her to know that a solution had to be found. When we went back to class I tried to comfort her and she did eventually come round to a little smile. 

In my afternoon class lovely little Nicha had a cry too because, although she didn’t admit it to me until later, she couldn’t understand the work I wanted her to do. There was a lot of work and other students were too busy to help her. She told me her frustrations and again I tried to comfort her and she impressed me with being able to read more words this year. Even though she is one of the older kids she hasn’t really matured yet and, sadly, she’s been left behind in her class. It is a frustrating situation for everyone because she could easily slip through the cracks and deserves a better chance than what is on offer.

Something I learned today?

Again with students, I saw Fah in class today and she looked lost in thought and upset about something which is unusual for her. When I bumped into her l asked her about it and she couldn’t explain in English and just said รำคาญ which I later looked up to find means annoyed. I’m learning language in use.

I took this picture last month because all the paddies are getting seeded and this should all look amazing again in a couple of months’ time. No new picture today so having to dig back.

Get Hit – 11th April 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

On a journey through time, we get hit
In the end, we all get what we deserve
Not the answers we wanted to hear
Cling steady to the shore, hold your nerve
The messages are all around us
Knocking at the doors in the night
One view in the mirror, full of fear
The other, a grimace of delight
The game plays a man in a collar
Against the promise of avoiding the pit
In the end, we all get what we deserve
On a journey through time, we get hit

Today I’m feeling:

Calm and a little deflated. I don’t think I got to sleep until past 3 am so it was difficult to get up this morning. My whole cycle is shifting but I’d prefer to be getting up early and sleeping earlier.

Today I’m grateful for:

There being 19 more days of holiday. I hope I can get myself back together in this time. I’m vaguely optimistic about the forthcoming semester.

The best thing about today was:

It took me a long time to get to sleep in the early hours this morning but I did enjoy the transition period from lucid dreaming into deep sleep.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I don’t have much to contribute today. I’m not so enthusiastic about anything. Nothing bad or out of control has happened. It’s a little boring. I feel like I’m just wasting time at the moment which isn’t really a good state of mind to be in. 

Something I learned today?

There’s a punk rock museum in Las Vegas. I’m conflicted about it. It’s fascinating and grossly commercial. It has a typical North American promotion that feels greasy.


I took this picture because this is the fishing lake opposite Lake Hill Resort that has changed so much since I got here. This picture is from last week. Still no new pictures as it’s difficult whilst there is so much smoke in the air and everything is so dry and grey/yellow. Everything and everyone is waiting for rain.

Kick The Can – 9th April 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Kick the can down the road
It’s a problem for someone else
Put the cap back on the bottle
Leave it to settle on the shelf
Sweep the dirt under the carpet
Until there’s someone else to blame
Well-versed in this deliberate tactic
To put one’s enemies to shame
If it ever comes back to bite
Just retire and get out of the way
Admit that mistakes were made
And it’s someone else’s turn to pay

Today I’m feeling:

Tired but a little better than yesterday. It took me a couple of hours to get going though due to lack of sleep. 

Today I’m grateful for:

The wind that came today and helped to clear some of the smoke. No doubt it will be replaced by new smoke by the morning. Everyone is hoping and waiting for rain. It’s forecast every day but never eventuates.

The best thing about today was:

I enjoyed watching the football today despite the Swans losing. It was a good game. My mood is slightly improved today.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Being unable to get to sleep was difficult and that made it hard to get up when morning came. When I did get up to feed the cats I wanted to sleep more but found I couldn’t properly and just tossed and turned and lucid dreamed for an hour or so. When I did get up I felt exhausted but awake, not sleepy again. I’m getting sleepy now in the evening and hope I can get a good night’s rest tonight. I want to go to the city tomorrow to renew my licences, do a little work at House and maybe do a little bit of shopping.

Something I learned today?

I feel like perhaps I didn’t learn anything that I didn’t already know. Some days that’s ok but I prefer to feel like I’ve learned something new even if it’s fairly inconsequential. I shouldn’t trap myself into a cycle of just seeing, reading and hearing things that just reinforce my beliefs despite how comforting that can feel these days.

What problem do I need to solve this week?

I need to get beyond this grief and sorrow. I know it’s coming slowly and things I have read have been helping. For example:

When you see anyone weeping for grief, either that his son has gone abroad, or that he has suffered in his affairs, take care not to be overcome by the apparent evil; but discriminate, and be ready to say, “What hurts this man is not this occurrence itself,- for another man might not be hurt by it, – but the view he chooses to take of it.” As far as conversation goes, however, do not disdain to accommodate yourself to him, and if need be, to groan with him. Take heed, however, not to groan inwardly too.

Epictetus, Handbook 16

I am the one weeping for grief and I must accommodate myself. Another is not hurt by the events in my life, and neither should I be. It is the view that I am taking. It feels harsh but true.

I am kicking myself too. I know that everything alive will die, why do I fight against this knowledge? In some ways, grief feels selfish.

I couldn’t get to sleep last night feeling hot when it was cold and cold when it was hot. My eyes stung from the pollution and my mind recalled recent events. I consoled myself by looking at photos of Kim, hearing her little purrs and feeling our nose rubs and smelling her head. I was teary but felt better but still not sleepy so I read more Khalil Gibran and was inspired by his quotes, many touching the raw nerve of what it is to be human.

“When either your joy or your sorrow becomes great the world becomes small.”

“The bitterest thing in our today’s sorrow is the memory of our yesterday’s joy.”

These were comforting for me and finally, I got to sleep though not long enough.


I took this picture because it’s unusual to find these two sitting together, both at the door looking out. I didn’t even notice them until I opened the door coming back from coffee.

One Time Phenomenon – 4th January 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Unique DNA makes you
What you are
Primal inclinations
Forces within
Moved to action
Mind grows
A seed planted
One time phenomenon

Inspired and borrowed from The Daily Laws by Robert Greene

Today I’m feeling:

Tired but happy and satisfied.

Today I’m grateful for:

The pizza oven at Bruno and Nut’s for quickly baking delicious pizza for me, Amy, mum and dad. Nut had prepared the dough and ingredients and we made our own pizza toppings. Bruno enjoyed talking with Amy’s dad and got us all invited to their home for a Chinese New Year celebration in a few weeks time.

The best thing about today was:

Seeing Tangmo and his friend running, playing and rolling around on our lawn as I was eating breakfast. It made me smile, these stupid crazy dogs having fun at our house. Just a few seconds later they were gone and I saw them running up the street in the distance.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The way I structured my last class of the day meant many students could take advantage and do as little work as they wanted but they needed to be ready when they were called. As it was the end of the day some students were keen to leave early and eventually when I called the next student they weren’t there, even though the class wasn’t over. I was a little disappointed but not surprised anymore. I was able to get some useful work out of maybe 60% of them and that would have to be as good as it was going to get. I need to think about a better way to keep the ‘free’ students occupied whilst I’m busy with others. I’m still a work in progress myself. Always learning.

Something I learned today?

Nut had prepared an Akha herb that I’d never tried before. It looked a little like a mini-sized mint and tasted a little like rocket with a hint of something which I’m not quite sure of. It was nice to munch on and add to the top of the pizza.

List three of your “greatest hits” from last year.

Greatest hits….? Hmm… In fact, a quick reflection doesn’t seem to generate any greatest hits particularly and I think that is a better place to be in. Having hits or highs would also mean having lows and I’d much prefer not to have those these days. But at a push…

  1. Riding around the rice fields behind the airport was nice, especially at golden hour. I did a few trips there during the October holiday and really felt serene.
  2. Another bike ride around the same time of year, this time with Bruno and across many mountains to the Burmese border and hanging out at a country school there.
  3. Meeting, befriending and watching my new groups of students. Seeing them learn and grow even a little was very rewarding.
I took this picture because Fon brought her handmade cookies last night but I only saw them today. This is a great one of me from a picture taken just a couple of days ago. I bet I taste good too.

Amy and I went to Bruno and Nut’s for pizza dinner and Amy’s mum and dad joined too, Bruno’s invite. Despite being tired from lack of sleep I was in a good mood, even joking with Amy’s dad a little. It was quite noticeable to me that I felt different to usual and I couldn’t be too sure why?

It was a lively evening of talk, Bruno and I talking a little about European politics which I really don’t know so much about. I felt it was nice to be away from all that where we can just casually chat about things that don’t affect us directly like they used to.

Dog tired at home and into bed and wonderful vivid dreams, I woke up to pee at one point, happy knowing that I could enjoy some more lucid dreaming again before falling back into a deeper sleep. That’s one way to be positive about broken sleep I suppose!

Tonight is Amy’s last night here before heading back to Australia and I likely won’t see her again for six months. I’ll miss her but we are both happy and love each other. Time is nothing.

Moron Convention – 11th December 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Janky parking in entitled lots
The prize to get has got to be gots
The hustled and hustlers dancing in jitters
A microcosm of moronic critters
Overrun with amateurs, unable to discern
Anything beyond their own concern
Grown men anxious and chomping at bits
Losing their minds in explosive fits
Society and humanity seemingly forgotten
The race to the top has now reached the bottom
Used to a life full of broken noses
Shop til you drop, or at least til it closes

Embrace all obstacles as learning experiences, as means to getting stronger.

Robert Greene

Today I’m feeling:
Content and tired
Today I’m grateful for:
Nong May, Amy’s cousin (?), for driving me to get coffee in Lampang. Also dad for driving on the way in the morning, and mum for paying for lunch.
The best thing about today was:
I really enjoyed driving back from Lampang for the first hour. My neck got sore after that though. I also enjoyed lucid dreams again on the way there and was amazed it was already 11am when we got there. The drive only felt like 30 minutes to me but was almost 4 hours. Also meeting the little girl doing dot-to-dot in the cafe whilst I was waiting for coffee. She was very cute and curious.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Most of the day was out of my control and I had already accepted this beforehand.
Something I learned today?
Why do I struggle to recall things at the end of the day? Does information logged in my brain stay in there? Is it useful? Does it only get activated when triggered by something relevant? I suppose that makes sense. Or am I going through days without learning anything at all?
I did learn it was Nong Fah’s birthday today, thanks to a notification in LINE!
What’s your favourite time of day?
Sunrise and golden hour are both up there. Birth and death. Why? The living and sleeping parts don’t hold the same appeal? Like the land meeting the sea is more special than being in the ocean or the middle of the land. Do special things only happen at the edges?

I took this picture because this was the pretty garden area behind the restaurant we ate lunch at in Lampang. There were some amazing mountains along the way but I was driving and couldn’t take pictures.

Lost Diplomat – 28th November 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The art of politics, a war of words
No value holds except for action’s result
The game of life, power and influence
Made all the more difficult
By clowns with big wallets flashing
Of which the ignored must choose
Checks and balances, no winners
The plan is just not to lose

I don’t see how you can respect yourself if you must look in the hearts and minds of others for your happiness.

Hunter S Thompson

Today I’m feeling:
Fairly happy, minorly frustrated.
Today I’m grateful for:
The word search maker website that, with a small amount of prep, helped keep my kids occupied for half an hour or so. Once I realised that they could play online I let the kids keep their phones and off they went, relatively quiet and interested.
The best thing about today was:
Good caffeine hits at House in the morning, getting a bit more blogging out of the way and quickly preparing some work for one of the classes tomorrow.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
If it’s a school day these entries will probably revolve around class situations! Today I got tired of some students being over playful, mocking or disruptive in both my classes so I sent them out. I’ve contacted their homeroom teachers and advised them that this will be how I handle this in the future. I will talk with the students and make sure they understand too. I almost lost it at one point but managed to keep my annoyance in check, helped by the fact I was in a reasonably good mood.
When are you most at peace?
In the lucid dreaming stage of sleep. I love that feeling even if details are forgotten on waking the memory endures. Most other times I feel I am at war, so that even that becomes a sort of peace, in its numbing inevitability. I am at peace on a plane. I have ceded all control over my life, may as well relax.

I took this picture because suddenly the sun appeared after a small storm, just as it was setting. The last light, gone from me for another day.

Sure – 24th October 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Why does what you believe make you so mad?
If something else was true would it really be so bad?
So angry at the skies you take it out on the clouds
So oblivious to yourself as you fight amongst the crowds

Was it something that you lost that others took away?
Did someone take their ball so that you couldn’t play?
Divided we are conquered, that’s the way it’s been
Let’s celebrate our diversity to realise our dream

When looking back at your life, you will see that the moments which seemed to be great failures followed by wreckage were the incidents that shaped the life you have now.

Joseph Campbell

Today I’m feeling:
Dozy and happy
Today I’m grateful for:
The coconut lip balm I have. I think I’m missing something in my diet that is causing me dry lips and this balm works wonders.
The best thing about today was:
The brilliant 4-hour afternoon nap I had. It was a light sleep and could feel myself enjoying it! Sounds played on my thoughts and influenced my semi-lucid state. I didn’t want it to end!
If you could be a character from a book or film, who would you be? Why?
This answer would change over time. I identify a lot with Dostoevsky’s Underground Man but that is a me from the past. I recognise the thoughts but no longer think like that. Me, now? I don’t know. Alice? As I often contemplate the wonder in the world around me.
…I realise I’m reading the question wrong. If I could be a character…. I suppose when reading a good book or watching a great movie you become the characters in them. If I could choose though…? I’m struggling to think of an answer. I think it may pop into my head when I come across it in the future. Perhaps I’ll return to this question then.

I took this picture because this is the valley I live in. My house is near the mountains there on the horizon to the right. Behind me are mountains on the other side of the valley, a similar distance away. Zooming in you can see three levels of mountains with smaller valleys in between, places where I’ve ridden my bike around many times. Now I’m enjoying the discovery of the big wide valley. It’s beautiful and I’m lucky and grateful and can’t believe I’ve ended up here.