I Know What You’re Thinking – 23rd July 2023

Dieter, where did you come from?
And where are you going on that train?
A coat and cigarette keep warm
There’s a look on your face I can’t explain

Your eyes reflect the blur outside
You look lost in what’s gone past
Speeding headlong backwards, onwards
Out into the cold world so vast

Moving at speed whilst quietly sitting still
The dust of the morning on your mind
Stepping onto the platform, time stood still
As you contemplated what you’d find

When you look out, you’re looking for me
I don’t mean for me to be seen
I mean you’re seeing the things I see
Reflected in all the places that I’ve been

I recognise your heart and passion
I see you collecting everyone’s thoughts
The future is heading right toward us
As we must navigate these ports

inspired by the attached photo, written about at Spinning Visions blog
15th Mar 2024 – Submitted to dVerse ONL
19th Jun 2024 – Submitted to dVerse – traveling by train


Today I’m feeling:

Struggled to get up after a difficult sleep. It was still over 30 degrees in my bedroom at midnight so I had to shove the fan next to the open window again and by the time it was getting light, I started to feel cool. Having the weight of the two fish I ate last night sitting in my stomach didn’t help either. Finally, I slowly stretched, cobra, child’s pose, cat and cow and opened my eyes. I felt okay. I talked myself into riding my pushbike to Utopia and eventually (see picture below) am relaxing with caffeine, considering a third cup to cap it all off.

Today I’m grateful for:

Window polish/cleaner. And Amy. Combined they made the kitchen window clean again. Free of lizard shit, cobwebs and other detritus. I can see clearly again as I chug down a glass of water or wash out the cat bowls.

The best thing about today was:

Feeling like things are coming together around our house again as Amy tidies, cleans and rearranges everything to her fancy. When I’m here by myself I’m just living but when Amy is here with me it feels like home again.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I guess the morning start going to Utopia with Tangmo following along was a little test as I had to leave again before I could even have coffee and ride back, taking Tangmo home. But I dealt with it with calm acceptance and just enjoyed the ride and tiring ‘mo out.

Something I learned today?

I must’ve learned something today! Oh! I read a couple of interesting interviews in the Punk Planet book. 

That whole book has me reevaluating certain things about my role within the punk/DIY scene. I think when you are deep in the middle of something like that you take it very seriously. Sitting a little outside of that scene now puts into clearer context how others might have viewed it at the time. 

One of the interviews was about a scene member’s frustrations with the changes he’d seen at the time (mid-90s) and it felt a little trivial in retrospect but I also understand that a lot of time has passed since and more world experience gathered.

Of more interest was the other interview about protests about the gearing up for bombing Iraq in 1998. 

The interviewee was from our scene but had somehow found himself on live TV (CNN) addressing the warmongers in the US government. In the interview, he was hopeful about the movement of protest against this but history ended up differently as political manipulations saw to it that Iraq would be crushed and crippled for a long time. 

Almost every on-the-ground report I have heard was about how welcoming the average Iraqi was to strangers. The same propaganda that is currently loose on Russia and China must not be allowed to lead to military conflict. 

But the warmongers will continue to beat their drums until the tide of opinion is so overwhelming that it cannot be ignored. 

We hoped for that in 1998. Hoped for it in 2003. Hoped again and again. As situations in the most powerful Western countries deteriorate maybe we are edging nearer that change. Perhaps the world is waking up.

What are some things that help me feel calm and relaxed?

Meditation seems to help a little though I’m never quite relaxed when actually doing it. Perhaps the accumulation and habit is part of this process. Exercise helps too. I still don’t use my body enough but I’m slowly getting there.

Medication has ironed out my wavering emotions and I’m comfortable with that. 

I took this picture because crazy Tangmo ran beside me as I rode my push bike all the way to Utopia. Crazy dog. He was scared when I sat down because he wasn’t sure where he was. He couldn’t come in and if I came in he would’ve scratched at the door so there was nothing to do except ride him back home and come back for coffee on the motorbike as it was hot and sunny by then.

Iceberg – 10th May 2023

Under the waterline
Is where dignity remains
Invisible to others
The pleasure and the pains

Behind the smile
Is where the psyche trains
Inside the mind
Words to the self explains

Not all thunder
Brings along the rains
Under the waterline
Are made the unseen gains


Today I’m feeling:

Slept well last night and feel ok today though not particularly motivated. I’m hoping that will return next week when the kids are back at school.

Today I’m grateful for:

7-11 food. Although I’m a little negative about 7-11 because there are way too many stores nearby I’m glad that they at least give me an alternative for a quick microwave meal that can stave off my hunger.

The best thing about today was:

Dropping by to see Bruno and Nut and being offered lunch. It was good to catch up with them though they were hungover from a long day of drinking yesterday. They were feeling a bit slow and I didn’t really have much to update them with so I didn’t stay for too long. It made me realise that I’m not used to communicating after five weeks being mostly at home by myself. I know my mood will lift once I see my students again.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

On Telegram today I got a notification that my old colleague at the cafe in Woolworths, Joy had just joined so I sent a message saying hello. I got a reply but it seems like it’s not her and I got an angry message asking if I was a scammer. It got me thinking that we have years and years of old contact numbers kept in our phones and computers that many people will have gotten new numbers and then after a few years those old numbers get recycled. What feels like a strange world that we live in will just feel normal to the younger generations and then one day they will get to feel like this too.

Something I learned today 

I started with the Thai app again mainly just to busy my brain. I also want to try and do a little more meditation again so registered again with Smiling Mind.

What is something I wish I had known when I was younger?

Everything, obviously. There’s no point wishing for something that can’t happen. 

This is my cartoon face. Or more precisely, a younger me’s cartoon face. I’ll do a current one soon.

Under Cover – 23rd February 2022

Well, what is it? We don’t know
Is it even within our control?
Like electricity, yet without flow
What is this thing we call a soul?

Based on a Ray Charles quote


The slickest way to lie is to tell the right amount of truth – then shut up.

Jubal, Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert Heinlein

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have 5 minutes each morning to meditate. It’s difficult to control my thoughts but this exercise helps.

My Meditation – 10th July 2021

When I put it down in words
It has such a calming effect on me
No need for mindful meditations
I just need to write some poetry
Processing bad feelings
And the negative thoughts that go in
I can calm my overactive mind
Just by writing another poem


Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to the security guard who stopped me at the university gate and asked about wearing a crash helmet. I apologised – I forgot you need to wear a helmet to get in. He just said ‘it doesn’t matter’ and waved me through!

On Waiting – 28th June 2021

Dull day, inexplainable, darkened skies
Greying mind, inexplicable meaningless whys
Each day, unknowable, a morning shine
Bright mind, lovable, this day divine


Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to work out and meditate in Kim’s room and be distracted by her running around like crazy. She makes me smile and distracts me from my own problems.

Start Again – 13th May 2021

Looking back over poems I wrote in the past, I realise what a catharsis they provided and thought it a good idea to try and get back into the swing of it. I needed to make a small statement (and a trial).

Start Again

How long, how many years?
Pen on paper held no fears
Laziness, time, other things
The good and bad that it brings

So back to it, start again
New book and brand new pen
Conscious to make the time
To find that special word to rhyme

Throw emotions out in words
From realistic to absurd
My own form of meditation
To re-read all my own creation

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to discover the Oasis vegetarian restaurant in the city. Dylan took me there yesterday. They have a wide range of delicious fake meat and vegetable dishes. I’ll keep going back if Amy doesn’t cook me lunch.


This morning, I got up a little earlier so that I could do my 5 minutes of exercise and start getting back into some good habits again, and I think it really helped set me up for a positive and happy day.

I’ve started sketching again when I go for my coffee and also want to start writing more poems too. The one I wrote today may be the first one I’ve written in, I don’t know, two decades or more! I used to look out for interesting phrases I would come across and use them as a basis. I came across a cool phrase today in some article I was reading and jotted it down. I hope to keep inspiring myself in different ways whenever I can.

Things are good today. George even looked me in the eye when he was talking to me today. Even that small change made me feel good.

I went to visit Bruno and Nut after lunch, and we talked mostly about his garden exploits – he’s really into it, which is cool – it’s great to see his enthusiasm for it. It inspires me in that direction, too, but I am still a little lazy when I get home from work. Or, more accurately, I prioritise other things instead.

No other prisoner shall enter and get through – 16th February 2021

Finish ab workout and yoga stretching – feels good, a little tired – less than seven hours sleep – dump thoughts and meditate.
What thoughts now? With pain in hand thoughts are difficult – when trying to meditate thoughts come easy.
Sat by the river with George yesterday – not much time tho but was pleasant, talked about how different countries have different cultures. When it comes to community, family and sharing things. I mostly recall the sunlight on the river.
Anyway highlighted some of our differences in behaviour which we all have to accept and understand – sometimes forgive.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to our neighbour’s dog Tangmo who came to visit yesterday morning before I went to work. He was running around full of energy and ran away from Tigger. I tried to get him to follow me out so I could close the gate but he kept running back inside. It made me smile for the whole day.


Yes, today was pretty good too. Spent a good morning at House – drinking coffee, sketching and reading. I feel like I’m on top of many things at the moment.

The best thing about today was helping students with some difficult L and R tongue twisters – it was fun and they didn’t give up.

Started reading Sartre’s Age of Reason and also completed another sketch.

There’s nothing that you stole from me that I didn’t give up willingly – 6th January 2021

My head is already at school and I’m not in the now. Bring it back. My body is in the morning routine and I need to have my head in it too. Practice – pay attention to that meditation.

Onwards to the shower and the rest of the day. Body feels good.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I remember to keep a book in my car so that if I forget my headphones and can’t study in the morning at least I can read a book. Dostoyevsky this morning!


The best thing that happened to me today was putting together some lesson plans that I hope will go well for next year’s classes. I also met a lot of the Primary students this morning and they all still seem to really like me. That made me happy.

I have nearly finished level 4 of Yousician – I’m doing it very badly but once I’ve passed I will go back and practice more. I think I will be on level 4 for a while before I can advance any further. I’m still enjoying playing guitar though.

The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #55 – 12th September 2020

From now I’m going to tell you that these selections are highly curated, carefully selected and specifically ordered for your listening edification by world-renowned DJtenzenmen.

I tell you this because these kinds of things sell!

The truth is that the music is randomly selected by iTunes – but as the iTunes library is already carefully selected with only the best top quality material from 50 years of research then satisfaction is surely guaranteed!

This week there’s music from Shield Your Eyes, Cecil Buffalo and the Prophets, DJ PicaPicaPica, Invisible Ghost Luigi, Mutants, Butthole Surfers, PFM, Sun City Girls, Gelbart, Ne Zhdali, The Freeze, Massacre, Cypress Hill, Deep Turtle and Orthrelm.

Intro and background music by Utotem.

Brain dump (by mouth)

Attempting morning pages exercise using dictation with phone (Samsung)

Your post goes against community standards
Who was the man in the castle?
Ride around MFU placing stickers – advertising podcast – my stickers are tiny – maybe some people will see, will notice
Utopia this morning – met Pim, Fern’s friend
Woke up late – decided to turn off alarm in the middle of the night – My plan schedule now out of whack
Soon I will read Hendrix – Maybe sort out some more music – Do yoga – Meditating – some more reading – Maybe record some more podcasts in the evening
Try to relax
Teaching English online – I don’t look forward to it but enjoy it when it happens
2 o’clock already
Big rain – big sun big rain
Next week not many hours – How to make use of the time – Always things to do

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my cracking neck these days. Hopefully, it is cracking more because it is becoming more flexible with doing more stretching and yoga. It feels sore but better than before.



I like to relax on my bed of nails, that’s one thing that almost never fails – 29th July 2020

Nothing stays the same, though we always try and force it. Is this the start of the pandemic era as some people are predicting? What is the ‘new normal’ and is it really any different to before?

I feel very lucky. After leaving the UK in 1994 my life, on reflection, has been a lucky and happy rollercoaster ride. Even the bottoms of the ride felt survivable, perhaps because at least there wasn’t a cold grey rain spitting in my face. Perhaps there were occasions where it didn’t feel survivable at that moment, but luckily I did, and so I have the possibility to reflect.

My journey is my own and my pronouncements can only be based on that experience, my judgements for myself, so take them with a pinch of salt. I did bad things, good things, stupid things, smart things. I see others doing the same. Who am I to judge?

I have definitely changed over the last 6 months and I’m not sure why. Or I should say, I’m not sure specifically why. I have implemented lots of minor habit changes and behaviour modifications and perhaps it is an accumulation of minor positive changes that have made the difference. So I can’t put it down to meditating, exercising or journalling specifically.

I decided to get up 45 minutes earlier than I need to in order to get to work. In that time I follow a flexible routine. I keep it flexible because I shouldn’t punish myself for not following it consistently.

First I use my exercise bands to help open up my shoulders and stretch my calves. Probably only a couple of minutes total. Next, I spend 5 to 10 minutes doing tests on my language apps (Drops and Mondly) – the aim is to break my current daily streak, learn some new words, possibly remember those words and reinforce this habit. The idea behind this is to create a sense of achievement as soon as possible in the morning and this sets you up for the rest of the day.

Next, I lay on the floor and stretch out my back, neck and hamstrings. A warm-up stretch more than anything, no more than a couple of minutes again. Just brushing off the tightness left over from sleep.

Then I use an app called Home Workout and all I do is the 5-minute morning warm-up exercise, 10 exercises to get your body moving and your heart rate raised just slightly. I may move onto harder exercise routines later but I’m not in any hurry. I follow this with 30 squats and 20 tip-toe stretches (I have real problems with my feet).

If there is time, I write some ‘morning pages’ – whatever thoughts are piling through my head, though I’ve found that usually I don’t write much because I am sitting ‘trying’ to think of things to write. I often try to recall my dreams at this point. Whatever, it’s not a journal, it’s barely legible, it’s spat out quickly and forgotten – not really meant to be read again in the future. This habit is 2-5 minutes max.

Finally, I’ll meditate (this is when my brain suddenly starts coming up with the random thoughts!). I use the Smiling Mind app which has plenty of free meditations and I don’t know if I often get into a real meditative state but I want to do it just for practice. Doing it over and over again puts smaller chunks of information into my brain that I can utilise during the day, when not meditating as such. In this way, it is a success. Perhaps it has taught me to just pause sometimes before opening my mouth. Taking a deep breath before heading into a difficult class.

I usually meditate between 5 and 10 minutes and mostly they are guided meditations. Once there gets to be longer periods of silence I still struggle with keeping focus on breath or letting go of thoughts, but that’s the reason to practice, right? I also have been laying on a spiky massage mat whilst doing this and that has been great. Much like a bed of nails. It makes me wonder why I like it? Do I like discomfort, do I find comfort in pain? Do I feel some sense of achievement to be able to survive it? I don’t know if there is any scientific study around physiological benefits of this type of thing but I just know that I like it!

Finally, a shower and breakfast and it’s off to work. Following this routine 5 days a week seems to be having a positive effect on my happiness and calm. I wouldn’t put it down to any one of the habits specifically or even them all together. Sometimes it can just be the action, the doing, that provides the benefit. For years I’ve implored friends to just ‘Do Something’ usually for a larger cause. Now I’m starting to understand that whilst I was doing something for a larger cause it also had the side effect of benefitting myself.

I was going to write about how the Covid-19 virus has affected my life teaching at school and what the ‘new normal’ of that looks like. Fortunately for me, it has meant lots of free time, drinking coffee in the morning, sitting by the river. This situation won’t last forever. I won’t last forever. I enjoy it whilst I can.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my energy and enthusiasm. When Dylan called in sick today I was ready to go teach for him.