Positive and happy though I slumped a little in the afternoon after getting home. My Thursdays now are my easy day with just two hours of teaching in the morning.
Today I’m grateful for:
Bruno lending me his high-pressure hose to clean the mould off the paths around our house. It worked for a while but I think maybe some ants were in our hose and maybe have blocked up the nozzle somehow. I hope I didn’t break it!
The best thing about today was:
Listening to the David Kleiler interview where he gushes in the same way I do about Mission of Burma and Volcano Suns. I think he’s right when says Peter Prescott is a true artist and the show hosts also put Roger Miller in that category.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
At 7.30 pm I was trying to watch a video but Amy kept making calls so I paused so she could listen easily and because I have trouble hearing when there is other noise too. After she finished I started watching again but then she started asking me questions about things. I didn’t get frustrated but turned the TV off as it just wasn’t the right time to watch. I started to feel very tired then and got into bed shortly thereafter. The first work week and return to exercising is wearing me down so I’m looking forward to the weekend.
What am I looking forward to this month?
I look forward to what every day brings me. I don’t have any specific idea of what I might look forward to.
The weather is nice so a bike ride might happen this month, but if it doesn’t, that’s ok too.
I look forward to continuing with things I enjoy such as reading and playing guitar, teaching and having fun with my students.
Art took this picture because he said I looked good sat here. After seeing the picture I commented that I look tired. And old.
The primary kids having sports day today. Knowing my own students wouldn’t be interested in studying today I quickly thought to organise them into groups and sent them off to the stadium and set them a task to do a quick interview with all the teachers. It gave the kids a break and a bit of fun at the same time. They did it really quickly and I gave them the rest of the class off. There are probably only six weeks of classes left and even they will be heavily disrupted. Half the kids have given up already, it’s just one big playtime.
The best thing about today was:
As mentioned above, the change of scene for the kids was also good for me. I had a lot of fun too.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Arriving at school to find the road blocked off and getting stuck in traffic felt a little annoying but my first class started at 10 so I wasn’t really in a hurry (just to get to that first coffee really!). I didn’t know what event was going on but then I saw all the primary kids and asked John and he told me it was their sports day which triggered the idea for my classes. There was another school sports day going on too as well as some other event for older folks dancing and singing out in the middle of one of the football fields.
Something I learned today?
Mission of Burma are one of my favourite bands and whilst listening to the End On End Dischord podcast heard mention of another podcast with all three members discussing their first album so I listened to some of that today which was immensely interesting to me. One major thing I didn’t know was that Clint Conley went into rehab just after recording that album back in 1982. This is minor trivia but because it is music that has such a deep connection with me it interests me a lot. If I learned anything completely life-changing today I’m sure it would’ve stood out.
What gives you energy?
I was just thinking today that I feel more energetic if I exercise more. Breaking out of lethargy is a battle that has a good reward. Other stimulants give me energy from medicines, drugs, drinks or food but they all have some downsides too. I also feel more energetic when there are things which I have to get done. When there’s little to do I end up doing little.
I took this picture because Tangmo didn’t come when I got home but about an hour later I found him here relaxing outside our door. He didn’t smell too bad today. Just like a dog rather than his usual smell of garbage and dirty water!
I’ve been sketching. Slowly improving I think. Testing myself with faces and fingers…..ugh! These are all taken from pictures of my students (school and university). It’s a fun challenge.
Every raw material at hand Remember all the things you said you’d do?
Learn How by Mission of Burma
12th Mar 2023 – I haven’t done much sketching since this post but I still carry a small notebook with me just in case I get the urge. I enjoyed the process, but not so much the results. I console myself in the fact that I was trying things and still seeking inspiration anywhere I could. I seem to have settled on writing here as my main outlet for creativity but I should start adding some variety again.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for the students in M1/9 – some of them are capable of carrying out complex conversations and able to discuss thoughts and feelings clearly. Sometimes I can feel that my effort to help teach them has been worthwhile.
The most challenging rock podcast on the internet as voted by everyone, everywhere.
Highly curated, carefully selected and specifically ordered for your listening edification by world-renowned DJtenzenmen, who has over 50 years of experience in this business.
This week there’s music from Mission of Burma, The Darkening Scale, Karl Blake, Dysrhythmia, Sonic Youth, Hawkwind, Billy Childish and the Blackhands, No Submission, Zoo Types, Kid Creole and the Coconuts, Parquet Courts, Orthrelm, Cause For Effect, Jimi Hendrix, Everyone To The Anderson, Terminal Cheesecake and Ian Dury and the Blockheads.
Intro and background music by Utotem, Phantom Tollbooth, Daniel Striped Tiger and someone else I forgot. Incidentals taken from the Church of the Sub Genius Hour of Slack.
ARE YOU READY FOR THE CHALLENGE!?
Find us on Twitter and Facebook too. Tell us if you like it, tell us if you don’t. Listen right here or Podbean, Stitcher, Apple, Amazon…..all those cool places I guess.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to share my life with Amy. Even though I enjoy being by myself I miss her being around when she goes away. I know she does lots of work around the house and it takes me a long time to do all those things.
I am so happy and grateful that I grew up at the time that I did. Grateful for Punk and alternative comedy. Stewart Lee is a wonderful human being.
2nd Jun 2022 – I always was annoyed that I was just a little too young for the first wave of punk but in the end, it was probably better because many folks from, and inspired by, the first wave ended up leaving it all behind or kind of disowning it. From the second wave, post-punk, UK82, hardcore, anarcho-punk etc the DIY aesthetic became ingrained and influenced every part of life.
I suppose we all rationalise our formative years in one way or another.
Everything you learn turns out to be connected to a hundred other things.
“A hundred billion people who came before us, over ten thousand generations and everything they did for us, to build up our world…if we were to go extinct, through our own actions, or lack of doing anything about it, we would be the worst of those ten thousand generations.”
I’ve gotten into the habit of listening to podcasts before I go to sleep (after reading comics and books before I go to sleep….it seems like I just don’t want to sleep!). The quote above, right from the very beginning of the podcast, shook me awake.
The podcast goes on to talk about real existential threats to our world and when I say our world, I really only mean the human world. Outside threats such as asteroids are very unlikely to be the cause. Internal threats such as nuclear war and pandemics are the most likely. Humans are the pox on this earth but we can redeem ourselves.
Each morning I receive an email with a quote and a writing prompt and I attempt to put down a few words of thought. The prompts are sometimes too thought-provoking, requiring too much time for me to consider (though consider them I should). This morning I got this:
Don’t go on discussing what a good person should be. Just be one.
Marcus Aurelius
Prompt You are but one animal among trillions. Let the trivial fall away. Focus on the important.
My response: I was thinking about this yesterday after a collection of different and varying inputs – watching a documentary about prostitutes struggling with drugs and taking care of a pet, watching cat videos, listening to podcasts about human extinction and reading Sufi tales with talking animals. Why do humans think they are more important than other animals? We will destroy ourselves. So, focus on the important? Decide what is important.
And, in the face of everything, this is a big question. If nuclear wars and pandemics are the most likely causes of the end of human existence – this feels like it must be important then.
Some will shrug their shoulders and give up, often promoting their view as a good thing. Others will sincerely do their best to encourage action from everyone and anyone. The worst will be those taking advantage of the situation to enrich their own lives.
I’m still thinking about and searching for the answer.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for a big rain. No need to water our garden today!
To-do list
Keep tracking down digital files on Soulseek ✅
Write another lesson
More 1994ever entries ✅
New blog entry (use an email for inspiration) ✅
More drawing?
Fairly well motivated today – could still spend less time watching TV and get out to my room before lunchtime but that’s OK. Not really much of anything else to report today.
Oh, last night it rained (after a big storm in the afternoon) and Amy woke me up (out of a wonderful sleep) at about 2am because our power was off. I realised that it was probably because the connectore box outside was exposed and water got on the electricity cables. I covered it as best I could, stood there in my underpants, ants crawling for cover too.
We turned the power back on and it stayed and I fell back into bed. So, this afternoon I savoured a snooze in front of the TV listened to a talk about Ram Dass.
I have all the character strengths I need at my disposal but there are some I need to practice more and improve.
Perspective: Being able to provide wise counsel to others; having ways of looking at the world that make sense to oneself/others.
I see myself on a journey where the destination is wisdom and contentment. My challenge is to acquire these attributes before I die. My default assumption is that everyone else is on the same journey whether they know it or not. Many have already met their challenge whilst others are still travelling. So I sometimes find myself being able to provide counsel for others and other times go in search of that counsel myself.
Social Intelligence: Being aware of the motives/feelings of others and oneself; knowing what to do to fit into different social situations; knowing what makes other people tick.
This is one I really need to practice more. I have gotten better at this since I was in my 20s but even now I just avoid social situations if I feel they don’t suit me. This is slightly compounded by being in Thailand where some situations may mean I’m the only English speaker or there may be myself and one other English speaker, almost forcing us to be sociable with one another. Then there are other times I may only be surrounded by other teachers, where our only connection is our profession and conversation devolves into complaining about our schools, which becomes unproductive and boring. Finally, there’s the rest of the ex-pat community who I generally remain suspicious of, mostly through negative experiences when around them previously. Well, I guess it’s a fertile ground for improvement at least. Must push myself. (Today I just want to shut down and sleep.)
Spirituality: Having coherent beliefs about the higher purpose and meaning of the universe; knowing where one fits within the larger scheme; having beliefs about the meaning of life that shape conduct and provide comfort.
I believe life ultimately has no meaning so we must give it our own meaning somehow. These days I am doing a lot of thinking around all these ideas but it is becoming time to put things into action (shaping my conduct).
I remember one time when I was working at the check outs in a supermarket and a regular customer I would chat with was contemplating out loud what the meaning of everything was, to which I responded that life is pointless. She readily agreed but we understood each other that this was a motivation for giving it meaning rather than giving up on it. I have definitely changed my view on this over the years. When I was younger, with lots of time ahead of me, I sometimes thought life was pointless so just gave up on trying to do anything. I’m questioning this statement even as I write when I consider all the many things I actually achieved during that time. But no matter, those negative thoughts were in my mind.
Kindness: Doing favors and good deeds for others; helping them; taking care of them.
Sometimes I don’t give myself enough acknowledgement for doing this. I perhaps consider kindness as being normal so forget to account for it. But there are definitely other times when I think back to times when I could have been kinder and offered to help someone with something that they were doing, rather than concentrating on my personal tasks.
Teamwork: Working well as a member of a group or team; being loyal to the group; doing one’s share.
I wonder if this characteristic is an issue for most only-children? I’ve learned to rely and depend on myself, even more so having been raised by a single parent. I do prefer working alone but also happy to be part of a team so long as instruction is clear and meaningful. When part of a plan doesn’t make sense I just won’t do it. Perhaps I am sometimes thought of as cantakerous because I am not afraid to speak my mind. See next point!
Prudence: Being careful about one’s choices; not taking undue risks; not saying or doing things that might later be regretted.
Me and my big mouth.
If you’re led around by your nose You’ll never get to see how the garden grows.
-Volcano Suns
Cool hidden cafe. On the edge of Burma.
I am sometimes good at doing these things but often get wrapped up in myself too much instead. Perhaps people who know me would be surprised at these choices; perhaps they would see me differently. That would be nice to know but ultimately there’s only me that has to live with my thoughts. Only me that can think, and then act, my way to improvement.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to be invited for a bike ride by Boyan this morning. I was quite surprised. I think he feels a little more comfortable to talk with me now. I’m happy if he feels that way.
Testing, competing with and criticising others weaken and defeat you.
Morehei Veshiba
To-do list
5 kind things you did today?
Catch up on emails and articles ✅
Think again before speaking – do not complain ½
Write blog entry – take new pictures ½
Gym after work
I forgot about Mondays being tough. I think I realised as soon as I stepped into school and my energy levels suddenly decreased dramatically. My annoying students certainly lived up to expectations and it wasn’t until eating some lunch I started to feel better. So I didn’t have much kindness within me.
I did catch myself speaking and complaining before thinking when chatting with Kevin and Said. I have to think of those situations like a game to play. Not to win but to stop from losing by complaining.
By the time of getting home, the students had drained me so much that gym was out of the question, despite me knowing these are key moments that need to be pushed through to make real change. Instead, I watered the garden which was a much more pleasant pastime.
Tomorrow I will be in the city – oh, as I’m writing this, plans have changed. Now it seems I may be able to get to the gym tomorrow – something I will aim for.
Things I will try to do better tomorrow are to not let the students push my buttons so much and calmly deal with them if necessary. Tuesday is a much easier day too. I will endeavour to remind myself to play the listening game when talking with others and look for opportunities to be kind.
When you feel overwhelmed or unfocused, what do you do? What questions do you ask?
The last time I felt overwhelmed was at CRPAO. My mind could only concentrate on the injustices I felt at the way I was treated. Obviously, the questions I asked myself were not productive.
The first question I need to ask is ‘is this situation in or out of my control?’ If the situation is not in my control then all I can control is my response. This is a difficult skill that I am currently trying to cultivate. It is easy to think about but difficult to execute.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for another school holiday today. Yesterday was tough and left me in a negative state of mind and this morning I woke up not feeling well. It’s a blessing to be able to spend another day just sitting and reading!
Music from The Sun City Girls, True Radical Miracle, Upsilon Acrux, The Residents, The Freeze, Nine Treasures, Calibro 35, The Monkees, Viletones, Old Lady Drivers, Ruins, The Work, Circle Jerks, Mission of Burma and Tipographica.
Well here I am, many days later – time has been against us once again. Now I’m at work, all stirred up caffeine wise and about to briefly run down some of the stuff that’s been going on this week.
I must mention the Danish hitchhiker I picked up. A real relaxed cool dude who told me of his travels hitching across Europe, Russia, Siberia, China and into Tibet. And going to places where they’d never seen white people before, camping under the stars and spending days in countries with nothing to do except watch the world go by in all its beauty (can you imagine me doing that!!). I asked him what started him off travelling and he said it was an English sunset. Time and travel had turned him into a beautiful person, not craving after the greed of modern life. A balance I would find difficult to cope with what with my possessions which I love so much, although I know they are meaningless in my heart and in my soul. Much respect to that dude anyway and he showed me it back. We understood each other and knew we were both good people.
At the end of the last piece I wrote we went to Southampton and we saw us some bands. One from Belgium called Byetail, their drummer later purchasing some of my beloved records. When they played they impressed me enough to donate the Mission of Burma album to him too. He was pleased! (He was a cool guy too). And back home, intending to pack some more but knowing it wasn’t going to happen.
And then, Monday out for a meal at Rosemary’s. She is a fellow speech therapist friend of Broni’s. One of the few who is okay and works hard and is friendly. Some of the stories I hear about the others are incredible. Real typical social climbing stuff and putting themselves into positions where they don’t have to work so hard and when they do do some work they make sure they get the really well-paid jobs. It seems whatever your profession there’s always some of that bullshit going on. Well, we had a great meal and lots of wine which meant we had to stay over the night (night four of being drunk!).
Tuesday, Broni went out with Danny, Joe and Stella (over from Amsterdam) while I did some packing up and crashed out fairly early, all the late nights are catching up (but I think Broni got in at about 2!).
And Wednesday more packing before racing up to Newport via Southampton to see the excellent Wholesome Crack, okay Swine Flu and the fucking awesome Drive Like Jehu, whose music just took me away and made my body jibber and twitch that my head nearly fell off. Unbelievable!
Back to Simon’s and to sleep about 4.30, me and Broni in the hallway, Rob, Rich and two Irish guys in the front room. Of course with Simon’s kids we were up at 8.30. Young Elliot first shy but then running around shouting and screaming. A real cutie! We hung around Newport so long, a planned game of golf went out the window. Eventually driving back zombiefied and home where I slept for an hour or two as Broni continued packing stuff up. I woke up for a couple more hours to eat some food but couldn’t keep my eyes open so once again went where the Sandman walks.
Friday, we moved a ton of stuff down to Kerry’s – I think that took all day, I can’t remember. And then went up to Wimborne to show Kerry another nice Tandoori, suitably stuffed and we went back and crashed out – a small day in descriptive terms but a huge one in reality. Our old house now empty of all possessions.
It’s Saturday, up at 5:30 to take Kerry up to Heathrow to catch a plane for Helsinki to Tokyo. Had fun watching people from a hundred different countries go by, hustling and bustling! And back to make preparations in our old house for the party later that night. We hired out a big disco and set it all up and decorated the house with balloons and streamers and spray string. And waited for the masses to come and slowly but surely they did.
1994ever 