Outside the window, I giggle in delight The first feel of snow after a silent night This day of love has already seen me grow Because this feeling, I thought I’d never know
I found myself once finding my tribe Along with a love I could only describe Now felt without any suffocating All this time patiently waiting
The love was always right under my nose Because I could cry at heart-wrenching prose Intoxicated walking along the city street Even enthralled by the glass and concrete
I will sip this love through a golden straw And take it home to the Eastern shore Where the soft dusty snow ignites A love for this garden of delights
In love with trash trucks and bar signs Dirty sidewalks and chaotic lines Stepped on dead rats riding the rail Soothing sirens announce a bloodied trail
A desperate reach to grab the air The rambling mind, a heart laid bare Spilt milk and the ding, ding, ding! A date with disaster or a song to sing?
In love with bar signs and trash trucks The struggle to enjoy a couple more bucks A bustled hustle each patron employs The sound of a memory, a beautiful noise
Shouts from the wet streets are rising Up the five floors exercising A cozy space amongst the debris Dreamt by dreams, it’s no life ordinary
You can have me over and over again But your hands will never reach all the way around Your honeymoon here might seem fantastic But soon enough your feet will touch the ground
Here now where it all seems right Sipping coffee and getting scribble down Trees dance shadows across the windows And soon enough this will be your town
Not so bad. I woke up a little unsure how I was feeling but pushed myself up and out of bed with a surprise alarm and kick-started myself with exercise that I really didn’t want to do but glad that I did.
I got inspired to write some new lessons after finding a podcast for teen girls, which I can easily adapt for my classes. I guess I’m feeling a little more invigorated than the last few days at home. I know that this is trying to tell me something but I’m kinda trying to ignore it!
Baipad didn’t come to school today, which is not unexpected. She had messaged Fahmai already that she was crying all last night.
Today I’m grateful for:
Kru Mai reminding me that we needed to have 50% of our grading scores in the system. I saw a message in Thai about this at the weekend so I knew it was something being done but usually I don’t do anything unless instructed in English.
I had already been filling in scores over the last couple of months anyway, so it was no big deal to fill out the rest with the four hours I had free today.
The best thing about today was:
Feeling in control. I felt above average all day without any wild highs or low lows and I felt that I could deal with everything that got thrown at me, which wasn’t much anyway.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Tomorrow is another event day and some of my grade 12 students are generally busy preparing things for it. They asked me for free time tomorrow and I consented on the condition that they must submit a small piece of work by the end of the day for me.
It’s hard to consistently teach some of these classes as there are always students missing, being taken off to do other projects. I’m getting used to it now.
Something I learned today?
Wipping came to class late and fake-crying because Kru Tan had scolded her and the team that performed in the drama competition a couple of weeks ago (despite coming second in the whole northern region!).
This evening I messaged Wipping to ask why they were still talking about it, assuming that only the winners went on to the next stage of the competition. She told me that the top 3 go on, so they will be under more pressure from Kru Tan to perform well.
My guess is Kru Tan is old school, motivating them with threats, bullying and pressure. All of the students involved are down and depressed about it but I’m trying to get them to deal with it and deflect away from that method of motivation.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
Every Wednesday morning now I sit in on the class that used to be assigned to me and help the students with their work. I’m glad that the Thai teacher is ok with it because it fills a bit of my day rather than just sitting in the cafe until 2.30 and it’s a no pressure class, I can just help when I want and the rest of the time I’m preparing other lessons.
After school, I was starving and decided that I would ride up to the uni market to get food and could drop in on Baipad on the way to see how she was. Perhaps a day off was what she needed because she seemed happy and over any residual grief from yesterday. I took both her and her sister up to the market and we all got ourselves fed.
I took this picture on Saturday because I wanted to make a joke with Baipad and Jan (walking by with NamHom), saying ‘Look, three buffalo and NamHom.’ Buffalo is the slang word for ‘stupid’ here.
Everyone has gotten access All the words ever written Pictures painted, songs sung Fifty bazillion millisecond process No bugs to be bug bitten The shutdown has begun
Standing in the matrix queue A beta-meta icon version Presses three after the tone There’s nothing left to do In this world’s perversion Except to feel more alone
Got up soon after my alarm, grabbed coffees and then spent a good few hours in my room, adding blog entries, reading and playing guitar.
I was glad to go out and do something different yesterday though I wasn’t particularly excited being at the balloon festival.
I’m not particularly excited by much these days to be honest but I am happy and that’s more important.
Today I’m grateful for:
Air quality being better than this time last year. It’s still not great but can only hope that it doesn’t get worse.
The next week will tell the tale as temperatures rise up to 37 degrees again.
The best thing about today was:
Not taking a nap and having a feeling of not wasting a weekend day. It was pretty relaxed but I got some stuff done so I’m pretty happy with everything.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Not something that was out of my control but it was midday before I remembered that I hadn’t taken my medicine today. As I was in my room I figured I’d take it when I got back inside but forgot again.
By mid-afternoon, I felt a little dizzy when I got up from my chair but figured that I’d made it this far without the medicine that I’d just skip it for today.
Dizziness is the main side effect of not taking it and it’s not like I will drop into a funk just by missing one day.
Something I learned today?
Hayden is in New York. He and his girlfriend were driven down through snow from Canada for 6-7 hours to get there.
They are wrapped up and enjoying New York pizza.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I sent a message to Baipad this morning offering to come and teach her today if she wanted. I didn’t get a reply but I would’ve been happy to if she would have liked.
I was reminded of Baipad later in the evening when reading some blog post about inspiring self-confidence in children helps make them happier adults. In these days of mobile devices as parent substitutes, I wonder what will inspire self-confidence?
I took this picture because this is Tangmo. The dog’s bollocks.
This missile will find its way Into the hands of men as gods This bomb, when come out to play Accelerates the unlikely odds Nowhere safe from your precious metals In bunkers even, sat hiding Under rocks, the earth unsettles Monsters are patiently residing
Today I’m feeling:
Good again though I can feel tired from the morning exercise and last night I didn’t stay up much past nine pm.
Today I’m grateful for:
The immigration officer at Mae Sai who gave me my visa, which allows me another ninety days stay and then one year. And I can get that next one at Chiang Rai.
The best thing about today was:
Not being at work in the morning. It’s always good not to be at work when you are supposed to be, even though I enjoy my work these days.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Every day I could fill this space with something about my classes or students. Knowing that I wouldn’t be at school this morning I sent work to my students on Saturday to give them plenty of time to do it beforehand if they so wished. I reminded them on Saturday night, on Sunday and yesterday too but still, there were 13 students that didn’t do any work or communicate with me about their not being able to do it.
Some will use an excuse that they had to go for vaccination during class time but that’s not going to fly as they knew about the classwork three days previously. It has got me thinking about how to make some kind of lessons about planning and preparing for things.
Something I learned today?
I read an interview with volunteer medical emergency people in New York where they discuss trying to treat gunshot victims sometimes even as firefights are happening between the police and the ‘criminals’. Just replaying those thoughts over made me realise that the USA is already a third-world country.
What kind of responsible country has gun fights on its streets? What kind of organised country requires volunteer emergency services? A third-world one. It feels like the USA is trying to drag everyone down to their level.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I drove myself and Amy to the city this morning and I took Leo for a walk before driving us both to Mae Sai and back home.
I took time to prep a class for work that they have to do tomorrow so they were a little surprised that they had no actual work to do.
Hopefully, they are primed and thinking about what they need to do tomorrow. I’m pretty sure they can articulate in Thai but they need to figure it out in English.
I had to hold three students back in class because they didn’t do the work that I asked of them during class time. Once they had resigned themselves to this fact I tried to make it at least a little bit fun for them until they had finished.
Unfortunately, one of them was overemotional and rushed their work so that it was illegible and I had to make them do it again. By now, everyone else was gone and the sound of kids outside having fun was very obvious. She eventually broke down crying saying ‘I want to go home’ and though I felt sorry for her I realised that she is very selfish and very spoiled by others around her. I gave her some sympathy but also reminded her that it was her own bad choices that put her in this situation.
As we were leaving the class I tried to remember what it was like when I was being ‘taught a lesson’ and put myself in her shoes.
I like to credit my kids with smarts, they know exactly how to manipulate adults to get what they want and I feel like their tears are more because they know they fucked up and were wishing they hadn’t. I felt really sorry for her but had to stop myself from giving in and letting her off.
How have I prioritized my well-being this year?
This has been by slowly increasing the amount of exercise I get and I have learned that I feel better and more positive on the days that I exercise.
I have also gotten into the habit of reading things that reinforce what I already know and though they often fizz in and out of clear memory I can feel that reinforcement building slowly, protecting my emotional stability.
Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
If this was inside the house…I don’t think there’s anything that can’t be replaced so maybe I might just grab anything to hand…. Grabbing important documents would be handy but I’d have to shove Amy back inside to grab them as I would undoubtedly grab the wrong things, for which I would forever feel her wrath!
If it was in my room then it would probably be my old photos. I’m slowly trying to digitize them all and if that ever becomes the case, even though I would have them stored online somewhere I would probably grab my hard drives with all the pictures, music, books and comics that I’ve collected over the years.
I took this picture because I was surprised to see all this extra decoration on the window at Utopia over the weekend.
There’s a big ball of metaphors With cherries, where I sit Sweet and juicy popping flesh Surrounds the poisonous pit Dancing with death But willing to lead The softest smash Reveals the seed The greatest thing ever seen A cigarette left unlit Cyanide on a sunbeam A perfectly mouthed spit
19th June 2023 – inspired by this post by Makenna Karas
Today I’m feeling:
No aircon last night again so I shoved the fan next to the open window but that stopped sometime during the night to perhaps to a power glitch which had happened a couple of times during the evening. So despite waking up hot at one point I finally got up with my alarm and felt pretty good, less achy than after the weekend, which seems to point to the fact I should exercise on the weekend too. Anyway, I’m sipping my first coffee and ready to go.
Today I’m grateful for:
Finding another salad seller today at the market up at the university, which I don’t normally go up to. I was actually looking for the spicy fish seller but happy to find salad instead.
The best thing about today was:
Breezing through the day enjoying teaching, being around and talking and playing with students. I’m enjoying the challenge of keeping my students occupied and happily learning what little they can in each class. I must admit that I feel like I have little time for much else from Tuesday through to Friday.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Apart from running out of time to do more of the things I want, today was all smooth sailing. I am still waiting for Kru Jern to give me parents’ emails for one class but I hate to hassle her as I know everything admin-wise from the whole department gets dumped on her. The only way to deal with it is to wait.
Something I learned today?
I read an article about a lady that deliberately put up a ‘cat found’ poster in New York that had pictures of a possum on it and wanted to see what reaction they would get from people who called the number supplied. I learned that the New Yorkers that did respond were helpful and respectful with not even one saying anything bad about the kind of person that would mistake a possum for a cat. A tiny sliver of hope for humanity.
What is something that I find challenging but worth pursuing?
The thing I find most challenging right now is having the free time to fit in everything I want to do in a day. Exercise, learning Thai, playing guitar, communicating with students, reading books and comics, listening to music…. time runs out every day.
I took this picture because these three funny naughty students were trying to annoy me so I took their pictures and I told them I will send it to their homeroom teacher and they all screamed and sat down. For about five seconds.
The view from above A bomb or brain An expanding universe Must always remain The view microscopic Each atom crucial The future in our hands Exploded brutal The view in the mirror Pauses for reflection Thumb on the button Ending perfection
Today I’m feeling:
A little flat still but better than yesterday.
Today I’m grateful for:
The special Royal Canin food that Cap and Tig can eat. It’s expensive but at least it gives them some variety as they don’t have many options due to their health conditions.
The best thing about today was:
Taking my time watching the Swans play well against Richmond. I felt relaxed once we took control of the game in the fourth quarter.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Cap has to drink a supplement once a day. It’s just 2ml and has to be done with a plastic syringe into his mouth. He hates it though especially as it sprays down his throat. As I tried to administer it, Cap quickly moved his head, so I sprayed the liquid into my hand and onto my pants. I just laughed. I’ll get you next time Cap!
Something I learned today?
The one thing I can quickly remember was reading about a Thai guy (one of 9 siblings) who makes around 3 million bagels a year in New York. He works about 100 hours a week and also owns a restaurant. He has an arranged marriage and his wife is still in Thailand. I’m kind of fascinated with New York but not sure if I ever really like to go there.
I took this picture last week because I thought these mini houses, basically just studio apartments have a pretty interesting design and despite my 5 years riding around here I’ve never seen these before and they are probably less than 500 metres from home.
The more you learn about life And the wiser that you get There’s more responsibility In carrying the pain that is met
This is love, the sacrifice The willingness to forgive and forget If this lesson is never learned A life is lived full of regret
Inspired and quoted by interviews with Christmas tree sellers in New York at the Cafe Anne newsletter
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for this sneaky day off work and being able to read a stack of comics in my free time. My mind is taken to so many different places when I read.
Let’s all go to the big, big city With dust and scum, all things pretty We’ll get a jet and pollute the air Cos in New York they just don’t care
1st May 2023 – Not sure what I had against New York at the time. I think it was just an example of a city to use and had been used by the Sex Pistols as a song too. Still living in the countryside I knew that cities were where things were happening and I felt desperately that I wanted to experience it. At the same time, I also knew that the countryside had very few eyes to discover the shenanigans of us bored teenagers. In the next couple of years, I started to go to London infrequently for gigs and record shopping and always returned home blowing out chunks of black snot. When I finally did end up in a big city, Sydney, it was the perfect balance between urban and rural. I still feel very lucky to have had that opportunity.
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