Your opinion of me, it could hurt You can only teach if I wish to learn Keep kicking it along in the dirt Your opinion of me is not my concern
To take offence is to give offence An ever-decreasing circle of pain I’ll not give you satisfaction at my expense Or even bother to explain
First attempt at an 8-line poem about what offends me. Nothing offends me, not personally.
Today I’m feeling:
Lazy. I didn’t intend to. Though I didn’t have any other intention either.
My energy has returned but motivation has gone missing. Part of this is due to knowing that I will have lots of spare time this coming week.
Today I’m grateful for:
The freedom to be lazy today.
The best thing about today was:
Clearing a bunch of videos out of my ‘watch later’ queue.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Everything was in my control, I just made the laziest choices!
Something I learned today?
I finished watching the Idles documentary and enjoyed it a lot. I like their music but usually only in small doses. I can appreciate their appeal as genuine human beings and that makes me like them more.
I took this picture because I wanted to send it to Noey. I told her that Utopia is boys only now (now that there are no female staff). Save also said that she had told him that she wanted to stay in the USA, so I messaged her to find herself a boyfriend while she’s there.
Pretty good, more than most of my recent Saturday mornings.
Today I’m grateful for:
Cap scratching at the door after he heard my alarm. I was going to get more sleep, but I got up for him and decided to exercise. I want to try to get out of my five-day routine and into a seven-day routine instead.
The best thing about today was:
Finding our little birdies had hatched. At first, when I went out to look in the nest, it looked like the eggs had been broken and the liquid inside had spilled out.
I told Amy to come and look with a sad face and shaking my head, but when she came, suddenly these two little beaks appeared, open to the sky though they were still too young to make any noise.
I had noticed earlier in the day that both the mum and dad had been around at the nest, so it seemed that they had just been born, maybe even just within the hour.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Amy’s parent’s gutter specialists came today and said they can fix our gutter easily, quickly and for the same price as the last builder that fucked it up.
They said that it was obvious that the guy didn’t know what he was doing so Amy and I both felt vindicated on the shit that we’ve been giving him online. Amy also noticed that he’d removed many of his old posts and thought perhaps we weren’t the only people that he had ripped off.
Either way, we hope to have proper gutters back on Wednesday.
Something I learned today?
Art at Utopia video called with Noey, who is in the USA, whilst I was drinking my coffee this morning. She is on some kind of working holiday during her semester break.
She said that she is eating pizza every day and misses rice! The only coffee she has now is black drip coffee and at the place she works, some kind of amusement park, a cup is $4.22 and hardly anyone buys it!
It’s a good experience for her and she looks like she is enjoying herself. It is also a reminder for me that most of the USA is ok, normal and people are generally getting on with their lives.
Egged out, we must survive Enthusiastic push to thrive Finally, no one gets out alive That’s the way we all go
Early birds catch the worms The voice inside us turns In turn, the worm learns That that’s the way we all go
One day, in a different way Here tomorrow, gone today Even the early bird will say That’s the way we all go
Paraphrased and plagiarised (in the nicest possible way) from various majestic Cardiacs songs. Submitted to Ovi Poetry Challenge 47
Today I’m feeling:
Good again though that 6 am alarm was tough. It had to be done though. My leg workout was too much, supposed to be 3 x 64 reps of lunges but I could only manage 40 by which time my skinny thigh muscles wanted to explode. But 40 is better than none.
Today I’m grateful for:
Matt, who kindly donated me some magic mushroom capsules as he tried them but didn’t enjoy the experience.
The best thing about today was:
Enjoying a whole day out of home even though I could’ve just gone to school, signed in and come home again. I had planned to do this anyway but it was made even more desirable because when I was leaving this morning Auntie Sue told me that the electricity would be off today as they are moving the lines to the new poles. Great – no reason to come home early.
After signing in I spent the morning reading and writing at House whilst enjoying three coffees and even getting another lesson done for the classes on Presentations.
After that, I dropped by Central to buy a gift for Funfai as it is her birthday today and she told me she would be playing tennis at 4 pm. I got her a notebook, pencil case and pen. I also got the same for Anchan.
For the afternoon I went to see Matt as planned and we talked for a couple of hours catching up on each other’s lives. He also showed me his guitar setup and pedals, all of which sound fantastic but not within my price range or even within my time limitations for being feasible.
I left at around 4 pm to head to the tennis courts though I could see in the distance very dark clouds and the wind started picking up dramatically. Baipad messaged me that it was storming in our village as, after cancelling bike riding yesterday due to a storm, we had rearranged for today at 5 pm.
I got to the tennis courts and there weren’t many people around and the wind was already making it difficult for those there. No sign of Funfai so I messaged her and she told me that her lesson had been cancelled. Ah well, no worries. I used the opportunity to go and clock out of school which I haven’t bothered to do so far this week.
As I drove back home it started to rain though nothing storm-like. It had already blown through by the looks of things. I figured Baipad wouldn’t want to ride and a wet road would have made it more difficult for her too, so I thought I’d drop by and see if I could chat with her a little more in-depth.
As I passed by our soi it was still blocked with electricity people running around so I assumed the power was still off at home too. Amy also called and said that she couldn’t get home earlier when she tried as the road was blocked then too.
So I hung out at Baipad’s for an hour and did get her to open up a little more and whilst not confronting any of her issues, started to get her to think about them a bit more.
She feels comfortable to talk with me though she still lacks the maturity to know how to express herself. I can report though that she is not happy with herself and does want to change, she just doesn’t know how and I can feel that her mum doesn’t know how to teach or show her either. Her mum obviously has her own struggles.
Anyway, I’ll try my best to support, motivate and teach her some skills that can bring up her confidence. It’s all valuable reminders for me too.
I came home around 6 pm and it has been raining most of the time since, 3 hours now, with a comfortable temperature again, which I, and most probably everyone, is grateful for.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I got my new teaching schedule today. It has changed a little bit from what I was expecting, with me being given 24 hours instead of the 22 that the other teachers get. I’m not going to complain though.
I like being in the classroom, with the kids so another couple of hours is fine and it might also encourage me to stay each day and sign out like they want me to!
After arriving home I found that our internet wasn’t working, probably due to the work going on with the poles in our soi. I hope that our provider knows about this work, but I can also easily imagine that they don’t. At least I can still hotspot and connect with my phone tonight and we’ll be out most of the day tomorrow.
Something I learned today?
Both Jet and Praewa sent me messages today because they got their study schedules and they were upset that I won’t be teaching them this year.
Did you do something difficult or challenging today?
Any of the minor challenges that I’ve mentioned above didn’t feel that difficult at all (except the lunges) and my state of mind was good enough to accept everything as it came.
I took this picture of the Utopia FB post and sent it to Noey. She wanted to know where I was because she hadn’t seen me today. I should be there on Sunday though.
What kind of artist were you when you were young?
When I was about 5 or 6 I always got told off for drawing castles instead of writing. I tried to compromise by writing something that allowed me to also draw a castle!
In my teens, I got deep into punk iconology, cut-up style and sloganeering. I made many posters like this, including a huge one that I submitted for an art assignment. I also painted a picture of a faceless punk in a three-piece suit, crucified on a cross.
My forays into the artistic world ended up more around words but also into producing booklets, fanzines and posters. I don’t have the creative drive anymore to do this, perhaps hampered by a lack of time due to other endeavours such as writing.
Did you paint, colour with crayons, build things with blocks?
Painting and colouring yes but I had an aversion to building things. Other kids had Meccano but I could never figure out what to make with it. Similarly, with Lego, it seemed like too much effort to make a shitty version of a house or something like that. My imagination didn’t run in that direction.
What kind of creative acts did you enjoy?
When the punk ideology hit, the ‘anyone can do it’ attitude, I wanted desperately to be the singer in a band and so set about writing lyrics. This was from about aged 11.
A little later this also turned into writing brief poetic thoughts of which I was constantly churning out.
I always enjoyed doing that though somewhere along the way in my 20s, I stopped writing those until I started again in 2020 when I remembered how much I enjoyed it and got back to doing it again.
When did you write your first poem?
I guess it would have been in 1984 when I was 15 or 16 though I probably had some before that, written for an English class. The earliest things that I held onto were from 1984.
What was it about?
Poems from that time were about petty thoughts and trivialities of a schoolboy’s life. It turned serious though as depression sunk in and the future looked bleak. Back then though I could write about any little thing that sparked my interest. It was fun.
How did you come to poetry?
As described above, through writing lyrics. I still consider what I write mostly as being lyrics rather than poetry.
Pretty good again. Got up and exercised and am now out for coffee.
A couple of days ago when I was moving the tree I got bitten by an ant on the inside of my little finger and now it is distractingly itchy. Because of the location it’s not easy to get a nice satisfying scratch on it and it’s super annoying.
Today I’m grateful for:
Art lending me a backpack that I can use on Sunday to go to Bangkok. I also found out that Monday is a national holiday so I don’t have to worry about not being back in time to start work!
Also, a sneaky little doze whilst listening to video discussions on YouTube whilst Amy did the watering and washed the car!
The best thing about today was:
Watching more of Three Body. I’m loving the slow pace of it. It seems each April holiday is marked by watching some TV series or other whilst avoiding the heat. A couple of years back it was Narcos.
I think last year though I ended up playing Xbox more than watching TV and I actually had planned to do that this year but in the end just didn’t bother.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I was on a roll and in the zone whilst sipping coffee this morning, first reading, then inspired, then writing. But I started to feel a little dizzy and knew I needed to come home and eat. Otherwise, I would have loved to have stayed longer and written more.
Tomorrow I won’t have so much free time as we will be running around most of the day doing things for Grandmum’s 100-day ritual.
Something I learned today?
Israel’s prime minister Netanyahu is likely to have an arrest warrant for war crimes issued by the International Criminal Court. Whilst it is likely just a symbolic gesture and he would unlikely ever be arrested at least it shows the world stands against him.
Russian president Putin also has an arrest warrant issued by the ICC but that was instigated by USA propaganda and that is all falling apart.
The world is starting to rise against the genocide perpetuated by Israel on the Palestinians and supported by the USA war machine.
Also, last night I watched a video from Thai Talk with Paddy and he was presenting 12 things that he didn’t like about Thailand. Whilst many other farangs agreed with some or all of his points there were others that I couldn’t believe just how self-righteous they were.
I don’t understand how you can say someone’s opinion is wrong. You don’t have to agree but you must be smart enough to at least counter their opinion. These days people don’t bother to do that just believing that they are right.
I don’t know why this particular video and comments stood out to me, maybe it’s been accumulating for a while. I will cut out this view of negativity as much as I can because it is just a waste of time and energy.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Noey and Natalie were in Utopia whilst I was there this morning and they were preparing for a presentation. I wished them luck.
Did you do something difficult or challenging today?
I did as much of the exercises as I could this morning though I am weak in certain (most) areas. 3 sets of 60 lunges had to be cut down to 3 sets of 40 and 3 by one minute of static Superman I just held for as long as I could. But I didn’t skip or give up.
I took this picture because I’m hoping this tree can survive the move from pot to ground.
It’s an undisputed fact that we all consume and breathe lots of microplastics, and we have done for our whole lives. The average person probably takes in 100,000 particles of microplastic annually.
Microplastics are suspected of being dangerous in just about every way you can imagine, damaging our internal organs, poisoning us with leached chemicals, breaking down our cell walls, and causing countless diseases. A vast body of research has been published investigating these concerns.
There’s still no evidence that any of these happen. More data is always needed. More study. More investigation. And when there is evidence of microplastic interaction with living tissue — which there is, certain plastics can and do have detectable biological effects, there’s so far never been any evidence that it’s harmful.
Will you go without? Though it makes no difference To save the planet
Late start again after very good sleep. Aided by canna oil. Exercised, which sucked and was good too.
Today I’m grateful for:
Noey sending me a message at 11.30 am wondering where I was! It’s nice to feel missed sometimes, even if it is just by the baristas in your favourite coffee shop!
The best thing about today was:
Another storm blowing in this afternoon whilst I was in my room.
Two days in a row now, I got to hear the big splats of rain falling on the tin roof above the ceiling and to hear the wind banging all sorts of things around just outside.
Strangely, it hasn’t rained in the city at all whilst we’ve been lucky enough to not need to water these two days.
Something I learned today?
From a report issued by the US-based International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights:
“The breadth of the U.S. violations of the ICCPR is overwhelming. The committee found breaches of the treaty in nearly every aspect of life in the United States. We (the United States) should heed the committee’s recommendations and demand that our federal, state and local governments in the U.S. comply with our human rights obligations.”
Did you do something difficult or challenging today?
In general, my exercise wasn’t too bad today, except for 3 by one-and-a-half minutes of bicycle kicks. I could do thirty, take a break and then do 15 more but that was it. I’m happy to adapt the exercises to my skill and strength level so that I don’t give up but can keep going.
How do I handle disagreements or conflicts?
Disagreements I am generally ok with, but when it comes to conflict I don’t deal very well. I’d rather walk along and forget about it.
I’ve never really cared what other people think but in the past would try to argue my point. These days I don’t feel the need. People believe the things that they want to.
I’m open to a lot of different ideas but still obviously have my own beliefs about things. Entering into conflict over these things seems a waste of time. Most people don’t want to listen to something that they don’t believe. And for many things that applies to me too.
When was the last time I felt exceptionally strong or brave?
I’ve been looking at this one for a few days already and can’t think of anything. Perhaps others looking from the outside might have considered some of my actions at one time or another as strong or brave but to me, they were just normal.
Even so, there’s no standout moment of bravery rescuing someone drowning or pulling people out of a car crash. Nothing so exciting.
What’s an aspect of my culture that I love?
This is a weird one to answer because just what is my culture? I carry traits from growing up in England, from the middle of my life in Australia and now with some influence from six years in Thailand.
Culture can be great when you are young, something to bond and identify with, but the more you experience and can take the opportunity to travel you begin to see that beyond culture we are all basically the same.
Is culture manipulated by us ourselves to keep us divided?
The aspects of my cultures that I love are that they have given me grit, taught me when to run and when to walk and taught me acceptance. And when I write that all down I realise that my mum taught me all that. Mums are culture.
I took this picture because when I arrived at Utopia, Noey told me that she had just sent me a message. I sat down and read it. It said “Where is Shaun?” and so I replied with this photo.
I’m pouring rainbows down on you Until your cup is filled You’ll overflow with a love so true It can never be killed All your seeds will bear fruit In fields never to be tilled Joy spread deep from the root A life spent fulfilled
Pretty good after a long sleep from the day of travelling yesterday. Should be a relaxing day ahead.
Today I’m grateful for:
Aircon. I don’t know how many times I’ve said this but today was freaking unbearable outside between 10am (when I woke up) and around 6pm. Even just going to the kitchen or bathroom was a chore. It’s going to be hotter this coming week too!
The best thing about today was:
I didn’t do much to speak of today though when the sun did finally relent I enjoyed watering the parched earth in the garden.
Something I learned today?
Charles Cunningham Boycott (12 March 1832 – 19 June 1897) was an English land agent whose ostracism by his local community in Ireland gave the English language the term boycott.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I gave Art and Noey some gifts of candy that I picked up at the market in Chiang Saen yesterday.
What’s a recent realization I’ve had about myself?
I’m starting to BE old. I’m not in need of thrills or excitement so much these days.
I think I realised this when I think about travelling overseas. When I think about going somewhere with Amy I’m not so interested in planning things to do and where to go.
When I see people in places on YouTube videos I think that might be nice to go and see but I’ve just seen it pretty well. I would be taking the same photos every other traveller has taken. I feel like I may not be able to savour it deep into my soul like I might have done before. I’m much more amenable to just getting on a tour bus and letting others deal with logistics.
Having said that I’m still interested in organising a tour for a band around Southeast Asia and dealing with the stress of that, perhaps because the shows would give me the drive and inspiration I’d need.
Perhaps this is not a great realisation but has crossed my mind more recently.
Amy took this picture because this princess was enjoying our (relatively) expensive prawns yesterday.
Super tired again. Yesterday I managed to resist an afternoon nap and I got to sleep OK, until Cap kept crying to go in and out of the bedroom and then to be fed. Happy to know that he has his appetite but I just want to sleep more!
Today I’m grateful for:
Amy and her family deciding to go for a fish lunch out in the rice fields. It was good to do something different though it was funny that they decided on the restaurant that Bruno and I went and tried as we were riding by a year or two ago.
Also to Kru Karn who offered me her shelf space in the teacher’s room to keep my things. I’ll do that for now but may move it to somewhere more suitable later.
The best thing about today was:
Reading more about the British Empire in Africa. It was interesting to read that there were people who abhorred the colonial treatment of other human beings at the time. Interesting in that nothing much has changed, sadly.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I haven’t been able to do any more lesson planning as I haven’t been able to get more information from Kru Mai about my classes yet. It’s a little frustrating as it is what we are supposed to be doing this week and now it means I will have to do more in the actual holiday time.
When I went to school just before lunch I found lots of people cleaning out the office space for Kru Puu who will stay in there in future. Unfortunately, this means moving my stuff out from there and also not being able to use it for one-to-one speaking exercises anymore. A lot of student’s work that I was keeping to look at later was also missing, presumably thrown out. Oh well. Nothing stays the same.
Something I learned today?
I just got sent a video by Noey. It was of me riding the wrong way at the traffic lights (to save time) as I was out getting a tub of ice cream at the 7-11. She must have been on her bike at the traffic lights going in the other direction.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I messaged a few more students today and had little conversations of encouragement with them.
I took this picture because this was the view from our restaurant table at lunch time.
I’m feeling weird and fuzzy again. I think maybe I have some Covid variation again. I got up at a reasonable time which was a bit difficult as Amy was still up and singing along to her favourite songs well past 1 am.
At 11 am though I slept again until 3 pm. Now I just feel like I have a stiff neck, blocked nose and little appetite despite knowing I’m hungry. I’m keen for more sleep and not excited about being back at work again tomorrow.
Today I’m grateful for:
Medicine, sleep and Sundays.
The best thing about today was:
Playing a little guitar and looking over old emails for information. I’ve done very little today and my brain is on strike. Despite this I was glad to do these little things.
Something I learned today?
Polluted air is mainly breathed indoors. We spend between 80 and 90 percent of our time indoors. Outdoor air pollutants find their way indoors and become trapped when there is no proper ventilation.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I complimented Noey on her shirt today as it was cute. She asked if I thought that she was cute and I said ‘No, just the shirt.’ She knows she’s cute, so she went off laughing.
I took this picture because P’ti was feeling very Sunday morning.
Better than yesterday but I slept really badly, waking seemingly every 20 minutes or so and feeling either too hot or too cold. When I went out for coffee Noey commented that I looked better today, that yesterday I looked about 60 years old and today I look about 20! I’ll take compliments wherever I can get them.
It felt good to work with Thiban this morning and get the order placed for the High Voltage/Speech Odd split 12”. We were able to get that done before Amy and I headed into the city to see Grandmum and get lunch.
Today I’m grateful for:
A surprise rain last night that did the watering for us and helped clean the air of the layer of smoke descending from the mountains.
The best thing about today was:
Still being alive. Many others didn’t make it today.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Amy invited me into the room to see her grandmum. I didn’t want to go but felt obliged to. She looks like a skeleton, just bones and motionless except gasping for air. I couldn’t stay.
A minute later, Amy let out a scream and everyone came running. As mum comforts grandmum, saying it’s ok to go, but life wants to hold on. Shallow breath returns but how long can death be put off and is it worth it? There’s nothing to look forward to except another gulp of breath.
Another minute later and she’s gone.
I don’t know what the etiquette is now or how to help. I feel useless. This once vibrant body is off on its final disintegration and I don’t wish to acknowledge that this is my fate. Everyone’s fate. I feel empty in my stomach.
I don’t cry for grandmum, for Amy or her family. I cry for my own useless self.
Something I learned today?
It seems that the best option for the nomeansno book is to order it on Amazon but as money is short this month it will have to wait.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Of course, today took a turn and I did as Amy instructed without complaint despite still feeling dizzy and tired by around 4pm. Lots of running around picking up things for the temple. This will be the way for tonight and the following three nights before the last prayers and trip to the crematorium.
I took this picture of Grandmum’s photos that we took to the flower shop and will be used alongside the wreaths for her funeral. Her younger self; a beautiful Chinese-looking lady, though I think the Chinese heritage was on the grandfather’s side. The picture on the right was how I knew her. She always offered me food when I saw her. I held her hand when we went out to restaurants or visited the temple, her skin was so soft and smooth that it was hard to believe she was the age she was. She would have been 92 in March. A good run but as I approach my own end it doesn’t seem like it is even close to enough.
She said we can forgive him Because he is just a boy As she picked up the bottles Now empty of their joy
Without a thought or care For the wider world around When he needs to be somewhere He’s nowhere to be found
Anyway, cleaning is for girls A boy can’t do it well It’s a privilege to clean the piss Off the floor where it fell
Dressed in the body of a man The brain never adapted The childish mind, a selfish mind Remains forever distracted
Will he ever become a man? A real man of her dreams She’s always doing the best she can But never enough it seems
So, she sighs, this is her lot To be a mother of a peer When she weighs up what’s she got Just what is she doing here?
Today I’m feeling:
Super tired even after an almost ten-hour sleep. I felt tired around 10 pm last night but was excited to read comics and eventually went to sleep sometime after 11. On waking I still felt dizzy and had a stiff sore neck, both of which are persisting even now as I wait for my first coffee.
Today I’m grateful for:
The kale that Amy has been growing and she threw a handful of it into my lunch of fried rice today.
The best thing about today was:
Reading Roald Dahl’s Boy about his childhood whilst in bed this afternoon and then having a crazy nap. Woke up feeling tired for the second time today so have done next to nothing.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Doing next to nothing felt out of my control as I lacked motivation and energy. Handled by….doing nothing!
Something I learned today?
I found out that there is a Das Damen reissue of their first record that comes with a bunch of extra tracks. I will try to find that for sure. I think I heard that they may be making new music too. Could be interesting.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Noey was back from her holiday and in catching up she talked about going to Australia and I told her she could talk to Amy for help with going there.
I took this picture because Creme brought these two two-day-old kittens to school as the mother had rejected them. Unfortunately, neither of them made it through the week.
1994ever 