Tag: Nomeansno

Picking your feet till they bleed may only be the half of it – 25th February 2012

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Saturday, February 25: Black Wire, Annandale – SoundDave
Featuring: Chambers, Milhouse, Palisades, Nathan Martin, thedowngoing Vs Fat Guy Wears Mystic Wolf Shirt (Grind Vs Grind), Nick Van Breda, Berkshire Hunting Club, Perspectives, Union Pacific, Surprise Wasp, Epics

I wasn’t too worried about running around 20 minutes late and trying to make the supposed midday kick off for this event. But, much to my surprise,things were on schedule and I missed Chambers. I did notice they were also organised enough to have t-shirts available, though I’m not sure if they sold any. I heard no reports about them either way so can’t really comment.

I’m not sure of the motivation for today’s spectacular — beyond the great timing of the pun — but this mini-fest hosted by Dave Drayton and record store/venue Black Wire was truly an alternative to the huge attraction of the following day’s SoundWave festival. Probably not an alternative option for folks wanting to attend SoundWave but an alternative for folks wanting a fun filled 8 hours or so of interesting variations of punk rock for a fraction of the price.

When considering venues for the show, Black Wire instantly came to mind as a supportive space. Easy to work with and having lower overheads, Dave felt that a regular pub venue wouldn’t want to take a risk on such an event as this. Factoring in that though he seems to have been around for years and years, Dave is still only 22 years old and making this event all-ages was also a major consideration – something which is not always easy to organise in a pub venue where beer sales are the main revenue. (Dave also writes the All Ages column in Drum Media – the local street press).

Not to miss a trick, one of Dave’s bands played next. Milhouse are a three piece that didn’t impress me much last time I saw them, but today their happy bouncy melodic punk was well suited to an early afternoon slot and they got helped rev up those in attendance.

Next up was Melbourne’s Palisades on their second visit to Sydney, having chosen Black Wire to play the first time round too. Bass player Matt (a Sydney ex-pat) loves the open mindedness of the venue and the people who attend in general. He also commented that these things go in cycles but noticed that Sydney is once again going through a flush period of having alternative spaces to play. Palisades brought a little lazy afternoon mosh action with their brand of screamo hardcore with some clean guitar sound that brought to mind old favourites Eucalypt. A great roar that made myself and many others very happy and juxtaposed nicely with what was to follow.

The sun shining and the vegan BBQ on in earnest it was natural for everyone to head out to the backyard but the music didn’t stop as Sweet Teeth guitarist Nathan Martin picked up his acoustic and amused one and all with tales of drunken nights and mistaken identities. Despite his drinking ability he makes note that he loves Black Wire because music is the main reason that people are there, it’s a relaxed environment with a community spirit and people are polite. A statement perhaps born out of too many dud shows with an audience more intent on drinking at the bar than enjoying a night of musical entertainment, a point echoed by many other artists playing today.

Back inside, folks have been busy preparing for Grind Vs Grind — two drum kits and two guitar amps ready for thedowngoing and Fat Guy Wears Mystic Wolf Shirt to trade song for song with the humour of a bad (good) wrestling match. It’s fascinatingly fast entertainment as they each blast out 30 seconds or so before goading the other to better them. Everyone seems to agree on a draw at the end of it all and ideas are bandied around about future 3 way grind to death events. Chris Fat Guy (looking thinner each time) is loving today’s mixed bill and feels like it’s a big egoless house party.

After this intensity the backyard is even more packed as Nick Van Breda plays some quiet noodly acoustic tunes with sad tales of destiny and chance. He has everyone captivated. I missed it but heard there was some banjo action later on too. I was busy talking with Tom, the man behind the venue, behind on rent, rates and bills and generally in debt to quite a few of his friends, most of whom let it slide for now in order to help keep the space operating.

Tom’s mantra is based upon his preference for smaller intimate shows. Stay small, stay local, stay punk. When quizzed to clarify his definition of ‘punk’ he veers away from a musical identity and he laughingly describes a collection of weirdos, misfits and outcasts, but who are highly ethical and supportive of each other. His preference for dealing directly with band members, often denying responses to enquiries from managers and agents, can sometimes lead to problems with disorganised artists, but often an event will pull together with the sheer will power of the community involved. Also most bands wishing to hold an event here are well aware of the working aesthetic of the venue.

Berkshire Hunting Club are another new Sydney band that impressed me with a loud, noisy post hardcore sound that was both subtle and aggressive and made all the more interesting by some post punk guitar effects that reminded me of Siouxsie and the Banshees. A grand discovery, they only suffered a little with their time slot as folks were still soaking up the sun and tofu wraps out the back.

Whilst there isn’t normally a BBQ going on at events at Black Wire there is usually a food option as Elise bakes and supplies vegan pies which people can grab in the kitchen for a few dollars each. Besides her connection with a punk ideal she feels this is another small way to help support Black Wire because she appreciates what Tom and the space offers, investing back into the music community. She’s actually the first person to state that it’s in a good location, which is interesting in relation to some people’s thoughts on the Annandale Hotel, only a couple of blocks away, being in a difficult location.

Another person you’re likely to encounter at most Black Wire shows is Kevin. Still only 17 he’s been involving himself here almost since the beginning, often manning the door or running an errand for someone. I’ve watched him grow from an awkward teenager where he’s talked about having trouble fitting in at school to a confident young man, able to make friends quickly with almost anyone who walks through the door. This is testament to the acceptance into the supportive community around him and he willingly gives back as much as he can.

Talking of youngsters, Perspectives are a 5 piece from the northern beaches all aged around 17 or 18. This is their first time playing at Black Wire though I’m sure a couple of them have been here in attendance previously. They play a typical shout along hardcore that I really shouldn’t like but for some reason these kids do it well and I find it very enjoyable. They’re stoked to be playing here despite constant guitar amp issues, something which many of the other musicians playing today quickly gather together to try and find a fix for — another indicator of the willingness of everyone to pull together to make for a great event.

A tired crowd head back inside to enjoy Melbourne pop punk band The Union Pacific who bang out a constant set of melodies that everyone seems to enjoy though it does little for me and I take a rest in a quieter corner to talk with others for a while. I am interested to check out Surprise Wasp though who play competent high energy punk rock a la the Hives, singer Dean making for some good photo opportunities mid song as he knocks out plenty of dance moves.

Though it’s only early evening this big long day is rounded off by Epics whose chief song writer Jimmy writes a tune to match any catchy early Black Flag material. He also loves to play and it shows in his wild antics on stage. Well, of course, there is no stage but you get my drift. Vocalist Nick does his best to keep up and ventures into the crowd to encourage some participation. It’s definitely part of the community feeling he enjoys about the venue along with it being easy to book without having to worry too much about how big a crowd can be pulled. Epics throw in a Black Flag cover which they could probably do without as their own material is just as good. Then it’s over. Everyone tired and sweaty.

Whilst everything went off without a hitch, 150-or-so people having enjoying a great day of diverse music, at one point during the afternoon 3 cop cars suddenly pulled up across the road and smashed in a car window to rescue a baby locked inside with a 30 degree sun beating down. There was at least a brief moment where we all assumed they were coming to shut the show down. Thankfully, not this time.

29th Apr 2021 – Originally posted at Polaroids of Androids – also see 24th and 26th February entries.

I’m just trying to hold on, I said, but when you were gone what could I hold on to? – 8th June 2003

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Strange weekend – kinda had plans but things went awry! Felt severely down yesterday and freaked out (in my head) at the shops.

Feel better today, though TLJ has been on my mind and that really gets me low. Decided to call her and spoke for a few minutes. Not sure what it achieved. But I realised when I lost her I lost my best friend – I want that back and know I never will. I want so much and try so little sometimes. Yes, I know – I am my own worst critic. I guess I’m still stuck trying to figure out what to do with my life – cos I sure ain’t doing much right now.

25th April 2022 – Living in Chatswood was very convenient as I was a one minute walk from the shops and station. Though, despite there being a large enough Asian population, a mix of all, shops generally all closed by 6pm, except some restaurants. It started to change in my last few years there but it’s still nothing like the vibrant nightlife actually in Asia.

But sometimes the problem with choice is that it can overwhelm and occasionally, disappoint. In the sentence above describing freaking out, I immediately know my feeling. Being so convenient and having enough disposable income meant that I often ate out, though not usually at restaurants.

There were times I would head out without any idea what I wanted to eat and would get frustrated at not being able to choose. I wonder if at those times I wasn’t actually that hungry and was just expecting myself to eat out of habit. The frustrating search and possibly low blood sugar would freak me out and I would go home despondent and depressed.

The realisation of losing a best friend (yet again, though through choice this time) and the confusion and doubt that was causing me was a wake-up call that I was still ignoring, for whatever reason. The deep passion of the relationship with TLJ was replaced with emptiness.

The Dismemberment Plan’s ‘The First Anniversary Of Your Last Phone Call’ still sends shivers down my spine. The minor chord dirge and the chiming-crying chorus get me every time.

I continued trying to fill it by checking the local newspaper lonely hearts and a dating agency, of which my then less than satisfactory girlfriend, Lorraine, knew nothing. Lorraine wasn’t the right one but we gave it a go, somewhat based on our shared personal demons. Whilst staying with her I was always looking for other options.

This down period of time was what I deserved and due and in hindsight I can see that I knew what was going on with me but still didn’t have the skills to get a foot out of the mire. But it was coming.

Some people are up all the time. Others, like myself, have to go down and up again until we learn enough self-respect and self-esteem to gain some stability.

Come on and give me my drugs – 21st July 2002

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

It’s getting worse.
I see my whole life mapped out in descent.
All my mistakes stay with me.
I make them again.
I kill me.

I’ve betrayed everyone. But I betrayed one too many. The one I loved most. It’s hard to get back up from this one and it has been over a year now.

Beer is here of course – my friend for too long.
I kill me.

How long before I betray Hayden? Can I be that selfish?

8th Mar 2022 – Still in my darkness. The fallout of a betrayal to someone I loved deeply and hurt badly. There were reasons for the betrayal, possibly justified and I did try to handle it softly but in the end, I had to tell the truth. Asked if I regretted what happened I said no. But I did regret having to tell the truth to make things clear. I didn’t want that truth to be painful for her, perhaps because I knew that in time, and as such times as this, the truth would turn around and become more painful for me.

I missed her so much, but only when I wasn’t distracted with directing my affections elsewhere. She had understood that about me very early on in our relationship. She was way smarter than me.

So after this betrayal, and the one that led to that relationship in the first place, I began to wonder when I would betray my own son. I felt like I hurt everyone I loved. There were reasons those things happened. I’m still stuck on the pain of the end of that relationship even now. I don’t think I regret it though. We all learned some things and grew from them, whether we wanted to or not.

I’m flipping in the wind like a flag on a pole – 26th December 1994

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Mentally exhausted, stressed, frayed at the seams – me and my love are flaking it, ok, we do it to ourselves cos we’re on the move again.

On Monday we borrowed Cathy’s car and drove up to the Central Coast, crashing at P_’s overnight, up and out early to house hunt, we drive round and round in circles round the beautiful beachline towns, checking particularly in busy little Terrigal which we like as soon as we drive through. We check out a fully furnished house on a hill with a verandah deck the same size as the house and a dramatic gorgeous view of cliffs, beach and ocean, we love this old wooden shack and dream of sitting out on the verandah sipping wine and feeling the evening sea breeze caress our warm cheeks like silk sheets. Unhappily, it stays a dream as it is just out of our price range and decide to pick on something unfurnished and cheaper so that when we move again (yeah, we’re always moving, might as well think about it now) we’ll have some furnishings to take with us.

And the next day we find us a nice home just a short walk from the beach. With 3 bedrooms and a verandah and garden hopefully we’ll stay here for a good long time and start to settle into some kind of routine, though routine is not the right word but just to feel like this is it, this is where I want to be in the world.

With good access to many beaches and only an hour out of Sydney, it’s an ideal spot and we can’t wait to get there next week, just three days before Christmas, time means little to us these days and I think sometimes there’s no present like time.

So, back that evening we have shocked our systems silly with stress and emotions and excitement, we both run low and have done since, except for spoiling ourselves last night with a swim, spa, sauna and steam room special which chills us out and ultimately knocks us out, then to wake early this morning and into the city to sort out the printing of the invitations for our wedding and do some Christmas shopping and I feel good inside to buy such nice gifts for people and also sad that I’m unable to earn myself any money just yet to buy things for myself but that is something I’ll be getting used to, particularly as I’m applying for a degree course, in English, as well as some other courses if I don’t get into that one. They’ll leave me with some spare time in which I can look for work in the area which I reckon will be booming over the summer season and dead during the winter, so with the sun I may catch some part-time work here and there to supplement Broni’s hard earned cash, things are going to be tight that’s for sure, but money doesn’t buy happiness, to overstate a cliche and really things couldn’t be going much better could they?

So, why so low?

I guess the future is daunting and scary and the stress of job-searching and house-hunting combined with wedding plans does get a bit much. I have to say that Broni is taking control of wedding plans and arrangements and doing an amazing job, I’m not sure why but I can’t get into an enthusiastic mood to work out all these complex details, this doesn’t mean I’m not enthusiastic about getting married but I wish someone could just organise and we could turn up and then we’d be married, but that’s me living in the clouds again. I am old enough to take control of these things but all piled on top of each other is a bit much for little tiny me, and sometimes I wish I didn’t feel like that, jeez, I’m talking in circles here.

Well, now we’re busy packing and wrapping presents and soon to go out to Libby’s and Dougie’s for a bit of a party, that should bring little smiles to our tired faces.

29th March 2021 – Writing this out again makes me realise the significance of that penultimate paragraph. Bigger changes were on the horizon a few years in the future and perhaps this feeling was its genesis.

White Man, you, you just starting to get the blues – 27th October 1994

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I climb out of the comfort of the bed, over sleeping Broni. I stumble in the half blindness of the early hours of the morning to the toilet, I feel like something’s following me. While I stand over the toilet I recall some of my dream, it’s pretty hazy but it felt big, it was a big dream, scary and huge and I kinda woke and everything felt strange and I realised where I was in this world and how I’d got here and what I was going through subconsciously, emotionally. It was big. I got scared, climbed back into bed and went to sleep to mad dreams.

When I woke up it was my birthday and after initial happiness and some present receiving a big gloom set in for the morning which Broni helped me out of in the afternoon and we went out to a bar and I thought back to times when we’d sit in pubs in England and relax for the afternoon for a couple of beers and just waste time, and maybe everything had been catching up with me and I’d been making a bigger deal out of smaller things when they didn’t go quite right.

We went off to the cinema and saw Spider and Rose which is a really good movie, Australian again, cool filmwork, script etc which really lifted our spirits too.

Later we went up to the Basement, which is this cool expensive jazz club and got some food and champagne and beers before watching Dewey Redman and his quartet improvise their way through a couple of numbers, which was about forty-five minutes, the first number was kinda trad jazz/blues which incorporated a solo by Dewey then the piano player then the double bass til they all hit back in together to finish. The second number a more swinging affair, again with the solos, which I was thinking was a bit of a drag, like they’s all good players and all but it was predictable. The last number was way cool though started with Dewey mumbling around for a bit getting the rhythm in his head and letting the rest of the band in on the secret, then he plays a few bars solo in the swing and mumble the beat and snap his fingers in time and on some parts he missed his sax bit or hit a bum note and instead of carrying on he mumbled the notes out aloud carrying the mood, laid back and crazy, then the rest of the band joined in on the few bars, dropping off letting the audience feel the beat with just the tap of Dewey’s feet and the dance of his crooked body and then they all picked it up again and the song got into full swing for about a minute before the drummer had his turn at a solo, now I’m not one mad on drum solos but this dude, old dude, looked like he’d been exhumed, probably played with Zappa or something you know, he really kicked the shit, made that kit talk man, keeping the beat then exploding off and before it all got out of hand, kicked back in with the beat to let the double bass player have a little go and wow, he made that chunka wood sing little bird songs in harmonics before getting real mean and hitting hardcore riffs, really powerful in yer face double bass before relaxing back into the sweet melodies, the piano man, facial contortionist, quietly joining in with the odd chord strike here and there, builds it up and takes over the piece and stamps his mark all over it going wild crazy man, fingers a blur with the speed, hanging onto the rhythm by threads, shut yer eyes and go with the ride, it’s alive, finally Dewey comes back on and blows his own, hot tootin’ tune and they settle at the end like how they started, Dewey with a mumble and a shot.

They’re exhausted and go off but, fuck that weak shit, I wanna hear us some more, but time and alcohol is catching us up, we depart during the first song off their second set, stumbling drunkenly through the city’s streets, the tall buildings tower over us, shielding us from harm like a security blanket, the neon somehow comforting us, light defeats the fear, or maybe we have a drunken dutch courage but tonight we are not afraid of the dark!

We laugh ourselves silly on the walk back from the station and I’m starting to feel more comfortable now I’ve had a good night out in the city. Broni drops herself onto the bed and falls asleep with me following shortly afterwards, good night world sweet dreams.

I turned 27 on this day.

Now I can’t show you all the things I’ve seen and I can’t make you feel anything, certainly not what they meant to me – 2nd September 1994

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

It’s an exciting life. When Broni gets home I have a delicious meal prepared for her and sit yummying as we talk about our day.

Broni has been very busy at work and soon falls down dog tired but after some rumination we take a gentle stroll into the park as the sun slowly descends somewhere behind some cloud or other. We sit and watch the ducks and swans and talk about belief and good things. We realise how lucky we are, to have each other, to have this adventure and to have the future.

When I get back I have a long chat with Rob on the phone, which involves more shit flying in the Fatty department, which will bore me to death to repeat here and particularly as I am making great pains to forget all about that sad part of my life and to look towards brighter things. It is sad for me to carry a thorn in my side but now I feel able to let it go (haven’t I said this before?) Now feels different though and my future is absolutely soaring away from everything I know here, all the things I like but all the things I dislike too.

Later Broni and Kerry are talking and I join them in the bedroom, Kerry is talking like a maniac, high on life, full of herself because she finally feels comfortable with who she is and recognises her place in the world and realises her worth. She says it’s taken ten years but if you could see her bright chirpy cherub face you can see ambition and content. It was so good to hear her talking positively about life especially after my talk with Rob which dealt more with clearing out negative emotion.

So the cloud over me soon disappeared and I felt a wave of enthusiasm for life come over me and a little bit of loss for not having Steve around to talk to. Broni has me sussed pretty well though and reflects all my good points which make me feel much better and soon we are wrestling and playing in our makeshift bed on the floor.

Before we know it we are awake again, missed our dreams and she is off to work as I get up and cycle around the harbour taking video memories every now and then, through the park to the quay and back along the circuit, catching glimpses of beauty and depths through the cameras eye and hell, I feel so good inside myself today.

It is so easy to forget just how lucky you are to be alive and mornings like these bring it home that no matter what goes wrong, will still be okay.

Now is what’s happening, now is real, live for the now. I will see the sunset over a beautiful peaceful world.

28th Jul 2024 – A video shot of Horton Tower as we were passing by sometime.

See, nobody loves me, not like I do – 24th August 1994

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

3 shorts

Clean the baby heads, oil the machine. Drowning in a sea of sick ain’t my idea of a party. They just wanna party on your face and when the morning comes they’ll say goodbye, for another year. And that’s it. Bye.

I could really use some company now. The company of a cigarette. Goddamn stuff’s killing me and I’m pretending it’s the only thing that keeps me alive. Where’s the lighter?

The dream entailed myself and a friend on a night out and soon my friend disappeared into the mists of the night. Disappeared with someone else, some other character with more charm than myself. More interesting. More fun to be with.

My friends pretend to be my friends because they pity me. But now that pity doesn’t count. I can stand on my own two feet tonight and I don’t need my friends pitying me anymore. I pity them for the selfish, arrogant, pretentious bastards that they are.

Tonight, I’m gonna party.

The twentieth century foxes slut around in their topless leather skirts. Parading their wares along the grotty streets of each town’s ghetto. The shit and the rain slides along the gutter and down into the bottomless pit. Customer’s come and go.

Business booms when the misery descends on the town in the shape of grey clouds. They hang above everybody’s head. As visible as the money in their pockets. Effective relief from the trappings of modern society. It’s difficult to imagine these people belong to the same human race as myself. I need some relief.

Looking over the pub food menu in Salisbury
Looking over Salisbury from the car park (?)

Your private matters need looking after, it’s way too late, though – 24th July 1994

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The girl obviously had a strange upbringing. Dragged naked from the burning barn. Certain things left emotional scars and for a lifetime.

She ran, pinny wrapped around her undignified body, down through the field, tripping on tree stumps he had left there last summer. She ran as though searching for something, turning at strange angles, here and there, in her misguided direction.

The road below thronged with tourists, keen to see the local attractions. This certainly wasn’t one of them.

Soon she stood naked, unknowing of anything around her. Of course, they just drove past. The men in the cars smugly thought they understood. Drugs – huh! The women cringed away disguising their disgust with tourist talk – ‘Oh – look at that hill.’ He laughed, ‘Look at those hills.’

They drove past – into another universe.

We’ll talk about life and what is right – 16th July 1994

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

This is the little brown blob calling. Blob comes and goes with various rocking motions, similar to that of a pendulum, back and forth behind the decorative glass of the grandfather clock.

Sat in the chair, blob examines the needlelike lines of ink across his A4. Symmetry can be.

Yellow may burst into a flowing red-breasted robin as the whale took up the soot and the ash from the dirty cigarette hand. Just a flick of the switch. The red and the black jelly ladies danced inside their plastic hall while the greens stood waiting for partners. Too self-conscious to go and ask. The little red riding hood spilt forth the liquid paper across my chest and the rats nibbled away at the knotted hairs.

The squares keep following me around the room unable to take their eyes from my blobular body. Die, servant, die. They cry.

Unable to stand the intensity of the stares, I light another cigarette and take the comfy chair, folding it quietly under my left arm. The golden wonder of it all.

The shepherds rounded up the crowd and they did surely follow like sheep.

I thought of the clever people and their 18 seater jets carry them about until they crash into the ground. And the train of thought revolves into spirals. Spiralling away to it’s happy oblivion. And when the oblivion descends it starts all over again.

Different place, different time, different people on a different line all descending and to ascend you must reach the highest order of psychological power.