Tag: Parthiban

Roll Another Number – 27th February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Everyone is so cynical
Opinionated, clinical
Fallen from the pinnacle
And waiting to expire

We’re all gonna die, what’s the point?
Who cares who the kings may anoint?
Sing a song, smoke another joint
Around the old campfire

Written for Ovi’s Challenge – Negativity. Titled borrowed from Nuisance.

Today I’m feeling:

Better but still tired out.  I took it easy with my first class but I was still exhausted by the end of it.  No exercise this morning either so that is now five days without.  I will try to do it tomorrow.  I usually feel better in the evenings than in the mornings though.  Let’s see.

Today I’m grateful for:

My former self of last week for planning ahead and quickly making up some cards for a quick vocabulary game with my grade 10s.  I wasn’t sure exactly how I was going to incorporate it in the class but I figured out a way to make it fun and engaging for everyone.

The best thing about today was:

Gradually getting my mojo back during the day and being able to not push myself or the students too much to stress ourselves out.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

With half of my grade 7 classes missing this week I’ve had to adapt myself to just playing Kahoots about the topic that we were on and making it as fun as possible whilst not putting any pressure on about punctuality and paying complete attention.

Something I learned today?

I forced myself to listen through a podcast of a couple of North American China Hawks discussing what the best way forward was for the USA to deal with China.

It reminded me that at the highest levels of Western governments, people cling to their ideology without growth or learning.  Some of the commentary had me contemplating just skipping it but I wanted to hear more opposition to the things I believe and to try to understand where some people are coming from.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Anchan skipped my class today to prepare for a national (I think) competition for a speech in Thai.  She sent me a message to say why she wasn’t there and I wished her the best.

She also reminded me it was her birthday today and so I bought some sweet snacks for her and her friends.  They were so cheap that there were so many of them that when I got back to school and my next class, Nemo said that it was her birthday too and so I gave her one pack.

I later tracked Anchan down in another building and gave her the rest of the snacks.  She laughed because there were so many but appreciated them too.  Whilst I was there, many students wished her a happy birthday and I was surprised by all the people who knew her.

I can understand her popularity though.  She is a smart kid who, in my own class, I have seen make friends with almost everyone, investing time in them (and calling out ones that treat others badly).  I warned her once last year not to get dragged into the bad crowd and whether she heeded that or not, she worked out what was best and was still able to maintain friendships with them.  I could sense what she was capable of and she has even surprised me with her skills.  Except English!

I also offered to teach Baipad, along with Apple and Jan, during the holidays if they wished.  I know that this will be a struggle to get them to commit to but also maybe get them to see that this is free education that they are being offered.  It would also give me something else to do apart from playing XBOX for four weeks straight!

Who would I like to reconnect with? 

In some ways, I’d like to reconnect with my school friends just to get memories and stories from them from when we were at school.  It’s kind of interesting to discover what ever happened to everyone but at the same time, I don’t care that much either.  That seems weird to write down but I’ve lived almost forty years without knowing what happened to everyone it just doesn’t seem that relevant.

I always want to connect with people in the DIY punk scene in South East Asia though and would love to find another kindred spirit in the same way that Kimi was.  Parthiban in Singapore is the nearest I have but we’ve only been able to hang out one time previously.

I should also reconnect with folks in Australia, which I do do from time to time but I’m thinking I should chat with Swerve again as we spent a lot of time working on things in the late 00’s and had a lot of fun.  There are also plenty of bands that I’ve worked with that I don’t have much contact with these days too.  I should get back to that.

I took this picture at 7.14 am just as I was about to leave this morning. I was surprised to see clouds on the horizon and I shot this at the very first peak of the sun rising above them.

The Wake – 19th February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 3 Comments

Here the shadow falls, down into the fog
Eyes dead at the singing of the bells
Broke by the vicious cards dealt
Crawling through the sawdust of these hells

Burying bodies, ten-a-penny
Stuffed men once filled with straw
All now quiet and meaningless
Wondering what it was all for

This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper
It never would have come to this
If we’d just kept things simpler

Submitted to Shay’s Word Garden – inspired (and borrowed) from T.S.Eliot’s The Hollow Men

Today I’m feeling:

Good, getting better throughout the day. I started off a little dizzy until my meds kicked in.  

Both my classes were simple and the kids seem invested in a little reading and understanding.  I didn’t push them but the way I structured the reading and questions definitely caught out some of the students who would generally just copy their work.

Today I’m grateful for:

Parthiban in Singapore for paying back his share for the HighVoltage/SpeechOdd 12”, straight back into our Aussie bank account, which will keep Amy happy for a little while!

The best thing about today was:

Being inspired to write a couple of poems during my break between classes.  That two hours flew by today as I caught up some reading, thinking about prompts and ideas.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

In my first class we ran out of time for the last group to read because they were all struggling to understand the questions that I was asking them.  

I was surprised at how quickly the time disappeared.  Oh well, at least I caught about 85% of the class today.

Something I learned today?

Arwith’s band Piri Reis is supporting Converge in Bangkok in May.  He’s going to try and line up a weekend show in Chiang Mai if possible too.  

Either way I’d like to catch up with him if he’s here somewhere during a weekend.

What things do I like to collect?

I’ve answered this or a similar question before, answering with music, books, comics but it got me thinking a bit more about how technology has transformed collecting in many ways.  

With almost everything available somewhere somehow as a digital file collecting physical items is becoming more of a rich person’s privilege.  

Collecting things digitally doesn’t mean much to me but from seeing what some of the younger folks are experimenting with online in games they seem to place value in those things.  

I was intrigued whilst watching an online race over three hundred kilometres on a barren planet in one of the sci-fi games where folks collect and trade minerals.  

I can understand the appeal of these types of games and there may have been a time I might of dreamed of delving into them but I still have some part of me that clings to the physical.  

Unlike those players though I cannot place any value in something that only exists as bits and bytes.

Praewa took this picture because she stole my phone (again). Her face is finally starting to mature as she has had a cute childish face since I’ve known her and it has only recently started changing. She still hasn’t grown taller though which I often tease her about but she could still grow a few more inches yet.

Love Is For The Lucky – 14th January 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 10 Comments

Peggy asked me to come over
She said she was alone and scared
I remember when we were kids
Dancing like no one cared

Fearless, the world was ours
We thought there was nothing to lose
Great dreams lost in the wrong turns
Sorrows drowned in booze

In her eyes, she cast the blame
Yet knew it was her fault
Slowly learned that accepting less
Could still return a result

Is she only flesh and bones
Waiting for death and forgotten?
Always a need to be needed
Made her miserable and rotten

I held her hand to lead her back
And we did that for a week
But a war was going on
And there was a wider world to seek

Peggy now, did you find your way
Did you see direction through your tears
Did we both realise true love
In the aftermath of those years?

Inspired by this post at John Coyote’s blog

Today I’m feeling:

Better than yesterday but I slept really badly, waking seemingly every 20 minutes or so and feeling either too hot or too cold. When I went out for coffee Noey commented that I looked better today, that yesterday I looked about 60 years old and today I look about 20! I’ll take compliments wherever I can get them.

It felt good to work with Thiban this morning and get the order placed for the High Voltage/Speech Odd split 12”. We were able to get that done before Amy and I headed into the city to see Grandmum and get lunch.

Today I’m grateful for:

A surprise rain last night that did the watering for us and helped clean the air of the layer of smoke descending from the mountains.

The best thing about today was:

Still being alive. Many others didn’t make it today.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy invited me into the room to see her grandmum. I didn’t want to go but felt obliged to. She looks like a skeleton, just bones and motionless except gasping for air. I couldn’t stay.

A minute later, Amy let out a scream and everyone came running. As mum comforts grandmum, saying it’s ok to go, but life wants to hold on. Shallow breath returns but how long can death be put off and is it worth it? There’s nothing to look forward to except another gulp of breath.

Another minute later and she’s gone.  

I don’t know what the etiquette is now or how to help. I feel useless. This once vibrant body is off on its final disintegration and I don’t wish to acknowledge that this is my fate. Everyone’s fate. I feel empty in my stomach.

I don’t cry for grandmum, for Amy or her family. I cry for my own useless self.

Something I learned today?

It seems that the best option for the nomeansno book is to order it on Amazon but as money is short this month it will have to wait.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Of course, today took a turn and I did as Amy instructed without complaint despite still feeling dizzy and tired by around 4pm. Lots of running around picking up things for the temple. This will be the way for tonight and the following three nights before the last prayers and trip to the crematorium.

I took this picture of Grandmum’s photos that we took to the flower shop and will be used alongside the wreaths for her funeral. Her younger self; a beautiful Chinese-looking lady, though I think the Chinese heritage was on the grandfather’s side. The picture on the right was how I knew her. She always offered me food when I saw her. I held her hand when we went out to restaurants or visited the temple, her skin was so soft and smooth that it was hard to believe she was the age she was. She would have been 92 in March. A good run but as I approach my own end it doesn’t seem like it is even close to enough.

Raising The Water – 6th November 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Burned fresh paths into a new century
Got fat on food and dollar bills
Growth was built upon an enemy
And so those enemies sought new skills
And as stagnation sets the tone
Cooperation re-emerged as the norm
Gathered together they progressed alone
Leaving behind those with poor form

One who asks a question is a fool for five minutes; one who does not ask a question remains a fool forever.

various attributions

Today I’m feeling:
Satisfied and quiet.
Today I’m grateful for:
Discovering a cool new band called Ad Interim as they approached me about putting out some vinyl. It rocks pretty good and I’m keen but unsure how to make it work.
The best thing about today was:
Speaking briefly with Ckin in KL as she is sending me up some of my old stock that Kimi had there. Coincidentally I had heard the Malaysian accent already that morning as two teachers (I guess) were in Utopia. I was hoping to get to KL later this month for Parthiban’s show and to catch up with him and Ckin but I don’t have enough free time.
Daily thought
Do you believe in a higher power? I think the answer is no. I do understand the concept though as it helps people let go of certain bad habits and behaviours. The fact that I am not in control of everything is fine for me. I don’t need to assign that task to a higher power.
If you had the power to change one law, what would it be and why?
In Thailand, it would be the removal of the lese-majeste law. It is a law that is too easily abused by powerful people. It serves no real purpose except to frighten and scare people. It seems like a backwards way of going about making people support their country.

I took this picture because our cats are hiding themselves away from all the fireworks and explosions for Loy Kratong. It’s unusual to see Kim and Cap in solidarity.

Twenty years ago, saw a friend walking by and I stopped him on the street to ask him how it went – 16th February 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 3 Comments

There’s a vast difference between the habit of getting by, and the habit of getting better.

This switch from the old way was easy of course, because in the meantime I’d become an adult—I’m running a far more capable system, I just hadn’t thought to update the software.

-Raptitude newsletter

As I sit writing this at lunchtime, I am surrounded by 40 children in the classroom, running back and forth, banging tables, experimenting with musical instruments, attempting homework or chewing on sugary candies. Each shouting over each other to be heard, some making fun, some making fists, some making affections. Some dance, some pull faces, and some express themselves quietly in their own minds before releasing a newfound energy burst that no one cares to notice.

Why can’t I practice this now? Where did my time go? Why does the weight of responsibility bear down on me now? Why do we grow up and what does it mean?

There’s a balance to be found somewhere within your own personal timeline. Do not close the mind off, do not become the old fogey that doesn’t understand the kids today and complains that the music isn’t what it used to be. You’ve had your turn, so what are you going to do now?

You need to upgrade your software. The hardware will continue to fail at a more rapid rate and software is the only way to deal with this problem. Otherwise, you will become redundant and end up dusty on a garage shelf, waiting for recycling one day.

Forever entropy

I got by for a long time. Instead of doing proper software upgrades, I tinkered randomly and blindly with the code. I put them off for as long as possible in a vain effort to maintain an ideal of youth. But youth is clumsy, ugly, grasping for meaning in a darkened room, grasping for skin in a passion of tears.

The light at the end of the tunnel ever approaches – we know one day we will see the light. Let’s get better – this is no time to be getting by.

……and all he did was cry
I looked him in the face, but I couldn’t see past his eyes
Asked him what the problem was, he says “Here is your disguise”

Husker Du – Hardly Getting Over It

Gratitude Journal

I’m so happy and grateful that I am still alive today. Many of us didn’t make it this far.

To-do list

  • Meditate and remember Kimi ✅
  • Tidy up (and move?) room ✅
  • Write down list of passwords for Amy
  • Hang up the bells somewhere ✅
  • Many positive affirmations today ½

Today was a struggle. I knew Amy was right when she was telling me not to cancel my classes today but it still sucked. I have an empty space in my stomach, a constant hole, sickly and void.

Teaching did take my mind off things and I did feel more reasonable afterwards but when I tried to meditate I could not stop my mind from wandering, not even hearing the words of the meditation. I am not looking forward to school tomorrow though know that the distraction will be helpful.

This tragic event puts the stupidity of the schools into perspective. They are not worth my time bothering about.

I talked with Parthiban online and I will try to do more things with him in the future. He was very close with Kimi too and is in the same shock. I will also think about going to Kimi’s funeral and helping Asikin with anything that I can. I talked with Thiban about maybe finishing off any projects that Kimi was in the middle of.

All the things that I have been studying and learning have been thoroughly tested this weekend. I see my biggest issue is over emotional control and I think I will look for more ways to try and improve that. All these ideas have been useless if I can’t utilise them when the time comes