Aussie day – forgot about already. Remember Cronulla, think logically – leads to Trump. Can people everywhere understand? Do they really think it’s good?

Good sleep – forgotten dreams. It’s okay, body stronger, brain stronger. Love life. Love reading, love music, love clean air – where is it? Where is the rain?

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the jukebox in my head, the settings and times in there are the soundtrack of my life.

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A bit more subdued today though I did many things. I got a bit annoyed at the students again and sent some video of students playing on their phones in class to Kru Tongjai – when she replied ‘What happened?’ I thought I would try to understand why the situation is the way it is rather than try to fix it. So I told her not to worry about it and that the problem is my way of thinking. I need to accept that I can’t really help the students much more when they have many different factors to contend with going against them. Teaching methods, lazy teachers, parents etc etc.

So, do I just resign myself to having fun in class and not worry about the students? It’s annoying for me because many students are smart enough to understand that their education is woeful. Oh well.

The best thing about today was finishing Notes From Underground. So good. I’m not sure what it all means to me but I could identify lots within the text – whether it was related to me of to other people.

I still have many thoughts and feelings about George that I hope I can express here sometime. They are not clear but starting to have some definition. I have just been acting as normal with everyone but George seems a little off and I’m not sure if it is relative to me or something else going on. He doesn’t start any conversation with me at all now and I always have to push for any kind of talk.

When I have no self-doubt I feel fine but other times when my self-belief is low I wonder what is going on. I just need to be.