I don’t know what I believe anymore The fence gets more comfortable every day The Holocaust, massacres and genocides Did they really happen that way?
Is it all a facade, my own Truman Show? Is the grass actually greener over there? To discover my world was built on lies I wish to remain blissfully unaware
Now reality assaults me at every turn Left guilty and helpless at the pain Paralysed by the bystander syndrome The fence is where I choose to remain
When I walk by the river Do you see what I can see? Catfish jumping, catching cats Elves flying from tree to tree I see elephants tugging boats The waters are dark and deep Fireworks fired from the sun Dreams of which my secrets keep Do you see sparks flying? Feel the love of the farmer’s daughter? Here’s a dose of the real world Found within this water
Perceptions, real or imagined, are all valid.
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty good again. No class this morning because of the Japan Day event in the morning so teachers are running around preparing things and students are running around playing cosplay or slinking off to find a quiet place to sleep. I think what they are doing doesn’t teach much but I try to forget that and get into the spirit of it. It’s hot, humid and everyone is sweaty already. My students already asked me to skip class this afternoon but I think we can do a little bit just for fun.
(Later) It was so hot and running around to the temple and the crematorium, back and forth to school all wore me out so I fell in line with the kids and told them the class was cancelled and I came home. As I was driving back a nice storm cleared the air, though I had to quickly get to the gutter to clear all the leaves I found blocking it yesterday. Nothing like an emergency to galvanise one into action. The storm is long gone now though and the sun returned to torture us more.
Today I’m grateful for:
The Hobby coffee shop which Gui recommended me to try as House is closed today as he goes to Bangkok for a coffee festival. The barista at Hobby used to live in Melbourne and his coffee is good but lacked the kick of taste I like. Maybe he has a dark roast I can try when I go back later.
(Later) I’m here now and forgot to ask! Another time. Off to Boom’s funeral.
The best thing about today was:
Amy is about to board her flight to Chiang Rai and in a couple of hours she’ll be back here complaining about how hot it is. It will be good to annoy each other in person again! And kiss, cuddle and comfort too.
(Later) And now I’m at the airport again waiting for her and it doesn’t seem quite real. Everything changes, everything is the same.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Some of my students from the class on Tuesday were grumpy with me because I complained to their homeroom teacher so much. When I ran into them today some couldn’t resist the urge to come and chat and play with me and likewise, I always feel happy to see them, especially outside the classroom. They are good kids just bad students. They’ll figure it out given time and hopefully not too late.
Something I learned today?
A US presidential candidate has called for an end to NATO arguing that it has continually broken its own charter and is making the world a more dangerous place. I did not think it would sell in America but the rest of the world seems to agree.
What are some of my favourite things?
Amy surprised me with a new iPhone so right now that is my favourite thing. Tomorrow it won’t be though. It will just be a phone, a little better than the one I was using before.
Maybe Amy is my favourite thing. Most days.
I took this picture because today is Boom’s funeral and all his biker friends came to the crematorium to see him off. After his body went into the flames they revived their engines and tooted their horns for a minute.
Life is not easy It is not supposed to be Build up your wisdom
Today I’m feeling:
Happy but getting a little fatigued, maybe from pushing myself too hard with my morning exercise. But I need to keep pushing if I’m going to lose some belly fat.
Today I’m grateful for:
My tennis racket bug zapper. It’s supremely satisfying to hear the crackle of frying mosquitoes in its mesh as I wave it through the air.
The best thing about today was:
The positive response from the 4 students I sent messages to last night, telling them how well they are doing in class and for a couple of them to try and focus their friends too. Today’s class was much smoother and everyone seemed a little happier.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
If anything was out of my control today it didn’t have any noticeable effect on me.
Something I learned today?
I decided to look at the Guardian to see if there was anything I might learn that was in the news. I found very little. If each article just included facts about events they would be one paragraph long. It’s one of the reasons people only read headlines because there is little of consequence within.
What do you do to be involved in the community?
In general, due to my poor language skills, I don’t do much but I do consider that being a teacher is bring involved in the community. I hope to encourage these students to be the best that they can?
I took this picture because Cap was lying down with his tongue sticking out for some reason! He seems very happy.
Sometimes dreams and reality merge. As I walked through the gate towards the regular morning coffee I’m thinking of cars, locking the door of my own with the key in my pocket. Imagine that, me from the 80s. The remnants of sound of the podcast talking about used car salesmen and a ’68 Cadillac, friends driving around listening to old tapes. And a vague, fleeting recollection of the dream last night of cars past, pieces falling apart and breaking down. Those pieces of shit – a nostalgia trip of loving memory. The bad times were always the best. So what was real in this fog of pre-caffeine confusion? And is that what dying is? Do dreams and reality blur slowly at the edges until we finally fall out of our existence and into the ever-long dream?
Burn the books that shook and rocked Ban the guns all cocked and locked Pay the man a corporate donation Say a prayer to save the nation Scoff as the rest of the world is shocked
The end of days, the Rapture foretold When shock and awe have taken hold Scrambling with a personal hell Now has come the time to tell About all the lies that have been sold
Most people would rather argue about reality than do something about reality.
Ryan Holiday
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to see the birdies able to fly – or just trying for their first times. I hope they can avoid our cats.
That kiss was a powerful thing Difficult to know what it really meant A transference of being Within this reality spent Rescued by inception Trying to make some sense of it all A face fades and friends die Unable to escape the wall
The feeling of power you get from hard-fought experience is stronger than the urge to change your mind, even when it’s necessary.
Morgan Housel
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to Amy’s parents again as they come and do bits and pieces around the garden.
Do you find it normal that there are daily demonstrations by ________? That women in love run away from their Prince Charming? That people dream about farms rather than love? That men and women sell their time, but can never buy it back again? And yet, all these things happen, so it really doesn’t matter what I believe or don’t believe; all these things are normal. Everything that goes against Nature, against our most intimate desires, is normal in our eyes, even though it’s an aberration in God’s eyes. We seek out our own inferno, we spend millennia building it, and after all that effort, we are now able to live in the worst possible way.
– Maria, Eleven Minutes – Paulo Coelho
Certain passages just jump out at you when you read them. Resonate with your thoughts and feelings at that particular time.
In the text, the blank is ‘Kurds’ in the first sentence, but this day I’m writing, or this day you are reading, you can fill it in with anything. There are sure to be daily demonstrations somewhere in the world, about some injustice or other, and so that we have spent millennia building this reality and despite all our efforts we end up living in the worst possible way – and that is what we perceive as normal.
The picture attached is not connected with this thought in any way. I took it this morning, riding around after finishing reading Eleven Minutes at my regular weekend coffee stop. The newly planted rice looked weak and vulnerable deep in the water. Though from the angle of the photo it looks much more cohesive.
There is a cafe in the middle of the fields, working the photo opportunity whilst the rice is growing. Rice is life here. Other fields are burning off their waste, ready for the next season.
The shack at the corner, a shield from the sun for tired sweaty workers to take a breath. It is a romantic structure, though I will never find myself in need of its use.
The big tree behind the shack looks strong at base yet scrawny at height. It looks climbable, it looks liveable – build a treehouse and live above the land.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for Amy’s yoga mat which I have been able to borrow and use in the mornings before going to work. Before I would slip and slide around on my rug.
I am so happy and grateful to have a lot of free time and not feel under pressure.
“How do I know that the wind should blow? It’s blowing!” She adds “I realised that it’s insane to oppose it. When I argue with reality, I lose – but only 100% of the time.”
Byron Katie
To-do list
Just Dance ✅
Again, yes again – think before writing and speaking ✅
Start grading if you can ✅
Meditate (Inner Engineering) ✅
Sort more CDs ✅
Watched the first Swans game of the year (not sure we’ll be in any contention this year – we have good players but not a good team for some reason) and taught Ellen, so the day has flown by.
Feeling good and positive again – maybe because I’ve been laughing at myself playing Just Dance in the morning. Going to do it again tomorrow.
12 Jun 2024 – The Swans finished 16th out of 18 this year. One of the only years they have not played finals in the last couple of decades. It was a time of rebuilding and if memory serves me correctly they made the Grand Final a couple of years later.
Is it really real? Is this how I feel? Have I done it right? Have I done it wrong? Reality’s all right If it doesn’t last long My name is on their list Does reality really exist?
1994ever 