Tag: relaxed

Little Miss Imperfect – 16th February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

It was a missing tooth
Some wayward hair
A smudge of a nose
That almost wasn’t there

It was a crooked smile
Dry cracked lips
An inch too much
Sitting on her hips

It was a minor lisp
One leg longer
A scarred wrist
Now grown stronger

No, she’s not perfect
As far as all could see
But it’s all those little faults
That has attracted me

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good.  I did some chest and arm exercises this morning, trying to avoid straining my shoulder and also hanging for a minute to stretch myself out.  Had my first cold morning shower of the year, which was a bit of a challenge but sure woke me up properly.

Today I’m grateful for:

Nong Ploy for saying that she wishes I was still her teacher because she enjoys writing in English the most, which is something I like to have the students practice.  And then have them read from what they’ve written.

The best thing about today was:

The winding down and relaxing feeling of the end of the semester.  

I was trying to put myself in my student’s shoes about how they must feel each day, being amongst their friends at school all day and then going home to their families each evening.  They obviously enjoy being at school and being with their friends but suffer the having to study part of that.  

I was trying to remember what it was like for me at their age.  Usually, I was excited to get out of school because when I got home I was usually out again after eating dinner and having even more fun with my friends.  

The situation here feels different both because of the family set-up in many homes and the availability of mobile phones and internet.  It makes for an experience that I only understand as an adult, not as a growing child.

Something I learned today?

“OpenAI’s latest model takes text prompts and turns them into ‘complex scenes with multiple characters, specific types of motion,’ and more, the company said.

The text-to-video model allows users to create photorealistic videos up to a minute long – all based on prompts they’ve written.”

As AI improves, and it seems to be doing so quickly, this could go either way.   Folks could create and post anything that conforms to their narratives.  

For example, the BBC could post footage of concentration camps in Xinjiang, where they keep insisting they exist.  People could easily believe it, especially when it is reinforced with pictures and videos.  

However, I also want to look on the positive side that due to this new capability journalists will be forced to detail, verify, check and double-check and be held legally accountable for what they publish.  It’s optimistic but that is the way it must go.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

At the morning flag ceremony KanomBang was crying heavily as her beloved dog had died.  She was inconsolable so I just put my arm around her and gently patted her arm.  Other students were still laughing and playing and I’m not sure what they were saying but Nomsen gave her some sympathy and support too.  She was ok by the afternoon and showed me a picture of her dog and told me it had been hit by a motorbike which is a common occurrence here unfortunately.

I called and messaged Khaofang as her jumper was in the classroom where she lost it the day before yesterday.  When she came to collect it she was very appreciative.

What was peaceful about today?

It’s difficult to find peace when you are surrounded by thousands of students. So perhaps the first hour of the day, having just woken up and quietly brushing my teeth before going to exercise, feeding the cats and then hopping into the shower, all the while the sky slowly lightening into the morning bloom.  Then I eat some breakfast whilst reading a little and the sun finally appears over the mountains and it’s time for the peace to end.

At the end of the day, post-shower and into bed.  Amy on her side, me on mine and Cap swapping between us, Amy quietly scrolls through Facebook and I read books and comics until we both give in to the joy of sleep.

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO –  18. Give Without Expecting Something in Return. Don’t keep score. You will become a bitter person if you do that. Give solely for the joy of giving. If you get something in return, great, if you don’t, great.

I may not give out too much but I expect and want little from anyone else.  

Over the last few years, I have started giving out gifts as random acts of kindness and my only hope would be that the receiver will pass on the kindness to someone else.  

Whether they do or not is out of my control.

What was my Ween discovery timeline?

I had read about Ween often in Flipside and was curious when their first album God Ween Satan came out so I picked up a copy.  It started off well and punky with You Fucked Up but I was unprepared for everything else that came on the rest of the album.  Slowly it worked its wackiness on me and I enjoyed its eclecticism over time.  

So when the second LP, The Pod,  came out I was looking for more of the same and it didn’t deliver for me.  This seemed like weird droning moaning music and so I gave up on them, even selling both discs.

I occasionally heard them on the radio when I was living in Australia with their ‘hit’s Push The Little Daisies and Voodoo Lady but didn’t think on much further about them.

Around 2010 sometime, my friend in Melbourne, James McGauren had met and fallen in love with a Swedish girl and was making the move there and he decided to sell off a big chunk of his music collection.  He had all the Ween albums.  

Fuck it, I thought, I’ll give these guys a go again and picked up the whole catalogue for cheap.  Slowly I worked my way through each album and fell in love with them all.  I scoured the internet to find quality live shows and all their demo recordings and ended up with about 50 discs worth of Ween to enjoy.

Listening back to The Pod these days, I can understand why I didn’t enjoy it at the time but now I rate it as a favourite.  

I never saw them live but have their live DVD and whilst I appreciate their entertainment abilities I prefer the quirkiness of their records.

I took this picture because this old man was looking relaxed when I got home.
Fatman report

Almost – 7th February 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

You became the master of money
And accumulated great wealth
Became a master of muscles
And maintaining physical health
But that final puzzle piece
Is still hidden as if by stealth
Couldn’t master your mind
Couldn’t master yourself

18th Apr 2024 – Submitted to Word of the Day Challenge

Today I’m feeling:

Happy and relaxed, waiting for the sun to drop so I can do some watering again. I’m hoping for an early rainy season again but I think this year may be long and dry, unfortunately.

Today I’m grateful for:

Manus at the post office for always being helpful and friendly and trying to help me remember the Thai word for ‘registered’.

The best thing about today was:

A long chat with Amy about different ideas and plans for the future.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I had just gotten on a roll with updating more blog entries when Fui came to House and we started talking. I’m never sure how long he will stay but I decided I had no hurry today and we ended up chatting for about 90 minutes. We often go over the same things but we learn a little more about each other each time. At points, I was keen to get back to what I was doing but I told myself to relax and enjoy this time.

Something I learned today?

You can buy a cock ring called the Tally Wacker that counts your thrusts when fucking. I’m not sure if it syncs with your health devices but maybe 100 thrusts equals a calorie?

What is one lesson I am learning right now?

We’ll have to generalise ‘right now’ a little because if taken literally all I’m learning is what I can remember from ‘around’ ‘right now’!

I’m learning a little how to relax and even be bored again. This week involves a lot of TV and reading, playing guitar and listening to music. Much like many other weeks but interspersed with even less teaching than usual.

It’s taken me a long time to learn to relax and in the back of my mind, I’m confident that when the time comes necessary I will be able to get right back on my game again.

I took this picture because I wanted a different angle to look at the garden. I like this mini bamboo plant that apparently cats like to eat. Not sure ours ever do though. The leafless frangipani has more focus than the other trees near it which are also now losing their leaves. The frangipanis are just starting to show leaves sprouting through now. You can also spy the tops of some of our cacti too.

Letter to future me (sent 7th Feb 2022)

Dear FutureMe,

It’s the 7th of February 2022 and I’m sitting in the cafe, Le Paradis, next door to CRPAO, where I am currently an English teacher. It’s scout week and us farang teachers have nothing to do for this whole week. I’ve decided to clock in, show my face and go home again unless anyone wants me to do anything.

I’m feeling pretty happy these days. Amy has been in Australia for a week now and has gotten herself a job already, which she will start in March, after travelling to Albury and Adelaide first to visit friends.

Tomorrow I will go to visit Bruno and Nut for dinner and on Sunday Aing and Now will come to stay for a few days, for Aing’s graduation ceremony. She will look around the area with the intention to start some sort of business here, which is great news. It will give us a local cat sitter that we can trust!

By the time you are reading this, it’s possible you are no longer working – that might even happen as early as the end of the semester in March. Whatever happens, it will be ok, though I’m enjoying having access to almost all my income for a change.

I am still thinking too much about George and the way he is treating me but I am slowly able to push it aside, made easier by just avoiding him at work. I don’t feel anything bad towards him. He obviously feels hurt by my actions towards him, which in my mind have been fairly minimal and understated. He seems to have a higher expectation and can’t deal with that not being met. At least that’s how see it, with the little that I managed to get out of him to try and find out his true feelings.

Everything I accuse him of, I can accuse myself. It doesn’t matter. We’re just not compatible but I don’t let that interfere with staying polite.

I have written many times about my ability to keep myself (my mind) occupied and I don’t easily succumb to loneliness. I would rather be alone than struggle to maintain a difficult friendship. Perhaps this is something that I will improve on in the future but I am happy with myself the way I am. Real, good friends will find their way to each other.

Do I want to tell you anything? Just keep going. You’ve done so well to get where you are now. This year is looking bright to me, right now, with so many possibilities. Some will happen, others will wait.
I’ll go and make some music.

PS – look at your blog for this day in the past, over the years. Do you notice anything?

FutureMe – take it easy.

Ease To Pain – 30th October 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Driving away from this town called ease
I was wasting time to do as I please
Try to fill my brain with new things to do
Remembering that I’m just passing through
Clearer heads appear under different skies
Walking away from that old disguise
From ease to pain will soon turn again
The town will remain, just the same

What a boy had set out to seek, a man had found, found by the act of living.

Mervyn Peake, from Titus Alone

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and relaxed
Today I’m grateful for:
The ladies at the tattoo shop who did a great job with my tattoo. They were fast, professional and surprisingly cheap.
The best thing about today was:
Walking around with a new tattoo. It gives a vague boost of confidence, like, this is me today, it is more than me yesterday.
Write a personal mantra or affirmation for next year.
Don’t be lazy.

I took this picture because this represents pretty much the only thing I did today different to 99.9% of other days!

All We Have – 21st October 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A coin to gain entry
A seat for the sunset, sir?
Do not trust the dawn
For it may never occur
Take your pick of the tables
Or perhaps up there in the tree?
The smartest trick the Devil
Sold to you that which is free

inspired by a passage from Titus Alone by Mervyn Peake

We say that at home, we can ‘be ourselves.’ Everywhere else, we are someone else.

Matthew Desmond

Today I’m feeling:
Relaxed
Today I’m grateful for:
Amy finding a new place to move to already, just 2 days after finding out she would have to move. One of her housemates was crying that Amy will leave so soon. That is the effect Amy has on people. I’m so lucky she is part of my life.
The best thing about today was:
Reading comics and finding more to read. I’m trying to catch up on 2000AD and Judge Dredd and after about 5 years (maybe more) I’m still only up to 1995! Can this be considered a long-term goal?
Sometimes, when I’m high I consider how trivial, inconsequential and boring the things I’m interested in are! Then I think that I’m not alone. Almost everyone’s interests these days are insubstantial and niche. It makes it hard to get enthusiastic apart promoting music through tenzenmen sometimes. Sometimes it feels like me and three other people really dig something and I don’t have the energy to try and break through to others who have their own particular niche interests.
If you had a freeway billboard, what would it say?
I would take it down. What a blight!
I would sell it for advertising. What is one more ad in the scheme of things?
I would have it display a new positive quote every day.
I would paint it the same colour as what is behind it.

I took this picture because I went on a little bike ride past Hacienda where there used to be a rubbish-burning collection point. It’s gone now and the land is slowly being dug out to fill in reclaimed rice fields for new buildings. This clump of bamboo sits atop a last piece of the old land and will soon be gone too. I found a track opposite that wasn’t marked on the map but when I switched to satellite view was clearly a proper dirt road at one point though now it was covered with grass again. I ponder about contacting Google to send me a camera so they can update their maps but the only person who benefits from this would be me. All the locals already know these tracks and paths and it’s only stupid me that goes off exploring and getting fucked up by google maps leading me into rivers or walls.

Day Trip – 19th October 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

One tooth hag with leather jacket
Brown from bent back stooping
In exposed fields of watery weed
Where crucified shirts scare birds swooping

Every home with a lemonade stand
Auntie and child in hammock swinging
Dancing girls adorn a bamboo stage
Drunken uncles make attempts at singing

Families ring the rubber trees
Teenage boys ride off for fishing
In ditches and streams formed in rainy season
Sat in sun, waiting, hoping, wishing

Up towards the tree-lined tops
Down to the valley fires are burning
The circle of life that never stops
Just as the water wheels are turning

What does the money machine eat? It eats youth, spontaneity, life, beauty, and, above all, it eats creativity. It eats quality and shits quantity.

William Burroughs

Today I’m feeling:
Very relaxed, almost too relaxed.
Today I’m grateful for:
Being able to order food delivery for lunch and eating delicious rice with pineapple and cashew nuts. I feel old because I still marvel at being able to order food through app, that is connected to Amy’s bank to pay and then watch a map in real-time of the driver getting lost along our soi.
The best thing about today was:
I didn’t do a whole lot so it’s a choice between, getting up early again, unblocking the sink or buying and planting a bush and a potted plant.
Have you ever benefitted from alternative medicines?
Nope.

I took this picture because I received a parcel today with these inside! I realized they’d come from Amy’s friend Fon. Such a nice unexpected surprise. Considering splashling out on Vegemite for a taste of (another) home.

Stephen Pike – 8th October 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

What were you doing in my bed last night
That made me wake up screaming?
Who are you and why give me such a fright
Even though I was only dreaming?

This was a real dream, a man walking up the bed and bending down to strangle me, and as he did I woke up screaming ‘Stephen Pike, Stephen Pike’. I don’t know who he is.

No man should judge unless he asks himself in absolute honesty whether in a similar situation he might not have done the same.

Viktor Frankl

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and relaxed.
Today I’m grateful for:
The bananas I bought at the market that have fed me for the last couple of days. Why are other people’s bananas so good and tasty but the ones growing in my garden don’t go well?
The best thing about today was:
Being around home all day and not feeling stressed or bored or anything in particular. The whole day has been pleasant and enjoyable.

The most important invention in your lifetime is…
The internet, I think. Being involved in IT I was able to utilise my skills early on and saw all the possibilities the internet could provide. It enabled me to contact people around the world easily and allowed me to travel to different countries.

I took this picture because Cap was sitting on the mat in the bathroom looking cute and like he was a teen again so I got down to his level to take photos. This one shows his broken tooth and his broken tongue.

Scrabble – 1st October 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

After a fall you may rest in bed
But those words can never be unsaid
Your actions may bring some trouble
But your words will score them double

Live long enough and you’ll learn that the people who’ll really hurt you and screw you over aren’t the obvious, overt monsters but the sly manipulators who smile to your face.

Caitlin Johnstone

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and relaxed.
Today I’m grateful for:
Being able to listen to CDs throughout the day. Marc Ribot, Half Man Half Biscuit and That Fucking Tank. To have music available to suit (or make) any mood is something I’m grateful for.
The best thing about today was:
Walking in the rain and being in the garden in the rain, with Cap watching me from the terrace and Tig curled up on the chair. Idyllic.

What is your favourite season of year? Why?
My favourite season depends on where I am in the world but I guess spring would generally be my favourite. The balance of the four seasons in England makes each of them enjoyable. Sydney, Australia mostly felt like having two seasons but a short break in between each. Thailand has three seasons with no spring to really talk of. Just winter, summer and rainy seasons.

Spring is the light after the cold dark of winter, everything renews and regenerates. A time of hope and possibility. Sometimes summer is tinged with a hint of sadness, knowing that it will finish soon.

I took this picture because despite the rain I was enjoying this walk and I wanted to show my village, with the highway running through. I no longer wonder what I’m doing here. I could be anywhere and this is just where I am right now.

The Bull Remains – 30th September 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 4 Comments

The rain makes the dragonflies dance
Across the green rice field sea
Stalks quivering under droplets weight
Bent to the breeze in a quiet tango
Four rainbows beam from the mountain
Tin rooves announcing progress
Animals seek out shelter
Yet the bull remains, unamused

4th Sep 2024 – Submitted to Moonwashed Weekly Prompt

In recent seasons of being, I have had occasion to reflect on the utterly improbable trajectory of my life, plotted not by planning, but by living.

Carl Jung

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and relaxed.
Today I’m grateful for:
The coconut shop that makes delicious iced coconut water drinks. They are delicious but disappear too quickly like good things are supposed to.
The best thing about today was:
As I was walking to the coconut shop a school van pulled up, the door opened and I heard ‘teacher!’ and it was my student Baipad, who I found out lives next door but one to Black Smooth cafe. I think there are a couple of other students in my village but Baipad is the first I’ve actually seen around and all because I decided to walk instead of going by motorbike.

I took this picture because it was only by chance that I saw these strange star-shaped flowers on this cactus. Pretty and pretty interesting.

Roundhouse – 24th September 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

This is the house that time built
The 60s are just through the door
Another world, another lifetime
What were the billions gone all living for?

This is the house that time built
Educated to a level capability
Flexing muscles of hidden thoughts
Exercising a great mental agility

This is the house that time built
Once glorious yet now decrepit
All shall one day return to earth
No matter how amazingly intrepid

Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell.

Edward Abbey

Today I’m feeling:
Happy
Today I’m grateful for:
The chef at the shop next to Utopia for preparing me a delicious lunch to my requirements with yummy fresh tofu and crispy noodles to make lard na.
The best thing about today was:
Getting so many little things done but in a relaxing manner. Sometimes I struggle with motivation but today I managed to push through without feeling like I was forcing it.

I took this picture because I was walking home from Utopia and thinking about how to make an interesting picture. The three contrasting colours of yellow, green and blue along with the lines as seen from the ground level give this picture a more complex feel. I thought about straightening the picture but kind of like that it is a little off.

View From The Hammock – 20th March 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A crazy bird is crying
Looking for a mate
Lizards discuss the rain
Three cats carefully sniff the cactus
Before settling to sleep again
Ant armies on an unknown mission
Disappear into the cracks
Dogs roll around uncontrollably
As if scratching an impossible itch
In the middle of their backs
Midges, gnats, flies, wasps
Bees and hornets too
Doing battle for the tastiest meal
Pollen descends to rest on my stomach
As I swing back and forth
Hoping for a breeze to feel
Slung between two tall trees
I’m hung on this piece of cloth
I am the outsider, here as observer
And today, it’s enough

It’s human; we all put self interest first.

Euripedes

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be able to watch the AFL games again this year. The sport is still played and technology allows me to watch it.