Tag: self help

Sold To The Highest Buddha – 26th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

There’s money to be made
If you repack old Deepak
A rewrite of insight
A new cover displayed 
Brand is a brand
A mix of old tricks
A bird in the bush
Worth two in the hand
And so we gots
All the words of Watts
That always made great sense
A new guru on Hulu
Selling a finger of ginger
For the most ridiculous expense
This week’s wisdom to counter fail
Stacks up as unread mail
But Sadhguru has no care
His followers split 
And now do sit
In their very own golden chair

Today I’m feeling:

Full up after eating two baked potatoes and a whole tub of ice cream. I slept well and got up and got going. My finger still hurts a lot but I’m trying to ignore it and just continue as normal. 

Today I’m grateful for:

My umbrella that was next to useless in trying to keep me cool standing out in the middle of the football field. At least it kept the sun off my skin somewhat. Now I’m sitting in the shade but my shirt is soaked through with sweat already. Welcome to scout week.

The best thing about today was:

Feeling pretty laid back and enjoying my more recently found ability to go with the flow in situations such as today. David was railing against it just like I used to and I had to remind him to relax. He said he needs to know what’s going on and needs to structure. I told him that this is not the place for that.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

This morning I spent two hours hanging around at school just to hold my arms out for five seconds to line up the primary students. I was improperly trained for about twenty seconds in how to hold my arms out. I did a great job!
I forced myself to enjoy this colossal waste of time even knowing that I will have to do something similar for the next two days too,

Something I learned today?

I’ve been quite impressed with Yuval Noah Hariri’s book Sapiens so I went looking for videos of his and was quite shocked to find that supposed Christians resort to calling him the anti-Christ! His offence (in the video I saw) was just saying that AI has the ability to start its own religion and to write its own Bible. What seems like a straightforward suggestion to me seemed to trigger many dogmatic non-thinkers, those tied up in the narrative that there can only be one god and that he is mostly white and lives in America. I’m projecting a little with that last sentence but it smacks of ignorance that falls into a particular stereotype that appeals to me.

What are the most important relationships in my life?

Number one is my relationship with myself. If I keep that running smoothly all other relationships will take care of themselves.

I took this picture because sometimes I just find Tangmo outside the door patiently waiting for attention. I’m trying to give him less often but he keeps coming back until I shut the gate.

Sweet Lips – 13th March 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A trickster manipulates words
I’ll collect them in my box
Register them with internal affairs
And see what it unlocks

Adding a twist of lemon
They become spat-out sour
More honest than the saccharine
Used to give them power

Everything already said
Is gonna get said once more
A constant strive for meaning
Makes a profit to explore

27th Sep 2024 – Submitted to Ragtag Daily Prompt – lips

Today I’m feeling:

Calm and relaxed.

Today I’m grateful for:

The delicious perfume of this candle that Amy brought from Australia for me. No matter how much you try to save money when buying perfumed candles the more you spend the better the smell and its lasting effect.

The best thing about today was:

Feeling in a great mood in the morning, chatting with students and spending time with them without any rush, then spending about three hours drinking coffee and updating the blog (1983 diary entries completed) and then back to school again for more chat and some play before shopping and home.

After eating dinner though I’ve run out of steam and ready for bed before the sun has even set.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I was excited to get a call from FedEx as it meant they would deliver the SSD I needed which will hopefully upgrade my iMac and get it running again.

Unfortunately, when the delivery guy arrived he needed almost 800 baht in import tax before handing it over, adding another 40 bucks to the cost. What can I do?

I hope this all works in the end otherwise I’ll just have ended up with an expensive SSD drive and still no desktop computer.

Something I learned today?

I’ve made some lessons that require audio input from myself and the students and I went to record this afternoon but it sounds really odd when played back. There’s an option to upload mp3s so that seemed like the way to go except there is no simple way to do that without downloading new software. You can record to m4a files and then hopefully (I haven’t tested yet) can convert them in Apple Music.

I forgot how simple things can be once they’ve been set up, such as I had on my main computer and then just ran and worked forever. Now I’m back to fiddling around again to do this initial setup.

What is something I can do today to improve my well-being?

That would be the exercise I did this morning and the early night I’m about to get this evening so I can catch up on some sleep.

I took this picture because when I got home today I was greeted by this menagerie along with Tangmo and the white and black cat on the terrace. A few others in the village were investigating the herd just outside too. It seems to have grown as I only remember there being five last year though maybe he has smaller herds stashed around the village. My guess is that the aunties next door want the poop and the benefit of the jungle being kept at bay for free. Their vegetable garden is doing very well and none of the land belongs to the aunties or the cowman but it’s all for the common good.

Woke up to thunder, or was it a truck? I couldn’t hear any rain, must’ve been a truck. Wait, there it is again, must be thunder. Where’s the damn rain?
Soon my alarm goes off and even though I’ve only had six hours of sleep and feel a little achy, I’m feeling good and do my little exercises and then, finally, a little rain falls though not enough to mean I don’t need to water the garden still.
It’s still misty and hazy with low clouds too, so it’s difficult to tell if the rain has had much impact on the air quality yet.
I drive to school without rush for a change and hang out with the few kids who still bothered to come, particularly enjoying catching up with my old students, Aon, Aomsin and Wan, who fill me in with the latest classroom gossip.
It’s fascinating to see the changes in these kids over the three years I’ve known them and to get some idea of the direction they would like to head in.
Aomsin told me how the class dynamics had changed and I mentioned another class that were all good friends in grades 7 and 8 and then all split into different factions in grade 9. Aomsin said, ‘Of course because we are all growing up.’ It made me question why, when we grow up, we lose that forgiveness for our friends?

Self Help – 8th March 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

It’s a personal operation
I’m wielding the knife
Following my direction
Exorcising my life

Making deep cuts
Removing the clots
Tightening the nuts
Massaging the knots

Hacked and rebooted
Time to rise and shine
Finally, I’m suited
In this body of mine

Yesterday’s euphoria is not really present today perhaps because I was still feeling it last night as I bashed out guitar and wanted to read comics well past my normal sleep time.

So now I’m a little dopey and tired, which can be similar to euphoria until something niggly happens that can turn into a bad mood.

Waiting for 30 minutes at Immigration for a one-minute interaction could have done it but I kept my cool.

Now I’m with coffee so all is good.

I’ll go back to school and do a little more work, maybe go to Central and talk to the Mac repair people and see if there is any possibility of getting the beast fixed.

I’m already looking forward to sleeping tonight.

Today I’m feeling:

Happy, tired, relaxed.

Today I’m grateful for:

Having the fine comb/brush that I can use for Tigger to try and get his coat under control now that it is shedding everywhere as summer is trying to settle in during the daytime at least. The nights are still lovely and cool though, which may be confusing for the cats. The comb is full of Tigger’s hair with just a few brief sweeps. He’s a non-stop shedder!

The best thing about today was:

Figuring out I should be able to get my iMac fixed if I buy the correct components and take them to the shop at Central. Should be just a couple of hundred bucks as opposed to a couple of thousand or more for a new system.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I forgot how tired I was by this evening and now realising I probably didn’t need a weed gummy as it’s just knocked me out and I’m in bed at 8.30 catching up on last night already. Handled appropriately.

Something I learned today?

I spent a fair bit of time whizzing around Quizziz, building up my lessons for next year. I’m hoping that integrating with it more will be more engaging for the kids. I need to spend a bit more time finding others who have used it innovatively and then borrowing their ideas. No point in reinventing stuff.

What happened today that was significant?

Not really anything. Check out what I wrote was the best thing about today and that’s about as significant as it gets.

I took this picture because Kim Chi has found a new spot for herself. I was looking all around, inside and outside the house, until I found her here.

You outcun the most cunning – 21st November 2019

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Last night I was sitting at home, alone in my house (Amy was at her parents) and I had a sudden feeling of blissful contentment. I felt that I could do anything in that moment.

Of course, many of the things that I want to do take a long time and it was too close to bedtime so I ended up going to bed and doing the usual reading. But the feeling was great. It really struck despite its brevity.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to myself because I have slowly learned how to improve myself, to feel contented most of the time and to enjoy the little things in life. I’m grateful I have continued to grow and learn. I have had to change the way I think and behave over the years so that I have been able to find some peace. I can’t imagine being alive if I hadn’t made those changes.

Watcha gonna do? – 21st January 1994

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Another eventful week finds me writing this Saturday a.m. at work.  Let’s start with Thursday’s encounter with Fatty.  He phoned up in the evening moaning about going to the Brickie’s to meet cos it was too far and it was pissing down (it wasn’t raining at all) so I had to make the effort and go to Grasshoppers near him

We chatted til closing time (Bronwyn went out for a meal with Rosemary – wish I’d gone in hindsight!) and we got on quite well.  I was being very positive and deliberately avoided putting him down.  He, however, didn’t.  He said my letter was rubbish cos it was all from a book and ‘you don’t need books to tell you how to be’.

I took in everything he said and really just let him get on with it.  I wasn’t going to argue or point out any of his faults.  He said I’m a different person every time I get a girlfriend and that I treat him badly.  He also said he knows me better and that I’m not a positive person but just get like this when I meet a girl.

I now realise he doesn’t know me at all and am very upset by what he has said.  I don’t feel like being friendly with him at all. He’s using emotional blackmail and paranoia to try and get what he wants.  He wants me to be like him I think – like we may have been years ago.  I’m afraid I’ve changed and do not want to be like that ever again. I’m going places and determined not to let anyone get me down.

I told him we intended going ice skating with Chrissy and Amanda on Saturday and he said ‘Fuckin’ hell, you’ll be going bowling next!’  More fuel for Mr Cynical!

Our meeting left me feeling angry and scared.  He makes me doubt myself and puts me in a bad mood.  Do I need that?  I don’t think so.

On Friday me and my baby crashed round at Kerry’s.  We watched TV and got a little drunk.  It was a pleasant evening and we were glad to be out of the house.

Saturday we went to meet Chrissy and loads of others at Tower Park.  We didn’t find them so went to eat pizza.  We did see Rut there though!

Me and Broni talked for about an hour about Fatty. She’s really upset with him too.  Since Thursday I hadn’t been very nice to Broni cos I was unsure of myself.  After pizza, we went home and practically fell asleep! Later we headed on up to the Joiners and had a great time watching Haywire (Broni wants to play sax with them!), Chicken Bone Choked (brilliant set!) and Fabric.  Only saw two songs of Fabric – their guitarist was the spitting image of Rob!

Went on over to Chrissy’s where her, Terri, her mum and her brother Rob (?) were playing Yahtzee.  We joined in too and ended up playing that and Uno until two o’clock.  Woke up again about 8 o’clock and had a great day again looking after Amanda and Rebecca.  Rich, Rob, John, Selena and Dave came round in the evening.  I spent about an hour putting Rebecca to sleep after was sick on me.  I love those kids.  I felt rejuvenated with positive energy.  So much better than Fatty’s influence.  I’m going to try and keep our friendship distant for a while.

Monday night I went to sleep at about 9 o’clock!  Tuesday night Broni went to sleep at about 9 o’clock!  Weekend caught up with us.

On Wednesday we went to the Joiners to see S.M.A.S.H. with Rich, John and Dave.  John and Dave were well pissed – singing Ramones songs at the end.  S.M.A.S.H. were really good though did look a bit ‘contrived’ as Rich kept saying.  Dropped everyone home and me and Broni had a bit of a tiff – she was very tired.  She works far too hard and I keep telling her to take it easier at work.

I rang up the letting agent on Tuesday and went over and signed to start living where Fatty is now, as soon as he leaves.  I rung up and told Fatty – he was a bit pissy as he told me to wait until his contracts had been exchanged but I was thinking ‘fuck you, I’m taking control – I have to sort out where we’re going to live’.  Besides that, he seemed ok – though he didn’t have much good to say!

Thursday me and Broni probably had a fight – we’ve been very strained this week with me being upset by Fatty and her having a bit of P.M.T. and working too hard.  We get through though.

Friday was a funny old day.  I rang Chrissy from work and we had a long chat.  I tried to get her to tell me how she was feeling and although I think it upset her a bit she knows she’s going to have to go through it.  We talked about all sorts of stuff and I could tell her thoughts were elsewhere.  She is so nice – it’s hard to accept something so sad could happen to her.  We make a lot of effort for our friends cos we know they are worth it.

Got home – no Broni!  It got to about six and I was getting very worried.  I rang Kerry and Jo who hadn’t seen her.  Kerry’s dad had been taken to the hospital too.  I was really upset cos I know she would ring if she was going to be late.  All sorts of thoughts ran through my head.  I couldn’t handle being without my Broni-baby.

Anyway, she turned up at 6.15 or so and went next door to chat with Dani and Rich.  I was very relieved.

During the week I’d been working on a Mr Cynical and my own column – inspired by my meeting with Fatty.  He said to me he was really hurt by telling everyone Steve was my best friend and cut me down for it – even saying his funeral was the wrong place to say it!!!

This got me thinking about friends and how friends like to be treated and how I like them to treat me.  Steve and most of the Southampton crew are great friends and show me love, respect and interest.  I don’t get that from Fatty – ever!  It’s a case of where do I go from here.  The easiest thing to do is for us to drift apart but I feel like I want to tell him why I don’t like him but my anger would make it unconstructive.

I so much would like for him to be happy and enthusiastic and see a light at the end of the tunnel but like he says, he’s stubborn and loves moaning!  Maybe he’s upset cos a girlfriend can have a big influence on me, yet he can’t? (Although he does have an influence on me and it’s not one I like at all). He’s very insecure and unhappy with himself.  He thought the book I was reading from was a religious thing!  I guess to have faith in oneself would look like that to one with a soul so black.  He even thought my mum was being over the top when she said she had an ‘excellent’ Christmas – like I’d told her to be enthusiastic to Fatty in an effort to cheer him up.  He’s getting really paranoid!  I don’t want to waste any more of my time on him.  Steve’s death teaches me that time is short and ‘real’ friendship is very important.

Me and Broni went for a pub meal and caused great commotion cos we wanted vegetarian food – it was funny!  Popped round to Kerry’s – she was very drunk and not so much fun.  Met her new lodger, Simon, who seemed really nice.  Kerry’s friend Jen came over and she seemed drunk too – it was a horrible atmosphere then.

Broni’s told me a bit about Jen and she’s not very likeable.  Not a nice thing to say I know but…..  They reminded me of Emma’s mum and her lover.  They were fun but out of control.  I’d hate to see Kerry go that way.  I think Jen’s probably a bad influence in her life but her insecurity makes them friends.  How to tell Kerry to cut down on the booze?  She’s a bright girl and very intelligent – a shame to waste those good points.  We left quickly despite Jen’s protests – she reminded me of a wino!  Like Patsy in Absolutely Fabulous but with no sense of humour.  (Things go wrong for those expecting the worst – what goes around comes around).

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Watched a bit of TV when we got back but Pete’s letching at girls on TV really pissed us off.  Besides sometimes being a nice bloke he really is an asshole.  He goes on about how great it is to see gays on TV and freedom for homosexuals but puts down women left, right and centre.  And Kathryn, dear girl, let’s it go on.  I lack understanding (Thankfully).

Enough for now.  I still miss my friend, Steve.  Your death has transformed me (and others too!).  Look to the future!