Tag: sertraline

No Suffering – 14th March 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Do you wish not to suffer?
How to know you’re alive?
Wanting for others not to suffer
Is the goal for which to strive

The love that comes to you
Share amongst your friends
Til the circle is complete
And one’s suffering truly ends

Today I’m feeling:

Down and up, happy and relaxed right now.

Today I’m grateful for:

The counter staff at the hospital who assisted me today. One changed my phone number on file. Another asked me questions and advised me there would be a wait and another helped me to pay, all doing well with their English. I speak as much Thai as I can but know that they have to try hard to speak in English for me.

Also to Fon, who made me a small sourdough loaf and brought it to me at school. It was a little heavy but tasted great.

The best thing about today was:

Taking my iMac and SSD kit to the store at Central and getting a fairly positive response that they could fix it for me. It will be an expensive fix but at least cheaper than having to buy new and should hopefully keep me going for a few more years.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

At the hospital, I had to wait an hour and pay 150 baht for a one-minute consult.

As mentioned above I was warned of the wait so I happily sat and played poker on my phone and watched people coming and going, and despite being a little unimpressed at paying this fee for what was essentially just a mental health check-in as I was riding home I considered what this was like in Australia and how much it cost then too.

Really I’m very lucky to live close to a hospital where I can just walk in anytime and pay so little for their service.

After thinking in the morning that I would go back to a full sertraline tablet I actually started feeling more positive whilst I was waiting and decided to go for another three weeks at half dose.

Something I learned today?

Today was just more about US-China relations. I’m not sure why I’m so sucked into this topic except that I want to share the positives about China in the constant stream of negative propaganda out there. The actions of the US government in general disgust me.

Did I learn anything new today (on this subject)? Perhaps not.

Oh, related to this I discovered an archive site of articles that allows limited free access after following a link to one article that I wanted to read related to Mao Zedong. I will search the archive for other things of interest when I have free time.

What is most important to me today?

The health and safety of my family and friends or, in fact, anyone facing struggle. I can include myself in that. In general, there’s not much going on around me that is so important. Things seem under control.

I took this picture because I saw this muddy crew, this brown crew in a sea of green, as I rode up to the hospital. How can we tell if they are happy? I hope they enjoy their lives eating grass and cooling in the mud. It’s pretty fucking extreme out there!

Have my psych appointment today as a follow-up to switching to half a tablet of sertraline and I’m not feeling the best.
After dinner last night I went to bed early, not even bothering to close the gate or put Kim in her room. I just felt a sudden run out of energy. I slept well and couldn’t force myself up with my alarm but did stir after a few minutes, to find cat spray on the floor at the end of the bed.
Did half my exercise and could feel not quite right in body and mind. I’m still dizzy from the lesser amount of sertraline and finding negative thoughts more prominent though not overwhelming.
I’m leaning towards going back to the full tablet whilst trying to tell myself to push through reducing. I think with the holiday coming up though I will go back to the full tablet again. During the holiday I will have too much time with my thoughts. I need them to be positive.

Shall We Put Out The Fire? – 26th February 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Is there good reason to fetch water
To quell the house that’s burning?
A reason to continue living oughtta
Be something that’s worth learning

inspired by Existential Comics 487

Today I’m feeling:

A little dizzy but more enthusiastic than yesterday. I’ve stuck with the half tablet of sertraline again today and hope I can maintain it by taking tramadol in the mornings to keep me boosted up a bit.

Today I’m grateful for:

The strawberry sellers from the mountains are back outside 7/11 with a lot of juicy fresh fruit at ridiculously cheap prices. Tomorrow I’ll pick up some coconut ice cream from LungChom and get fat again like I did last year! Ok, well I’ll try not to do that but I am looking forward to that mix of ice cream yoghurt strawberries and a dash of chocolate toasted muesli.

The best thing about today was:

Finally finishing the Anton Chekov 100 short stories collection. It took about three months as I was generally satisfied with just reading one story a day and some stories were only two pages long. The stories themselves were all enjoyable to excellent though.

Liu Cixin’s Death’s End next, to finish off this awesome sci-fi trilogy.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My main computer is having problems again so I’m struggling to get some things done with it at the moment, such as using the app that I practice guitar with. I need to back up some files and reinstall the operating system again to see if that fixes whatever the problem is again. It worked last time, about 18 months ago and I hope it will work again. I could do with this machine running for a few more years.

Something I learned today?

27th Feb 2023 – I went off looking at things to consider something useful that I learned today and got so distracted that I forgot to update here.

How did I show kindness to someone today?

Apart from the three boys at Utopia (Art, Boss and Gong), I didn’t meet anyone today. I didn’t show kindness specifically, and nor was I unkind. After arriving home at 9.30am I haven’t talked directly with anyone. Except for conversations with four of my M2 students in LINE where I’ve been asking their ideas about future jobs and I have been encouraging them no matter how wild their dreams. I’ve also put suggestions forward for backup plans too.

I took this picture on my January bike ride because finding this lake was a little unexpected at the time. I came across a few like this and they looked like old rock mines and the blast holes had since filled with water. No new pictures today. It’s been dull and grey all day.

Friendly Gangsters – 18th February 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

It all started as a lark
Making fun of those deserving
It bites as much as a bark
A record worth preserving

Upsetting difficult targets
Crooks hiding in plain sight
Questioning illegal profits
Someone serving the people right

A freedom of expression
Something democracy holds dear
Suddenly under suppression
For making a crime more clear

Unafraid to twist the knife
Further for all to see
At this risk of his own life
And the right to remain free

A legacy built by crooks
Hiding behind shirts and ties
An ever-constant cooking of books
And truths in fuzzy disguise

Though when money starts tasting sour
A problem must be burned
Friendly gangsters hold the power
That the people want returned

A David and Goliath fight
When many Davids band together
And shank with all their might
To topple corruption forever

Inspired by the firebombing of investigative YouTuber Jordan Shank’s (friendlyjordies) house and the corruption within the New South Wales government.

Today I’m feeling:

Tired, possibly getting sick. After visiting the psych last week we decided to try cutting down on my sertraline. I did that on Wednesday, taking just half a tablet. Then on Thursday I forgot to take it at all and didn’t sleep well that night due to my student being killed.

On Friday, yesterday, I took half again but was so tired I got into bed at around 8pm.

This morning I took half and started to feel dizzy in the morning. I know dizziness is a withdrawal symptom but with the possibility of getting sick too and not being able to relax this weekend, I don’t think I can deal with it back at school on Monday.

Today I’m grateful for:

The lunch provided at the hotel today which was more delicious than expected. Usually, there’s nothing I can eat at these kinds of functions and I would’ve happily gone without food but luckily there were two fish dishes, both of which were spicy. One had a dressing of red onions, lemongrass, ginger and chilli and I hoped it would knock the potential of this sickness out of me.

The best thing about today was:

Learning some new programs and applications that I can use for presentations. Despite only Thai being spoken all day it was simple to follow and interesting enough for me. At points, I was also able to catch up with some online reading as I waited for others to catch up.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The main thing out of my control today is tiredness and the feeling of getting sick. I will handle it by going to sleep early again tonight.

Something I learned today?

Scientists have been able to splice genes in certain breeds of mosquitos so that they will become sterile and die out over a period of time. The question being asked now is whether to introduce it into the wild and what possible consequences could arise from it.

Where do I feel most at ease?

Despite smelling of cat pee right now I’m very obviously most at ease in my home. I love it.

I took this picture because I started using honey in my tea as we ran out of sugar. The honey I bought is pretty old and doesn’t quite dissolve properly anymore so this is what I find after leaving my mug in the sink overnight.

Frank’s Dream – 4th October 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

When Frank died his soul flew up high
And ended up in a powerful war machine
He screamed ‘ANNIHILATE’ but didn’t know why
But then it turned out it was all just a dream

Inspired by Armoured Gideon, 2000AD

It is an illusion that youth is happy, an illusion of those who have lost it; but the young know they are wretched for they are all full of the truthless ideal which has been instilled into them, and each time they come into contact with the real, they are bruised and wounded.

W. Somerset Maugham

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and satisfied.
Today I’m grateful for:
The front wheel of my motorbike. It took some hard knocks on some tough roads today and I was worried I would have to limp down the mountain with a flat tyre but it held up and got me home.
The best thing about today was:
Riding around new mountains and discovering some beautiful villages and amazing scenery. It was blissful.

What daily habit do you do that improves your quality of life?
For 24 years now I’ve been taking sertraline and that has made an incredible difference to my life, keeping me stable and less prone to depression. I still have bad moments but in general, I am much happier than a was in my first 30 years.
Brushing my teeth. Sad to say that I didn’t look after my teeth well for my first 20 years or so. They are just hanging on since starting to care about them more.
Making my bed. A small habit I only acted on since moving to Thailand. I actually don’t care if my bed is made or not but I do it so as to include it in a series of morning habits and to feel, no matter how minor, to have achieved something already, right at the beginning of the day.
Exercise….if I do it every day it will definitely improve my quality of life. Now I just have to do it every day!

I took this picture because Bruno and I met these kids after a long muddy ride and they were so happy and inquisitive to see two muddy white men in their mountain school at the end of the road.