Tag: sick

Fighting Life – 29th March 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

It’s a game of chance
And you’ve got a bad hand
Heading for elimination
Whether to fold or stand?

Fighting for the right
To play one more round
To run across the roof
Or to be under the ground

Today I’m feeling:

Tired, headaches, sore eyes and demotivated. The grey colour of the sky reminds me of the dullness of England. There is beauty everywhere but unseen without a light to shine on it.

Today I’m grateful for:

My rolling massage balls that can pummel my hips while I’m watching TV on the floor. My left hip is particularly sore and needs more movement but with the situation outside I’m staying in as much as possible and avoiding doing anything that requires deep gulps of air.

The best thing about today was:

Haven’t done much of anything today so it must be reading more of Death’s End, the third in the Three Body Problem trilogy. It’s interesting because an alien race is coming and Earth comes together as best it can but is unable to ‘beat’ them. It has parallels with our own historical geopolitics.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Right now, I just sat down to watch Netflix and it’s not working. Guess I’ll keep reading then!

Something I learned today?

Lots of geopolitical stuff but I’m getting tired of the whirlwind of information and useless information. I should just check in once a week or once a month instead.

Nothing that has been going on directly impacts me beyond the cost of living rising which is not really something I can control either way.

I’ve saved some money these last two days by not going to work because I’m sick and not eating because of my medicine. If I lose some kilos I hope I can keep them off.

What do I know is true?

I will die one day.

Someone from Utopia took this picture because they were showing how we need super-efficient masks to fight the pollution. I edited the picture and pinched an Australian slogan as a sarcastic commentary.

Weil, Weil, Weil – 28th January 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

There’s a moral obligation to provide
The more power, the more the obligation
Punish those with their authority
Cheating at a higher level of corruption

Yet these moral rules never applied
As they’d level the field for all to play
Perhaps we do not have moral principles
As Simone was want to say

inspired by an Existential Comics page about Simone Weil

Today I’m feeling:

Tired and dizzy, swaying between depression and happiness

Today I’m grateful for:

Amy’s mum and dad again, bringing me food and watering the garden when I had no enthusiasm for cooking/eating or any kind of effort. I need to water daily now as the ground is getting so parched but I haven’t had the energy for 3 or 4 days.

The best thing about today was:

Reading a lot – it was the only thing that felt satisfying. I played guitar for a while but got frustrated easily. I almost finished updating one book of writing into the blog and started preparing my old poems and lyrics so that felt like I achieved something today. For the afternoon I savoured a few more Anton Chekov short stories, a couple of chapters of Affluenza and a couple of issues of Touch and Go. I was reading to get inspiration to write some poems but my brain is still muddled from medicines though I did finally manage to squeeze out four lines.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I video-called with Amy a couple of times during the day. She had been out drinking with her flatmate and was in a happy mood. Unfortunately, I wasn’t but I told myself that I was happy to see her so happy and she did look attractive to me with her big laugh and bright eyes.

Something I learned today?

Through reading today I must have learned lots of things but perhaps they are not particularly significant as they reinforce things that I already know or believe.

What am I looking forward to in the coming year?

This is not something I’ve really thought about. I expect this year to be similar to last and that would be fine for me, I really enjoyed last year. I do look forward to Amy coming back and trying her hand at running a business here and that would entail some changes with the house and that would be an exciting development. But if that doesn’t happen I know everything will still be fine.

I took this picture because this weird plant that seems to grow easily around our cactuses (it may even be a cactus) sported some flowers I found today. The root of the plant grows at crazy angles, sometimes even turning a full 180. I’ve stuck them against some fencing to hopefully encourage them to go straight for a while!

It’s Not Football Anymore – 27th January 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

No more beers at half-time
Or a quick drag on a fag
Now it’s all about advertising
The game has become a drag

No more fat moustaches
Or divots on the pitch
Now it’s all about the money
And seeing who can get rich?

Today I’m feeling:

Tired and dizzy. All the medicine has fought off the pain and cold but now I feel like a chemical cesspool. I just want to sleep until tomorrow and stop taking medicine so that I’ll be recovered by Monday.

Today I’m grateful for:

Being able to fall back on online games like Kahoot to fill my student’s class time so that I could come home and rest more.

The best thing about today was:

Reading lots of comics in bed as I dipped in and out of sleep this afternoon. I’m catching up on old 2000AD annuals and specials so that I’m in the same time frame as the weeklies where I’m approaching issue 1000. Not even halfway through! Maybe I will finish reading in another ten years.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The one class I did have this morning was poorly attended and the students were in a lively mood, to say the least. I set a writing task about what they did this week and just went around helping them find the right words and grammar. It was interesting to have so few kids in the class for a change and it changed the dynamic a lot but still, a group of 12 and 13-year-olds together are going to be a handful.

Something I learned today?

I watched YouTube videos of Yan (Little Chinese Everywhere) in Turkey and Stamp Fairtex (Thai MMA fighter) in the US and there are so many interesting places in the world that I would like to see. But why does it feel like the world is fragmented and angry?

How can I rest or relax more often this year?

If I rest or relax anymore this year I’ll stop moving. I think I’d like to rest less and be more active.

I took this picture because it’s almost impossible to not take a picture when faced with this scene as I step out in the morning.

Feeling a little sorry for myself today. On the tail end of a cold and prescribed a stack of meds for my rib injury, I can’t tell if I’m well or not.
I pushed myself to school this morning where the kids that did turn up weren’t in much of a mood to study so I just assigned a little writing and helped them with that and they were happy enough to comply so that they could quickly get back to having their own fun.
By the end though I was deflated and decided to go home and assign some work for my last classes that they can submit online.
I’ll be glad to get back to fighting fit and regular school weeks again. I think there’s only six weeks left now and everyone will be in wind-down mode.

Give Me The Shot – 25th January 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A rose-tinted bubble of positive illusions
Given by all as if a truth foretold
Could not prepare anyone for all the confusions
Reality brings forth as contradictions take hold

the first line is taken from Affluenza by Oliver James and the title relates to the vaccines offered for the virus of affluenza

Today I’m feeling:

Sick with a head cold. I had felt it coming on for the last couple of days but couldn’t fight it off anymore.

Today I’m grateful for:

There not being any real need for me to be at school as it is still sports day. I’m glad I could sleep in and rest more.

The best thing about today was:

A three-hour afternoon nap, knocked out by medicine for a runny nose and cough. I hope it knocks me out again tonight.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My cough is out of my control and made worse by the pain in my ribs. I think I will go to the hospital on Saturday just to get them checked.

Something I learned today?

I learned a little about the gell-mann amnesia effect which relates to confirmation bias when it comes to reading media ‘news’.

What new creative project or hobby would I like to start this year?

The one I wanted to start last year of making music in Ableton. I’m so tied up with getting my past into the blog that I don’t feel compelled to spend time on it yet though. Anyway, I’m happy either way.

I took this picture because it was hard to miss this monster on our terrace. Amy would’ve screamed if she’d seen it. She gets a very bad rash from even the hairs of these floating in the air.

Watch out for me now cos I’m alive – 8th March 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Damn, it’s cold in the morning. Have been sick, this is the first day back.
Amazing long sleep – feel good. Body weakened – need exercise, need discipline again.
G.I.on brainbox. Can’t stop reading – so good, so happy. Tattoo ideas formed.
Write 1994 and ideas coming – found more old writing. Is it important – no – is it interesting to me? Yes.
I’m running out – is there nothing to do except document my life? Should I be living a life still? What is it?
I love my home – my comfort here.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have access to YouTube and to have an internet connection. Having internet means it is easy to live anywhere in the world. If I didn’t have it I could probably still manage but life would be a lot different – time would have a totally different meaning. The things I use the internet for are thought-provoking and thinking makes me alive.