Tag: sleep

Derelict – 18th October 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Smashed windows and roof decayed
A place where memories were once made
Now hidden to the exploring eye
Possibilities came here now gone by

One day the love in my own home
Will be left to explorers unknown
Pondered upon with little idea
Of all the things that happened here

The tiles will crack and ceilings fall
Jungle vines will creep up the wall
The once-pretty garden overrun
Plastic disintegrates in the sun

The roaming ghosts of our happy cats
No longer worry the scurrying rats
Body broken as the irons rust
Will all be blown away as dust

I think perfection is ugly. Somewhere in the things humans make, I want to see scars, failure, disorcer, distortion.

Yohji Yamamoto

Today I’m feeling:
Chill chill
Today I’m grateful for:
A long catch-up sleep with interesting but forgotten dreams. I also woke up with no pain in my neck but that didn’t last for too long.
The best thing about today was:
Its simplicity and feeling contented with a day of non-excitement. A little bit of this and that counters any possibility of boredom. I feel free!
In what ways are you “just like your parents?”
I am just like my mum now. It’s scary how much I look like her. Right now I live by myself (practically) and love to read books, much like she did. I don’t need to be around people often and happy in my own company, just as I saw her. I don’t think I can be much like my dad as I have no idea if he had any influence over me in my first 18 months before he died. I wonder though if there was a residual sadness that brushed on me in that short time…?

I took this picture because it just looked idyllic as I was speeding by and had to turn back to take a quick picture. This one is from yesterday. I didn’t really do anything today.

Foundation – 22nd April 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

When you’re talking to yourself, who’s listening? Who’s talking?
You can never see yourself, not with your own eyes
Who you are is not for you to say but that is what you must be
Do the job and do it well is the foundation you must realise

Maybe we don’t want to talk about it. Perhaps we believe that unexamind luck isn’t quite as fragile.

Seth Godin

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I can catch up on sleep if I need to. Last night was a delicious long 11 hours.

Winning In The Attention Colosseum – 8th March 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

You got there first
Tweeted it out
Smugly watching
Everyone shout
Follower explosion
You, the reliable source
Never involved
In meaningful intercourse
Keyboard warrior
Promoted to king
Yet an empty bag
Is all that you bring

If people remembered all of the Significant Events they had forgotten in recent years, they would perhaps realise that they were actually not that ‘signicant’ at all.

Mark Manosn

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the rain last night, saving me from watering today and cooling down the night for a good long deep sleep.

The Nail – 15th January 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Outstanding achievement award
All goals met and all points scored
But being the best
Separates the rest
The nail gets hammered as reward
Punished for not playing along
Subscribe to strive to belong
It’s a constant battle
Fighting the cattle
A nail stuck is seen as wrong
Maintain a smile and never frown
No pinks and yellows, only brown
If you use your mind
You soon will find
A nail stood out gets hammered down

The laughter of fools cannot wound the wise.

Judge Death, 2000AD

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to feel pretty good on little sleep this morning. Last night I stayed up until past midnight, reading articles and comics. It felt good.

You Gotta Show Up – 17th December 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A boring meditation of repetitious boredom
A distant goal but no one to score them
Successful or not, you just gotta show up
Sisyphus is happy and never gonna stop

10th Oct 2024 – Shared with Ragtag Daily Prompt – distant

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to snooze my alarm this cold morning. I slept deeply but woke up feeling uncomfortable so I ended up with not enough good sleep.

Oh, new pen, I love you! But I grabbed the last one available. I hope that they restock them. This pen is called Energel Metal Tip 0.7. It’s cheap, made in Japan. The flow is nice on this paper and it’s comfortable enough in my fingers.

I was tired again this morning and snoozed. It was cold too so staying in bed longer was too appealing to overcome.

I did some sit-ups last night. Something that I want to add to my daily routine. I have to do them by hooking my feet under the lounge in Kim Chi’s room because I don’t have the muscles yet to pull my body weight up completely. But hopefully that happens at some point in the future. There are some things my body just cannot do.

As I was driving home yesterday, Amy called and asked to pick up some ice so I took the turn off to go to the auntie store at the back of our house. As I approached, there is a vacant block just before the store. In the corner, near the edge of the road, is a spirit house and I saw a guy standing, facing it. As I got closer, he turned to look at me. He was wearing a trilby-style hat and a big, fluffy coat that came down to his waist. His face looked brutish, with a rough beard. He was built like a Samoan rugby player.

The weird thing, though, was that he wasn’t wearing anything else – completely naked from the bottom down, his butt cheeks shining out to the road and the world, his skinny legs stuck, thankfully, as he swivelled his torso to eye me. I didn’t catch it and quickly drove past.

As I got out of the car at the store, he was still standing there, facing the spirit house. Some weird ritual? More likely, good drugs. I got the ice and got the hell out of there before he decided it was time to come and say hello. Welcome to Ban Huai Phlu!

We got that attitude! – 3rd December 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful to have a sleep-in this morning. I could have gotten up but the cold and my tiredness drew me back to my dreams. I’m lucky to be able to afford the time to do that.

I enjoyed my sleep so much last night that it kinda scared me. I was so deep and down in my dreams every time I woke up, I wondered if I had died. The pull was compelling.

I didn’t get up with my alarm because of this and because it was damn cold too. Getting up early during the winter is tough. I’ll have to push on through if I want to maintain my exercise routine. Not helped by the fact that next Monday and Friday are holidays.

Two classes this morning and I relaxed a bit with the students in anticipation of their laziness for next week. I can adjust my lessons accordingly. I have to teach Na again for an hour tomorrow and I’m really not sure what to do with her yet. Maybe some preference questions and philosophical style work that require a little more thought. I’ll figure it out in the morning.

I want to get more writing entered to the blog too, change my room again, listen to more music, watch less TV, do some other exercise while it is cooler.

Take A Moment – 23rd September 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Dogs jumped excitedly chasing thrown ropes
Fireflies are buzzing about the grassy slopes
The full moon rises beyond the growing storm
Lighting spikes in 3D as the sky is torn

In silence, I take her arm with great care
We watch in wonder, breathing deep the air
This moment savoured we’ll never see again
We dash undercover to watch the coming rain

This beauty all around we mostly never see
So take a moment for yourself to truly be
Sleep well each night, grateful for your days
Close your eyes, settle now and give praise

Last night was a beautiful night with a perfect temperature and clear skies except at the horizons.

Amy went out to the shops as I was practising guitar in my room and when I’d finished, I relaxed inside, waiting for her to return. When she did, Tangmo had followed her in, so I knew it would be my job to get him back out, enticed with his favourite rope and as I stood trying to extract the rope from his jaws, a beautiful lightning display was taking place as a storm threatened. In the darkened sky, each flash of lightning suddenly highlighted the depth and beauty of the clouds, even in this odd monochrome. Sometimes the lightning was hidden in the distance, behind the emerging bouffant clouds along the lower storm line. Other times great spike shot out between the two frints and hung in the air for a second or two.

Closer to the earth, fireflies buzzed around the jungle growth and I took a moment to hold Amy’s arm and breathe in the joy of life. The impatient dog revised his attempts at pulling on the rope in my hand and we could only convince him to leave after substituting the rope for a fallen palm frond, which is like catnip for him for some weird reason. We quickly managed to close the gate and returned to some TV viewing before bed.

Finally, about a couple of hours later, the storm, which seemed to be coming and going, delivered some rain for about ten minutes and we contemplated sleeping without the aircon for the first time since the end of winter back in February. However, a couple of mosquitoes started attacking so we put the aircon on for a while to subdue them.

I was tired and slept almost immediately and deeply. I had a dream similar to a few nights ago, where I felt like I was about to be attacked, this time by someone at the window. I kicked out and screamed in my dream and also in my bed. Amy rolled over and asked if I was OK and I was kind of amused and really just wanted to go back to sleep. Eventually, I answered her and did, indeed, fall back into deep sleep.

I found out in the morning, however, that Amy was almost into her sleep when my scream woke her and she struggled to get back to sleep again. She was most annoyed but really, Amy is never a particularly good morning person. She can be far too clear and rational at that time of day, not soft and loving. But we laugh about it and I constantly feel a deep affection for her that I often don’t think I deserve.

Mo No Syll A Bic Man – 31st August 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I don’t know what to say
A voice that sounds so dull
I sound like a wet rag
I speak with one syll-a-ble

Dead mouth and dead brain
Down and out, glass not full
Old man, though still young
Speaks in mo-no-syll-a-ble

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for these rice biscuits that the locals make. I can add them to my muesli to give it a sweeter taste.

Cap woke me up in the middle of the night as he wanted to get out of the bedroom. It was difficult for me to get back to sleep properly, instead having wild dreams but also a deep sense of love for Amy. I am ever grateful to be with her.

Hayden is on my mind too. Any discussions we have online just receive a monosyllabic reply from him, often with ‘I don’t know’ as a response. I feel sorrow for him. I hope that under the weed fog, he does know and understand some things but it’s difficult to see him this way.

And after talking with Sharon about her struggles with Kim, I’m starting to think that there’s nothing much I can do. It has to come from himself. I will keep trying to push him in the direction where he can come to those conclusions.

I sometimes feel guilty about how much effort I put into teaching my students compared with the effort I put in with Hayden. I know they are different times but it still rubs. Am I trying to compensate by taking more care with my students? At their age, they are still malleable but Hayden is, unbelievably, 25 now.

My lower back is sore from too much sitting. Need to exercise more but due to a lack of sleep and a dark, grey, cloudy morning, I couldn’t motivate myself to do it. Motivation, motivation. It’s the same for everyone, old and young.

Today will be a good day. Cannot get that Smart Went Crazy song out of my head, which was something else that kept me awake last night!

Hit The Reward – 23rd July 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Hit the dog, hit him hard, make him pay
That’s the lesson every dogging day
Hit the boy, hit him hard, he never learns
The lesson for him is that anger burns

Hit the bottle, hit it hard, that’s your sword
But understanding is based around reward
Hit the road, hit it hard, there’s no return
You lost them all, none shall learn

1st Jun 2024 – Submitted to Word of the Day Challenge

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for 20 minutes of extra sleep this morning. Usually, I’m awake before my alarm but not today. After resetting it for an extra 20 minutes I went straight back into deep sleep.

I talked with Hayden briefly yesterday. He sounds pretty down with life – not articulating it into words but just in his tone and choice of words. He had nothing to say really as he hasn’t been doing anything except playing video games for the last two months.

Bronwyn is staying at his place in Newcastle at the moment, actually, her house, where I’m guessing he is living rent-free. He says he’s annoyed with her because she doesn’t give him enough space. When I asked him ‘space to do what?’ he just answered ‘space to be himself’. I translate this as ‘space to do nothing.’ Being 25 years old already it shocks me how little he can do for himself.

Bronwyn is a control freak and does everything for him because she can see that every time he tries to do something and fails, he just gives up. Now it seems like he doesn’t even want to try.

I’ve been telling her for several years to cut him off (financially) and let him fend for himself but she can’t bring herself to do it. And now it is super easy to get caught in online loan shark debt too. That boy is going to fall hard one day and I blame myself as much as anyone.