Tag: smoke

Everything – 2nd December 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

You can’t have everything
Where would you put it?
In a world-sized garage
Under everyone else’s everything?

Keep everything in your thoughts
Give away your proudest dreams
They’re still yours
Now you have it all!
Walk out of the cave

24th Jun 2024 – Submitted to Poets and Storytellers United as tangentially related to ‘an elegant sufficiency’!

Today I’m feeling:

Fairly good after an extra hour of snoozing then good coffee so that when Amy suggested going out for lunch that sounded pretty good to me. The air is already unhealthy due to burning but it’s not overwhelming yet. It will be soon unless a fire ban is implemented and followed up.

27th Feb 2024 – A fireban was implemented from 15th February until 14th April and so far the air is better than last year.

Today I’m grateful for:

Soulseek, it being the only place I could manage to find Prog 2000 of 2000AD which was a special edition at the time due to the end of the millennium. It has some parts of the stories that I’m reading in the regular edition but is difficult to track down online as it isn’t actually the 2000th issue and was just called Prog 2000. To complicate it more, there is a 2000th edition of the comic which came out around 2016 I think. I think the series is up to about 2500 issues now. I love reading it. I’m not even half way through. I reckon it might take me another ten years to get up to date with it!

The best thing about today was:

Lunch. We went up into an Ahka village nearby to try their food and just get out of the house. Perched on the side of a hill overlooking our valley was a wide panorama of hills, jungle and rice fields. We could see several plumes of smoke slowly filling the valley but thankfully it was on the far side. Above us the sky was still a bright blue. I felt relaxed and enjoyed stacking up on some calories. I resisted the urge to nap when we got home, instead settling into the hammock to finish reading the Clive James biography. Wuthering Heights is next in the pile.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I usually sit and read with my weekend coffees at Utopia but today Amy decided to come with me as she hadn’t seen Art since she got back. Knowing that my I wouldn’t have chance to read I could have been disappointed but instead decided to just enjoy the change in routine.

Something I learned today?

The average age of Palestinians murdered by Israel in the last two months is five years old. Zionism is sick.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Last night I dealt with the tokay in the kitchen (see photos), cleaning up its blood and still wriggling tail.

I cleaned out the water tank and also brought a mop and bucket of water to Amy when she requested it to clean the floor in the teaching room.

I drove us up to the Ahka cafe for lunch, and back again but my lack of funds meant that I couldn’t pay for the meal.

What do I like about this time of year?

Now is high season for North Thailand as the temperature during the day becomes bearable and the nighttime cold. But there is just a short period to enjoy this as the farmers fill the air with smoke from burning their rice fields. Now, at least, their is some breeze to stir it around to reveal blue skies but soon, once the hills come alive with fire, the air remains still and stagnant leaving it putrid brown and acrid. This should be the best time to enjoy being outside but sadly, gets reduced to being the worst.

Amy took these pictures. Last night Tigger brought this special gift and Amy was freaking out. I didn’t have my glasses on and thought I was looking at a freaky enormous dinosaur-style lizard, only seeing the tokay later. Tigger was quite proud but Amy wanted it out. After a bit of chasing around the kitchen I managed to grab it with some tongs and it hissed and spat its disapproval at me as I threw if over the fence. Then this afternoon instead of Amy brushing this little lizard off my back thought it better to take a picture.

Hometown Postman – 12th April 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A town all snowy white and middle-class
The drunks tell stories often repeated
Shufflers trapped in a cul-de-sac torture
All plans for their children defeated

A week in the sun by the sea
Swap cardigans for sunburned backs
Strange behaviours set tongues wagging
Is this the life that everyone lacks?

Enter no more the green and pleasant
Ruined by the hardest-working poor
Facing fists of fury on walking home
All desperately banging on the door

The drizzle drenches the pavements grey
Children too bored to stomp in puddles
Tugged by the leashes of all that glitters
Out of reach of all of these muddles

Excitements distract along the terrace
Dogs fight cats, cat fights dog
A word of wise from the blinders
Submit oneself to pointless slog

13th Apr 2024 – Shared to Weekly Prompts Weekend Challenge – pointless
10th Oct 2024 – Shared with Word of the Day Challenge – hometown

Today I’m feeling:

A little more positive and upbeat. It’s not time that heals our grief, it’s the forgetting.

Today I’m grateful for:

Sight. My eyesight is suffering a little these days perhaps from the dodgy air, lack of sleep and constant looking at screens. But I can still see. If I had to choose between losing my sight or my hearing I would choose losing sight. I would miss reading but could still listen to audiobooks. I think I would really struggle emotionally if I couldn’t listen to music though.

It still feels like yesterday that, as children, we were all warned about listening to loud music would damage our ears so much that we would go deaf in our old age. And that watching too much TV would lead to early-onset blindness. I had to start wearing glasses when I was around 26 years old and my mum had to wear hearing aids from perhaps her 50s onwards. So I guess I’m doing all right so far.

The best thing about today was:

Brushing Cap and Tig whilst they purred in pleasure. They have been getting more attention from me now Kim is gone. They are still fussy about being touched or picked up but if they are in the right mood it does seem as if they are reciprocating my love.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Right now Netflix isn’t working for me. Just as I’d like to settle back and watch some more of the series Dark. It’s not like there is nothing else I can do so this is only a mild annoyance. I’m aware it’s also a very first-world problem too.

Something I learned today?

Apparently, there is a weird law here in Thailand that makes it illegal for politicians to sing and dance on stage during an election. This came to note because someone called out the current Thai PM for doing exactly this recently. The annoying thing about the article discussing this was the fact that there was no indication of why this was a law. Presumably, it made sense at the time it was implemented. It may even make sense now if it was explained. Like any law in Thailand, it is fairly flexible and depends on who broke it as to whether any action would be taken.

What are 3 things that bring me joy?

Nothing is really bringing me joy right now. My positive emotions are not that strong I guess. The emotions of grief and sadness are much easier for me to tap into. I’m bouncing back slowly but it does make me think why can’t I be prone to happiness and joy instead? They are all just emotions.


I took this picture because this is our infamous red sun as it sets behind our blooming frangipani. For most of these days, the smoke is so thick that if the sun can be seen at all it can be stared at directly without a problem. That’s something I’d prefer not to be able to do for the sake of a clear sky.

Get Hit – 11th April 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

On a journey through time, we get hit
In the end, we all get what we deserve
Not the answers we wanted to hear
Cling steady to the shore, hold your nerve
The messages are all around us
Knocking at the doors in the night
One view in the mirror, full of fear
The other, a grimace of delight
The game plays a man in a collar
Against the promise of avoiding the pit
In the end, we all get what we deserve
On a journey through time, we get hit

Today I’m feeling:

Calm and a little deflated. I don’t think I got to sleep until past 3 am so it was difficult to get up this morning. My whole cycle is shifting but I’d prefer to be getting up early and sleeping earlier.

Today I’m grateful for:

There being 19 more days of holiday. I hope I can get myself back together in this time. I’m vaguely optimistic about the forthcoming semester.

The best thing about today was:

It took me a long time to get to sleep in the early hours this morning but I did enjoy the transition period from lucid dreaming into deep sleep.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I don’t have much to contribute today. I’m not so enthusiastic about anything. Nothing bad or out of control has happened. It’s a little boring. I feel like I’m just wasting time at the moment which isn’t really a good state of mind to be in. 

Something I learned today?

There’s a punk rock museum in Las Vegas. I’m conflicted about it. It’s fascinating and grossly commercial. It has a typical North American promotion that feels greasy.


I took this picture because this is the fishing lake opposite Lake Hill Resort that has changed so much since I got here. This picture is from last week. Still no new pictures as it’s difficult whilst there is so much smoke in the air and everything is so dry and grey/yellow. Everything and everyone is waiting for rain.

Smoke – 29th May 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

He’s the number one, top dog
Always best in class
Sits quietly satisfied
As smoke is blown up his ass

Everyone else plays in the mud
Whilst he lounges on the grass
In between sips of champagne
Smoke is blown up his ass

Whilst everyone struggles to get in
He always gets a pass
Head held high at the gate
As smoke gets blown up his ass

A nose, again, turned brown
From impressing all the brass
It’s difficult to focus
With all the smoke blown up his ass

Smiling teeth a-gleaming
A halo as clear as glass
Powered by all the steam
Of the smoke blown up his ass

For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearances, as though they were reality.

Niccolo Machiavelli

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I am me. Why would I want to be someone else? Why would I be anyone else? Good or bad – I am me.

We got that attitude! – 21st December 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful for the wind. Hopefully, it can blow away the smoky air. It’s cold. It’s refreshing. It’s unusual.

It’s been a while since writing and it is something I’ve been trying to prompt myself to get back into. I’ve been a bit lost recently – having some negative thoughts that took me into myself.

A lot of this centred around George and while I know he is a nice friendly person and can be a good friend, something’s happened in my head that questions all that. Some of this was based on things that he said and things that I’d heard.

I knew that I shouldn’t judge on some of these things but it became a downward spiral due to such close proximity all the time. I withdrew into myself where I was actually quite happy.

I’m really enjoying working at the moment and the challenge the students give me every day. I feel more comfortable around them and less around George’s alpha-male-ness. Like I said – he’s not a bad alpha male, not a bad person or anything. I just have an aversion to alpha male behaviour. It’s not his problem at all, but mine. Anyway, I apologised to him for being a bit off (which also affected the way he was treating me) and things are more even again now.

13th Dec 2024 – Not long after this, George’s true colours became more apparent and the things that had bothered me had turned out to be good intuition. I do still think though that in some ways, I made it my problem and I should have just let him get on with it.

I’m keeping myself a bit more occupied with learning Thai and staying out a little less for coffee in the morning. I actually prefer to help the other teachers if I can.

Apart from that, I feel OK, though a little flat as we approach the end of this strange year. A lot has changed for the better for me, whilst I can see it has worsened for a lot of others. I need to completely tune out from the news and find some focus on other things I’d like to try.

I want to read more, and try drawing. Learn more guitar, Thai and how to play a keyboard. All these things seem possible.

One week goals

  • Draw something from my room ✅
  • Finish TCRAH ✅
  • Clear guitar stage 4 on Yousician ½
  • Complete more music learning ½

They just want your consciousness – 25th May 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A long time since writing in this book now a stream of consciousness writing exercise to let out all thoughts smoky air coughing up blood sore throat sweaty after a workout, well a five minute warmup anyway. Fan whirring. Door open ugh smoky air cats all safe no snake sightings. Unfinished jigsaw in front of me I enjoyed a few hours yesterday cats and books great idea for a picture. Pink gym ball I should do some situps no dream to remember right now messages coming on the phone. Meditate which first? meditate or situps many little things waiting to be done middle mass phrase Crayon Shin Chan’s little penis! Why? I don’t know but it made me laugh for a hundred Baht. Coffee! Yes, bad coffee but good caffeine. Smiling faces show teeth. Friends to be made no time to be grumpy how far do my thoughts extend before they run out or slow down. This exercise is slowing down my brain and speed of thinking – is that the purpose? Sit up straight soft seat. Tough hard wood at school. What will the day bring? Either way it will be okay – another day. I enjoy being around nicer people – that’s what I should be – nice – to everyone.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my calm this weekend. It has maintained my happiness when I could have been upset and angry.

To-do list

  • Listen carefully, practice breathing exercise
  • Take this happiness to work and bring it home again ✅
  • In free time at school – clear emails
  • Convert jpgs to docs – check the first lessons again ✅
  • Go to immigration ✅

Maintained my happiness throughout the day – and it was a very easy day. We had nothing to do – I wrote some more lessons but very lazily. I was nice to everyone and think I gave off enough of a positive vibe – I could always do better though.

Tonight, Nu, Aing and Mink came over – it’s Mink’s last night here so we bid him farewell. He’s a nice kid – very thoughtful – sometimes too much, so, he reminds me of me quite a lot at that age.

Tomorrow George is really excited that we might video record all the teachers singing ‘Happy’. It will be fun I really have to push myself to be in that frame of mind. Can I do it?

We got that attitude! – 29th March 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful for the wind because whilst it may be blowing the smoke in our direction, it is also helping to blow it further away

I’m just this big open field, waiting for the rain.

Henry Rollins

To-do list

  • Continue with lessons ½
  • Finish TCRAH upload and promote ✅
  • Tidy up laptop ✅

Tuesday now, no new report. Not much thinking going on. Not in the mood for thought-provoking reading or listening – just entertainment. No end in sight for this shutdown.