Tag: students

Difficult Days – 31st August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Give me a bad day
To show you who I am
Disturb my applecart
And mess with my plan

Look at you, all smiles
The sun, it always shines
The measure of the man
Is found in difficult times

An easy day for me
Fills me with compassion
For those facing struggle
And life comes down a-crashing

So give me a bad day
I’m gonna turn it around
Enduring all the pain
With this attitude I’ve found

Today I’m feeling:

Good for pushing through exercise this morning setting me up for my long day ahead. I’m starting to run out of time each day doing all the things I want to do and I think something is going to have to go and that will be TV and YouTube videos. I’m already cutting down just because of lack of time. Focus on the things I really prefer and enjoy to be doing. Stop wasting time.

Today I’m grateful for:

The language learning app Drops which I use to study Thai but which I have also asked a couple of my poorer students, Namsai and Nomsen, to use to study English and they checked it out this afternoon and seemed find it a little more compelling than Duolingo. I will introduce more of my classes to Drops instead and in the future. I think it is a slightly better learning tool despite not offering any opportunities to speak.

The best thing about today was:

Kinda improvising a lesson with one of my classes today and having it go really well. 

The original lesson I had planned wasn’t going to be long enough so I picked up a worksheet about ordinal numbers (they always struggle when asked what the date is) that could fill up the time. I started with it as I was expecting it to only take a few minutes. 

As they were getting themselves used to ordinal numbers I figured a best way to remember them was by doing birthdays so I went around the class asking everyone and writing them on the board. I noticed some smart students grabbing pictures so they could remember their classmate’s birthdays.

Once we had all the birthdays I got everyone and asked them to form a line from the first birthday of the year to the last and then spent 10 minutes sorting themselves out and finally I took a photo of them all.

By now time was too short to finish my planned lesson too. So I got them all to write the list of names in the order that had just just stood. This took them a good thirty minutes and I could see everyone puzzling out which name came next until finally they were done. To end, a long Kahoot to reinforce their learning. Everyone was happy and maybe they even learned something.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I decided I needed to catch up a handful of students in one class and the best way to do was to clear out the rest of the students so these ones could concentrate better. 

The class went well with the nine students, without all the usual distractions. They were initially a little miffed at their classmates going off for free time but soon understood the faster they got to it the sooner they’d be able to leave. 

With some slow careful explanations, I could see some twinkling of understanding in most of them. They finished with 30 minutes spare and off they went and off I went to House for extra coffee. 

Whilst I was there I got a message from our department head asking why my students were in the library at the time I was supposed to be teaching them. I got a little annoyed at this at first but I knew that it needed an explanation so I replied doing so. I didn’t get any reply.

Something I learned today?

Scientists have synthesised sugar out of carbon dioxide. Neat!

I took this picture because I wanted a record of the kids doing today’s lesson and lining up in birthday order. There are a few hilarious kids in this class and I hope this picture will be a useful reminder.

The Mouth Breather – 29th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A familiar pain satisfies
Almost spurning contempt
Each feeling classifies
Contradicting its attempt
Mouth breathing still
Forms subconscious thrill

Inspired by a sentence or two at Spinning Visions. Sometimes, the familiarity of something is comfortable even though it is something we dislike. We, as humans, really don’t enjoy change.

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good. My body is a little achy from exercise but I can feel my bones getting more support from my muscles. My head is feeling positive and I’m happy to be where I am in the world.

Today I’m grateful for:

The guy who makes the Post-Avant Jazzcore Happy Hour podcast that has given me many hours of interesting listening either at home or in the car. 

I mention it today because I was listening today and the music was a little minor-chordy, moody and dark and ultimately I didn’t find it quite as exciting as other times though I could feel the musicians were pretty damn awesome.

The only downside to the podcast is that I have to change the playback speed to normal as I’m usually listening to talking podcasts at one and a half speed.

The best thing about today was:

The chaos of my last class of the day! It is one of the classes that I moved to work in the canteen because I was embarrassed by them in our language building as they were extremely difficult to control. 

Moving them and giving them standard tasks that they repeat each time but with a different text has allowed them to get an understanding of what is required and they can plan ahead so that they don’t have to sit around until the end of the class. 

One of the advantages of being in the canteen is that the kids can spread out and go off as they please when I’m happy that they completed the work. 

Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve noticed that some of the poorer students have improved their skills a lot, perhaps with maturity as well as learning. 

What I like the best is that they no longer fear work when they see it. Gradually over time, they’ve realised that they have to try and that is all that I’ve been asking of them. I guess you could say they’ve made me proud!

They are still a chaotic bunch as any group of 36 13-14-year-olds are prone to be but they are generally fun to be around.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

One of my classes, one of the better ones, was a bit of a handful today and tested my patience. Thankfully it was only a one-hour lesson and a fair percentage of the students understood what was required. Some days you just don’t know what you are going to get but I’ve gotten better at rolling with the punches.

Something I learned today?

Some American politicians are considering leaving the United Nations. To be honest they should as they never follow or implement the consensus opinion unless it suits them. That is not what a UN should be about. BRICS is becoming a superior allegiance of countries that does follow international law and UN resolutions and they have put forward a 10-point charter that states so. Outside of the brainwashed Western kaleidoscope of nightmares, it seems obvious where the better path forward lies.

I took this picture because Kim’s grave is finally looking the way I want. I’ll be happy if it continues like this without any grass growing through. I miss that little kitty too much.

The Review – 28th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Not so easily impressed these days
I’m still glad of what you’re doing
I remember those times and ways
As I often find myself reviewing

So go ahead and tell your tale
As has been done many times before
One day recognition will come
You too can review the score

Today I’m feeling:

Much better after the sleepy weekend. My exercise felt easier this morning and I hope that continues throughout the week. I was also happy to be back at school and to see everyone. My students help improve my own emotional well-being.

Today I’m grateful for:

The receptionist at the hospital who advised the doctor I wanted to see only worked in the morning today but would be back tomorrow. It was a simple exchange but even that can be a struggle with our language barriers. Her English was better than my Thai but with a mix of both, we sorted it immediately. I’ll go back tomorrow.

The best thing about today was:

Having a reasonably long discussion with JubJib, mostly about other students.  She’s a smart kid and her English is excellent which is a rarity at school so it was nice to be able to have a complete, flowing conversation for a change. We’ve talked often before but usually get interrupted quickly just with there being so many kids around.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Watching a replay of yesterday’s AFL game between the Swans and the Demons. Finally, a game in which we played really well though we lost. This, after the last six or so games where we haven’t been that great but managed to win. No games this coming weekend and the following will see us play Carlton in Melbourne. Likely to be a quick exit for the Swans this year.

Something I learned today?

Yesterday one of my students posted a picture of her arm after she had tried cutting it. I talked with her today and she didn’t say anything (she’s VERY quiet usually) but I told her that if she did want to talk then I would be there for her.
She was very happy in the class today though I’m uncertain if it was because I talked to her or if there is something worse going on at home that makes her happier to be at school.
I thought this because a few students have told me they prefer to be at school rather than at home.

What is an upcoming milestone worth celebrating?

I’m not a big celebrater or care about milestones particularly. 

I had plans to have a big show for my 50th birthday in Sydney but when the time came I was living in Adelaide and working night shift, and Amy was in Thailand. 

I’ve not been big on birthdays or Christmas once I ‘grew up’ and I didn’t really get back into them when Hayden was growing up either. I kind of grudgingly did it!

If 60 was thought of as an upcoming milestone in still not sure how I would celebrate it. I don’t need a milestone or celebration to be happy. I’d rather just be contented all the time.

I took this picture because I was shocked to see this sudden tall protrusion from this plant. This one is growing even bigger than the one we had a couple of years ago. When the hell did it grow like this? I feel sure it wasn’t there yesterday!

Three Years – 27th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Lives on hold, unprepared
Hiding under the stairs
Trembling and scared
World revolving unawares

A chance, opportunity
Wasted, waiting for the fix
Hoping for immunity
From Batman’s bag of tricks

Next time, unprepared again
No lesson learned
Three years become ten
None may be returned

16th Apr 2024 – Submitted to Word of the Day Challenge – Immunity

Today I’m feeling:

A bit more active than yesterday. I think the pleasure of the cannabutter is giving me good long sleep but also still affecting me the following day so I’m going to lay off it for now. It’s effect is very mild and pleasureable but if it makes me groggy for the whole of the next day then it’s not worth it.

Today I’m grateful for:

My own understanding of my body and brain. Today has been completely drug free except my anti-depressant and whilst it’s not been a fun day to speak of it’s passed by pleasantly enough. I can feel my muscles and joints recovering slowly and hopefully they are primed to get me going again in the morning.

The best thing about today was:

Finally watching Come And See. I feel like I don’t have the attention span for movies sometimes but then realise I can sit through hours of podcasts or TV series. I knew this movie wasn’t going to be any kind of rom-com but the mood kind of reflected my day and it’s message and purpose were clear to me. It showed the trauma and atrocity of war and was a struggle to watch but I’m glad I did. I might have to sit back with something comedic tonight to balance it out.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The weekend has been a bit of a write-off, no writing, little reading, no workout and no guitar. I’m not worried about it at all as I know I need downtime. It’s just sometimes I feel like kicking myself when it feels like I’m wasting time.

I’ll be back on it tomorrow though. Morning exercise then off for coffees. Then I have an 11.30 appointment with Kru Hin to learn how do our grades in the online system, my one class at 1.30, then off up to the hospital to get more sertraline and back to play guitar and watch the last Swans AFL of the regular season.

Something I learned today?

One of my grade 7 students was proud to send me pictures of himself running in a 5km through the city today, similar to one that Amy and I did a few years ago. It’s nice to feel that he wants to show his teacher this. He was one of the kids I kicked out of class a couple of weeks ago so there is an element of sucking up involved but I know he’s a good kid, just being a teenager.

If I could live anywhere in the world, where would that be?

I’d like to live anywhere that is safe and stable. I’ve found living somewhere where I don’t fully understand the language has been helpful as I don’t get fully sucked into the vortex of shit-talking that people find so enjoyable. No matter how much I tried to avoid the corruption of politicians in the UK and Australia I always would get back into it. It was a waste of my time. I know things are even worse here in Thailand but I don’t have to think about it or be involved with it. 

I can still see myself living in the UK or Australia though I don’t think it would be for extended periods. Otherwise, I think I can live anywhere, as I said, so long as it is safe. Water, electricity and internet preferred.

I took this picture by accident when I was talking on a video call with Amy. She was busy running around cleaning Lewis’s poop at the time, just as I was about to feed our cats (action shot in the top corner). This is how Amy and I have communicated for the past two years and I’m glad of the technology that makes it possible.

Fleeting – 24th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Watching the world wake up
Waiting for the rain
It’s just another day
Same – but not the same

Weary-eyed, sleep-walkers
Coffee got them going
It’s business as usual
Yesterday’s news a-flowing

Not for me, not today
It’s time to break the mould
To sit and try to understand
All the stories I’ve been told

If we could live on words
There’s plenty here for eating
Why the morning feels more real
As each day passes, fleeting

inspired by this post at Spinning Visions

Today I’m feeling:

A little vague with heavy eyelids. Exercise got me going but driving to work I was distracted and forgetting how I’d even got to where I was. I know it’s the extra exercise making me tired but I’ve gotta try and keep it going. My body is benefitting and I need to get over the hump and get used to it, become a habit.

Today I’m grateful for:

Yet another half day with no classes affording me time to catch up on more reading and writing with my coffees. 

I went upstairs to see who was in the classroom of what was usually my first class of the day. There were six students and when I asked where the rest were they told me that they’d gone to one of their dorm rooms. Amusingly they confirmed that they went there to sleep more. The idea though was that they go to the Science Day event rather than study with me. Sleep was not what they should miss my class for!

Never mind, I was taking advantage of the event too.

Whilst I was talking to those students I was feeling a little tired and slurring my words a little. One of them offhandedly remarked that I looked stoned. That reminded me that perhaps the effects of yesterday evening’s cannabis oil hadn’t quite worn off.

The best thing about today was:

At 6.30 pm sitting on the terrace in the cool air, writing here and hearing the drip drops of rain approaching from across the fields which became a steady fall, the windblown droplets cooling my skin even further. The rain is damn cold but I’m also thoroughly enjoying the feeling, sitting under cover and watching the water drip from the roof. Cap is sitting at the door looking out in comfort behind the screen.  I think it will be an early night for me tonight.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I’ve been sleeping very well this week partly because of increasing my morning exercise routines but also aided by a couple of drops of cannabutter. One downside of that though was last night feeling sure that I had done my daily language learning only to discover this morning that I hadn’t done any at all! I also haven’t been able to read as many comics as usual, just feeling that I can’t keep my eyes open.

Something I learned today?

I’ve followed bits and pieces about Russia and the war in Ukraine and I understand very little about the involvement of the Wagner group. It felt like Western media was making a big deal over an alleged coup by the Wagner group and the words of its leader Prigozhin who ended up in Belarus. The Wagner group was then mentioned to be involved in Africa trying to counter armed interference from Western allies. Today, a small aircraft Prigozhin was on, crashed, killing everyone on board. There is sure to be more to that story.

I guess in some ways I’ve learned again that I know nothing.

What is the best gift I have ever given?

I’m struggling to even think about any gifts I have given!

There was the iPhone I bought for Amy when I came to Thailand but that was spoiled by the immigration officials who wanted the tax paid on it when I arrived. An iPhone is not really special either – it was more the surprise that I wanted Amy to get.

There were all the drawings of Amy and her friends that I did for our anniversary. That was a bit more special and personal.

Ok, here’s one. Back in 2013, I planned to go to Yogyakarta. Kimi and Sikin were disappointed that they couldn’t afford to meet me there so I bought them tickets. In the lead-up to that visit, I was suddenly retrenched and worried about spending too much money so I ended up cancelling my trip whilst Kimi and Sikin were still able to go! I shouldn’t have cancelled that trip but the future was feeling a bit uncertain at the time.

I took this picture because I was surprised to find Tigger in here, although as you can see he doesn’t all fit. All our cats constantly swap their favourite places and it feels like they wish that they could occupy them all at the same time to stop each other from stealing their spots. There’s something to be said for only owning one cat. But if we ever get more cats in the future I’d really like to get two or three brother and sister kittens. That would be great to watch them grow together and hopefully love each other more than our current cats do.

Loyal Bones – 22nd August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Loyal bones are buried everywhere in the green hills*
It’s not the revolutions that make our end
For the good of all may be the bitterest of pills
But is just a moment of the life you’ll spend

The mountains green, the never-ending seas
They belong to us, all of our humanity
They can be divided in any way we please
For the good of everyone’s sanity

Your loyal bones will be all too soon forgotten
But the paths you made will be followed
Each generation new bones become rotten
After those bitter pills have been swallowed

*This line is from Xi Jinping

Today I’m feeling:

Very good and relaxed again. Even though I’m not excited about having to take Tigger to the vet again after work I feel like I have the energy to get me through. Today was the second day doing double exercise and though it’s tough I’m feeling better for it.

Today I’m grateful for:

Meeting my grade 10 students by chance in the library and having good meaningful conversations with them. Outside the classroom, there is more space to relax and chat and they were very keen and didn’t want me to leave. We struggled by with their poor English, my poor Thai and translation. It was nice, though I had planned to do some printing and ran out of time.

The best thing about today was:

As this semester nears its end I feel like all my classes clearly understand what I require of them. This was exemplified today with my grade 8 class whom I gave work to do before my class and they understood that if they did the work beforehand they could just show me, fix any errors and then they were free to go at class time.

Along with the conscientious kids, all the usually lazy ones are the first to get it done because they want to be finished for the day as soon as they can. There’s about half the class that don’t worry either way but I can see them working together to do the work quickly during class time. 

They are learning the benefits of getting the job done at least and don’t complain at me any more!

At the same time, I have made my life easier too!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Taking Tigger to the vet and I’m stuck on the highway in a non-moving traffic jam. I can’t even see ahead to what is causing it and I’m imagining that some workers are stupidly doing something at rush hour because that happens here often.

(later) It was. Laying drains to stop flooding. Why do it in the rainy season! Why do it during the day and at rush hour?

Something I learned today?

Sinead O’Connor has died. I never really got into her music but I did respect her in some ways. She seemed to be an outsider, stuck inside the music industry. In my old one-sheet giveaway fanzine Fuck Around each issue I dedicated a section to a picture of her titled Sinead O’Corner and left it without any context. I just thought she was attractive with her tomboy hair. As I perceived her as an underdog I rooted for her. Ripping up a picture of the Pope on live TV gained my deepest respect.

Do I spend more time thinking about the future or the past?

The past of course! That’s what this whole bloggedy business is all about. 

I don’t really remember thinking much about the future before 1994. To be honest I had no ideas before that. Now that 30 more years have passed there’s more of my life gone by than I can expect to come. Whatever the future brings is ok.

I took these pictures because I went in to see my old students and found many of them in deep sleep. What a crazy country. I like it. School here is just totally unlike what I experienced. This is where culture starts.

Crow’s Feet – 19th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 11 Comments

A survey of the skin
Tells our stories
A book held within
Full of old glories

The cut, once blood
When tears did run
Baked on, caked on mud
Drying in the sun

Each crevice and crack
Formed from laughs and cries
Can never be turned back
No matter how many tries

Botox babies and teens
Scared to take a fall
Fear what it all means
When it means not much at all

10th May 2024 – Shared to dVerse OLN

Today I’m feeling:

Slept early last night and got up early ready to go for a ride with Bruno, up to Doi Chang.

I was too early for Utopia but felt pumped to be going on a long ass ride. Once getting into the mountains the cool clean air tickled my nose with the now-familiar smells of fresh growth foliage and flowers. All the food stalls around added to the perfume and even the small fires around reminded me of camping trips from days gone by. 

It was a joy to be out there today.

Today I’m grateful for:

Bruno being the way he is and leading us to accidentally drink civet-shit coffee overlooking a glorious long valley view. 

The owners also gave us a fresh avocado with local honey and Bruno asked if they had any more to which he was told sure, just go pick them. They went off under the terrace and picked up 4 or 5 big cricket balls from high up using a net on a 3-metre bamboo pole. I love that Bruno will just go and do what takes his fancy and it always ends us up in interesting situations

The best thing about today was:

The ride down from Doi Chang and through Doi Wawee was just beautiful and Wawee especially was a pretty village. The school had just let out students at midday and we drove up past the gates. The school is magnificent, sculpted up the hillside, and looks impeccable. All the kids were happy and playful as they tumbled out down the hill. 

Riding through these places made me reflect a bit more on my place in Thailand and as a teacher. I can understand more about the teacher’s and the student’s apathy when I see the places where they live and the lack of opportunities and ambition around them. I give them a hard time to make the best of themselves and now I recognise those soft faces looking up at me quietly expressing, ‘What’s the point?’

Once on the road back to Mae Chan, I got stuck behind a van with about ten school students stuffed in the back along with various packages, parcels and goods. They were all happily, lazily chatting and looking at their phones, perhaps just being in the happy childhood state of not knowing what is going to happen next, where they are going or what they will do when they arrive.

In opposition, all I wanted to do was overtake the van but the roads were too twisty to be able to get around. I just wanted to get home to where I knew exactly everything that will happen. I wished I could go back to that state of happiness that comes from interruptions to boredom, saying yes to anything, just to hang out a bit longer.

When I was like that I was usually the last one home.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I thought I would struggle with not having my usual two morning coffees but for some reason, I was just psyched to be riding and didn’t really want to stop anywhere until we got ‘there’, wherever the next ‘there ‘ was.

At the end of the 7-hour ride, covered in mud, dirt and dust I dropped into Utopia for coffee finally and they all wondered why I hadn’t been in the morning.

Something I learned today?

I learned that civet shit coffee tastes smooth but is overpriced and overrated.

What was I like as a child?

The same as I am now but less grown up….in effect, I am still a child, it is just that I have learned how to handle adult responsibilities. 

I took this picture because we nearly missed this shop but glad we turned back to stop and check out this incredible view.

Respun Visions – 18th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Today I experimented a little using AI. I took the five paragraphs individually in this post at Spinning Visions and asked AI to summarise each with a four-line poem:

A balcony that's hidden from the view
A door that's sealed with plaster and with lies
A neighbor who has seen what lies behind
A mind that's overgrown with ivy vines

They say our brains must prune the past
To make some room for what is new
But I don't want to lose the things
That made me who I am with you

I've closed so many doors inside
And left them in the dark
I've cut off ties that once were mine
And hid the broken parts

I saw him through the window pane
The one who broke my heart
I thought of all the words unsaid
And how we grew apart

I've left behind so many things
That once were part of me
But now they're hidden by the green
Of ivy's memory

I then asked AI to make these results more philosophical and ended up with this:

What is a balcony but a space
Between the inside and the out
A door that's closed can never face
The truth that lies beyond the doubt

What is a brain but a device
That stores and shapes our history
But when it prunes it pays a price
And loses parts of mystery

What is a heart but a vessel
That fills and spills with love and pain
A tie that binds or a trestle
That bridges gaps or breaks in twain

What is a memory but a shade
That fades and grows with time and light
A green that covers or a blade
That cuts and heals or stirs the night

Of course, I can’t really claim any credit for this beyond the fact that I took the time and effort to do it. I like Makenna’s writing at Spinning Visions and have found it quite inspiring to take her ideas and thoughts and consider them in my own contexts. This time I was just curious how AI would find summarising short texts into four-line poems.

Today I’m feeling:

Tired but positive, a little sleepy when I stop and sit. Need to keep moving. I pushed through two workouts again and feel good for that. After my first class is a four-hour break that I will hope to stay awake through. I don’t want to get caught sleeping at the cafe!

Kept myself going by getting right into some more lesson planning so ran out of time to even do much blog updating.

Today I’m grateful for:

The little plastic toe spacer that I hope will improve my sore big toe joint over time. I’ve tried a few different spacers but I find that they can get uncomfortable after an hour or so, even waking me from sleep. This one is smaller and simpler and just helps you keep the big toe straight in comparison with the second toe. It would be great if I could actually fix this painful foot that has bothered me on and off for most of my life. I’d also like to fix my hips which are out of balance and also contribute to the pain in my foot and other places such as knees, back and the hips themselves.

I can imagine a complete relief, like being pumped full of a relaxant but I think that will only come just before I die. A slow relief that completely overwhelms, until only your body is all that is left and you cease to exist.

The best thing about today was:

Listening to Nicha and Namkhing improve their reading skills, as I had been personally encouraging them last year with one-on-one lessons and whereas then, they struggled with even just two-letter words now they are able to make attempts at four-, five- and six-letter words. They still often fail but the fact that they are trying fills with happiness. I made sure they knew how happy I was too.

Something I learned today?

I rediscovered a website with some English lesson plans, quizzes and games and it inspired me to put together new lessons. Once I get into it I can imagine the work unfolding in the classroom, who will struggle and who will do well, deciding whether to push harder or pull back. Not every time is a hit and some days that happens can be frustrating for the students who then make it frustrating for me. I think I mixed things up well this week and kept my students occupied, learning (if they wanted to) and happy.

Where am I headed?

I’m just heading along. I feel like I’ve spent my life headed to here, where I am. I don’t have any other place I particularly need to be.

This could change in the future as I’m guessing at some point we will head back to Australia again. I don’t need to be thinking about that right now though.

What worries me the most currently?

I don’t tend to worry much about anything. Even things that might cause worry such as Amy being able to settle back here again, doesn’t really worry me that much. Whatever path life goes down I’m still on the path.

I took this picture because finally, something stood out to me that begged a photo to be taken. The sky was a little brighter today which seemed to open my eyes more to what is around.

No Knowing – 9th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

*I only blinked my eye
Suddenly then I knew
I would sooner die
Than doing all I wanted to do

Still practising my growing
With every single breath
Now there’s no knowing
The time to face my death

What I want to say to you
Has many times been said
Do everything you want to do
Before you end up dead

*appropriated from this blog post at Spinning Visions

Today I’m feeling:

So tired this morning as I didn’t sleep well. Being back together in the cool aircon of our bedroom proper was nice and saw us off to sleep nicely with Cap joining us but, Cap being Cap, he wanted to go in and out a couple of times during the night which meant me opening and closing the door for him. The last time it was almost light so I left the door ajar for him but Tigger also came in and Amy woke up to find him peeing on her bed. First day back and already these cats treat our fresh-smelling beds as their toilets. 

Of course, I got into trouble (with Amy) for leaving the door open. I delayed my alarm to allow an extra 15 minutes of tossing and turning and I would dearly love to be back in bed sleeping more right now.

Today I’m grateful for:

The cafe next door to school changed its policy for every tenth coffee free, getting rid of it completely. I cried that I only had two more to go and then said, how about today for free? To which they agreed and I went away happy. As usual, the taste of their coffee is awful but it has a hell of a caffeine hit.

The best thing about today was:

Finding out that there is some event tomorrow morning and it’s optional whether to teach or not. I will definitely not teach the first class and not sure about the second one yet. I’ll see how I and they feel tomorrow morning.

I ended up chatting to one of the students who said they thought that they would have to do some tasks which will take all morning so, what the hell? I doubt if it will take that long but I know they would prefer whatever it is they will be doing over sitting in a classroom anyway.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Many things out of my control today but I’m getting better at just going with it and not getting stressed about things. I can definitely feel that this has changed for me over the last couple of years.

Something I learned today?

I did 5 minutes research into overcoming sensitivity after being bullied and read that CBT is a suggested therapy to help. I will offer some advice and information to the student whom I talked with yesterday evening.

I took no pictures because my brain couldn’t expand enough into the spaces to find something interesting to take a picture of despite interesting things occurring around me. Now is the struggle to find interest in the minutiae, in the minor, in the greys and browns.

Thank Goodness For Paranoia – 8th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A cautious step on an icy ledge
Let slip the dogs of war
The days of diplomacy are over
And goons are knocking at the door

Never hold the gaze for more than a second
The men in black are tweaking
The files are closed on past misdemeanours
Until they’re ready for leaking

Good job Gloria, that’s how you do
Surviving all these years of top
Surveilling from behind the screen
Until the penny is about to drop

Baby’s got a blankie to hold
A security against the fear
The blinds are drawn, doors are locked
So it will not happen here

A boy in a bubble, breathing hope
He wants to be just like you
Who decides on a normal life
When they will surely die too?

Today I’m feeling:

Ok so far though getting up was difficult.

In the middle of the night, I was dreaming of Forest Cottage again and knew I needed to pee but, still in the dream, it felt like it was so close I had to run to the bathroom and when I got there I saw in my pants that I couldn’t contain it all in time but I enjoyed the feeling of relief as I wondered when I would ever stop peeing.

Finally, the dream woke me up realizing I needed to pee and thankfully I had managed to contain it so far. I fumbled out of bed still not quite with it and stumbled around the edge and head first into the wardrobe. With a loud crack, I dropped back onto the bed waking Amy and suddenly wide awake myself. I have a nice forehead bruise for my troubles this morning.

Today I’m grateful for:

My subconscious, telling me to wake up and go to the bathroom before wetting the bed. I hope these dreams don’t stop and I long have the ability to make it to the toilet in time.

The best thing about today was:

Hearing that our aircon component is here. However…. he’s here working on it right now and whilst it is working the air is not cold. One problem fixed and perhaps another created. Have to wait and see. It would be nice to be back in our familiar bedroom again although Amy is saying that my snoring is disturbing her sleep and wants to sleep in separate rooms!

About an hour later and we finally have it fixed again. Woohoo!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

For my second class today I planned on using Quizizz online but as I sat to start it everything had disappeared from my account which was a bit of a worry as there are weeks of work of mine there, but I figured it must be some site-wide issue that will get fixed in time. But what to do for my class that was already ten minutes through the one hour allocated?

In my earlier class, I had played categories with them which went well enough but took about 20 minutes to get set up. During my break, I had taken five minutes to put together the table in a document so the kids didn’t have to draw it (which one student had struggled with!). So I quickly ran and printed off the sheets and divided the kids into groups, taking most of the phones off them, and allowing just one per group to use for searching answers. 

Thankfully this group of kids are pretty obedient and even if they are not sure what I’m saying they quickly learn from each other. We were able to quickly have fun playing the game with 95% of the class taking part before I allocated 4 students to clean and kicked the rest out to their next class. Job done!

Also, with the aircon repair taking an hour or two I’ve run out of time to play guitar today which is a little annoying but I know that in the future there will also be days with lots of free time and I will be too lazy to play. Also, sometimes taking a break from something reminds you how much better you’ve become when you pick it up again.

Something I learned today?

Wow, I just finished a long chat with another student suffering depressive symptoms. Although I didn’t see it before their behaviour makes sense in hindsight.

Who has made a difference in my life lately?

I guess this one is pretty obvious for me right now as Amy has been back for three weeks and is about to leave again already. When I’m by myself I can get into a very familiar routine that becomes comfortable and though the acceptance of that change wasn’t that difficult it was still something to work through. When she is back again permanently things will change again and a new routine will reveal itself.

I took this picture last month because it was amazing to see so much fruit from this palm. No new picture today again! Maybe tomorrow I just give my phone to a random student and ask them to take pictures for me and see what they come up with!