Tag: students

At The Edge – 22nd February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

I’m running at the edge of their world
Pushed away and pulled back again
I don’t want to fall off the fence
And find myself having to explain

They’re criticising something they can’t understand
Never taking the time to lend a listening ear
On the fence, there’s air to breathe
Down below so clouded with fear

I’m living on the edge of their town
Itching to break free of the shackles
My feet only touch the ground to run
The touch paper lighted crackles

And I won’t be shot down
I won’t be pulled apart
There’s no compromise
At the edge of my heart

Submitted to Weekly Prompts Weekend Challenge Edge

Inspired by the Stiff Little Fingers song ‘At The Edge’ from which each line of the chorus was taken as the first line of each stanza

And I’m running at the edge of their world
They’re criticising something they just can’t understand
Living on the edge of their town
And I won’t be shot down

Today I’m feeling:

Relaxed and happy.  The early birds crawing woke me up before my alarm, along with waking Tigger who then starting crawing too.  I slept pretty well otherwise and got back into exercise on this chilly morning. The evening temperatures are perfect but by early morning it’s still cold and then during the day we’re hitting 35 degrees or so.

Today I’m grateful for:

There being yet another event this morning and being able to accommodate the kids wishes to go to it instead of studying.  To achieve that  I set them a minor task of taking a photo at the event and describing it to me.  After sticking around for a few minutes I was able to duck out for coffee and keep up with the classes work as the submitted it to me online.

The best thing about today was:

Feeling good with the poems I was inspired to write today and clearing out some of the growing number of email prompts that I’ve been receiving.  I’ve gotten right into this little circle of writers and whilst I don’t enjoy much of what I read I can appreciate the time and effort that they are putting into it and occasionally something does grab my attention that hits the mark.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The morning event rolled over into the afternoon and so for the second week running my grade 10s were busy and only a few were in the classroom when I got there.  Well, that’s fine.  I’m not sure if I will get to teach them again this semester.  So with even more free time I took the opportunity to wander around the school and talk and play with whoever I found (which was almost everyone!)

Something I learned today?

The last letter added to the English alphabet was ‘J’. Before that, the letter ‘i’ was used for both the ‘i’ and ‘j’ sounds.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I left school at around 3pm and went to Big C and whilst there I suddenly heard ‘Teacher!’  It was Baibua and Khawhom.  They looked a little sheepish but also laughing at seeing me shopping.  I asked them what they were doing and they indicated that they were going to the movies.  But wait a minute!  Why aren’t they at school?  They said there was nothing to do.  Well, that is true.  I know and they know it.

With my grade 10 class not showing up I went to help Kru Ren again and offered my help to the different groups of students.  I was a little disappointed with Baipad because it turned out that she hadn’t done any work for class for the whole semester.  Jan and Apple had done some but not finished it.  I asked them why they weren’t doing it now and they just offered up excuses.  Sigh.  I told Baipad that I can help her catch up this evening if she wants me to but haven’t heard anything from her yet.

David hasn’t been at school for the last three days so I sent him a message asking if he was ok.

What tasks do I often avoid?

I don’t think there’s any task that I avoid completely but I have a different threshold of tolerance to certain things to Amy so in that sense I avoid mopping the floors or cleaning the toilets but if she wasn’t here I would do those things but only when I found it necessary.  

Asking Amy what tasks I often avoid might provide a clearer answer.

I took this picture because I wanted to show my students an example of what they were required to do for class (take a picture connected with the event and write a sentence about it). I was happy that almost all of them completed this simple task. I thought this student picture was quite nice and as I took the picture the student who made it was there and his friends were all in awe!

Walking To Happiness – 21st February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 10 Comments

Let’s roll the rock, let’s roll it up
The mountain doesn’t exist
When the rock, it rolls on down
In its nature not to resist

And what’s your nature? ask yourself
You are the rock, you are the mountain
Walk right on up to the top
To drink from the happy fountain

Submitted to WDYS 226

Today I’m feeling:

Good for taking an extra 30 minutes snooze this morning.  I could have pushed through and got up and exercised but subconsciously I knew that I slept late last night because I wasn’t feeling tired and I was telling myself that I should rest more.

Today I’m grateful for:

Nong Na bringing us a small gift today.  We invited her over again to make another contact if we need a cat sitter in the future.  We’ve never needed to ask her but I think she would be happy enough to do it and she seems quite reasonable and responsible.

The best thing about today was:

I taught my grade 10s the Sexual Abuse lesson that I had used a couple of years ago.  I had to adapt it a little and put in a lot of translation so that they could fully grasp all the concepts.  They seemed to follow it well enough, especially the video of the Thai girl speaking out about being abused by a teacher.

They particularly perked up when we came to talk about words about sex, though they started off shyly until I asked them what about all the bad words that you are not supposed to say?  Once they got the green light on that, they were off and running.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Late this afternoon I found out that there is an art event again tomorrow morning.  I asked a few of my students but they didn’t know anything about it.  As usual, communication sucks but I thought that perhaps I can use it to my advantage.

I came home and forgot about it though until one student contacted me, having obviously heard about the event from somewhere, asking if they could go to the event instead of class.  Well, doesn’t that sound like a grand idea?  But I kept them hanging and just replied ‘Maybe….’

Actually, if I had known something about it I could have prepared some tasks to at least incorporate the event into a lesson somehow.  As it is, the kids will probably wander around the event for a few minutes and then go back to the classroom and play on their phones for the rest of the two hours.  And so will I, except I will go off for coffee instead.

Something I learned today?

Hippos can’t swim but they can sleep underwater.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

The kids are mostly in a pretty good mood with the end of the semester approaching and I was being pulled in many directions to join and chat with different groups at different times during the day.

Before leaving to come home I usually walk around the park to see which students are hanging out there and I’ll chat briefly with the ones I know and sometimes ones I don’t know will start a conversation too.

This afternoon, Kaowfang, Miyor and Husna were walking by and Kaowfang, as always, was talking about the latest boy that she likes.  Then she spotted the boy that Miyor likes and I feigned to bring him over and Miyor pulled me back.

We walked off in different directions but crossed paths again a few minutes later and Miyor went off to sit down whilst Kaowfang and Husna started telling me that Miyor was angry and upset with them.  I thought maybe because we were teasing her about the boy that she likes.

I didn’t have time to get involved further in their coming-of-age quarrels but was messaged later that they were having a real problem with Miyor and they didn’t know how to deal with it.  They said she was vain, self-centred and selfish!  Wow! I didn’t see that coming.  Miyor is a pretty quiet girl in class and I never heard any bad talk either from or about her.

I asked Kaowfang if she had talked directly to Miyor about it but she said that she would just get angry and not listen anyway.

I suggested that perhaps Miyor is upset because she just doesn’t like people talking about her, either good or bad and that maybe whilst we were playing and joking about the boy she actually felt quite serious about it.  I also said that, really, it’s none of our business who she likes or doesn’t like so perhaps we can not talk about this with her next time.

Kaowfang thanked me for the suggestion.  Let’s see what happens.  Here I am still traversing the perils of teenage relationships.

What does love mean to me?

I find love a little difficult to define though I know it is what I feel for certain people and about certain things.  Love changes throughout our lives so its definition changes.

The love I have for Amy doesn’t feel the same as the love I had for my first girlfriend (which I might hesitate to even call love now).  It is also different to the love I have for my mum or my students or my home.

So what does it mean?  Warmth, acceptance, understanding, kindness, growth.

For me, love also means fidelity.  I think that if you cheat on your partner then you have stopped loving them.  I say that without judgement as I have cheated before.  When that happened I knew that I was no longer in love.

Now, having learned that I understand that it is better to break up with someone if you no longer love them, before sharing your love somewhere else.  Either way is heartbreak but one is more morally acceptable for me.

I took this picture because Nong Na came and updated us on her first year at university so far.

What I Am Not – 20th February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 7 Comments

Looking up into the darkness of the night
I could have been an astronaut exploring space
Tuned into the Sydney Olympics that time
I could have been the one that won the race

Trudging through the muddy fields in Autumn
We were as soldiers marching off to war
Or on the school fields, shoes for posts
We were the team with the winning score

Racing Matchbox cars down twisted tracks
I will be the one praised with champagne and girls
The architect of the biggest castles
And a new country whose flag unfurls

But would I always come out on top
With the skills that I have got?
I may not know so very much
But I do know what I’m not

Submitted to Reena’s Xploration Challenge #318

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good. I notice that I’ve been waking up before my alarm recently and with my aching shoulder meaning a lot of tossing and turning during the night along with Cap wanting the door opened a couple of times to go in and out, I’m pretty tired too.

Today I’m grateful for:

Getting new tyres on the car today.  I couldn’t really tell the difference but after five or six years I guess it was time.

The best thing about today was:

Having a couple more reading classes in groups of five or six again.  It’s a lot of fun even though it means leaving the rest of the class to their own devices until it is their turn.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Just as I was leaving this morning Amy told me that after my first class, I have to go and wait at the car service place until our car is ready, which is hopefully before I’m due back at school!  I was looking forward to spending time at the cafe, reading and writing but I guess it doesn’t matter too much as I can do that at the car service place too.

So, after class, I grabbed a takeaway coffee, went to Mum’s, picked up Amy and with a slight detour got to the car service.  It was around 11.30 by now and Amy said they thought everything should be done by 12 so we sat around waiting. I did some lesson planning for a while and then someone came and told us that everyone was on a break now and that the car won’t be ready until later.

We tried to work out what to do next as I had to come back to school and Amy was off to visit Nut.  How would I get back from school to pick up the car?  Amy didn’t want to have to drive back to pick me up.  I figured I could get a Grab from school though that would be a pain in the ass as it is really busy around the school at that time.

Whilst we were thinking about this they said that we could pay now and it was then that Amy discovered she didn’t have her credit card and would have to go home and get it and come back anyway!  So I said that she may as well come and pick me up too!

So, I don’t know if that makes any sense but all in all it was a waste of two hours with absolutely nothing achieved from that running around.

If I had been the one that had forgotten the card I would never have heard the end of it and I gently reminded Amy of this fact, taking a minute to shine in the glory of not the one being at fault this time.  I’m sure this will soon be reversed by something relatively inconsequential that I will be admonished for.

So, ultimately I handled it with smug satisfaction and a little bit of annoyance.

Something I learned today?

I learned that Baipad didn’t do anything special or get any gift from her mum for her birthday which is a bit sad to hear.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I like to think that remaining calm and adaptable to the situation described above was a good deed.

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO –  19. There’s No End Game. We, as a species, just are. Don’t try to figure it all out. Enjoy your journey.

OK, I know that we just are, life is meaningless and I am still enjoying the journey very much.  

But I also think it’s ok to try and figure things out as much as I can.  For myself, not for the world.  I just want to figure out how to make my world the best I can and slowly I see it improving.

Fah took these pictures because my phone was sitting on my desk where she was taking notes from my laptop screen. They were a surprise to me when I went to see what photos I had taken today.

The Wake – 19th February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 3 Comments

Here the shadow falls, down into the fog
Eyes dead at the singing of the bells
Broke by the vicious cards dealt
Crawling through the sawdust of these hells

Burying bodies, ten-a-penny
Stuffed men once filled with straw
All now quiet and meaningless
Wondering what it was all for

This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper
It never would have come to this
If we’d just kept things simpler

Submitted to Shay’s Word Garden – inspired (and borrowed) from T.S.Eliot’s The Hollow Men

Today I’m feeling:

Good, getting better throughout the day. I started off a little dizzy until my meds kicked in.  

Both my classes were simple and the kids seem invested in a little reading and understanding.  I didn’t push them but the way I structured the reading and questions definitely caught out some of the students who would generally just copy their work.

Today I’m grateful for:

Parthiban in Singapore for paying back his share for the HighVoltage/SpeechOdd 12”, straight back into our Aussie bank account, which will keep Amy happy for a little while!

The best thing about today was:

Being inspired to write a couple of poems during my break between classes.  That two hours flew by today as I caught up some reading, thinking about prompts and ideas.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

In my first class we ran out of time for the last group to read because they were all struggling to understand the questions that I was asking them.  

I was surprised at how quickly the time disappeared.  Oh well, at least I caught about 85% of the class today.

Something I learned today?

Arwith’s band Piri Reis is supporting Converge in Bangkok in May.  He’s going to try and line up a weekend show in Chiang Mai if possible too.  

Either way I’d like to catch up with him if he’s here somewhere during a weekend.

What things do I like to collect?

I’ve answered this or a similar question before, answering with music, books, comics but it got me thinking a bit more about how technology has transformed collecting in many ways.  

With almost everything available somewhere somehow as a digital file collecting physical items is becoming more of a rich person’s privilege.  

Collecting things digitally doesn’t mean much to me but from seeing what some of the younger folks are experimenting with online in games they seem to place value in those things.  

I was intrigued whilst watching an online race over three hundred kilometres on a barren planet in one of the sci-fi games where folks collect and trade minerals.  

I can understand the appeal of these types of games and there may have been a time I might of dreamed of delving into them but I still have some part of me that clings to the physical.  

Unlike those players though I cannot place any value in something that only exists as bits and bytes.

Praewa took this picture because she stole my phone (again). Her face is finally starting to mature as she has had a cute childish face since I’ve known her and it has only recently started changing. She still hasn’t grown taller though which I often tease her about but she could still grow a few more inches yet.

Another Vapid Poem – 14th February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 3 Comments

How many vapid words I read today?
So much written with nothing to say
Some thought many were written by me
It’s true, I accept responsibility

“All the flowers shine bright in glory”
The charming prince wins every story
Look out everyone, it’s yet another verse
Praised by all yet poetically worse!

How many more vapid words will I read?

60 words written for Sammi’s Weekend Writing Prompt: Vapid

Today I’m feeling:

Upbeat though could have done with a couple more hours of sleep. Still, here we are, up and about.

Today I’m grateful for:

This soda water I’m drinking right now.  The third of the evening.  The temperature is starting to rise a little as the mild winter fades.  I’m thirsty and probably going to suffer later having to get up to pee during the night.  Never mind.  I’m a human being and this is how my body works.

The best thing about today was:

In my first class with grade 10s I was teaching about a topic one of them had chosen – European History.  It’s nothing to do with what they are supposed to be learning about but I wanted them to suggest ideas for topics so that I knew it might hold their interest.  I found a Middle Ages in 5 Minutes video and used AI to pull out ten questions from it.  I grabbed the transcript to print out for the students and as I was expecting, they were quite shocked to see so much text and many words they’d never come across before.

I started the lesson by telling them that the topic is European History and to not be scared of what they are seeing and hearing.  What I will be teaching them in the class is English and not history.  I advised them that they didn’t have to understand everything and not to stress themselves about it.

First, we watched the video at three-quarter speed and at the end of it, the best English speaker in the class looked at me exasperated saying that she didn’t understand anything!  I told her that that was fine and not to give up.

I had drawn up a list of words for them to translate into Thai to help them a little and we talked around those a little to make sure that they had found and understood the correct meanings.  Then I had them do a word race, trying to find the word that I said in the text and they all got into that as it was competitive.

Then we watched the video again and, again, the students looked a little confused and lacking confidence.  I told them that they are feeling like this because they are expecting to fully understand something before attempting something connected to it.  I told them that that is often a luxury we can’t afford when learning something.  I said that when we are young children we might watch TV, something that we don’t understand and can’t explain but the words and pictures are making connections in our brains.  This is what they have been doing today.  They seemed dubious.

Finally, we attempted the quiz which was ten multiple-choice questions.  They needed a good understanding of English for them so I guided them with ideas of what to search for in the text, asking them questions, prompting and testing.  They all struggled through the first few questions but slowly they started being able to answer them more swiftly and I stopped them at one point praising them and reminding them of how they had arrived at this point.

Usually, these students are itching to go and eat as the class is before lunch but today we ran over time as they were all quite pleased at what they had done today.  Maybe they will remember little of the details of today but next time they are faced with what seems an ominous task they will feel more confident.  Perhaps some will be reminded of some of the information when they see pictures of old cathedrals or hear the names of some English and French kings.

That was a great lesson for all of us today!

And then….for my second class, I split my grade 7’s into random groups of 5 or 6 and had them come read together and answer questions with spoken English, rather than writing, where it is easy to copy each other’s answers.

This really tested some of the students who think they can cruise through by copying.  This is not the best method of teaching but compared with what I see going on in some other classrooms I’m hoping it is a little more effective and encouraging for the students.

I was happy with the way this class went too.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Last night Amy was in a tipsy playful mood and while I was already in bed, settled into a book, she came in looking serious.  She said she wanted to talk to me seriously about something.  This was a bit surprising to me as she had been happy with her wine most of the evening.  I said ‘ok’, not really knowing what to expect.

Her face was serious and she looked teary and struggled to say words, hiding her face in a shameful manner.  I was still slightly bemused but also on my guard.  What is she going to tell me?  What is so difficult to say?  What happened?  I was mentally and physically preparing for a confession of infidelity.

Finally, after a few minutes of this acting, she proffered ‘Do you think I should get my nose heightened?  I know you like it small but I want it to be bigger.’  She laughed and cackled at this and I reminded her (as we have talked about this before) that I love her little nose but if she’s not happy with it then she can do what she wants.

She asked me ‘What would you do if I told you I had cheated on you?’  I stoically said ‘If that happened, we’d have to talk it out and decide what to do.’  Ultimately that is all that gets done in that situation whether it’s amicable or not.

Amy went off back to her wine and movie and I congratulated myself on my calm in such a situation.  It was good to practice going through an emotional test like this.  Occasionally, I will walk through situations in my head to see how I might react, mentally preparing.  It’s not always effective but it’s better than being knocked off your feet by things.

Something I learned today?

Over the last few days, I’ve been watching more Little Chinese Everywhere videos as Yan was travelling through Iran.  I learned a lot about their local crafts and was reminded of how wonderful and welcoming the people there are.  I would have loved to have gone there when I was younger but I have lost the travel bug a little recently.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

With it being Valentine’s Day, as is tradition here, students were giving out heart stickers to each other and to me too.  I also had some extra candies.  When I ran out of those I peeled off the stickers from my shirt and passed them on to students, hoping to be sticker-free by the time I got home.  

I remember last year finding these stickers in the washing machine, even weeks later because there were still some stuck on my shirt when I put it in the wash.

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO –  17. Think About Others. Just be mindful, that’s all. We all have families, bills to pay, and our own issues. Don’t always make everything about yourself.

I believe that I am quite good at this but I would say that I do not involve myself with others lives unless invited.  

I’m not a chatterbox or the type of person who charms up banal conversation to form connections.  

Perhaps that makes me a little standoffish, maybe even self-centred but actually I care very much about people and what is going on with them and I will help when I can and forgive when they have their own things going on.

Miyor took this picture because she came to take a photo of my computer screen and I joked that she wanted a picture of me. I’ll try and get a haircut this weekend.

Hypnotic Show – 13th February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 4 Comments

The sad eye hypnotic
Traverse its monthly blinking
Cool, translucent, exotic
The wolf wanders thinking

From enchanted light
To hands held, no glow
A billion years of night
And this sad hypnotic show

Moonwashed Musings

Today I’m feeling:

Healthier and more positive.  I still have some lurking sore throat and stuffy nose but the tiredness has dissipated for now.

Today I’m grateful for:

Amy’s mum who gave us bananas from her garden and we gifted some to Auntie Sue next door when we got home.  More food grows here than anyone can eat.

The best thing about today was:

Watching all the students that dressed up for the Chinese New Year event.  All the primary kids looked super cute and I was particularly taken by one boy who was part of a dance group on the stage who was really into it.  He couldn’t stop himself from dancing to all the other acts even after being done on stage.  I like the traditional Chinese dress more than Thai.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Kru Paul mentioned today that they were having a party this week for the primary sub-director as he said she was retiring but then he went on to say that she would become the department head for English next semester in high school.  Meaning she would be our boss!

I wasn’t sure if he was pulling my leg to get a reaction but I played along, saying that I hoped she wouldn’t expect good English from the students as the primary kids are better than most of our high schoolers due to exposure to so much English whilst there.

I was sufficiently intrigued about this possibility though that I talked to Kru Mai and asked him who would be the department head next semester and he said that it would still be him.  He then went on to say that he’s thinking to spread out our classes next year so that I won’t have to teach grade 7s so much.

I had been thinking to mention this to him previously so I’m glad it’s already something he’s thinking about.  However, anything can happen.  I don’t even know if they will still want me to work there next semester yet.

Something I learned today?

I learned that Funfai is three-quarters Chinese!  I wasn’t particularly surprised at this as she has stereotypically beautiful almond-shaped eyes.  I often forget how much Chinese influence there is here in north Thailand.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

My grade 10s were exhausted from selling food at their stall all morning and when they turned up for my class they pleaded for me not to teach.  As it was a one-hour class and I was just prepping them for their full 2-hour class tomorrow I acceded to their demands.  They promised me that they would work hard to complete everything tomorrow.

I took this picture because I took these girls’ phones from them as they weren’t concentrating on doing my work. As I did this BB, on the left, grabbed my phone off my desk and took this selfie with Tulip. I got my phone back and then proceeded to fill Tulip’s phone with hundreds of random photos as punishment.

Beyond The Threshold – 6th February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 3 Comments

Won’t you let me in?
Open heart, open door
A warm welcoming

Wanting little more
Than a hand to hold here
As we cross the floor

Overcome our fear
Let’s go through together
Our intentions clear

In silk and feather
We find ourselves humming
A friend forever

Won’t you let me….

Fake Flamenco: Thursday Doors

Today I’m feeling:

Like I haven’t slept enough. I could easily curl up and snooze for a bit but hopefully, this coffee will kick-start the morning.

Today I’m grateful for:

Having things to read while sitting around doing nothing at school this afternoon whilst the Thai teachers were keeping the kids occupied.  After an hour and a half though I snuck out and didn’t bother signing out either.  Hopefully, that doesn’t come back to bite me but Scout week is one of those frustrating wastes of time for us foreign teachers.

The best thing about today was:

Amy’s dinner of fried rice with fish sausage, crunchy cabbage, carrot and topped off with a perfectly fried egg.  Since I started just eating breakfast and skipping lunch I’ve been able to easily adapt to eating rice almost every day at dinner time.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Despite having to show groups of 8-10-year-olds over and over again how to tie knots this morning and itching to get out for more coffee it wasn’t actually too bad.  David and I had fun with the kids, some of whom were hilarious. 

It was interesting to notice how much better their English is than the kids we actually teach who are up to 5 years older.  We finished up at around 11.30 and I was happy to get away by then.

Something I learned today?

From Stephen Fry’s SubStack he talked about how in a group of twenty people, for example, there will be a leader, a clown, a know-it-all, a shy one, a complainer, a rebel etc and then if you take all the leaders and put them into a group, all the rebels into a group and so on, within each group they will soon revert back to having a leader, a clown, a know-it-all etc

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

In the morning I met Waiz’s younger sister who always runs up to me for a fist bump.  I had just been given a scout scarf and asked her to ‘do it’ for me because I wasn’t sure how.  She then folded it up and put it on me as she had been taught to do.  It didn’t look great but I kept wearing it because she had done it for me.

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO –  12. Money Isn’t Important. It really isn’t. But you have to train yourself not to care about money. Don’t become too dependent on the stuff you own; otherwise, the stuff will own you.

Money is important when you want to do things.  As I’ve aged I’m starting to want to do less. 

As I write that I question myself whether that is true or not.  Sure some things have dropped off but I still have stacks of music that I haven’t properly listened to yet.  Years and years worth of books and comics that I wish to read. 

So perhaps I should say that I refined some of the things that I want to do.  I want to read more than travel but hell, I’d still like to travel.  I guess I’m taking the easier path more often these days.  But I also see doing less as more suitable to my age. 

Damn, I’m conflicted with this because I’m always imploring people to do something, to do more!  The dichotomy of life in Thailand is rubbing off on me!

I took this picture because our two boys often spend the afternoons dozing in the boxes on their cat castles, often swapping places depending on who gets there first.

The Rush – 4th February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The race never existed in his world
To hurry something somehow seemed wrong
Never a challenge externalised
Until the hare came haring along

…and what were you like before…

Today I’m feeling:

Sore. My back and knees are complaining after stressing them yesterday whilst cleaning out the sink drain. 

Today I’m grateful for:

The parking guys with their whistles at Makro.  I don’t know why they are necessary or why they blow their whistles so much as it’s impossible to understand if it means anything.  I almost ran the guy over because I had a clear reverse behind me and he was the only thing in the way!

The best thing about today was:

Spending a few hours in my room, catching up on reading, sorting music, downloading and listening and then practising guitar.  I want to spend more time doing this but I still don’t really enjoy being in that room anymore.

Something I learned today?

The average age of a Ukrainian soldier right now is 43!

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I followed up with Earn, asking her the same question as I did about six weeks ago – Tell me five things you like about yourself.  Her answers are better than last time.  Less focused on looks and more focused on feelings and emotions.

What is a happy memory from my childhood?

I’ve lots of snippets of memories that are not particularly happy or sad, just things that happened. Some may have felt ecstatic at the time such as playing football at school or tragic like the time I cracked my eyebrow open on the edge of a step but at this distance, they are just events. I consider my childhood to be memories until I was about halfway through middle school, pre-pubescent. After that, I consider myself a teenager until I was forty!

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO –  11. Lead the Way. When you find yourself in a situation where everyone looks at each other, it’s time for you to lead. You’re a leader when you decide to become one. There’s no initiation or a title. Just a decision.

Before going through teenage depression I thought that I could be a leader.  After that though, I mostly wanted to keep my head down though I still had a selfish streak of arrogance which popped up from time to time. 

Whilst doing DIY punk things in Sydney I never felt like a leader but did hope that I was an inspiration for others and I can think of two friends for sure who did take something from what I was doing and ran with it themselves. 

Now, at school, in Thailand, I consider myself the same.  Not as a leader but as an inspiration.  I want to inspire my students to become the best of themselves.  I don’t work for prizes and awards and I don’t want to be managing other adults.  I don’t want to lead people in such a way as to tell them what to do.  Rather than leading I just want to be doing something. Anything.  Just do it.

I took this picture because this was one of the few super cute kittens that were jumping around, playing and sleeping on this spirit house at the Night Bazaar last night.

Honey Glaze – 3rd February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 3 Comments

The orange sunrise
Perfectly reflected on the blue sky sea
Turning back inland
It’s a destruction from the river to me

Still, I have my god
That promises to set my children free
The skies alight
Where the others’ god wishes to be

The river run dry
Across those borders, we must flee
The honey glaze
Shines so that’s all anyone may see
*The honey glaze
On a fine crust of tolerated misery*

* David Elikwu
5th Oct 2024 – Shared with Weekly Prompts Colour Challenge – Mainly Orange

Today I’m feeling:

My regular Saturday exhaustion though Amy didn’t give me the opportunity to wallow as she had me up and busy as soon as I got up. By the time I got to coffee at midday, I was dying for it.

Today I’m grateful for:

Time spent in the hammock reading about Britain’s colonisation of India. The sun is still a little low so that the remaining trees still give some shade though the ants, spiders and flies did get annoying.

The best thing about today was:

At the winter festival, Amy was shocked at the tiny crop tops at one of the stalls and said ‘Oh my god, who can wear a top like that?’ And as she said that she noticed a girl wearing a similar-sized top and finished off with ‘Oh, a girl like her.’ I looked and saw a small skinny girl looking cute in a tight crop top. And it was then that I noticed that she is one of the grade 11 students that I often talk to. And Amy was surprised to see me fist-bump the girl she was just talking about admiring.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy was cranky from the get-go this morning and I came close to losing my cool but took deep breaths and soldiered on through, knowing that at some point it would be over and things would be good again.

Something I learned today?

Word is that the local council want our road widened before the rainy season starts which is good news though it will be a little inconvenient for us for a while.

Though we’ve been waiting for this before Amy starts thinking about doing business on our land it has become apparent that since the end of COVID, most students have not returned to the habit of going out and staying out to eat drink and talk like they used to. Many businesses are selling up due to a lack of customers after 8pm.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Amy asked me to pick up some plumber’s tape to fix the joint under the sink. I was on my way to my first coffee but picked up the tape and took it straight home so that she can fix it quickly.

At times I was short in my replies to Amy as I was echoing her behaviour back to her but I shouldn’t do that.

I took this picture because here was another cat in the window above the eatery next to Utopia. That means at least five cats I’ve seen in this window and I know that there are also two dogs.

Children’s Crusade – 2nd February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 3 Comments

Those were times of imagination
We made a house of a broken boat
Cooking up sand in the kitchen
Wondering if this home could ever float

Enemies emerge from the dunes
Duck and cover at the stern
Quiet whispers as they pass
And a wish that they never return

Here we live until it is dark
Our jobs and tasks are all set
Sharing dreams of our little crusade
That we shall never forget

Shared with Crimson’s Creative Challenge

Today I’m feeling:

Positive and happy this morning.  A little bit of that Friday feeling despite being a little tired due to a crazy pee dream that was trying to wake me up.  I was so aware that in my dream I was even telling myself that this wasn’t just a pee dream but just that I was peeing in my dream.  I was trying to convince myself to keep dreaming. 

But eventually, it was too much as the bucket I was peeing into starting overflowing even after emptying it one time.  I groggily got up to go to the bathroom hoping against hope that there were still many more hours to sleep but getting back to sleep was difficult because I kept thinking about the dream. 

Predictably, it felt like as soon as I got back into a deep sleep my alarm went off.

Today I’m grateful for:

A few folks taking the time to comment on a couple of poems that I’ve written in connection to some prompts.  I’m at the stage of looking for prompts in other new places for inspiration – though I’m rarely ever short of ideas to be honest.  Just looking for a bit of variety and some more challenges.  By taking part in the prompt challenges it is bringing new people to come and look at this blog, which I appreciate.  I’m not particularly after clicks or likes.

The best thing about today was:

Four hours sitting, writing, thinking, drinking coffee.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Two students, Kwang and Pang, pushed me too far today.  I wasn’t angry and not outwardly upset but they have both shown me a lot of attitude recently. 

I like them both and I’ve tried to help them more than other students and I’m sad to feel disrespected by them after all the chances I’ve given them.  We’re near the end of this semester now and I’ll tell them not to bother coming to my classes because I don’t want them disturbing everyone else. 

I just told them to pack up their stuff and go.  The class was much better after that.

Something I learned today?

Pigs can’t look up into the sky due to the anatomy of their neck muscles and spine.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Nomsen came to class this afternoon looking a bit frazzled and her friends told me that she’d been crying and she quickly covered her face as more tears came.  Without making a fuss I left her to it with her friends.

I was asking students random questions about music and instruments and I came around to her when she had stopped crying but she was obviously thinking about something else.  I was guessing it was about a boy.  She soon asked to go to the bathroom with her friend and I didn’t question it like I might do at other times, thinking maybe she’ll feel better when she gets back. 

They were gone for about 30 minutes I’m guessing, and when they got back they caught up with their work as quickly as they could.  When Nomsen came to hand in her work she seemed better so I asked her what happened today. 

She was quiet at first so I asked if it was about a boy and she shook her head and offered… ‘it’s my uncle…’ Oh no, I thought, maybe he’s in hospital or died, so I said ‘I’m sorry to hear that’ and gave her a hug. 

On writing this I’m worried that she may have meant something else by her comment but I really hope not.  I just messaged her to see if she was feeling better and she said she’s ok.  I hope so.

I took this picture because two new pups were outside the gate this morning and were friendly. Tangmo came running over and lots of play fighting ensured and he got so happy he ran at full pace around the teaching room three times without stopping.